AutumnLove Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Just curious if anyone else is with someone that is quite a different age? My MM is 24 years older than me...is this highly unusual? I have to say he is the sexiest man alive (to me). We have to laugh about the age gap, but so far it has not posed any problems. He was in shock when I admitted I was attracted to him for years. He said he always had a thing for me, but thought I was way out of his league. We have a lot more in common than we should; It amazes him that I know the names of all the bands and lyrics to the songs from his generation. We have intellectual conversations about politics, cars, tools...you name it. And the other weird thing is it isn't money driven like some younger woman/older man relationships. He buys me nothing, I buy him nothing. It's about thoroughly enjoying each other's company. Anyone else have this type of relationship? If so has it posed any problems or presented any benefits? Curious to hear! Link to post Share on other sites
raspberries Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I sure have had the same type of situation!!! The MM I had been seeing is 16 years older than me. It never caused an issue for us...and we didn't avoid the topic. We discussed it, and made sure we were both okay with it. and yes, like you, occasionally cracked jokes. I've had some of the best intellectual conversations of my life with him.... Mind you, when the relationship is behind closed doors, it's easy enough to deal with....i think it would be a whole different ball game if you had to deal with other peoples opinions, and criticisms....including your friends and family.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I think I hold the record.. 31 years.. but it's the opposite here.. the MM is 25.. I'm 56. Is it good? of course it is.. it's great.. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I've never been an OW but my ex was 19 years older than me. Anyone who is involved with or married with someone with whom you have a 15 year age difference or above...watch out. It usually means you have some kind of "mommy/daddy issue." Yep. Trust me on that one. I didn't think I did either. But trust me you do. If you've had no mother/father or a mother/father who was abusive or non-existent...that's exactly why you've chosen a partner with this kind of age difference. As for those of you who choose partners who aren't yours and really belong to others...shoot, I have no clue. You guys have issues too. Please realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I'm very motherly... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Phhhuulleeezzee... My young MM is very mature.. he has amazing parents .. he loves them and is very close to them..he's never been neglected or abused... geez I like that when people try to psychanalyze everything.. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I've never been an OW but my ex was 19 years older than me. Anyone who is involved with or married with someone with whom you have a 15 year age difference or above...watch out. It usually means you have some kind of "mommy/daddy issue." Yep. Trust me on that one. I didn't think I did either. But trust me you do. If you've had no mother/father or a mother/father who was abusive or non-existent...that's exactly why you've chosen a partner with this kind of age difference. As for those of you who choose partners who aren't yours and really belong to others...shoot, I have no clue. You guys have issues too. Please realize that. I think this is almost always true. I had a couple of these type of relationships when I was younger. I would never have understood it then, but I was looking for a warmer, more nurturing version of my father. It didn't work. From my experience and other's I have seen, when a man hooks up with someone that much younger, it is because they want a "fresh piece". Sorry to be crude, it is just what I have seen and experienced. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Phhhuulleeezzee... My young MM is very mature.. he has amazing parents .. he loves them and is very close to them..he's never been neglected or abused... geez I like that when people try to psychanalyze everything.. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Trust me, it bugs the crap out of me when people try to "psychanalyze" everything. I mean it. But sometimes there's a reason for things. I mean take a look at your situation. Didn't your dad cheat on your mom? You've said as much. You don't think that had anything to do with things as far as how you turned out and what your decisions were? How about me? My dad died when I was 4. You don't think that had anything to do with why I married a man who was 19 years older than I? A man who I let completely control me? Come on! Let's be real. Our backgrounds and childhoods have much to do with our future choices, don't they? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Trust me, it bugs the crap out of me when people try to "psychanalyze" everything. I mean it. But sometimes there's a reason for things. I mean take a look at your situation. Didn't your dad cheat on your mom? You've said as much. You don't think that had anything to do with things as far as how you turned out and what your decisions were? How about me? My dad died when I was 4. You don't think that had anything to do with why I married a man who was 19 years older than I? A man who I let completely control me? Come on! Let's be real. Our backgrounds and childhoods have much to do with our future choices, don't they? I still disagree.. how many parents out there have cheated.. and you say that the kids will turn out wrong.. WOW just WOW.. How I"ve turned out (your words) for the last 6 years in 56 years..has nothing to do with my parents.. I've had this lifestyle only for the last 6 years.. (that's nothing in a life ).. maybe you ought to read more on psychology.. