whatamessoflife Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I have been trying not to post here, for fear of being found out but truly find it comforting to read here for the support. I am one of those women who said they would never get involved with a married man or cheat on their husband. But look where I am now. Just knowing I am not the only one is helpful. I am married and living with husband. I guess I have a lot of mixed feelings and don't know where to turn. I don't really love my husband like I did in the past, but don't want to hurt him. I got pregnant by the OM and what a mess that has been. That in itself is another story. I did not set out to deliberately trap him (MM). If I had my way it would have never happened. I would have made sure of it, but he convinced me I would not get pregnant, but I did. (I will not elaborate - I know about the birds and the bees, and what protection is required) Days I feel like I am short changing myself, and then he and I talk and I feel like I have a purpose in life. I know he loves me, but boy the people that will get hurt. He once told me he would do whatever it took to keep me in his life. I looked at him like he was crazy, and he said of course he would not kill me, but I am stuck with him now. From a man's perspective, what do you think is going through his head, from a woman's perspective, thoughts, but please, don't beat me up too much. I sure hope I dont regret this post. What a mess has been made. Link to post Share on other sites
marriedandsad Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Ouch!! What a situation :-/ I'm not sure what to tell you....I mean my first instinct would be to be honest with your husband. Can you imagine the pain he would go through if he thought he was your child's father and became attached and what not.....WOW! That would hurt so bad. As for your MM, is he going to tell his wife the baby is his? Link to post Share on other sites
Karma101 Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Does this mean you are pregnant with the OM's baby and your H thinks it is his baby? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatamessoflife Posted October 11, 2008 Author Share Posted October 11, 2008 That is actually another story. I guess I should clarify that piece. Paternity is required to determine this. It is assumed the daddy is the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Wow:eek: you husband must be devastated. Link to post Share on other sites
DealingWDrama Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Series of questions - Does your husband know that the child may not be his? Does the MM's W know that you are pregnant and the child might be her husband's baby? Are you planning on keeping the child or giving the child up for adoption? Do you want your marriage to work? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Grow up and stop being so damn selfish. You have forfeited choice. You gave it up when you slept with your MM. You must tell your H. He deserves to know. You chose to sleep with your MM. Now let your H chose to remain by your side. Or not. Further more, you must tell him that the baby may not be his. And if he leaves who can blame him? You did this. What you must stop doing is lying. You do it everyday you deceive him. You lie. Or you can live your life continuing to lie. And tell him whole new ones. Should the child be your MMs, live the lie of who that boy's daddy is. Remember it every birthday, every Christmas and every Father's Day. Remember it every time he shows up to cheer at his baseball games. Can you live your life living with this lie as well? A marriage with two signifcant lies. That you chose. Is it still a marriage at this point? Can it be a marriage with one spouse continually lying to the other? Do what is right and tell him. If he wasn't good enough for your fidelity then leave. You already have. So tell him. Let him chose as you chose. Link to post Share on other sites
Al_Bundy Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I have been trying not to post here, for fear of being found out but truly find it comforting to read here for the support. I am one of those women who said they would never get involved with a married man or cheat on their husband. But look where I am now. Just knowing I am not the only one is helpful. I am married and living with husband. I guess I have a lot of mixed feelings and don't know where to turn. I don't really love my husband like I did in the past, but don't want to hurt him. You'll hurt him worse by staying with him whether he realizes this or not. Divorce him. he'll get over it and when he does, he'll realize it was for the best. Days I feel like I am short changing myself Again, get a divorce if thats the way you feel. Because your husband is DEFINITELY getting short changed. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 What a mess has been made. I'll start with this quote, because using passive voice for this statement shows so much about your mindset. A mess was not made, as if out of your control and by somebody else - YOU and MM made the mess. This is important for you to acknowledge and internalize, because this mess will not "be solved" unless YOU and MM take action to solve it. It's time to come clean to your husband and MM's wife. It's time to take responsibility for your actions. It's time to explain that your husband is not in the marriage he thinks he's in. It's time for some honesty. Yes, your husband and MM's wife, and all your combined children, will be hurt to hear about your affair and the child you've possibly created together. However, they have already been hurt by your actions, your marriage has already been made a sham by your deceptions, and both your husband and MM's wife deserve the opportunity to make some informed choices of their own about what is already happening to their lives and marriages. This is it. You have no other options anymore because you have obliterated them by getting pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatamessoflife Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 Can the owners please delete my post! I asked for this originally. What does it take to get it removed? I know what happened was wrong, I already admitted to that. The crcumstances are very difficult, but I will leave it at that. Please delete my post thread. Link to post Share on other sites
SUNSHINETHRUPAIN73 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Don't be guided by the comments of these individuals here, I thought the same thing. Some people come here with there self-righteous acts, bitterness and judgment and try to throw there garbage off on everybody else. They can't define you, let them talk. Some of the most beautiful and successful people were talked about, elevation comes in the tongue of other. If they took the time to read and comment to your post, they were somewayy affected by it. With that said, do like I do, just read. Pay attention to the postee's name and you will find them in other forums as well. I read there commments and think, who is the hyprocrite here. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Hi what a mess. Wow - I am so sorry for you. First - I want to tell you that I am also a M OW. I can relate to how you are feeling in that position. It is truly not something that we go looking for, but sometimes it just happens. Does your husband know that you are pregnant with the MM baby? Are you going to leave or will he leave, etc. so you two will be together?? I know that I enjoy the A that I have, and we are both adults. I'm not fooling myself that what I have, at least, is a fantasy, although sometimes I wish it was a reality (I really do). Hope you the best - please keep us up to date on your progress. I too am interested in other women's perspecitves of this. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Can the owners please delete my post! I asked for this originally. What does it take to get it removed? I know what happened was wrong, I already admitted to that. The crcumstances are very difficult, but I will leave it at that. Please delete my post thread. WhataMess, don't get to down. The first responders probably spend the most time here because their pain is fresh. I'm sure your story is more common than most think. The only thing I would be hyper critical of is having sex without suffecient protection. Babies happen if couples are not careful and vigilant. Past that... If you have and keep the child You will need to be very careful. You husband certainly has the absolute right to know if the child is his or not. Concealing the possiblity that your husband is not the father is wrong on every level. Not telling him carries with it the possibility of catastrophy if your husband discovers the fact in the future, which people being people... he probably will. As you are the poster, and asking for opinions, I won't address what the OM's needs or rights are. You know what the situation is anyway. You have pretty much "screwed the pooch" on this one, setting events into motion that you will likely not be able to control or contain. You decision is how to begin unraveling the mess. An amnio dna test might be in order if there is a possibility that your Husband is the father. That would be the best possible news in the situation. Worth the effort. If your H is the father, stop seeing the OM and shut your mouth forever.. never even think about the situation again. If paternity is found to be the other mans, put on your big girl panties, and start untying the knots. Good luck, and gawds speed. You're gonna need it. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 OP, please don't regret your post. There is nothing identifying about it, sadly. Although I'm sure you feel like the only person in the world in this very consequential situation, I'm sure you're not. You obviously can use some anonymous support because I can't imagine you have many outlets in your own life given the facts. If you're willing to try coming back I'm sure you'll get a greater range of responses over time. Link to post Share on other sites
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