BS who harrass and stalk the OW?

[Agent_99]

Has anyone else had this experience? I think it is what has happend to me recently.

 

For those of you who know my story, there have now been big things the last two weeks have changed everything for good.

 

First we decided together to end the affair and try to retain our friendship.

 

Then my email was hacked. Then 2 days later my car was broken into while I was at college. The next morning I get home from work to find an anonymous letter saying that MW is using me. IT wasn't threatening. just meant to hurt me.

 

At that time I told MW about the letter, she knew the others. Well MW decided to tell her BS about what had happened to me, since MW had recieved a letter a little over a month ago.

 

BS reaction to MW was that it was just me trying to get unhealthy attention, that I was making it all up.

 

Then there have been late night calls to my house from unkown numbers and the police were called to my house one night on a call saying just that something was wrong.

 

So I have talked to the police and told them everything.

 

Then I find out Monday night that BS got a letter with copies of my emails to MW and that she will work things out with MW as long as there is absolutly nc with me. WHich I get, but even if she thought I was the one harrassing them and making up my own harrasment you'd think she would keep the evidence, but no, BS threw them away.

 

There are a couple things that make me think it was BS doing all this.

A. she threw away the letters, ripped them up even.

B. The time that my car got broken into was right after she gets off work.

C. MW says that it BS reactions to this weren't the way she normally reacts. The first letter she was very calm an unemotional and didn't even bat an eye at the letter saying that we'd been seen kissing. I don't know all to the second letter, since MW and I are no longer talking, we only had one convo about it all. but BS is very strong in trying to say it is all me and that I'm untrustworty and harrassing them, etc.

 

So I'm just trying to take time to relax and be safe.

 

It is so much to process, I mean I was dealing with loosing my lover, but now i"m also loosing my best friend because for her own reasons she is staying with BS. PLus my privacy being invaded has me scared and feeling violated.

 

And everyone who knows all of us, thinks it is BS doing this too.

[Geishawhelk]

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

 

William Congreve.

 

keep your head down, and NC.

He might be your best friend, but she has every right to come between you.

OK what she's doing may not be nice, but you can't entirely blame her. Do as she wants.

Dis - app - ear.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I have had the reverse done to me, not necessarily stalked, but I kind of formed a hands off friendship with a married woman I accidently slept with (she had lied about her marital status). She was mad at me because I would not continue to sleep with her after the first time and wanted to kick my butt because I showed more romantic attraction to a woman I meet online (when will I learn my lesson). She would harass one of my friends when she could not contact me or see me.

 

But anywho, the other person should not complain if the married spouse does anything to them, think of it as part of "All's Fair In Love & War." To be honest, I think I am cold enough to do some serious harm to someone I caught sleeping with my wife (if I were married), no this does not mean she is off the hook either (it does take two after all).

 

 

DNR

[Trialbyfire]

I'm an ex-BW and I had a PI stalk my cheater's OW. I also gave all evidence from my PI, to the OWs husband...errrr...now ex-H. We also had a couple of scintillating conversations which I doubt she'll ever forget.

 

Stay away from the BW. We're not sane and we'll do damage, some will do physical damage, others like myself will do emotional and financial damage. I have no regrets or remorse for taking my own back and never will.

 

Having said that, I did divorce the cheater and ensured that the two would never get together again. All's fair...

[whichwayisup]

Agent, you can't be friend with her. Once an A happens, it's very rare a friendship can exist afterwards..And if it does, enough time has to go by for all the romantic feelings to go away, and the only way to get to that point is to be in total no contact.

 

You have no choice but to back away and leave her alone. If you don't, your life could be in danger. The BW here is hiding her hatred and jealously, and she's emotionally charged right now, out of control. People do stupid and dangerous things when pushed past their limit and in all honesty, you have NO idea what she's telling her about you!

 

Stay safe.

[OWoman]

Stay away from the BW. We're not sane

 

Yep. Seen enough evidence of that from my MM's one. Luckily MM recognises that too now and doesn't put up with it anymore.

[marriedandsad]

I am NOT the OW, but my bestfriend's stbxw thinks I am. I recently had to call the police because she started calling my home at 2am calling me a w*hore and homewrecker and she filed false charges against my friend for assault and had him thrown into jail....she somehow blamed that one on me as well. First she contacted my husband on-line and he placed her on ignore when she started asking him to hack into my e-mail to check for naughty e-mails since she couldn't seem to find any on friend's end, right after he placed her on ignore she called our home at 8pm and as soon as I answered the phone she started screaming at me. I didn't respond, simply hung up. Told friend what his wife was doing and he logged off for a few hours. During those few hours she proceeded to smash his laptop and hit him. Then she left the house. He got back on and said we shouldn't have anymore problems and was going to bed. Police arrived at their house in the middle of the night and arrested him for assault. Then that same night she started calling here at 2 am over and over and over. I finally called the police here after the police down there refused to do anything. Police here called her and told her to stop contacting me period. Friend got out of jail after his mom posted bond and we all talked and agreed I need to get a restraining order against her since in her calls she said she was going to kill me and take away my family. She also admitted to being the one who called DCYF here and filed false child abuse charges against me, not the parents in general, but against me. They have now made a note on my now existing file that we are dealing with a semi-stalker and the person has admitted to filing false charges.

