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I know what everyone is going to say...I posted a thread earlier in the week about meeting with the MM I use to see before my marriage. He had been calling me and wanting to get together and yes he is still with his wife, his children are grown and neither of us at that time nor now for that matter wanted the other full time.

 

I got married and stopped seeing him, now I am getting a divorce and have been extremely lonely for a long time.

 

I read everyone's advice and to be honest you are probably all right but I couldn't help myself and I went and saw him.

 

At this point I can't say I am sorry or that it felt wrong. We seemed to pick up right where we left off...easy conversation, he was all about my needs and making me feel sexier then I have in so long I don't even want to say how long it has been.

 

I realize that I don't need him full time, I like the way things were and are with him.

 

We go to dinner, a few drinks, breakfast whatever and some of the most amazing sex I have ever had, then he goes home.

 

I am content with my situation, I am not his first O/W and he is not my first MM, but I find that we are compatible and I am not looking to take him from his family and I have to admit I don't want him around full time.

 

I like my personal space and time and he gives me the freedom to be me with no judgements on either part.

 

I have not smiled this much in a long time and it feels amazing and I don't see it stopping anytime soon.

 

Please be happy for me.....:)

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Kim, I'm happy for you.

I'd just be happier if you found a relationship for yourself, that was 'legit' and that wouldn't cause collateral damage if it all went pear-shaped.

It's all so risky.

And it compromises other people.

And you're settling for a compromise.

 

But if you're happy, then.. ok.

Just understand there will be consequences.

There are always consequences.

And the pain may well outweigh the happiness.

Just be prepared for that.

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I think you should say that to his wife.

Common!

 

I could be saying "i am happy you are getting what you want, if you dont expect more then its all good" but i wont, wanna know why?

because being the OM means more ppl are involved, meaning you are being selfish, dont ask for ppl to be happy for you when you are starting a reaction that will provoke unhappiness to others.

Are you happy aswell for the cheated wife? do you think your happiness is more important than her?

No it isnt!

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I think you should say that to his wife.

Common!

 

I could be saying "i am happy you are getting what you want, if you dont expect more then its all good" but i wont, wanna know why?

because being the OM means more ppl are involved, meaning you are being selfish, dont ask for ppl to be happy for you when you are starting a reaction that will provoke unhappiness to others.

Are you happy aswell for the cheated wife? do you think your happiness is more important than her?

No it isnt!

 

 

First unless you know the whole story you shouldn't judge...I have posted several threads and unless you have read them all you are not one to judge me.

 

I am not saying I am better then anyone else, nor am I here to judge anyone...I am one person who is doing what I need to do, not what you or anyone else think I should be doing.

 

I do feel for her, probably more then most women in my position feel...at the same time I did not come here to be told I am a horrid person but you or anyone else....if I wanted that I would go back to my abusive ex husband who treated me like s*** and made me feel like less of a person.

 

Come back and talk to me after you have been physically, mentally, verbally and sexually abused for 6 years and need a kind word from a man you know will treat you with respect even if it is for a short period of time.

 

Every woman regardless needs that once in awhile...I want nothing from him but those kind words..not his money, or for him to leave his wife, nor vast amounts of his time....just some kind words, caresses and tenderness to remind me that I am a woman.

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I am happy for you.. as you are living the exact lifestyle I am..

no commitment.. it's all about me.. my space, my money.. etc.

 

Life is too short.. just enjoy it the way YOU want to.. it's that simple.

 

but I want money and good sex... :laugh:

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I am happy for you.. as you are living the exact lifestyle I am..

no commitment.. it's all about me.. my space, my money.. etc.

 

Life is too short.. just enjoy it the way YOU want to.. it's that simple.

 

but I want money and good sex... :laugh:

 

 

Thank you Lizzie I appreciate that more then you will ever ever know..

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lonelyandfrustrated

Kim, while I could easily climb on the soapbox of a married woman who would gouge your eyeballs out if it was my marriage you were in...

 

I am happy for you. You have a healthy (for you, anyway) approach to this.

 

I hate to see all these broken-women posts about 'how much sex is he having with his w?' 'do you think he's going to leave her?' Those break my heart, makes me wanna shake those gals and scream 'you already know these answers!'

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Kim, I am sorry that you suffered during your marriage, noone should have to go through abuse..I do hope you seek counselling to help you cope and learn to trust again. And to gain self confidence.