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I think this is almost always true. I had a couple of these type of relationships when I was younger. I would never have understood it then, but I was looking for a warmer, more nurturing version of my father. It didn't work. From my experience and other's I have seen, when a man hooks up with someone that much younger, it is because they want a "fresh piece". Sorry to be crude, it is just what I have seen and experienced. Angie, what does the guy get out of it though? I still don't get it. I mean I get the "fresh piece" thing I guess. But why would a man that much older want to marry us? Is it a matter of control as far as they're concerned? I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. I mean I'm now in my 40's and there's no way in hell I'd be interested in a 20 something year old the way my ex was interested in me when he was a 40 something year old and I was a 20 something year old. No way. If it's not about control I don't know what the hell it's about. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I still disagree.. how many parents out there have cheated.. and you say that the kids will turn out wrong.. WOW just WOW.. How I"ve turned out (your words) for the last 6 years in 56 years..has nothing to do with my parents.. I've had this lifestyle only for the last 6 years.. (that's nothing in a life ).. maybe you ought to read more on psychology.. Last 6 years? But you've admitted to being an OW when you were 15. I don't need to read up on anything. You've been an OW since 15 and you've never been married. Does that not say it all? Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Wow, 24 years? Lay in a good stock of Viagra. As for what a 40 year old sees in a twenty year old, try looks and stamina. Link to post Share on other sites
raspberries Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I can't say there are any unlying "parent" issues to account for my liking an older man. My parents have never had any marital issues, and were always there for me. Actually, my ex-MM and I didn't realize or expect that the age gap was as big as it was.... Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Angie, what does the guy get out of it though? I still don't get it. I mean I get the "fresh piece" thing I guess. But why would a man that much older want to marry us? Is it a matter of control as far as they're concerned? I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. I mean I'm now in my 40's and there's no way in hell I'd be interested in a 20 something year old the way my ex was interested in me when he was a 40 something year old and I was a 20 something year old. No way. If it's not about control I don't know what the hell it's about. It's a lack of maturety also. There are many young (as in young twenty something), intelligent mature men that I find attractive on some level. However, I have matured beyond my twenties and have many extra years of experience now. I couldn't relate to them enough to have a relationship. What I have seen, is, these men who go for women who are much younger (I'm talking 15 years or more differance) haven't matured past a certain point. Often, they are stuck in a perminant state of adolecence but can hide it well because they have experience. It is when you get to know these guys well and are old enough to understand, that you see most of these guys have the mentallity of a highschool kid. Link to post Share on other sites
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I was recently involved with a MM 22 years older than myself (Im 26, hes 48) & found him extremely physically attractive, had loads in common with him and enjoyed his company very much.He absolutely broke my heart & alot of people think he made me his conquest & groomed me in a predatory way to get me into bed which obviously has something to do with the age gap.Are there any other much younger OW out there who feel they were used & had a MM take advantage of their naivity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnLove Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 I've never been an OW but my ex was 19 years older than me. Anyone who is involved with or married with someone with whom you have a 15 year age difference or above...watch out. It usually means you have some kind of "mommy/daddy issue." Yep. Trust me on that one. I didn't think I did either. But trust me you do. If you've had no mother/father or a mother/father who was abusive or non-existent...that's exactly why you've chosen a partner with this kind of age difference. In my case, I must insist that it is NOT a daddy issue. Although I will agree with you that that reasoning is quite common. My dad is / has always been very present, affectionate, supportive. Same with my mom. I've had one of the most normal upbringings one could ask for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnLove Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Wow, 24 years? Lay in a good stock of Viagra. As for what a 40 year old sees in a twenty year old, try looks and stamina. Ha, no doubt Reggie you hit the nail on the head. The pros for him: - One hell of a confidence boost (his words, not mine) - Finally appreciation for his years of experience, among other things... My benefits: - Being appreciated for aspects of myself that guys my age don't notice/care about - No BS games. Guys his age tell it like it is because they're running out of time! LOL - Handy man skills, this man can fix anything. Guys in my generation never had to learn how to be handy. Handiness is SEXY - Wisdom Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnLove Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Mind you, when the relationship is behind closed doors, it's easy enough to deal with....i think it would be a whole different ball game if you had to deal with other peoples opinions, and criticisms....including your friends and family.... I often think of how my family would react, and you're probably right. First of all they would KILL me. Other than being sliced up in a million pieces, I doubt very many people would "get it" - let