 

So yeah, it can happen. I just simply do NOT respond when she calls or writes me an e-mail. I keep the e-mails and keep the voicemails she leaves, so I have a mountain of evidence against her. She can't accept that her husband leaving is because of HER actions, not those of another woman who does not exist.

[noforgiveness]

I am NOT the OW, but my bestfriend's stbxw thinks I am. I recently had to call the police because she started calling my home at 2am calling me a w*hore and homewrecker and she filed false charges against my friend for assault and had him thrown into jail....she somehow blamed that one on me as well. First she contacted my husband on-line and he placed her on ignore when she started asking him to hack into my e-mail to check for naughty e-mails since she couldn't seem to find any on friend's end, right after he placed her on ignore she called our home at 8pm and as soon as I answered the phone she started screaming at me. I didn't respond, simply hung up. Told friend what his wife was doing and he logged off for a few hours. During those few hours she proceeded to smash his laptop and hit him. Then she left the house. He got back on and said we shouldn't have anymore problems and was going to bed. Police arrived at their house in the middle of the night and arrested him for assault. Then that same night she started calling here at 2 am over and over and over. I finally called the police here after the police down there refused to do anything. Police here called her and told her to stop contacting me period. Friend got out of jail after his mom posted bond and we all talked and agreed I need to get a restraining order against her since in her calls she said she was going to kill me and take away my family. She also admitted to being the one who called DCYF here and filed false child abuse charges against me, not the parents in general, but against me. They have now made a note on my now existing file that we are dealing with a semi-stalker and the person has admitted to filing false charges.

 

So yeah, it can happen. I just simply do NOT respond when she calls or writes me an e-mail. I keep the e-mails and keep the voicemails she leaves, so I have a mountain of evidence against her. She can't accept that her husband leaving is because of HER actions, not those of another woman who does not exist.

 

She sounds crazy BUT you have to look at it this way. You say you are not the OW but he has obviously chosen to keep his friendship with you over his marraige. That's something to think about. It in no way excuses her behavior.

[noforgiveness]

Agent99 honestly what did you expect to happen when the bw found out about you? When you choose to be a third party in someones relationship in secret you can't expect a good outcome when the one in the dark finds out.

You need to step away from the whole thing. She chose the bw.

[marriedandsad]

She sounds crazy BUT you have to look at it this way. You say you are not the OW but he has obviously chosen to keep his friendship with you over his marraige.

 

It's a friendship with me and my dh. She hasn't let him have any other friends during their marriage. I made a thread about it not too long ago. So right now dh and me are his only close friends and we're supporting him 100%, he needs that right now. She just sees me as a woman and automatically assumes we are having an affair *sigh*. Not to mention he lives about 8 states away, so there is no way we could hook up even if we wanted to, I'm a SAHM, my absence would be noticed, my dh and I are VERY open with what we are doing. I don't ever go anywhere to be quite honest, if I suddenly up and took the car, he'd know something was off, especially since I don't have a drivers license ROFL! She's making things up in her head to make herself feel better, being the victim feels better to her I think.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The initial betrayal is bad enough, but consequent betrayals can push the most sane of individuals over the edge.

 

Reminds me of the country song, "Honey, you aint seen crazy yet"!

 

Stay away from the BW. We're not sane and we'll do damage,

 

You're right though Agent99, when you wrote: The first letter she was very calm an unemotional, that is reason for concern.

[noforgiveness]

It's a friendship with me and my dh. She hasn't let him have any other friends during their marriage. I made a thread about it not too long ago. So right now dh and me are his only close friends and we're supporting him 100%, he needs that right now. She just sees me as a woman and automatically assumes we are having an affair *sigh*. Not to mention he lives about 8 states away, so there is no way we could hook up even if we wanted to, I'm a SAHM, my absence would be noticed, my dh and I are VERY open with what we are doing. I don't ever go anywhere to be quite honest, if I suddenly up and took the car, he'd know something was off, especially since I don't have a drivers license ROFL! She's making things up in her head to make herself feel better, being the victim feels better to her I think.

 

I understand you are his only friend but large but here do friends ruin anothers marriage? This woman sounds crazy and extremely insecure but maybe it's time for you to step back let your husband support him emotionally until he can handle his marriage. He obviously needs a divorce or she needs serious councelling if they want to fix it. I just think your friendship is probably making it harder. Honestly your friendship could be helping him to stay with her. If you and your husband stepped back he would be all alone with the crazy one lol and would think wth am I doing?

[Owl]

It's a friendship with me and my dh. She hasn't let him have any other friends during their marriage. I made a thread about it not too long ago. So right now dh and me are his only close friends and we're supporting him 100%, he needs that right now. She just sees me as a woman and automatically assumes we are having an affair *sigh*. Not to mention he lives about 8 states away, so there is no way we could hook up even if we wanted to, I'm a SAHM, my absence would be noticed, my dh and I are VERY open with what we are doing. I don't ever go anywhere to be quite honest, if I suddenly up and took the car, he'd know something was off, especially since I don't have a drivers license ROFL! She's making things up in her head to make herself feel better, being the victim feels better to her I think.