 

The problem I see, the woman you were in the past isn't the woman you are now - Going backwards and starting up the affair with the MM isn't going to be the same as before. Because all that you've suffered, your emotions are completely different than in the past..

 

Every woman regardless needs that once in awhile...I want nothing from him but those kind words..not his money, or for him to leave his wife, nor vast amounts of his time....just some kind words, caresses and tenderness to remind me that I am a woman.

 

Yes, but one thing you fail to see is, just like him - The damage you'll be doing to his wife, by helping him cheat on her. In your eyes, he is helping you, you're using him to make yourself feel better - Possibly he's using you for the same reasons, but whatever the reasons are - Abuse or not - Isn't a justification to cheat and be in an affair. Again, I am sorry you suffered abuse, that is awful.. I guess I don't understand that you can't see the truck coming right towards you that WILL inflict a whole new type of pain. You can only hold in your emotions/feelings for so long..

 

Also, what happens if his wife finds out and confronts you. In all honesty, are you ready for that?

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Kim, I am sorry that you suffered during your marriage, noone should have to go through abuse..I do hope you seek counselling to help you cope and learn to trust again. And to gain self confidence.

 

The problem I see, the woman you were in the past isn't the woman you are now - Going backwards and starting up the affair with the MM isn't going to be the same as before. Because all that you've suffered, your emotions are completely different than in the past..

 

 

 

Yes, but one thing you fail to see is, just like him - The damage you'll be doing to his wife, by helping him cheat on her. In your eyes, he is helping you, you're using him to make yourself feel better - Possibly he's using you for the same reasons, but whatever the reasons are - Abuse or not - Isn't a justification to cheat and be in an affair. Again, I am sorry you suffered abuse, that is awful.. I guess I don't understand that you can't see the truck coming right towards you that WILL inflict a whole new type of pain. You can only hold in your emotions/feelings for so long..

 

Also, what happens if his wife finds out and confronts you. In all honesty, are you ready for that?

 

I've had experiences like that before.. nothing happens.. the W just believe whatever their H tells them.. then it's life as usual..

 

When the dust has settled.. he's back 'cheating' again.. most of the time that's what happens.. :o

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I've had experiences like that before.. nothing happens.. the W just believe whatever their H tells them.. then it's life as usual..

 

I'm more concerned about how Kim would react and feel if his wife confronted her. She obviously is in a fragile frame of mind and relying on this MM for emotional needs, as well as a self confidence booster.

 

Noone knows what could happen when D-Day occurs. Some BS's confront, some don't.

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First lonelyandfrustrated thank you for not judging me, I appreciate that.

 

To answer your question whichwayisup - "Also, what happens if his wife finds out and confronts you. In all honesty, are you ready for that? "

 

When he and I hooked up in orginally she knew about me and she actually had seen me and knew more about me then I did about her.

 

Apparently I am not the first affair he has had in their very long marriage and he did not stop after I left him.

 

If she were to confront me I could do nothing but stand there and took what she gave me for I am sure I deserve nothing but that, at the same time as I stated I want nothing from him, no money, certainly not for him to leave her and come to me.

 

The only things I do want are for me to feel even if it is for just a short time to feel whole again, like a woman who is sex, wanted and appreciated...with him I know I can get that and yes I am probably using him for my own agenda but God help me even with counselling so far this has been the best I felt in years and if it were to end next week I can honestly say I would not be sorry for the few days that I felt wonderful..

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Then do yourself a favour. Put a timeline on this because once you let yourself get too close, feelings grow and next thing you know, you'll be wanting more from him than just what you want now. Expectations will bring disappointment and alot of pain, hurt feelings upon you and that's the last thing you need ontop of everything else.

 

Also, since he is a serial cheater, you might want to get checked..Better safe than sorry.

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Kim - if you are happy, then I am happy for you. It is hard on the B/Ss, MM and the OW. You will both decide if and when to end it - you are adults.

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First unless you know the whole story you shouldn't judge...I have posted several threads and unless you have read them all you are not one to judge me.

 

I am not saying I am better then anyone else, nor am I here to judge anyone...I am one person who is doing what I need to do, not what you or anyone else think I should be doing.

 

I do feel for her, probably more then most women in my position feel...at the same time I did not come here to be told I am a horrid person but you or anyone else....if I wanted that I would go back to my abusive ex husband who treated me like s*** and made me feel like less of a person.

 

Come back and talk to me after you have been physically, mentally, verbally and sexually abused for 6 years and need a kind word from a man you know will treat you with respect even if it is for a short period of time.

