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I'd like to say a few things...


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I dont know where to begin, but here we go.. First, I know I am VERY recently "over" my long AFFAIR with a MW, a MARRIED WOMAN.... but I feel pretty damned strongly that there is no way in the world I could welcome her back if/when she comes a calling.. Alot of you know me pretty well by now and know that I REALLY loved this woman, and had great passion about it. NOW, I feel like a complete fool for doing so. The love was real, yes, but it was wrong, WRONG FOR ME... I wish I could have those 4 years back, man do I ever, but I know I can't, so OK..

 

I will never come here to LS and "preach" and act like I am all healed and all knowing. And I realize (after going through my almost year here) that people can talk to the OM/OW until they are blue in the face (ring true OWL?) and it doesnt really make a difference.. The "support" in your eyes will only be if your hand is held. The "it could work out's" are like gold, and just one of those can destroy any progress you might have been making by starting to listen to all of the others telling you that it won't work out. (I am NOT saying that some won't work out either, because God knows I was hoping and believing mine would).

 

I guess the feeling that I am trying to express now, and it is SO quick once I finally said enough is this: I felt like I was trying to climb the highest mountain in the world, and I DID, I did climb it, only to find it barren of any of the things that I was hoping would be there.. Now, I am on the other side of it, and I am NOT wondering "now what?", like I felt I would before if I quit, but instead, I see beautiful valley's of hope and fortune, all for ME, ME, ME and MY family.... there is still some work to do, no doubt, I still have to climb down the mountain, but hey, downhill is easier, right?? Maybe I will rent some ski's or a sled or at least this "ass" could ride a donkey:o

 

So, in closing, listen up all of you OM/OW's.. I wish I could run around the room and slap you all, Slapdaddy, but all I can really do is bust out my shoulders for you all instead... My heart breaks for everyone of you and I HATE reading these stories......

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Stampy,

 

GO AWAY already and come back only when you've met some beautiful new chick-a-dee.

 

We are getting tired of your personal growth!

 

(JOKE)

 

:D

 

DOM

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Stampy,

 

GO AWAY already and come back only when you've met some beautiful new chick-a-dee.

 

We are getting tired of your personal growth!

 

(JOKE)

 

:D

 

DOM

 

Well, Dom, if I go away and then come back HERE to report, that means she would have to be MARRIED, and I would have to be another OM... no thanks!!

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I like your posts -- they have made me really think of what is and could be happening in my life. I am the OW and sometimes (well all of the time) I am confused. I understand what you say - and sometimes I wish someone would slap ME.

 

The hard part is - I know it is wrong. I know that it will not work out. I know this - logically I know this more and more each day. My heart is what I am having a problem with.

 

From reading all of these posts, I know he lies to me -- my brain know he lies to me, but my stupid heart will not go along with it!!!!!

 

And I also know that when he breaks my heart (and I know - deep down inside I know he will) that I hope I can overcome this like you did. [i don't mean that in a bad way - I really do hope for this -- my heart just won't let go].

 

So why do I keep doing it do you ask?? Stupidity, Ignorance, Lack of Living in REALITY, Problems at Home (that I don't want to deal with but really need to).

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My xMM slapped me when he was trying to win me back (into bed, that is), saying the sweetest things, pouring on the attention and charm - and a few moments later, said that I shouldn't take him too seriously, that he was just happy to spend time with me when he could. I just about fell over. I had already ended it with him but we always talked and I just felt used by what he was saying and doing.

 

It took about 2 days for the slap to fully sink in and then I went through a seriously angry phase for about 3 days (some of you may have noticed this from my posts during that time).

 

Ever since then, it has been like having ice water thrown in my face because it basically killed that never-ending passion I always felt for him. Like you, Stampdaddy, it was just over 4 yrs. I loved the time I spent with him and in a lot of ways I don't regret it because he did heal my torn spirit after my awful marriage. So I can never fully regret him or what we had. But I do know that I wouldn't get involved with another married man again if my very life depended on it. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to walk away from.

 

And the reality is, his divorce would be messy and expensive and very draining. Of that I have no doubt. It would not be a pretty picture. Maybe it was all for the best. I don't know. All I know is that I ended up alone. And he didn't.

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So, in closing, listen up all of you OM/OW's.. I wish I could run around the room and slap you all, Slapdaddy, but all I can really do is bust out my shoulders for you all instead... My heart breaks for everyone of you and I HATE reading these stories......

Hey Slap,

 

You have such a warm and happy spirit about you even when you're going through the worst of it. I know this will get you through.

 

Hang in there.:)

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Yes, its hard to come here to help others and feel powerless to do anything but try to shine a light on what's going on, so they can make their own decisions and shape their own destinies as they see fit or as they are able.

 

As with all things in life, the facts of the matter may be somewhat similar, but not everyone's 'truth' is the same.

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Yes, its hard to come here to help others and feel powerless to do anything but try to shine a light on what's going on, so they can make their own decisions and shape their own destinies as they see fit or as they are able.

 

As with all things in life, the facts of the matter may be somewhat similar, but not everyone's 'truth' is the same.

 

Of course this is the part that kept me going for so long.. For all the reasons a woman would have wanted, I BELIEVED we were "different" that everyone that has ever walked on this planet.. And it is quite hurtful when you realize that you are just a "script". I really struggled at first when I had to face that SHE, my "angel", my "sweetgirl" my "sugarpop" was nothing more than a selfish, cake eating person only looking out for herself and no one else.. BUT... It is what it is

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Yes, its hard to come here to help others and feel powerless to do anything but try to shine a light on what's going on, so they can make their own decisions and shape their own destinies as they see fit or as they are able.

 

As with all things in life, the facts of the matter may be somewhat similar, but not everyone's 'truth' is the same.

