blinded Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 It was my birthday yesterday. I'm a reserved person and I don't expect anything lavish. My family and friends sent me wishes and greetings. I am truly grateful for them. My MM? I haven't heard from him since Mon. Yep. Since my last post, we had patched things up and I thought we were on good terms. I am hurt and angry- more so at myself than anything. Why would I expect anything from him? I have known that he only thinks of himself and is using me-why do I allow it? But a simple greeting/acknowledgement is all I ask. I did that for him, but I guess it's too much for him to say it in return. He is less than a friend if he can't even greet me. I am usually a level headed person, but with him, I allow him to walk all over me. I have to stop trying to win his approval and attention. I have to get it through my head. I have to wake up and appreciate what I do have before it's all gone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Happy belated bday! we had patched things up and I thought we were on good terms. You two may still be on good terms, but he forgot all about your bday. Wouldn't read much into it, unless you reminded him the last time you spoke to him. In the big picture of your situation, does it matter in the long run he forgot? Is your relationship with him going somewhere? Is he planning on leaving his wife or are you the OW and in the affair with him.. If he has no plans on leaving his marriage, it's up to you to take back control and change things. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Happy Birthday! If he gives him love, and you give him love, then who gives you love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 Happy belated bday! You two may still be on good terms, but he forgot all about your bday. Wouldn't read much into it, unless you reminded him the last time you spoke to him. In the big picture of your situation, does it matter in the long run he forgot? Is your relationship with him going somewhere? Is he planning on leaving his wife or are you the OW and in the affair with him.. If he has no plans on leaving his marriage, it's up to you to take back control and change things. I tell myself that constantly. I think it's a blessing in disguise that he hasn't contacted me. I sometimes say to myself that I wish he were outright mean to me, but this is it. It's my sign to move on and let go of something that was never mine to begin with. That's why I'm here. BUT, I don't know if I'm ready to completely cut off contact with him. I know in theory what I should do, but it's really hard to do. All I know right now is that I am hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 Happy Birthday! If he gives him love, and you give him love, then who gives you love? Thank you. You're right. Doesn't the saying go: the truth hurts? Well, I'm hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 If you DO cut off all contact with him, sure you'll hurt alot, but in one sense it's FINAL. Hanging onto how things are now, never really knowing where you stand and what's going to happen down the road (him leaving or not) is alot worse and continuious. Day in and day out of dealing with questions and wondering wtf is going through his mind, isn't it tiring? Draining and giving you anxiety? Try this week not contacting him. Use this time to detach from him..Start excluding him from YOUR life. Don't rely on him for happiness, or support. That's what your friends and family are for. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Of course you're hurting. You spend so much of your time thinking about him and all you need is a little thoughtful gesture here and there back. You sound very unselfish. Unlike him. Yes they say the truth hurts and maybe they are right. But they also say opposites attract but I don't believe it. I think you need someone who is unselfish like you. You deserve that. If you had a man who wasn't married you would have probably had flowers and maybe dinner, at the very least a card and a warm wish. This guy sounds like he has too much else on his mind to make you a priority. And you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blinded Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 Day in and day out of dealing with questions and wondering wtf is going through his mind, isn't it tiring? Draining and giving you anxiety? Try this week not contacting him. Use this time to detach from him..Start excluding him from YOUR life. Don't rely on him for happiness, or support. That's what your friends and family are for. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I am always wondering if I said or did anything wrong when I don't hear from him. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling unworthy of his time. I'll try my best to avoid him. Thanks for your support! Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Happy belated Birthday Sorry he's been treating you badly. Sometimes it takes a while to realise what's going on, doesn't it? I think a sure sign is when you're wondering what you did wrong to get this poor treatment... then you find yourself trying to be 'better' so he'll treat you better. Bad mistake. Glad you're recognising the pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Blinded Hugs. If you go over to the Endings forum of gloryb, I think you will find a lot of good advice but one thing that stuck out to me in reading your story is the option of taking baby steps such as taking 1 hour longer to text than you normally would ignoring one call in a week and building up from there so 3 hours to text/call/e-mail and so on reclaiming your power if you are finding that you are allowing him to walk all over you might work for you this way because I know that even though others on here will say cut him out cold turkey, he's likely to respond to that as a challenge and try and win you back or he'll ignore you, you'll cave and feel worse but if you do it gradually it will become more normal and habitual Link to post Share on other sites
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