It's been sometime since then... (a young girl's confession)

[alexe]

I've been on LS for a while, reading everyone's posts for support, and it's weird, you never thought this would happen to you. Until it does, and then it hits you straight in the chest when it's over...

 

Our time together was brief, short-lived, and thank God for that. I don't think I could've pulled out from my emotions if we had more time. We have not contacted each other for a month now.

 

 

It was a beautiful relationship. We were so enthralled in each other; sharing our deepest secrets. Laughing at everything and nothing, wanting to be just together, holding hands and admiring the starry sky on a summer night.

 

And the kisses. Oh the kisses.

 

How many times have our lips touched? Thousands? Tens of thousands? I can't keep track anymore, they come so naturally. Our bodies were made to fit each other perfectly; he defined the art of love-making for me.

 

As quickly as it began, it ended just as abruptly. It was a mutual understanding; he loved me enough to let me go, to let me have the happiness I deserve. We had our indulgence, but reality calls.

 

 

It hurts, it still hurts... I'm too young to feel this way. I'm not even 20 yet...

[Mino]

I've been on LS for a while, reading everyone's posts for support, and it's weird, you never thought this would happen to you. Until it does, and then it hits you straight in the chest when it's over...

 

Our time together was brief, short-lived, and thank God for that. I don't think I could've pulled out from my emotions if we had more time. We have not contacted each other for a month now.

 

 

It was a beautiful relationship. We were so enthralled in each other; sharing our deepest secrets. Laughing at everything and nothing, wanting to be just together, holding hands and admiring the starry sky on a summer night.

 

And the kisses. Oh the kisses.

 

How many times have our lips touched? Thousands? Tens of thousands? I can't keep track anymore, they come so naturally. Our bodies were made to fit each other perfectly; he defined the art of love-making for me.

 

As quickly as it began, it ended just as abruptly. It was a mutual understanding; he loved me enough to let me go, to let me have the happiness I deserve. We had our indulgence, but reality calls.

 

 

It hurts, it still hurts... I'm too young to feel this way. I'm not even 20 yet...

and it will for a while...But he did you a favor...go out spend time with your frends...Time will heal... Good luck sweetie ((HuGs))

[White Flower]

and it will for a while...But he did you a favor...go out spend time with your frends...Time will heal... Good luck sweetie ((HuGs))

Yeah, I'm beginning to think it is more passionate with a MM because he knows his time with you is short so better make the best of each moment. One day you'll be grateful it is over and I hope you don't do it again and go through all those ups and downs.

[whichwayisup]

It hurts, it still hurts... I'm too young to feel this way. I'm not even 20 yet...

Sorry that you're hurting. Spend time with your friends, let them help you through this. Also, don't forget to take care of yourself! Go shopping, get a haircut, pamper yourself by going to a spa for the day - Something fun which will make you feel good and relaxed.

 

You're too young to deal with that rollercoaster ride, so it's good that things have ended. Short term pain is better than long term and constant pain.. You've obviously read enough threads here to know that getting out sooner is better for you in the long run.

[alexe]

Thanks so much for your support everyone... I just felt so alone throughout this whole thing. I didn't dare confiding in even my best friends (what would girls my age say? 'you were used hun', but I wasn't), let alone my family, whom has no inkling of what's happening. I'm in college, I'm suppose to be seeing a cute college guy, but instead I got swept into this passion, it just came so unexpectedly.

 

The months with him were absolutely enlightening, like you said White Flower, we knew our times were short, and made every moment count. We snuck away to be by ourselves at every opportunity. It was so beautiful; just breathtaking. We never fought, we agreed on everything. We would feel each other's presence just by entering / leaving a room.