 

Actually...hindsight nearly always shows people who come here to post that the "truth" isn't so different for everyone either.

 

I've seen more posters than I can count come here claiming "...but MY situation is different!!!" (to include Stampdaddy here)...only to learn in the long run that it wasn't.

 

Eventually you see that if the facts are similar/the same...the "truth" (whatever that is) ends up being the same as well.

 

Just as SD here has learned.

 

There was nothing so unique or unusual in SD's situation that changed the dynamics so greatly that they impacted the outcome. His was indeed just another "textbook" affair.

 

Does that make his pain any less? Not one little bit.

 

The only "unique" (or nearly so) stories I've seen on this board in the last two years were Owoman's, and Lizzie's. And that is because the two of them weren't drawn into "love affairs" to begin with...they were deliberate, serial 'other women' who's only intentions were to have potentially disposable relationships with men. They deliberately SOUGHT OUT married men. And even in Owoman's case...she eventually fell in love with one of her MM and ended up choosing to stay with him.

 

At the end of the day...the "odds" are pretty good at working themselves out. Very, very few affairs result in viable long term relationships. We've seen a couple of them on this forum...with the vast majority of situations that turn out badly for most of the people involved. Just as the "odds" or "statistics" paint the picture.

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DealingWDrama

Owl - you mean my situation isn't unique? lol! I'm thankful that you guys are out there and are willing to read and give advice to each and everyone who comes into this room. I'm thankful that I had a place to turn to get the insight that I needed to learn through and drudge through my ordeal...I've learned a lot from you guys!

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Owl - you mean my situation isn't unique? lol! I'm thankful that you guys are out there and are willing to read and give advice to each and everyone who comes into this room. I'm thankful that I had a place to turn to get the insight that I needed to learn through and drudge through my ordeal...I've learned a lot from you guys!

 

Well, I wish I wasnt here to be honest with you... But, I am so you're welcome..

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Get a room....errr.....no....wait a minute!!!

 

That's the kind of stuff that got ALL of us here in the first place!!!!!!

 

:bunny::):confused::bunny::bunny::):)

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Get a room....errr.....no....wait a minute!!!

 

That's the kind of stuff that got ALL of us here in the first place!!!!!!

 

:bunny::):confused::bunny::bunny::):)

 

I wonder if any LS'ers have hooked up for a little action.. I'll change my name to "Shagdaddy"

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LSdaddy!

 

Yes, I know of afew LS hook-up's!

 

whooooooo??? tell me, tell me.. Let me guess, TC and OWL??

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I have to say that I don't know your story.. but I agree that the BS can try to reform OW/OM all they want.. it's no use.. ;)

 

I personally can't stand the 'wannabe psychologist/therapist' who are trying to analyse our life.. :rolleyes:

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LSdaddy!

 

Yes, I know of afew LS hook-up's!

 

I know a few 'Holier than Thou' who swears right and left they are happily married.. but had EA with other members on LS.. :rolleyes:

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whooooooo??? tell me, tell me.. Let me guess, TC and OWL??

 

Could you imagine the children???

 

Beaks and fluffy tails...and horribly, horribly, horribly conflicted!!!!! ROFL!!!

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Could you imagine the children???

 

Beaks and fluffy tails...and horribly, horribly, horribly conflicted!!!!! ROFL!!!

 

and they'd be saying, "Meeeeooooooowwwwl.."

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Yes, its hard to come here to help others and feel powerless to do anything but try to shine a light on what's going on, so they can make their own decisions and shape their own destinies as they see fit or as they are able.

 

As with all things in life, the facts of the matter may be somewhat similar, but not everyone's 'truth' is the same.

 

... it is quite hurtful when you realize that you are just a "script". I really struggled at first when I had to face that SHE, my "angel", my "sweetgirl" my "sugarpop" was nothing more than a selfish, cake eating person only looking out for herself and no one else.. BUT... It is what it is

 

Actually...hindsight nearly always shows people who come here to post that the "truth" isn't so different for everyone either.

 

I've seen more posters than I can count come here claiming "...but MY situation is different!!!" (to include Stampdaddy here)...only to learn in the long run that it wasn't.

 

Eventually you see that if the facts are similar/the same...the "truth" (whatever that is) ends up being the same as well.

 

What I'm saying about facts/situations vs. our individual 'truths' is this. That the situations may be very similar, but our interpretations of them, and thus our reactions to them and in some cases the outcomes may be very different. Which is why one size does not fit all in terms of 'advice'.

 

For example, SD above said that his babygirl turned out in his eyes to be nothing more than a cake-eater. Someone else in his situation might see her as a flawed human being who is deserving of love and has made some mistakes, and might even keep a door open for future possibilities. Of course that leaves the OP in a hideously vulnerable, useless and stuck place, so that particular 'truth' might well be counter-productive (and is to SD!). Other people might not have such a problem with moving on and leaving a love-that-wasn't-to-be behind without the necessity of demonising their ex (I'm not one of them, btw, in case it appears I'm being superior here :laugh:).

 

But then there's your situation, Owl. Most people know that your W cheated on you online, you caught her before she actually met the guy, and you decided to reconcile, believing her to be a flawed human being who is deserving of love and has made some mistakes, presumably. Others might not believe in that 'truth', might have problems trusting, might end up divorcing her anyway. The fact is, the circumstances would be no different, the 'truth' as seen through yours or anothers eyes would be.

 

Hence, my original point: all one can do, in my opinion, is to help the poster to examine the situation and find their way through, and make their own decisions. I can't imagine you, Owl, for example, would have been very interested in reading posts INSISTING that you divorce your W, who you love and want a future with, because "once a cheater always a cheater" and "she'll do it to you again", etc. etc.

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