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Received Voicemail from his EX?


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Hi-

While away with my boyfriend, I received a voicemail from his ex-girlfriend. She stated he went to see her in August & Septemeber, brought her an expensive bracelet, asked her to have sex, and told her he was breaking up with me, as he still loved her. I have her number and do not know what to do. I have not confronted him as she was very confrontational, and he disliked this. I try to act the complete opposite of her, as he hated that they always argued.

She said she was his ex-fiance. He never told me they were engaged, he only said they were dating for 4 years, and close to marriage, but constantly argued.

For some reason I think he was not broken up with her before he started dating me. For a while, in the beginning, I could not call his cell phone as they had shared a plan, and she received the actual bill.

He is 45, going on 46, not the best looking guy out there, I am 31, 89lbs, 5 ft, 36D, blonde, very sexual & sensual. I dress to show off my body and I know he likes this. He states he feels "llike a real man" when he is with me as guys are always staring. His ex was skinny & conservative as to manner of dressing. She was also 44. He KNOWS I am the best he will ever do.

What should I do about this phone call? SHe was not nasty, just matter- of-fact.

Thanks,

RS

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bentnotbroken

What do your looks have to do with anything?:confused: Either he is cheating or he isn't. You shouldn't try to be the opposite or the same as anyone, just be yourself. If you want to confront regardless of his response.

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What you do depends on what you want to happen.

 

From the sound of your post, you don't seem to CARE that he may well have slept with her and resumed a relationship with her while he was with you. If that's the case...do nothing.

 

If you are concerned that he may have cheated...confront him about it.

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Hi-

While away with my boyfriend, I received a voicemail from his ex-girlfriend. She stated he went to see her in August & Septemeber, brought her an expensive bracelet, asked her to have sex, and told her he was breaking up with me, as he still loved her. I have her number and do not know what to do. I have not confronted him as she was very confrontational, and he disliked this. I try to act the complete opposite of her, as he hated that they always argued.

She said she was his ex-fiance. He never told me they were engaged, he only said they were dating for 4 years, and close to marriage, but constantly argued.

For some reason I think he was not broken up with her before he started dating me. For a while, in the beginning, I could not call his cell phone as they had shared a plan, and she received the actual bill.

He is 45, going on 46, not the best looking guy out there, I am 31, 89lbs, 5 ft, 36D, blonde, very sexual & sensual. I dress to show off my body and I know he likes this. He states he feels "llike a real man" when he is with me as guys are always staring. His ex was skinny & conservative as to manner of dressing. She was also 44. He KNOWS I am the best he will ever do.

What should I do about this phone call? SHe was not nasty, just matter- of-fact.

Thanks,

RS

 

Well, you don't say how long you've been dating, or what the overlap is. Was he cheating on her with you, or cheating on you with her? Or both or what is going on?

 

She might be lying, but personally I'd doubt that; at the very least there has to be something in it that he's not been honest with you about. What I'd do is to call her and get her story before you confront him (obviously that's just how I would deal with it, not everyone will agree). And yes, you will have to confront him, you can't pretend this didn't happen.

 

I'd say two things worry me about your post. The first is you say you don't confront him on things because she was confrontational and he hated that. Well that's really no way to live, you know, trying not to upset him so you have to deal with a load of uncertainty and let him pull the wool over your eyes! Relationships have to find a way of dealing with conflict, and confronting someone is essential. It doesnt' have to be nasty, but it does have to be done! Don't fall into the trap of bending yourself to be someone he needs. If you're NOT that naturally, then find someone who is a better fit, surely?

 

Second thing that bothered me was the concentration on looks, ages, and 'you're the best he's going to get' etc. To me that just screams shallowness and a lack of understanding about what makes a relationship work. You can't make something work by being a certain age and weight and not upsetting him by not confronting him, what would be the point of that?

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Well, I am angry he was with her, I am angry he never told me the truth about them, etc. Should I call her? I wonder why she is calling me? I know she did not have sex with him, as this is what she stated, plus he shared they barely had sex...one of the reason why we always do.

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I'd ask him for a bracelet for christmas, like the one he gave her.

then, wait and see what happens.

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Well, I am angry he was with her, I am angry he never told me the truth about them, etc. Should I call her? I wonder why she is calling me? I know she did not have sex with him, as this is what she stated, plus he shared they barely had sex...one of the reason why we always do.

 

She's calling you because he's cheating, and that's hurting her, and impacting her life.