 

Oh but it was a rollercoaster ride! We met at work, certainly the most cliched story, but it wasn't. We both understood that it couldn't last, but we were so emotionally and physically connected that when it came to saying goodbye, it was so painful. I think that's the worst kind of farewell - one where neither party really wants it, but has to for both our sakes. I lament that loss, the feeling of bliss and just complete happiness when I'm with him, and the knowledge that now it's gone forever. We tasted the forbidden fruit, but like Adam/Eden, we were turfed out.

 

We both decided to forbid any forms of contacts for a long time. We both need to heal our hearts. But I hate not being able to talk to him; I care for him and wish him all the happiness in the world, but I know he's hurting like me. And it hurts me more that I can't help him feel better.

 

Do you think I can get over this sometime in the near future? We both discussed meeting up again once I'm more grown up. Should I do that, wait a year or so before some contact? Would I be able to get over him completely to see him just as a friend? Will he get over me?

[torranceshipman]

No, no, no! You've been so sensible thus far-whatever you do, don't see him again. The issue isnt about you growing up, its that he is married and has a wife!!! Stay away! Believe me, you've had a lucky escape. Don't give any more time to a guy who is M, ever.

 

I know how that incredible intense, romantic passion and love feels (I've felt this withmore than one person, too), and I know that a lot of time can pass and if you bump into them after a long time, those feelings can still be there - add the heightened intensity of your situation where its a big forbidden love thing - and I can see how that makes him irrestistible to you. If you saw hm again it'd turn into an A again pretty quick and I guarantee trying to maintain a friendship would be a REALLY bad idea. Please don't fall into that trap....in one sense it isnt real love he can give you, as he is M. If he really can't live without you, let him D his W and then come and try and date you again. Otherwise, its just romance and wods, but no real substance, no matter how it feels.

 

Good luck!

[norajane]

If his plan is to stay married, what is the purpose of contact in the future? Are you really going to stop wanting him just because you don't see him for a while? You've had an affair and it's over - don't look back, look forward to YOUR future and the possibility of falling in love with someone who can be YOURS and he doesn't have to run home to his family after every visit with you.

 

Stay away from married men. You deserve a whole relationship and the possibility of a future with someone, not being anyone's side dish while he maintains a life and family that takes precedence over you.

 

You're young and you will have many passionate love affairs before you are ready to settle down. Please don't take passion and intensity as a sign you should be together forever - not with anyone, but especially not with a married man. There are all kinds of factors that affect whether a relationship can really work out for the best for a couple, not just passion.

[whichwayisup]

Do you think I can get over this sometime in the near future? We both discussed meeting up again once I'm more grown up. Should I do that, wait a year or so before some contact? Would I be able to get over him completely to see him just as a friend? Will he get over me?

 

No! You don't want to be the OW in a year or two from now, that's just crazy! IF in a year or two he contacts you and is divorced, consider casually dating him..But, I would hope that in a years time, you will be more or less healed and not interested in him. Once you close that door, you don't want to open it again.

 

Also, this guy IS a cheater, so trust IS going to be an issue always..If he can cheat on his wife and kids, betray them, what makes you think he can't do that to you later in the future if you two do get together again?

 

Stay in the now..Focus on dealing with your hurt and pain, getting over him. One day when you least expect it, a single (younger) guy will make your heart sing and make you forget about this MM.

[alexe]

Guys... I am in such a deep state of depression...

 

For those of you who've commented on this thread trying to help me, thank you soooo much. I thought I was doing well, it's been almost 2 months since I last spoke with him, I've been out with friends, focused on university, even had a couple of dates to alleviate the pain, I really thought I was moving on...

 

Then last week a chance encounter, I was out with friends and just taking pictures of each other on our camera phones, didn't even think about it. I uploaded the photos on the computer today, and I literally dropped the cup I was holding and glued my eyes on one of them - he was in the background.

 

Albeit the face was blurred (my phone's quality is very sub-par), his distinct outline, the hair, the way he stands, the oh-so familiar shirt / pants, was clear as day. I just froze and didn't even realize when tears just poured down my face.