 

She may well be suspecting an EMOTIONAL affair between the two of you. Especially if you and he are exchanging any kind of emotionally strong emails. Just discussing their marital problems can become an issue...that's a common way that affairs start. Distance is irrelevent in emotional affairs.

 

BLUNT question...is there any kind of communication between the two of you at all that is questionable?

 

Not busting you out here...just wanted to make sure that you weren't missing something...and wanted to make sure that there's no possibility that HE isn't getting infatuated with you even if you don't share those feelings. Make sense?

[jj33]

99 are you OK today? How scary. Good thing you went to the police. Did they seem to accept your side of things?

 

You dont know that she threw all copies away. She told MW she threw them away but you dont know exactly what is going on. And really much as MW is MW she is on the other side now which is even more isolating. But she is as she has chosen to stay with BS.

 

Big hugs it sounds really awful. But if you stay away from MW in time BS will stop the insanity.

[marriedandsad]

She may well be suspecting an EMOTIONAL affair between the two of you. Especially if you and he are exchanging any kind of emotionally strong emails. Just discussing their marital problems can become an issue...that's a common way that affairs start. Distance is irrelevent in emotional affairs.

 

BLUNT question...is there any kind of communication between the two of you at all that is questionable?

 

Not busting you out here...just wanted to make sure that you weren't missing something...and wanted to make sure that there's no possibility that HE isn't getting infatuated with you even if you don't share those feelings. Make sense?

 

Nope nothing, hence why she told my husband to hack my e-mail and look for something since she couldn't find anything on his end lol. He's like my dad, I'm like his daughter, that's pretty much it. We are getting our number changed so she can't find us when we move. The three of us are very close, my dh has been talking to him more on the phone however since all this happened. I talked for a moment when he got out of jail, which was when we decided I should get a restraining order, that was done on speaker phone though.

[OWoman]

She sounds crazy BUT you have to look at it this way. You say you are not the OW but he has obviously chosen to keep his friendship with you over his marraige. That's something to think about. It in no way excuses her behavior.

 

So would I!!!! Or any other sane person, I imagine.

[Agent_99]

I like how I deserve being harrassed, my mom scared out of her wits when the cops show up at my house in the middle of the night while i'm at work and it's what I deserve.

 

You can believe I'm done with all this crazyness. The emotional pain of the affair was bad enough, but this is terrible and scary.

 

MW chooses to stay with this type of drama, that's her choice, and I now choose NO MORE.

 

I love her very much, but I have realized I do not love her beyond reason.

 

jj~ your right I have no way to know for sure that she threw the copies away, and if she's the one who made them she may have spares. MW saw her throw away the ones BS brought home.

 

IWWH~ I plan to give them both a wide berth. I don't want BS thinking for any reason that I am having contact with MW. because how much further will she go? is all I can keep thinking.

 

It would be different if BS contronted me openly to say ~ stay the away ~ but she didn't. And while nothing done or said was threatening in a violent way, it's still very scary.

 

Noforgiveness~ when MW and I ended the affair, it was truly over. there was no going back for me. I always knew that she would stay with BS no matter what. So it wasn't about her 'choosing' to stay with BS. that choice was made a long time ago. It wasn't a competition for me. It was about enjoying time with someone I love very deeply, and trying to keep some sort of friendship after it ended. I'm sorry but if it were a regular relationship I would have tried to maintain a firendship too. I have friendships of varying depths with all my ex's.

 

I can understand HOW she was pushed to this, and why she would have done it. BS is not someone who deals with emotions very well. I just didn't realize that she could be so dysfunctional. I was always convinced by MW that BS was still healthy emotionally.

 

So like I said I'm done. just trying to process through everything that has happened in such a short time.

 

~99

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Agent, she's not dysfunctional, just p'd off like most people would be. This is her marriage you were interferring with and she has invested so much time, effort, affections, money, etc. to build something she takes very seriously. Think of this, how many parents seek revenge on the harm of their child or people who secretly payback those who robbed, raped, or did other harm unto them? Yes, some people do go to the extreme in many people's minds, but I believe that people go as far as they think is necessary for what they find is important. For example, a person might only put some brusies on a person who kick them, but may fly into a murderous rage if someone wipes out their savings account. Why? Because maybe they find it more easier to forgive and forget getting injured, but if they put their lives into building up their nest egg for their future, they may see that as an lethal attack on their life. So, it is easy to see why she would be have she would and my not really be dysfunctional, but protecting/avenging that thing she finds most important in her life, it could be that husband, the ideals of marriage, her family, etc.

 

 

DNR

[Agent_99]

DNR~

 

I can see what your saying, but I still say that it is dysfunctional, even if temporary or situational.

 

I think this may be a point that we, once again, have to agree to disagree on.

 

~99