Is this just normal behaviour?

[Marteka]

I posted previously indicating I was contemplating an A with a married colleague of mine, as there have been lots of interesting dynamics going back and forth between us for some time now. With the silly season upon us, there have been and will be many work events and functions presenting the opportunity for crossing the line.

The other night was a case in point. The team were out for dinner and drinks. MM and I spent much of the night flirting, exchanging looks, teasing each other...this is now becoming usual for us. At the end of the night, I felt sure that something was about to happen. It is indicative of my state of mind that I was not thinking of what I would do but how it would happen.

Anyway, at the last moment, another MM valiantly offered to ride home with me, thereby completely putting paid to any chances of anything untoward happening with the other MM (boy, this is confusing). As we walked toward a taxi, he made a pass at me. As a single girl in her mid 30s, I am starting to find that this is normal behaviour for married guys who figure I am simply fair game! Naturally, I politely made it clear that nothing was about to happen between us that night (or any night).

He was incredibly embarrassed the next day and apologised for his behaviour. I don't feel particularly affronted by it. He is a nice guy who got very drunk. But he slinks around me now and generally acts very aware that I could completely ruin his career (which I could do, but I am not into that business).

Both of these guys are my seniors actually, so one would think they would be more careful.

What gives? This particular MM was married less than 6 months ago!! Do many MMs just walk around looking for an opportunity? Or am I putting out some sort of signal intended for one guy that others are picking up?

[2sure]

Both of these men seem to feel that for some reason you are fair game.

Workplace dating, let alone affairs, is often frowned upon just because of the office gossip.

 

Is it possible the flirting between MM #1 and yourself has been noticed by other co-workers?

Or that MM #1 and MM#2 have spoken together about you?

[wildsoul]

It's such an interesting question, because even though the MM's are responsible for their own behavior, it's also worth looking at what one could be doing to attract/encourage it.

 

Although I get plenty of male attention, I've never had a problem with married men coming on to me. But then again, when it comes to married/attached guys I really make sure that I'm not flirting. Friendly, but professional. I also do a LOT of things such as bringing up their W in conversation, speaking to the MM as a couple in terms of "you and your W," and so forth. But then again, maybe my work colleagues are just different. I don't work in a typical office environment like most of the work A's here.

 

I think potential mates do a lot of testing that goes under the radar. Because if a guy is pretty sure he's going to get rejected, he won't usually go for it (unless he's an oaf.)

 

Could it be that you're not paying attention to the more subtle tests and flirting that they are doing?

[wildsoul]

oops, I was trying to edit my reply, not reply to my post.

[bentnotbroken]

It seems that all the open flirting that you did with the first guy, has been witnessed by others and it appears you have made yourself fair game, so to speak for all others. Be careful your behavior in the work place, it speaks volumes of your character. The rules are different for men and women, whether we like it or not.

[Marteka]

Both of these men seem to feel that for some reason you are fair game.

Workplace dating, let alone affairs, is often frowned upon just because of the office gossip.

 

Is it possible the flirting between MM #1 and yourself has been noticed by other co-workers?

Or that MM #1 and MM#2 have spoken together about you?

 

Oh dear, it must be the leather miniskirt and the stilettos...do you think???

 

Workplace dating is de rigeur in the professional services sector in which I work.

 

As it happens, I even have a reputation for being the quiet, nose to the grindstone, lunch-at-her-desk type, so go figure. Imagine if I was the life of the party...

 

It is definitely possible that others in the office have picked up on the flirting. As for sharing between MM1 and MM2, very, very unlikely. MM1 is not the sharing type, whether on a matey level or when it comes to participating in heart to hearts.

[Marteka]

It seems that all the open flirting that you did with the first guy, has been witnessed by others and it appears you have made yourself fair game, so to speak for all others. Be careful your behavior in the work place, it speaks volumes of your character. The rules are different for men and women, whether we like it or not.

 

As opposed to "closed flirting"?

 

My reward for my behaviour in the workplace has been six-figure bonuses in the last few years. In my workplace, character is about ego and conquest, male or female.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know, this question has been asked several times and I am always surprised at the answers or shall I say, discrimination?