 

It was a complete accident I'm sure. We both live in the city, and he was probably just in the same place at the same time while I was hanging out with friends. But the fact is that I saw 'him' again, even if it's through a camera lens, brought everything I built up for the last month and half down in seconds.

 

Now I'm just so hurt, and sad, and can't get him and all our memories out of my mind. I am honestly so tempted to text him, and ask him if he misses me as much as I miss him.

 

Guys.... what do I do? I am an emotional wreck right now. Would it really be that bad if I sent him a text? Just a little one that I don't expect an answer to?

[Mino]

Guys... I am in such a deep state of depression...

 

For those of you who've commented on this thread trying to help me, thank you soooo much. I thought I was doing well, it's been almost 2 months since I last spoke with him, I've been out with friends, focused on university, even had a couple of dates to alleviate the pain, I really thought I was moving on...

 

Then last week a chance encounter, I was out with friends and just taking pictures of each other on our camera phones, didn't even think about it. I uploaded the photos on the computer today, and I literally dropped the cup I was holding and glued my eyes on one of them - he was in the background.

 

Albeit the face was blurred (my phone's quality is very sub-par), his distinct outline, the hair, the way he stands, the oh-so familiar shirt / pants, was clear as day. I just froze and didn't even realize when tears just poured down my face.

 

It was a complete accident I'm sure. We both live in the city, and he was probably just in the same place at the same time while I was hanging out with friends. But the fact is that I saw 'him' again, even if it's through a camera lens, brought everything I built up for the last month and half down in seconds.

 

Now I'm just so hurt, and sad, and can't get him and all our memories out of my mind. I am honestly so tempted to text him, and ask him if he misses me as much as I miss him.

 

Guys.... what do I do? I am an emotional wreck right now. Would it really be that bad if I sent him a text? Just a little one that I don't expect an answer to?

No sweetie,, no text, no calls, no contact... You will be back to square one if you do...You will continue with the flashbacks here and there, but you made it this far... The beginingis always the worst... it will get easier as time goes by... you dont want to start the intense pain process over do you? Keep busy!!! ((Hugs))

[mopar crazy]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I was an OW to a man in a CR (they lived together) when I was young like you. What started out as a friendship when I turned 15 (he was 5 years older than me) turned into me falling in love, and then two and half years later sexual. I had the same feelings you did.

 

You will get over him, your heart will mend but it will take time. I think it took me a couple of years but I didn't let it stop me from dating others. A few years later I M another and have two wonderful teenagers.

 

I don't know if your xMM was your first love but if he was it's harder to get over your first love. I know for me and several ppl I know it was.

 

I agree that you need to stay far away from him. The man I was the OW to contacted me 8 years after it ended. He was remarried and wanted to get back together for some "fun." I told him no. I could not do that to my H nor to his W. This past May I seen him for the first time in 20 years. His nephew was M to my niece. Imagine how awkward that was for me, maybe even him.

 

When I was scanning the church looking for my family he seen me and our eyes locked. I immediately looked the other direction. I never thought I would cross paths w/ him again let alone having our niece and nephew get M to each other.

 

Whatever you do, stay far from this man. It's just not worth it. Listen to what the others have said.

[norajane]

Guys.... what do I do? I am an emotional wreck right now. Would it really be that bad if I sent him a text? Just a little one that I don't expect an answer to?

 

If just seeing his vague shape in the background of a photo has you this freaked out, imagine what it will do to you to 1) spend all kinds of times thinking about what to text, 2) sending the text, 3) wondering if he got the text, 4) wondering what he thought when he got the text, and 4) wondering if he'll reply to the text.

 

That's at least a week or two's worth of single-minded focus on him. If he replies, you're sunk, no matter what he says. You'll be over-analyzing his word or words for the next month. And then you'll start wondering whether to reply to the text. OR wanting to call him, just to hear his voice.

 

Don't do it. Just don't. You will heal faster if you don't have ANY contact at all with him.

