I want to break NC!

[smile711]

I don't know why but after 46 days of NC, I want to call the xMM so badly it's tearing me apart. I just want to hear his voice and talk to him. I miss so much about him but I really miss the friendship aspect of of our relationship, which was there long before the A. We were friends for 5 years and we could talk about anything. It's so painful not to be talking. Why do I want this all of the sudden? How do I get through? Please convince me not to call him-I am as close as I have ever been to breaking NC.

[Sysyphus28]

If you still have romantic feelings for him it might send you back to square one. I don't want to go back to that frantic/awful state of mind......EVER!!!

I still have feelings/anger/frustration for my ex..........I couldn't talk to her right now....my integrity is off base.

 

Think to yourself the possible outcomes. If you really want to , and you think it won't put you in a crummy place Do it.

But think before you act, see how you feel tomarrow.

[smile711]

I know that I still have romantic feelings for him. It's been 46 days of NC up against a 2 year relationship and we lived together for 4 months. There are DEFINITELY still feelings there.

[whichwayisup]

I guess yesterday opened a can of worms for you...

 

Don't contact him! It's pointless. You two are NC for a reason! Don't forget that reason!

 

Go back and read your previous threads.

 

Stay strong! You can get through today and NOT contact him. If you cave, you'll regret it and be back posting here, feeling awful.

 

Go out tonight, meet up with friends or family. Go see a movie, anything to get your mind off of him and contacting him.

[smile711]

Touche, WWIU! I guess sometimes the little moments can do more damage than the big ones. I just miss his friendship and his love. I miss coming home to him and talking about my day with him. I have many friends and family members to talk to and I am extremely grateful, but somedays (like today) it feels like the only person who could make me feel better is him. Right or wrong, it is what it is.

[smile711]

I think that some of this also stems from the fact that I am attending a mutual friend's wedding out of town this weekend-a wedding that we had planned on going to together months ago. The thought of going alone is tough. There will be people there I know but it won't be the same. We had planned to spend the whole weekend together. And before you ask, he won't be there as far as I know because the mutual friend was so upset by the way xMM handled things that she un-invited him. I know this is an opportunity to be myself and have a good time and it will be what I make of it but I'm terrified. I really believe sometimes that the bad known is better than the unknown. Look for God's plan, everyone keeps saying. And I wonder, what if God's plan for me was a 46 alcoholic potsmoker who is wishy washy and manipulative? What if that's the life that I am supposed to have?

[Meaplus3]

No! Don't break NC.. it will only make matters worse. You still have romantic feelings for him and you need to maintain NC to difuse those feelings. I realize it's tempting, but distract yourself and don't give in. Stay strong. You CAN do it!

 

AP:)

[smile711]

I am having a panic attack tonight-my first in quite a few days. Why does it sometimes feel like 2 steps forward and then 3 steps back? I just have a really bad feeling and I don't know why. It's like dread or foreboding...like something bad is going to happen. It's driving me crazy.

[Meaplus3]

I am having a panic attack tonight-my first in quite a few days. Why does it sometimes feel like 2 steps forward and then 3 steps back? I just have a really bad feeling and I don't know why. It's like dread or foreboding...like something bad is going to happen. It's driving me crazy.

 

If your having a panic attack try and calm yourself down. Sit in a chair and take nice slow deep breathes. Breathe from your stomache and let your whole body relax. Think happy relaxing thoughts, something other than xmm. It's very easy to work yourself into a tizzy.. when your overwhelmed with negative thoughts. So, think positive.

 

AP:)

[LakesideDream]

Smile, I feel terrible for you. NC is supposed to be good for you, to make your life easier. A mature person needs to weigh the pain for pain.

 

You are an adult, you can make your own mind up.

 

I've felt the pain you feel. It's real. If it becomes more than you can bare, there is no shame in giving in. Torture is torture, whether self imposed, or done by others. Everyone has a breaking point.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[whichwayisup]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Read no foolin's thread next time you get the urge to break no contact.

 

Sorry you're having anxiety.. Try doing some yoga and deep breathing. Even taking a hot shower will help as well.

[smile711]

WWIU-Thank you so much for recommending that thread! It definitely helped. If I break NC and find out he is doing great, then it's gonna hurt like hell. If I break NC and find out he's miserable, it's gonna hurt like hell because I'll want him back. It really is a lose/lose situation. Some days the emotions rule me more than others and it's nice that I can get support from people who truly understand. Thanks

[Dominique]

There is only one thing you need to keep in mind, always:

 

Man pursues Woman.

 

End of story.

 

Don't call, don't give in, you will never know if he had planned on calling you.

 

You'll go from an immediate, satisfactory high of "Well, that went well, and he sounded happy to hear from me"....To an abyss of what-ifs and renewed frustration.

 

Upper hand, at all times

 

DOM

[jj33]

Smiles talking to him will only bring you pain. You are like a drug addict with him. Its the codependency. You cant call him. He has nothing real to offer you. Its all just an illusion. And you dont want to go back into the bad cycle you were in before.

 

You have to focus on your work and getting your life back. You dont have the mental or emotional space to have someone as destructive as he is in your life.