 

She probably is trying to "win him back"...and figures that if she tells you the truth, that he's been buying her gifts and sleeping with her while he's sleeping with you, that you'll dump him and she can have him.

 

She might think that you know this...she might view you as the OW...its hard to tell WHY she contacted you.

 

What MATTERS is what you want to do about it.

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I have read this and your other posts as well. To me, you sound as though the only thing you are really confused about is why/how he would choose this other woman over you. It could be that he likes the way you look and loves the sex...but has a more emotional connection with her (even arguing IS an emotional connection). Who knows why he still enjoys her? The point is , it sounds as though he is unwilling to make a real committment to either of you, both of you are frustrated, and he isnt concerned enough to be up front and honest.

 

So, other than being stumped as to the WHY of his actions...you also sound like what you're basically asking is....how to get this guy to pick you.

I'm not bashing here, but being sincere...if thats the information you are looking for, just ask for it straight out. After all, this IS an anonymous support forum.

 

My advice to you would be this: Apparently this guy enjoys your fun side, but also appreciated the lady like qualities of the other woman. Tone yourself down - be completely opposite inside and outside of the bedroom.

Let him listen to the voice mail. Take the high road, say nothing at all except: I don't like this and you need to take care of it.

Dont tell him how or bring it up again. Delete it in front of him.

 

So, thats how the game is played. Good luck with your endeavor.

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noforgiveness

So basically you are willing to be his fantasy? To be a shell of who you really are. Put on a little facade of pretty, perky and happy. Sounds to me like that person will get boring real quick except as arm candy. Show him the real you. Don't be his little puppet to make him happy. Speak up about what you want.

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Let him listen to the voice mail. Take the high road, say nothing at all except: I don't like this and you need to take care of it.

Dont tell him how or bring it up again. Delete it in front of him.

THAT is excellent advice. Very smart.

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Hi-

While away with my boyfriend, I received a voicemail from his ex-girlfriend. She stated he went to see her in August & Septemeber, brought her an expensive bracelet, asked her to have sex, and told her he was breaking up with me, as he still loved her. I have her number and do not know what to do. I have not confronted him as she was very confrontational, and he disliked this. I try to act the complete opposite of her, as he hated that they always argued.

She said she was his ex-fiance. He never told me they were engaged, he only said they were dating for 4 years, and close to marriage, but constantly argued.

For some reason I think he was not broken up with her before he started dating me. For a while, in the beginning, I could not call his cell phone as they had shared a plan, and she received the actual bill.

He is 45, going on 46, not the best looking guy out there, I am 31, 89lbs, 5 ft, 36D, blonde, very sexual & sensual. I dress to show off my body and I know he likes this. He states he feels "llike a real man" when he is with me as guys are always staring. His ex was skinny & conservative as to manner of dressing. She was also 44. He KNOWS I am the best he will ever do.

What should I do about this phone call? SHe was not nasty, just matter- of-fact.

Thanks,

RS

 

Confront him right away. She might be trying to save you some pain.

 

She also might be trying to sabotage what you got right now.

 

It still needs to be addressed with him right away.

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We have been "dating" for a little over a year. I had told him in the beginning about my past-dated a guy for 10yrs., I broke up with him as he was bipolar, and I could not deal with it anymore. My relative, whom is his cousin's wife, gave him my phone number as she knew they were fighting, and thought it was strange they never got married after dating for 4 years. My ex's family was very wealthy and he did not have to work, so he just went to school. I told my boyfriend I did not want to know anything about his ex. But from speaking with him, shopping, and just things I pick up....the line between him dating me and ending it with her is very blurred. He told me they were never engaged, yet she said on her voicemail he bought her an engagement ring. He never told me this fact. This man has low self esteem, feels like a failure as he is an only child, and his cousins, who are similar to brothers are both successful in their careers, married, and have 3 children each. He has always been in competition with them. He has a mediocre job, and is not climbing the corporate ladder. His ex girlfriend made more money than he. Both of them have a lot of money saved. She was poor at receiving gifts, so anytime he purchases things for me, I always fawn over them. When we go out to dinner, he always pays, ex girlfriend would try to pay, I do not. I know he prefers this, and why should I pay? She also had an issue with his mother. He never lived away from home, and never went away with a female, always home before sunrise. The girlfriend before this ex, used to have him spend the night, but he would always be home before sunrise. He states these are his old world values. Ex girlfriend wanted him to go away with her, so I do not push him to stay out all night with me. We,actually he, rents hotel rooms for us to be alone and have sex as I still live at home. This appeals to his old world Italian values. It is actually hippocritcal as if he was so old world, why have premarital sex? But I know he and his mother like this. I also spend as much time with his mother as possible, to get in her good favor. Ex girlfriend resided 80 miles away, and he would always go up there to see her. She never wanted to be involved with his family. I am involved with all of them, including a friend of his I do not care for, but want as an ally.