[mopar crazy]

If just seeing his vague shape in the background of a photo has you this freaked out, imagine what it will do to you to 1) spend all kinds of times thinking about what to text, 2) sending the text, 3) wondering if he got the text, 4) wondering what he thought when he got the text, and 4) wondering if he'll reply to the text.

 

That's at least a week or two's worth of single-minded focus on him. If he replies, you're sunk, no matter what he says. You'll be over-analyzing his word or words for the next month. And then you'll start wondering whether to reply to the text. OR wanting to call him, just to hear his voice.

 

Don't do it. Just don't. You will heal faster if you don't have ANY contact at all with him.

 

I agree! If you keep contacting him it's gonna be a lot longer to heal. I know it's hard to let go and start living your life w/o him but for your own sanity you need to. No one said this was going to be easy but you have to try to make it easier by going NC completely.

[alexe]

Wow thanks so much guys... I honestly didn't know what to do all afternoon, I was just hurting so much. And since I'm in university, most of my friends have boyfriends that are around the same age. Even my best friends would disapprove if I told them I was seeing someone much older, let alone, oh gosh, someone married. They just won't understand, and I feel really alone carrying this secret by myself. I can't even cry on their shoulders...

 

I don't know if your xMM was your first love but if he was it's harder to get over your first love. I know for me and several ppl I know it was.

 

Mopar_crazy, you hit a sensitive spot there, I realized near the end that yes, it was love. I've had boyfriends before him, but those couldn't even compare. With him I felt so connected, everything intensified and he cared for me like no-one before. He was also my first, making this 'first love' true in every sense. How in the world did you (and the people you know) get over this?

 

 

If just seeing his vague shape in the background of a photo has you this freaked out, imagine what it will do to you to 1) spend all kinds of times thinking about what to text, 2) sending the text, 3) wondering if he got the text, 4) wondering what he thought when he got the text, and 4) wondering if he'll reply to the text.

norajane, you are absolutely right. But can you imagine though? It's like flipping through a random book and stumbling on your first bf's picture.

 

It just hit me, hard; I guess I haven't healed as well as I thought. I already know what I would say. As for if he'll reply, he will. I know he will. We know each other at least this well. I know he's hurting, probably more than me, and I can't help but still care for him. I know I shouldn't for my own sake, but how do you control your emotions when it seems they have a mind of their own?

[mopar crazy]

How are you doing today? Hopefully much better.

 

Sorry I hit a sensitive part w/ your xMM being your first love. I just wanted to let you know it seems much harder to get over a first love.

 

How did I get over my xCM? It wasn't hard after I seen him for the last time and decided then it was good I was no longer involved w/ him. I came back from college to visit my family in my hometown (where he still lived). A friend of mine and I decided to stop by his place to see him. I guess we figured his live in GF was out of town seeing her family b/c she always did that when we were seeing each other. When I knocked on the door he didn't even come to answer it but another girl did. There was several HS girls sitting in his living room watching tv. He didn't even bother to come over to talk to me but stayed in the back of the room talking to another girl. I felt sick to my stomach. It just proved to me he was a man whore and he probably had already replaced me w/ another. I didn't want anything to do w/ him. I still loved him but a lot of that love died that night.

 

I dated and fell in and out of love again w/ other guys and then met my H. I wasn't going to give the xCM anymore of my tears. I wasn't going to let myself slip into depression. I was too young to let him bring me down. I shed a lot of tears over this man and I was tired of it. It was my turn to live up my life and get on w/ my life. For four (age 15 to 19) years I shed tears over this man that I wanted so much but he couldn't be mine. I was tired of waisting my tears on him.

 

Once I moved away to college and started a new life, w/ new friends both guys and girls, I found myself getting over him.

 

You can get over this man, it just takes time. You need to surround yourself w/ family, friends, and get out there and date. I know that your xMM touched a special place in your heart but you will find someone that will do a lot more for you than xMM could ever do.