 

Every woman regardless needs that once in awhile...I want nothing from him but those kind words..not his money, or for him to leave his wife, nor vast amounts of his time....just some kind words, caresses and tenderness to remind me that I am a woman.

 

 

I feel for you having had all that problems in your life, but that doesn't justify any harm you done , are doing, or will do to others. And thats what you trying to do when you tell me that i need to have experienced what you experienced to understand your reason for having an Affair. Thats just not fair, your past suffering doesn't give you any kind of "free of jail" card.

 

And again i am stunned that ppl consider that theirs MM´s are indeed respecting them, respect haves alot more into it than nice words and compreension, respect is not only about love and friendship, respect sometimes also makes you suffer. Respect is not always the easier or desired road. And RESPECT haves nothing to do with AFFAIR.

 

And again if you feel for your MM W, then quit the AFFAIR. Stop talking and do something. Words are taken by the wind.

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I feel for you having had all that problems in your life, but that doesn't justify any harm you done , are doing, or will do to others. And thats what you trying to do when you tell me that i need to have experienced what you experienced to understand your reason for having an Affair. Thats just not fair, your past suffering doesn't give you any kind of "free of jail" card.

 

And again i am stunned that ppl consider that theirs MM´s are indeed respecting them, respect haves alot more into it than nice words and compreension, respect is not only about love and friendship, respect sometimes also makes you suffer. Respect is not always the easier or desired road. And RESPECT haves nothing to do with AFFAIR.

 

And again if you feel for your MM W, then quit the AFFAIR. Stop talking and do something. Words are taken by the wind.

 

 

If you wish to judge some one look in the mirror I am not here for you to judge me...if that is what you think so be it..you have the right to your opinions and I have the right to live my life how I see fit..not how others think that I should live it to their standards of ethics.

 

You are not different then someone who judges someone on their looks or size..society is not made up of people who all do the same thing, if they were then this world would be very boring place.

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If you wish to judge some one look in the mirror I am not here for you to judge me...if that is what you think so be it..you have the right to your opinions and I have the right to live my life how I see fit..not how others think that I should live it to their standards of ethics.

 

You are not different then someone who judges someone on their looks or size..society is not made up of people who all do the same thing, if they were then this world would be very boring place.

 

Look at what you just said, , you could have just said it like "I dont care about others, i do what i want a pleases me, i dont care about the consequences of my actions on other lifes"

Does this makes you feel happy? And btw my dear, society haves values, you are expected to act according to those values. As for the "You are not different then someone who judges someone on their looks or size.." then i guess i cant judge who rapes, kills or the man that made you harm in the past, because thats not my place or yours, i can only judge myself, like you said "If you wish to judge some one look in the mirror"

 

As a last note, let me tell you that you can do alot to end your boreness, without having to damage others lifes and happinessss.

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Look at what you just said, , you could have just said it like "I dont care about others, i do what i want a pleases me, i dont care about the consequences of my actions on other lifes"

Does this makes you feel happy? And btw my dear, society haves values, you are expected to act according to those values. As for the "You are not different then someone who judges someone on their looks or size.." then i guess i cant judge who rapes, kills or the man that made you harm in the past, because thats not my place or yours, i can only judge myself, like you said "If you wish to judge some one look in the mirror"

 

As a last note, let me tell you that you can do alot to end your boreness, without having to damage others lifes and happinessss.

 

 

Wow....not sure but you seem to need to vent and I guess I was as good as anyone, but once again...so be it.

 

I am not a horrible person, you may think I am because of my way of thinking but last time I checked this was a free country...I do not condone rapist or murderers or such..nor do I condone what my ex husband did to me, but at the same time I have not raped, killed or beaten anyone down to where they feel like garbage.

 

As I stated before she knew about me before when I was dating him and knew and knows more about me then I know about her...If she wishes to confront me so be it, I doubt she will, as I again stated I am not his first nor am I sure will I be his last.

 

You may think that your comments will make me change my mind but sorry if anything they have made me feel sorry for you for you have obviously been badly hurt and I do know how that feels.

 

If you wish to continue to leave me feedback that is okay with me, you are entitled to state how you feel just as I am, however not even vicious comments will take what little happiness I have had in the past 24 hours..no matter how hard you try...I will not feel guilty for being happy...sorry

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If this situation works for you, then stay with it. I can totally relate to your freedom issues and kind of envy it in a way. I wish I could've done that with my xMM but I just couldn't. I'm a terrible OW in that sense because even though I do love my freedom and was kind of okay with the occasional dinners and fabulous sex, either the guilt would get to me eventually or I'd just get pissed off because I wanted it to be just him and I. Mostly I was just insulted that he chose his marriage over me and I could never make peace with that. If I could've looked at it the way you do, though, we could've gone on forever, I'm sure.