 

Put your energy into you. It may feel like your whole focus is him and without him it doesnt matter but in time that will change if you want it to. Breaking away can be very difficult even more so when there is such strong co dependency involved. But your health is at stake. You have to do this. Dont call him.

[Owl]

Smile, what are you ACTIVELY doing to 'get over him'?

 

How are you filling your time so that you're not spending it thinking about him?

 

Working out? (great way to deal with both depression and stress!)

 

New hobby? Old hobby you started up again? Spending the time with friends and family?

 

Do you have a support network of friends and family in place to help you deal with this when you start to feel depressed/anxious/etc...?

[Sysyphus28]

There is only one thing you need to keep in mind, always:

 

Man pursues Woman.

 

End of story.

 

Don't call, don't give in, you will never know if he had planned on calling you.

 

You'll go from an immediate, satisfactory high of "Well, that went well, and he sounded happy to hear from me"....To an abyss of what-ifs and renewed frustration.

 

Upper hand, at all times

 

DOM

DOM,

I agree on keeping the upper hand. "man pursues woman" "end of story"

HUH?

BUT.......... it is really "Person pursues person" because hurt happens to each gender. As you can see from this forum thier are people hurting and pursueing that are both man and woman. It is not a man's role to chase a woman and for her to act aloof and indifferent. This is not 1950.

I am not going to give a girl my football pin and take to her "make-out peek".

Smile, you are doing awesome with NC, I almost broke twice this week and I had an axiety attack too. I was so pent up with anger I didn't know what to do. Getting cheated on and dumped was like getting hit by a car. I felt crazy as hell, and I still battle my emotions everyday. If you love someone let them the hell go!! You find out if it is worth it by doing this and you get some headspace to think.

It is not anyone gender that is supposed to chase the other person at the beginning or end of a realtionship. Thier is no rule about who pursues who.

That kind of mentality sets woman back 60 years.

Be strong and stick to NC. It is a test for your will.

read proud of nc.

feel good.

[Dominique]

Sweetie,

 

It's not about the 50s or the 60s. It is about what is timeless.

 

Men are the ones who tend to ask women out, and men overall prefer it that way. Women know that their power is mainly based on their power to attract.

 

When a woman is dumped or her guy does not move a relationship forward in the way she would like, she is a fool if she continues to hang around, and he will lose respect for her.

 

Sys, in your case, it is different. You are fuming because of your ex's betrayal of you. You should not be pining for her, you should not be waiting for her to contact you. If you had strong self-esteem you would not want a woman who treated you so poorly. There is something in you that is needy---do NOT confuse that with love or genuine romantic feelings. Be careful. You might just be going through a bout of loneliness that has hit you hard. Just stick to your guns.

 

A woman should not pursue a man. This does not mean that she cannot let her feelings be known. There is a difference.

 

Sys, iF your gal were genuinely sorry, if she felt remorse for what she did and wanted you to forgive her (and thereby "keep the door open") she would contact you in a sincere, gentle way. She would be shy about it, and suggest "friendship" so that she would not be right away rejected.

She has not done that.

 

This energy on your part is a waste of your time.

 

And Smile, as I said: Man pursues Woman. If he wants you he will come for you.

 

DOM

[smile711]

I DIDN'T CALL! OR TEXT! OR EMAIL! I PROMISE!

[Die Hard]

I DIDN'T CALL! OR TEXT! OR EMAIL! I PROMISE!

kick ass!!!!

 

you're healing and by not making contact you just healed a little more!

 

 

keep at it. these hard times will become fewer and fewer just so long as you don't make contact. just be aware there will be more, and you can be ready for them. you just proved to yourself that you can do this. just keep on keeping on!

 

i'm proud of you!!!!!!!!

[Sysyphus28]

Sweetie,

 

It's not about the 50s or the 60s. It is about what is timeless.

 

Men are the ones who tend to ask women out, and men overall prefer it that way. Women know that their power is mainly based on their power to attract.

 

When a woman is dumped or her guy does not move a relationship forward in the way she would like, she is a fool if she continues to hang around, and he will lose respect for her.

 

Sys, in your case, it is different. You are fuming because of your ex's betrayal of you. You should not be pining for her, you should not be waiting for her to contact you. If you had strong self-esteem you would not want a woman who treated you so poorly. There is something in you that is needy---do NOT confuse that with love or genuine romantic feelings. Be careful. You might just be going through a bout of loneliness that has hit you hard. Just stick to your guns.

 

A woman should not pursue a man. This does not mean that she cannot let her feelings be known. There is a difference.

 

Sys, iF your gal were genuinely sorry, if she felt remorse for what she did and wanted you to forgive her (and thereby "keep the door open") she would contact you in a sincere, gentle way. She would be shy about it, and suggest "friendship" so that she would not be right away rejected.

She has not done that.

 

This energy on your part is a waste of your time.

 

And Smile, as I said: Man pursues Woman. If he wants you he will come for you.

 

DOM

 

Thank you for the advice and the clarification.

Can you tell me what is up with this?

After 3 1/2 weeks NC she called me twice on friday an hour apart from eachother. She didn't leave any message. Then she called me again sunday night at 10:30 ish. Thier were no messages and I didn't answer the calls. I was afraid it was going to be about some bull-%$#$ or something totally mean so I just ignore the calls. I didn't want to be set back to square one by her indifference! What should I do?