 

Do you think she is trying to break us up? I am superlative to her in so many ways.

Thanks,

RS

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You need to relax and stop trying so hard to impress his mom and also, lighten up and be yourself, stop trying to be someone that you "think" your boyfriend wants you to be.

 

What's going to happen later in life when your boobs sag, your looks fade..Are you happy with who you are as a person? It seems you just try so hard in the visual aspect of who you are. Has this guy ever seen you without makeup? Have you put on sweat pants and just let your hair down?

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You seem to understand that this man is no prize. Certainly not a prize so good to want to hide your true self from to get. You have said he is not great looking, not successful, and lives with mom, and middle aged.

 

You have not said you loved him.

 

Again, your biggest motivation and question seem to be WHY WOULD HE WANT HER ? You feel like you are competing with this other woman...and clearly you are. But why, when the prize is of so little value? Could it be you are simply feeling competitive? That you want to "win" for the sake of winning? It sounds like this guy has betrayed you both.

 

And PLEASE stop saying, or quoting him , "His old world Italian values". Please. It is INSULTING to imply a middle aged man who lives with his mother and has to be home before sun up - does so because he is Italian.

He does it for the same reason his old girlfriend paid his cell phone bill. He cant take care of himself and wants a mommy. Thats all fine and well - lots of people like that. But it is not an Italian or Old World tradition or trait.

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I do like myself for me. No, he has never seen me with out make up. I do not wear that much make up. I am very into my hair. I am naturally light brown, but prefer to be blonde. I have my hair cur/colored/highlighted every 3 weeks. It is worth the $75 for have fantastic & natutal looking blonde hair. Plus, now he pays most of the time. AS for sweat pants, never wear them. I prefer sparkly clothing, even when relaxing. When I public, I dress to enhance the obvious. In fact he had informed me to "tone it down" in front of his mother.

I think if he is seeing ex, I will end it with him, or at least threaten it. According to him, ex is extremely intelligent, resourceful, intuitive, etc. Well I have a higher degree than she does, although I make less money. In fact I could be her boss, as we hire RNs.

I do have to thank her for teaching him how to dress, or actually purchasing the clothing for him.

He has sort of stated we are on different levels~I prefer shopping at Cache, she likes Lilly Pulitizer(?). She would buy him things from Nortstroms, bought him shoes I never even heard of, as she thought "he should have a decent pair of dress shoes". I attribute it all to me being young & fun.

Yes, I am sure she thinks she has more class than I do, but where has that gotten her? She is 44, never married, no children. Who cares if she appears 10 years younger, she is not. If she was all that, why did she not end up with a Doctor?

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Hi 2Sure-

"old word Italian values" are his words, not mine. He states he thinks we share them. Ex girlfriend used to call him a Momma's boy, perhaps he is.

I would like to marry him, have a child, quit working. Of course I love him.

The real advantage I have over ex girlfriend is the proximity. I am within 20 minutes of him, she is 1 1/2- 2 hours.

In all honesty, what I really think occured is he started to date me prior to breaking up with her. When he realized I wanted an exclusive relationship, and accept nothing less, he broke up with her. However, I do not know if he ever grieved their relationship. I know it was intense, I know they were each going to place a large sum of money down on a huge house. Prior to her, he only ever had first dates, had a sexual relationship w/ a girl whom had a boyfriend...she only saw my man during the week. I think he put up with this due to his insecurity, and I do not think he would have dumped his ex, had I not been in the picture.

We actually get along well, he neeeds someone to help him in the dating process, and just saying "I like to go to ____" was unsuccessful for his ex, so I tell him exactly what & where I want to go, we plan it together & then he makes the necessary arrangements.

According to my cousin (she was in this girl's presence twice) she was surprised the ex dated my boyfriend. She thought she was pretty, very young looking, well dressed, and nice. But the whole family knew that if they were to marry, it would all be about her family. Alledgedly she has an extremely wealthy cousin, who is like her sister, who lives in Texas. Her husband is a trader of some sort, and they are worth millions. Her family always treated my man nice, and bought him gifts for Christmas. He would talk to rich cousin who was so full of herself, but thought the husband was nice. But another advantage I have is his family & mine are related in a way, so there would really be no issues there.