 

I would have to say that if you are an attractive female and over 30 that plenty of MM are going to flirt with you. It's the age that you are. Most attractive men over 30 are married.

 

I think it says that a lot of MM are scandalous, opportunists.

[bentnotbroken]

As opposed to "closed flirting"?

 

My reward for my behaviour in the workplace has been six-figure bonuses in the last few years. In my workplace, character is about ego and conquest, male or female.

 

 

Apparently your reward isn't only a six figure bonus, but a come on to me sign for jerks.

[2sunny]

and just think what your reward would be once you act upon the flirting and become involved with any of these MM, then someone finds out (they usually do)...

 

you'd be the one they let go... so no more job or big bonuses to worry about.

 

they would get rid of you instead of the higher up bosses. is your job worth this risk? why flirt with disaster? why flirt at all? save that for your social time outside the office.

 

also, why are you even considering this? there are plenty of single men around and you have to choose a MM to flirt with? keep the work environment professional only.

 

makes me wonder why you think you don't deserve more than this/ better things for yourself...

 

then keep your private life separate as well. this simplifies life.

[frannie]

I posted previously indicating I was contemplating an A with a married colleague of mine, as there have been lots of interesting dynamics going back and forth between us for some time now. With the silly season upon us, there have been and will be many work events and functions presenting the opportunity for crossing the line.

The other night was a case in point. The team were out for dinner and drinks. MM and I spent much of the night flirting, exchanging looks, teasing each other...this is now becoming usual for us. At the end of the night, I felt sure that something was about to happen. It is indicative of my state of mind that I was not thinking of what I would do but how it would happen.

Anyway, at the last moment, another MM valiantly offered to ride home with me, thereby completely putting paid to any chances of anything untoward happening with the other MM (boy, this is confusing). As we walked toward a taxi, he made a pass at me. As a single girl in her mid 30s, I am starting to find that this is normal behaviour for married guys who figure I am simply fair game! Naturally, I politely made it clear that nothing was about to happen between us that night (or any night).

He was incredibly embarrassed the next day and apologised for his behaviour. I don't feel particularly affronted by it. He is a nice guy who got very drunk. But he slinks around me now and generally acts very aware that I could completely ruin his career (which I could do, but I am not into that business).

Both of these guys are my seniors actually, so one would think they would be more careful.

What gives? This particular MM was married less than 6 months ago!! Do many MMs just walk around looking for an opportunity? Or am I putting out some sort of signal intended for one guy that others are picking up?

 

Well, just taking this second MM, he saw you at a party, flirting and teasing another man he knew to be married. Your comment about these parties being an 'opportunity to cross lines' no doubt comes across in your behaviour. So yes, even if the man wasn't a blind drunk opportunist (which he obviously is), then he would be thinking yes... might as well have a crack at that. Your comment about him 'valiantly' offering to share a taxi with you is again the sort of thing that probably comes across in your conversation! HOW could a man not pick up on any of that?

 

Having said that, at least he has the self-awareness to be embarrassed about the whole thing the next day. But errr... yes, people at parties do all sorts of silly things, and yes, you're giving of signals. Then again, why shouldn't you, you're single as you say. And you haven't followed through on it. But, are either of these men really anything but potential 'conquests' for you? I mean, yes, as a woman you can usually have sex with just about anyone if you want to... the question is, once you realise that that's the case why would you want to?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Yes, its normal unfortunately - workplace dalliances are common. To the MM at your office, you seem like good OW material, apparently. Someone who has no problem sleeping with married guys, and who will be discreet. I'm not saying that you are, just that it must be the impression they get.

 

Women really can't go out and 'drink with the guys' and fraternize like you are doing and not expect to be seen as a sex object.

[pelicanpreacher]

Unless your organization is run loosy goosy when it comes to inner or intra office affairs at the workplace during scheduled worktime you won't often get a reputation as the office flirt in that type of atmosphere. Its during night time socialising with work collegues that you garner you notice by how you behave for now you've let your hair down and are ready to get down-n-dirty. Here, all eyes that can see, ears that can hear, and minds that can understand who and what you are when the lights are turned low seek to come out and play!