alone what his grown up kids would think of me. I'm sure they would have no doubt I was after him for his money. I know I would think that if a young woman was dating my dad...it's just one of those things we assume isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnLove Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 I was recently involved with a MM 22 years older than myself (Im 26, hes 48) & found him extremely physically attractive, had loads in common with him and enjoyed his company very much.He absolutely broke my heart & alot of people think he made me his conquest & groomed me in a predatory way to get me into bed which obviously has something to do with the age gap. I read your earlier posts and have to say I have a deep down fear that this could eventually happen to me too. He has made no promises to me however, and being a man that tells it like it is, I believe him. That's one of the things that I'm trying to remember to keep my head on straight. I'm trying to go on dates with other guys when he's away, and he has encouraged this because he knows that his family commitments will prevent him from truely being mine. Every week when I first see him, it's almost as though he checks in to see if he's been replaced yet. He doesn't want it to end either but he wants what's best for me. I could definitely see myself ending up in the dark place that you have been in, and I am NOT looking forward to that. My heart goes out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Have you met his wife? What do you think of her? Any sympathy for her? Link to post Share on other sites
MegaMags Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Anyone who is involved with or married with someone with whom you have a 15 year age difference or above...watch out. It usually means you have some kind of "mommy/daddy issue." . This is true. You may not want to accept it but there is a reason why you have chosen someone so much older. This doesn't mean that is wrong or bad though. Many realtionships with big age differences can last for years and be very happy. It is just healthier to know and understand why - but I don't think it matters about the reasons if you are happy and it works Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Personally I find men my own age lack appeal, and are not nearly as intellectually stimulating ..... Two significant others were 20 and 22 years older respectively; ex-husband 11 years older; ironically, my present MM is only 7 years older and is the 'youngest' man I have been involved with -and perhaps the one with the most issues and baggage! (although seriously considering going in the opposite direction with a younger man to see what I'm missing cause Lizzie makes it look quite appealing!!!) And to set the record straight, my preferences have NOTHING to do with needing a father figure .. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Personally I find men my own age lack appeal, and are not nearly as intellectually stimulating ..... Two significant others were 20 and 22 years older respectively; ex-husband 11 years older; ironically, my present MM is only 7 years older and is the 'youngest' man I have been involved with -and perhaps the one with the most issues and baggage! (although seriously considering going in the opposite direction with a younger man to see what I'm missing cause Lizzie makes it look quite appealing!!!) And to set the record straight, my preferences have NOTHING to do with needing a father figure .. but it is.. they are soo much fun.. they are young, fresh, smart, witty, always ready.. you should give it a try.. you might get hooked on fresh meat.. Link to post Share on other sites
raspberries Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I have to admit, dating a significantly older man, hasn't come without moments of the age gap unknowingly being pointed out by other people. For example, one night MM and I went to a bar/pub for an open mic event. Me and my best friend (whom he was meeting that night), went to grab a drink, and I got ID-ed! I don't think it would have mattered to him, but at the time I was relieved he wasn't around at that moment. Also, I'm guilty of being a hypocrite when it comes to other peoples age gap relationships. A couple months back while at work I dealt with a couple who had an age gap of about 20 years. It felt so weird to see them out in public doing "couple" things. After the fact I couldn't believe how awkward I had felt, and realized I was in no place to feel that way at all!!! I even brough this to the attention of my 16 year older MM. In the event he saw it as a reason to bail. But in hind sight it may have been that I knew both people involved in that relationship, and can remember both of them since I was a child....for completely different reasons. He is 4 years older than me, in the same grade as my sister, and we went to the same elementary, and high schools. I remember her from being at her and her husbands place with my parents for supper as a young child. Her husband was really good friends with my parents, but passed away a couple years ago. But no worries guys! If you're happy...how much does age really matter?! Been there, done that, and fell in love. kudos! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy love Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 How nice to read about your R. I share many simmularities in my own R with MM. He is 16 years older than me, and we too have way more in common that one would think. I also had the hugest crush on this man for years before we actually go involved. He admitted also he always liked me but didnt know that I would feel the same. He's the most amazing man I've ever been with in every sense of the word. Age is really quite irrelevent to us both, we do laugh about it sometimes, we joke about it sometimes for fun, but it rarely ever comes up. Our bond is beyond words. How long have you been in R with your MM? Link to post Share on other sites
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