Do I sound as if I am in competition? Maybe I am. SOmething just does not add up, especially after the phone call.

RS

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Yes, I am sure she thinks she has more class than I do, but where has that gotten her? She is 44, never married, no children. Who cares if she appears 10 years younger, she is not. If she was all that, why did she not end up with a Doctor?

Oh darlin, you really ought to know better than to insult women who are older than you. You're going to be 44 years old one day too. If you get overly invested in your age/beauty/boobs, you might feel like you're winning the female competition game in your youth, but then you'll feel like you're on the losing end later (even if you take really good care of your aging process.) Play nice.

 

BTW, I was a doctor's wife. It's highly overrated. :rolleyes:

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noforgiveness

I think this post is mocking other woman.

 

If not you are really dreaming if you want to marry this guy and quit work and still get your hair done and shop at cache when he lives with momma and has a mediocre job. Of course he can buy dinner now and your little hair appointments he has no expenses. He lives with momma.

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36 triple G, here , and 73 lbs. So, I can relate. Sounds like he is dishonest. I'd run(be careful running with the DD's, though).

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bentnotbroken
I do like myself for me. No, he has never seen me with out make up. I do not wear that much make up. I am very into my hair. I am naturally light brown, but prefer to be blonde. I have my hair cur/colored/highlighted every 3 weeks. It is worth the $75 for have fantastic & natutal looking blonde hair. Plus, now he pays most of the time. AS for sweat pants, never wear them. I prefer sparkly clothing, even when relaxing. When I public, I dress to enhance the obvious. In fact he had informed me to "tone it down" in front of his mother.

I think if he is seeing ex, I will end it with him, or at least threaten it. According to him, ex is extremely intelligent, resourceful, intuitive, etc. Well I have a higher degree than she does, although I make less money. In fact I could be her boss, as we hire RNs.

I do have to thank her for teaching him how to dress, or actually purchasing the clothing for him.

He has sort of stated we are on different levels~I prefer shopping at Cache, she likes Lilly Pulitizer(?). She would buy him things from Nortstroms, bought him shoes I never even heard of, as she thought "he should have a decent pair of dress shoes". I attribute it all to me being young & fun.

Yes, I am sure she thinks she has more class than I do, but where has that gotten her? She is 44, never married, no children. Who cares if she appears 10 years younger, she is not. If she was all that, why did she not end up with a Doctor?

 

 

As a woman who is facing her 44th birthday, a size six, in excellent physical condition and is hit on by men who could be my child on a daily basis, you are a very shallow woman, maybe that's what he sees when he compares the two of you. It appears the only area you rank higher is in the sack. At the end of the day, that can only carry you so far, because life does happen. You will need more skills than that to survive in this cruel place.:confused:

 

And if you are all you say you are, why didn't you end up with a movie star?

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I agree with bent, why if you are so fantastic are you trying to keep a loser BF?

 

So if he was insecure during is last relationship and now he has fantastic you, maybe he is no longer insecure and wants to try again with his ex...

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I do like myself for me. No, he has never seen me with out make up. I do not wear that much make up. I am very into my hair. I am naturally light brown, but prefer to be blonde. I have my hair cur/colored/highlighted every 3 weeks. It is worth the $75 for have fantastic & natutal looking blonde hair. Plus, now he pays most of the time. AS for sweat pants, never wear them. I prefer sparkly clothing, even when relaxing. When I public, I dress to enhance the obvious. In fact he had informed me to "tone it down" in front of his mother.

I think if he is seeing ex, I will end it with him, or at least threaten it. According to him, ex is extremely intelligent, resourceful, intuitive, etc. Well I have a higher degree than she does, although I make less money. In fact I could be her boss, as we hire RNs.

I do have to thank her for teaching him how to dress, or actually purchasing the clothing for him.

He has sort of stated we are on different levels~I prefer shopping at Cache, she likes Lilly Pulitizer(?). She would buy him things from Nortstroms, bought him shoes I never even heard of, as she thought "he should have a decent pair of dress shoes". I attribute it all to me being young & fun.

Yes, I am sure she thinks she has more class than I do, but where has that gotten her? She is 44, never married, no children. Who cares if she appears 10 years younger, she is not. If she was all that, why did she not end up with a Doctor?

this is a joke right???? troll??? hmmm:o
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