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jealousy is being taken too far.


neveragain2493

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neveragain2493

i know i'm not exactly the 'other woman', but it's about as close as it gets to my situation.

 

i have a friend, whom we'll call 'brandon'. since around june 2007, he has been dating someone whom we'll call 'liz'.. about last month, she broke up with him, but they still hang around each other as if they date.

 

before liz came along, brandon and i were best friends. when liz came along, she told lies on me, saying i called and cursed her out, talked about her, etc.. and brandon always believed it.

 

liz has done so many harassing things with me since they started dating. she's told lies about me, she's talked about me, she's even gone as far as showing up at my house. she told me once she was jealous of me.

 

 

this past sunday, i got an IM from brandon that said:

'if you had a chance to tell me how much you hated me.. would you?'

he gave me the longest apology for the way he's acted.. and i told him everything liz has done, and he believed me. it physically made him sick. he told me not to worry about her anymore, because he would protect me and make sure she did nothing. he also said she did have a mental problem, and she takes medicine for it.. and he told me not to tell her we were talking again for both of our well beings.

 

i was shocked, but happy we were friends again.

last night, liz posted a myspace bulletin that said:

i am so PISSED RIGHT NOW... HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU STAY OUT OF OUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i know that was pretty immature, but i'm sure they got the message :]

 

i got hold of brandon and let him know, and he said it was because i'd said something about liz, which was not true.. but he said he believed me.

he said the apology he gave me wasn't fake, and was deserved.

i told him that i'd put up with this for over a year now, and i was sick of it. i do not handle my problems in such a way, especially over a misunderstanding. i said 'no matter what, we have to make sure she doesn't break our friendship apart..' and he said, 'i know.'

 

what do you think is going on?

brandon is keeping somewhat of a distance from her, but he will still sit with liz at lunch and hang around her.. and it hurts me, but maybe i think he's doing it to make sure i'll be safe.

 

 

liz has absolutely no clue that brandon has apologized to me, and that we talk as friends now. she simply thinks i've told him all the things she's done to me.

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You are not his girlfriend, she is. He is choosing to still be with her and have her in his life.

 

What are you getting out of this? Are you inlove with him? Do you want him for a boyfriend?

 

It just seems like so much drama to even BE his friend. Maybe distance yourself from him and his relationship - Hangout with your other friends and forget this guy for a while.

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and you would need this drama and bs because.... why?

 

he has now placed you in the middle of chaos and expects you to be comfortable with it - that is no friend.

 

find a few friends that don't take each other down so much - friends are supposed to lift you up and make you happy! this is not happy!

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neveragain2493

actually, no, i don't like him that way at all.

i was friends with him first.

 

it's not much of a boyfriend to say that your girlfriend has a mental problem and is trying to tear his friendships apart, if you ask me.

and i have left it alone. i hadn't talked to him for the past year, and i had totally distanced myself from him, but she STILL GAVE ME PROBLEMS.

 

and she still is now.

 

he is the one who apologized to me.

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all good reasons to stay out of it.

 

no good things are coming from this 'friendship'

 

tell him no more contact. the communication is not having a positive affect on anyone.

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He has been dating her for only a month now? I would step back as a friend as long as Liz is around and in control.

 

Resume your friendship when/if they finish.

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neveragain2493

actually, it's been since june 2007.

 

when we were talking, he said..

'she has a mental problem. i'm not joking. she takes medicine for it.. but for a year, she was fine. i didn't notice anything was wrong until now.'

 

today, liz sent me a message saying

'that bulletin was about someone else, not you.'

i know for a fact this is a straight up lie because brandon told me the other day that she'd came to him about me 'talking' about her, and how she'd posted a bulletin about it.

 

i chose not to reply.

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Your friend Brandon doesn't sound like much of a friend. Actually, he sounds like a jerk.

 

You've been best friends for ages, and then he meets Liz and suddenly he believes all kinds of lies she made up about you. Doesn't he know you better than that? Doesn't he trust you? Why would he trust her and not you?

 

Best friends stand up for each other when someone is saying something bad about them. Brandon did not do that for you. In fact, he did the opposite. He completely dropped you.

 

But, oh, when Brandon and Liz break up, there's Brandon, tail wagging puppy at your door. He apologizes, but swears you to secrecy so Liz never finds out that the two of you are talking. Best friends do not use you as the fall-back girl, and they do not ask you to sneak around and hide your friendship from anyone.

 

And, Brandon is still hanging out with Liz, and that hurts you because he's still on her side even though he knows she lied about you. But best friends have more respect for you than that.

 

No, I wouldn't call Brandon a best friend. I'd call him a playa in training. His ego must be too big to fit through the door, considering he's got two girls wrapped around his little fingers, believing everything he says even though he allowed this situation to escalate to where it is now.

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So what if she has a mental problem? Do you know what it is she has? Anxiety? Depression? OCD? Everyone has issues..Just glad that's on meds, atleast she's doing something about it.

 

Either way, this guy is choosing to have her in his life as his girlfriend. You may think they've broken up, but they haven't. Seems he is trying to keep you both happy, and it's just adding more stress in general.

 

Don't get sucked in, so just continue to ignore.

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neveragain2493
So what if she has a mental problem? Do you know what it is she has? Anxiety? Depression? OCD? Everyone has issues..Just glad that's on meds, atleast she's doing something about it.

 

she may be on meds, but from the stuff she's pulled on me and everyone else, she obviously needs to up her dosage.

 

norajane, i agree a lot with what you're saying.. it does hurt to have to watch and know he won't even speak to me because he doesn't want her to pull anything on me.

i actually feel like he apologized to me just so he could get me off his conscience and go back to the way things were with him and liz.

 

no, he actually doesn't have an ego at all.. he and liz have extremely low self esteem.. which probably would explain part of why they're together.

 

it hurts even more to know that after i stood up for him, was there for him, gave him advice, prayed for his brother and dad when they were in the hospital..

 

guess i wasn't all that great of a best friend after all.

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it hurts even more to know that after i stood up for him, was there for him, gave him advice, prayed for his brother and dad when they were in the hospital..

 

guess i wasn't all that great of a best friend after all.

 

No - you were a great best friend. HE is the one who isn't a that great a best friend to you.

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Yet another post that sounds like it should be on the Teenage Angst Boards. I'm going to assume you're all teenagers since adults don't act like this. I'll have to sift through my high school memories in order to even identify with this type of childish silliness.

 

Bottom line - you're all kids. Next week you'll have a new "BFF" and the week after that, yet another new one. One day you'll graduate and hopefully move forward into adulthood. Then you'll see how ridiculously silly this whole little drama was.

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neveragain2493
Bottom line - you're all kids. Next week you'll have a new "BFF" and the week after that, yet another new one. One day you'll graduate and hopefully move forward into adulthood. Then you'll see how ridiculously silly this whole little drama was.

 

i might be a teenager, but that doesn't make me immature.

i don't go through best friends every week. in fact, the best friends i have now have been my best friends for 12 years, and i don't plan on changing anytime soon.

 

but hey, not that you would know.

 

when you have someone showing up where you live and making sure you know it, it starts to move a little bit past 'silly'.

but thank you for your input.

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errr... I think what MichelleS1983 is so eloquently trying to tell you is that perhaps you'd get better / more helpful responses on one of the other forums.... like "Dating" or "Frienship".

 

We're all dried-up, bitter, old fruit here. BS/ OW/ xMM / xOW/ MM / xBS, etc discussing MC, PA, EA, IC... and so on and so forth.

 

If you know what the acronyms stand-for, then perhaps you should post here afterall. :laugh:

 

Good luck with your situation though.

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