 

 

Take care of yourself and if you honestly can't get out of the depressive funk you are in maybe you need to seek professional help. I hope it doesn't come down to that but ya can't let this situation ruin your happiness. You are so young, don't waist your time being depressed over a man.

[alexe]

Hi mopar_crazy,

 

Thank you so much for all your support, and telling me about your story too. I definitely found comfort reading about you and your xMM, and that made me realize how moving on is really the best thing I should do. Because for all I know, he's already moved on as well.

 

But see, I know he's not like your xMM. Although you will say "oh she's too inexperienced to tell", I know he will never cheat again in his life. He loves his wife, and I told him he should love her even more after this. I never wanted to be a home wrecker. I know he was hurting a lot more than I was near the end of the relationship, but I guess I overestimated my capability of moving on. After our breakup it hit me hard that I have lost that connection and what we meant to each other, it was like for a short while we were one person, and then we were painfully split apart.

 

It's been a week since I last posted, and I am feeling much better now. I have gone on a few more dates, and I recently went to a couple of house parties that reminded me I can have fun at my appropriate age. I do have to admit, when I was kissing a guy, I felt a slight clinge in the heart because I was once again reminded of him. But I think with each passing day, I could feel the hurt healing slowly.

 

I do hope for the best.

[GreenEyedLady]

You've completely romanticized this short affair.

 

You need to see it for what it is.

 

He sounds like a serial cheater. He made it short and sweet so it won't intrude upon his real life. And you don't get too attached and think about telling the wifey.

 

Being in an affair is not fun or easy. It's full of heartache and for most people it doesn't work out.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better and going out. Chalk it up to experience and don't contact him again. You won't regret it.

[mopar crazy]

Hi mopar_crazy,

 

Thank you so much for all your support, and telling me about your story too. I definitely found comfort reading about you and your xMM, and that made me realize how moving on is really the best thing I should do. Because for all I know, he's already moved on as well.

 

But see, I know he's not like your xMM. Although you will say "oh she's too inexperienced to tell", I know he will never cheat again in his life. He loves his wife, and I told him he should love her even more after this. I never wanted to be a home wrecker. I know he was hurting a lot more than I was near the end of the relationship, but I guess I overestimated my capability of moving on. After our breakup it hit me hard that I have lost that connection and what we meant to each other, it was like for a short while we were one person, and then we were painfully split apart.

 

It's been a week since I last posted, and I am feeling much better now. I have gone on a few more dates, and I recently went to a couple of house parties that reminded me I can have fun at my appropriate age. I do have to admit, when I was kissing a guy, I felt a slight clinge in the heart because I was once again reminded of him. But I think with each passing day, I could feel the hurt healing slowly.

 

I do hope for the best.

 

You're welcome. I hope it helped if even just a little. I'm glad you are doing better and believe me, it does get easier as each day passes. Have fun in your young life b/c it goes by fast. It feels like I was 20 yesterday and here I am almost 40.

 

I'm not going to say you are "too inexperienced to tell." What I'm going to say is that you can never say never to him never cheating again. I was M 11 years to my H and never, ever thought he would cheat. I trusted him 100% that he would never cheat, and he did. As for my xCM I heard he had remarried and was very happy w/ his new W. I never expected to ever hear from again, thought his man whore days were over. Eight years after we ended our A he found me on an online HS alumni site and contacted me. What started out as a friendly, catch up on our lives email turned into him wanting to meet up w/ me again to relive our past. He said no one would ever know. This went on for several weeks w/ him saying how much he loved making love to me, etc. I put a stop to it then. If I wasn't M and wanted to meet up w/ him he would have, as long as no one knew. I'm not saying your xMM will do this but I just don't want you to think he never will.

 

Take care of you and enjoy your youth! I hope one of these days you will post back that you found a wonderful SG and he is so much more than the xMM could ever be.