 

If it makes you happy and you've come together again after all these years, then the two of you obviously have something together. Plus, I totally remember that smile that would be plastered on my face when I knew I was going to see him. A friend of mine once said, "Oh, I'd never tell you to stop seeing him if he makes you smile like that." It was like the never-ending date, a never-ending love affair, and he made me SO happy I just couldn't explain. So, I'd never tell you to stop smiling, either. We all have our reasons for our choices. I wish you the best.

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If this situation works for you, then stay with it. I can totally relate to your freedom issues and kind of envy it in a way. I wish I could've done that with my xMM but I just couldn't. I'm a terrible OW in that sense because even though I do love my freedom and was kind of okay with the occasional dinners and fabulous sex, either the guilt would get to me eventually or I'd just get pissed off because I wanted it to be just him and I. Mostly I was just insulted that he chose his marriage over me and I could never make peace with that. If I could've looked at it the way you do, though, we could've gone on forever, I'm sure.

 

If it makes you happy and you've come together again after all these years, then the two of you obviously have something together. Plus, I totally remember that smile that would be plastered on my face when I knew I was going to see him. A friend of mine once said, "Oh, I'd never tell you to stop seeing him if he makes you smile like that." It was like the never-ending date, a never-ending love affair, and he made me SO happy I just couldn't explain. So, I'd never tell you to stop smiling, either. We all have our reasons for our choices. I wish you the best.

 

Thank you, you are right the smile that is on my face after so long actually is starting to hurt....

 

I have not felt so sexy or so much like a woman in a long time.

 

After 6 years of being away from my MM it picked up like it never ended...the conversation flowed easily and he was just as sweet as ever, not wanted to rush me into anything, but that kiss just blew me away and well what can I say..

 

I probably could live this way forever if it were possible and although I know it is not ( he is about 15 years older then me) I am going to treasure every moment with him that I can.

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After 6 years of being away from my MM it picked up like it never ended...the conversation flowed easily and he was just as sweet as ever, not wanted to rush me into anything, but that kiss just blew me away and well what can I say..

 

I probably could live this way forever if it were possible and although I know it is not ( he is about 15 years older then me) I am going to treasure every moment with him that I can.

 

Yeah, I remember those kisses. There just seems to be something about lovers whose lives aren't entangled in the everyday struggles, doesn't there? Well, it may not go on forever but I'm sure relationships like this can go on for many, many years.

 

I came from an abusive marriage, too, although not as bad as yours. I wasn't sexually or physically violated or anything like that but he was bad enough. My xMM once told me, "You're only with me because I'm safe." This may be the case for you, too.

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Wow....not sure but you seem to need to vent and I guess I was as good as anyone, but once again...so be it.

Actually you wrong, i dont need to vent, i replied to your topic and then replied to you as you replied to me. No hanger or sorrow on my replies, just clarification.

 

I am not a horrible person, you may think I am because of my way of thinking but last time I checked this was a free country...I do not condone rapist or murderers or such..nor do I condone what my ex husband did to me, but at the same time I have not raped, killed or beaten anyone down to where they feel like garbage.

I dont think you are a horrible person, but i do think you are not caring for others like you want others to care for you. That doesnt make you horrible, but does make you selfish and inrresponsable.

 

As I stated before she knew about me before when I was dating him and knew and knows more about me then I know about her...If she wishes to confront me so be it, I doubt she will, as I again stated I am not his first nor am I sure will I be his last.

Then i am the one that should be sorry for you, for seeing you settle for that.

 

You may think that your comments will make me change my mind but sorry if anything they have made me feel sorry for you for you have obviously been badly hurt and I do know how that feels.

No i am not especting for you to change your mind, i was indeed expecting you do see the full consequences of what you are doing. I already understood that you wont change anything even if you cede you are doing a wrong deed, because this wrong deed makes YOU happy and for you thats what matters. So no, while you are happy while spreading others pain, i dont expect you to change your mind.

 

If you wish to continue to leave me feedback that is okay with me, you are entitled to state how you feel just as I am, however not even vicious comments will take what little happiness I have had in the past 24 hours..no matter how hard you try...I will not feel guilty for being happy...sorry

 

Same goes to you, you are free to talk to me, exchanges thoughts, ideas and experiences.

As for the commoent about my comments being vicious, i wont even attept to reply, cause at this moment doesnt matter what i say, you will always see it as hostile, judgmental and wrong. Just because if you admited any of them it would interfere in YOUR happiness.

 

 

Respectfuly,

loveORlogic

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Angel you are probably right ... I am there because it is safe. I know from past experience that he would never lay a hand on me or say a harsh word to me.

 

As for the you loveORlogic...you seem to "assume" I do not know what I am doing or the consequences of my actions, that is where you are very wrong. I have no problems admitting that what I am doing is wrong or will probably hurt others but at the same time it is where I need to be.

 

As for settling, I am not settling for anything, I am exactly right where I want to be..with someone who will let me live my life, someone who will never lay a hand on me, say a cruel word to me or do anything to hurt me physically or mentally in any way.

 

I am sorry if you think that is settling but after being in a place that was extremely horrible for a very long time this is where I want to be. I can honestly say that I never want to marry or even live with a man ever again.

 

If that makes what I am doing wrong, so be it

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Thank you, you are right the smile that is on my face after so long actually is starting to hurt....

 

.

 

 

Enjoy the hurt that smiling is bringing you. It's only a matter of time before that smile turns into a grimace and the pain turns inward.

 

Good luck.

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LakesideDream
Thank you, you are right the smile that is on my face after so long actually is starting to hurt....

 

I have not felt so sexy or so much like a woman in a long time.

 

After 6 years of being away from my MM it picked up like it never ended...the conversation flowed easily and he was just as sweet as ever, not wanted to rush me into anything, but that kiss just blew me away and well what can I say..

 

I probably could live this way forever if it were possible and although I know it is not ( he is about 15 years older then me) I am going to treasure every moment with him that I can.

 

Kim, from a male perspective... you are no different than anyone else, than any of us. You are a person and naturally you want happiness in your life.

 

I've read your story and it certainly is unfortunate. In my eyes you have had enough misfortune and hurt in your life already. This is LS, there are always going to be people here who will steadfastly decry your current decision. That's human nature. To them you are just another would be homewrecker.

 

Some will understand though. Some have already walked in your shoes. That is the true beauty of LS, and much of it's value. Don't let your critic's get you down.

 

I know that personally I would rather be a "man on the side" than a man living with no happiness at all. I share many of the feelings you have. I have been criticized and mocked because I know I'd rather be happy a day a week or a couple of days a month, than not at all. I'm not a teenager who's emotional life can change completely from day to day. There is little chance that I will fall truely in love for a third time, especially as I still, and will always love #1 whether that love is returned or not. Falling in love isn't a choice we make. Falling in love is something that happens independant of reason, logic, or planning.

 

Good luck girl. I hope for you that the happiness you have found is enough.

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Kim, from a male perspective... you are no different than anyone else, than any of us. You are a person and naturally you want happiness in your life.

 

I've read your story and it certainly is unfortunate. In my eyes you have had enough misfortune and hurt in your life already. This is LS, there are always going to be people here who will steadfastly decry your current decision. That's human nature. To them you are just another would be homewrecker.

 

Some will understand though. Some have already walked in your shoes. That is the true beauty of LS, and much of it's value. Don't let your critic's get you down.

 

I know that personally I would rather be a "man on the side" than a man living with no happiness at all. I share many of the feelings you have. I have been criticized and mocked because I know I'd rather be happy a day a week or a couple of days a month, than not at all. I'm not a teenager who's emotional life can change completely from day to day. There is little chance that I will fall truely in love for a third time, especially as I still, and will always love #1 whether that love is returned or not. Falling in love isn't a choice we make. Falling in love is something that happens independant of reason, logic, or planning.

 

Good luck girl. I hope for you that the happiness you have found is enough.

 

 

I believe a man can handle this and an older man who has been through a very long marriage....

 

A woman, no.

 

Every woman wants the pedestal, every woman wants the devotion and committment, every woman wants the he who chose her.

 

Lizzie60 is fooling herself on this site, always has and always will----and by the way, what is with all these breast-shot-of-the-day avatars??? Insecurity??

 

Kim, I appreciate where you are coming from, what happened to you, and what you are now experiencing. I have known this in other forms, not OW (rather Long-Distance). I will say that you will become more emotionally involved. It is a woman's nature, I am sorry.

 

DOM

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