hiswoman Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Hi...I'm new to this site, but not new to being the OW. I am married, and obviously so is he. We both say we love our spouses, but we've chosen to go outside our marriages to have our needs fulfilled. Feelings are developing, which has me more than a little concerned, and I'm not sure if I want to continue knowing that I may be falling in love with this man. He is obviously very infatuated with me. Is it possible to love two people at the same time? How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife? I'm not saying that's what I want. It's just a curiosity. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Welcome to LS hiswoman!! Nothing to help you with but just wanted to say welcome. I'll read on & try to add my 2 cents later on. TF Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Hi...I'm new to this site, but not new to being the OW. I am married, and obviously so is he. We both say we love our spouses, but we've chosen to go outside our marriages to have our needs fulfilled. Feelings are developing, which has me more than a little concerned, and I'm not sure if I want to continue knowing that I may be falling in love with this man. He is obviously very infatuated with me. Is it possible to love two people at the same time? How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife? I'm not saying that's what I want. It's just a curiosity. What is it that you want hiswoman? I reread this post & can't help but wonder if you DO want something more. TF Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Rather than look for statistics to the contrary, I think it's wisest to believe a man who tells you he will not leave his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Your screen name clearly says you ALREADY seem to 'want more'. Who is the "he" in "hiswoman"? Your H? Based on your post, I'm thinking this ain't the case. You've ALREADY crossed that line is my guess...even BEYOND the point of just a physical affair. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Your screen name clearly says you ALREADY seem to 'want more'. I noticed that too. No disrespect to anyone, but I find that screen names reveal a lot. The names that are related to a man somehow are the biggest redflags. Seems that those posters are in the deepest doo-doo, without an identity of their own. Equally troubling are the victim-like names. Seems that those posters seldom move past being damaged goods. It's not b/w and I don't mean to read too much into it, but I do notice these trends. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Hi...I'm new to this site, but not new to being the OW. I am married, and obviously so is he. We both say we love our spouses, but we've chosen to go outside our marriages to have our needs fulfilled. What needs are not being fulfilled by your husband? Why haven't you spoken TO your husband, give him a chance to change, and meet your needs? Maybe your husband also feels you aren't meeting his needs...Maybe HE has an OW on the side as well. Never say never.. WHY did you choose to go outside of your marriage? Feelings are developing, which has me more than a little concerned, and I'm not sure if I want to continue knowing that I may be falling in love with this man. He is obviously very infatuated with me. Is it possible to love two people at the same time? How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife? I'm not saying that's what I want. It's just a curiosity. Let me ask you, would you leave your husband for this MM? Are you so unhappy in your marriage that you would leave, reguardless of what the MM does? You say you love your husband, but your actions prove otherwise. If your husband was having an affair, I'm sure you would totally doubt his love for you.. This MM isn't going to leave his wife, especially if he's told you so. All he is looking for, just like you, is someone on the side to make life more exciting. Sadly, it's happen ON the expense of your husband, and his wife. Do you all have children? Why put yourself IN a situation where eventually you're going to have to choose between your husband, marriage and kids (if you have any) and this MM? Go read in the infidelity section so you can see the other side of this. All the pain that is caused by having an affair. It's not IF, it's WHEN your husband finds out, you'll be dealing with ALOT of fallout, pain, and your husband won't ever look at you the same way. No trust, loss of respect...It's very hard to get that back, so really think carefully if having this affair is worth ruining your life, your marriage.. Read in this section and see what the OW here have gone through..Ask yourself if you really want to go on this way, ride that rollercoaster.. Good luck though, and I DO hope you decide to fix your marriage and let this MM go. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 This is why men no longer want to marry American women! She loves her H but still looks for what else is out there. Do your H a favor and be honest and then let him leave you to find someone worth loving. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Good luck though, and I DO hope you decide to fix your marriage and let this MM go. Good points and advise WWIU. Also would add, that people need to fix themselves FIRST by learning to identify their needs. If they can't identify their needs, how are they to communicate those needs to their spouse and expect them to meet each one? Marriage is like having a car. You can't keep driving it and expect it to give you a smooth ride indefinitely without maintaining it. Now that you've got TWO cars, your husband and a MM, which one are you going to keep and maintain? Or are you going to drive them both until one stalls or quits on you and boot you out of the driver seat? Oh, boy....another mess. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 This is why men no longer want to marry American women! Really? Which country, civilization or social caste system are you from? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Rather than look for statistics to the contrary, I think it's wisest to believe a man who tells you he will not leave his wife. Rather than look for statistics to the contrary, I think it's wisest to believe a man who tells you he will not leave his wife. HW read those words again and again. A man who wants to have an affair doesnt say those words unless he REALLY means them. So much easier to leave it vague.... I saw MM today. Against all odds he wanted to "try again". I told him that I couldnt see him unless he was ready to leave his W. He isnt. And so there is nowhere to go with it. He loves me very much, I add dimensions to his life that noone else does, we share all sorts of things that are very important and no he does not have an intimate relationship with his wife. But the bottom line is he is not leaving. And I am not willing to go back to an A seeing him when his busy schedule allows knowing there will never be more. We know we love each other. But we dont have to have an A to prove that. The love is there. he has been clear with you. Dont be one of those women who thinks that they will "convince" him over time. This is not an audition. You are not going to seduce him into leaving his wife. Noone leaves unless they want to really really want to. They dont do it because they fell in love with someone else unless they are one foot out the door. They do it for themselves. And so long as you are in the A, they have the best of both worlds so why leave unless they are independently ready to do so. So if he is saying hes never leaving dont set out on a competition to "win your man". Its ugly. And you are above that. It is possible to love 2 people at the same time, you just love them differently. But that doesnt mean you leave your marriage unless there are problems that already led you to consider leaving. And this man is clearly not at a point where he is considering leaving. You dont mention your marriage or whether you are interested in working on it. You may want to look more closely at that. If you arent looking to fix it, do you want to leave and give both yourself and your spouse a chance to find real happiness? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Something else to think about - What if you get ill. I'm not talking about the flu, or a cold... Who is going to be there for you, look after you, support you, care for you. The MM or your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Maybe.. but my bet is that you will love one MORE than the other.. right now you may love your husband more (eventhough I doubt it) but if you continue with this OM.. you will eventually love him more.. and want more from him.. How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife? Nope.. I eventually became the W (common-law) but he was kicked out.. I don't think he would have leave his 'comfort' and his kids.. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Really? Which country, civilization or social caste system are you from? I from the America. Sorry to disappoint you but its true girls in our country(for the most part) are cake eaters they want everything and give nothing. When a man cheats he is sacrificed at the stake but when a woman cheats we all want to feel sorry for her and blame the husband for not meeting one of her 10,000 needs. Link to post Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Hi...I'm new to this site, but not new to being the OW. I am married, and obviously so is he. We both say we love our spouses, but we've chosen to go outside our marriages to have our needs fulfilled. Feelings are developing, which has me more than a little concerned, and I'm not sure if I want to continue knowing that I may be falling in love with this man. He is obviously very infatuated with me. Is it possible to love two people at the same time? How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife? I'm not saying that's what I want. It's just a curiosity. Question #1:"Is it possible to love two people at the same time?" Yep Question #2: "How many OW-turned-wives began their affairs with him saying he'd never leave his wife?" Who knows? But, if I were you, I'd consider the odds of this statement being true, which are good: why should he leave his wife? I mean, you are asking him to make a leap of faith. If he leaves his wife, what guarantee does he have that you will still love him? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 We have a bunch of people posting questions to poster about who she can rely on when she is sick or in need, or questions about what makes her happy but if this was a man everyone would be bashing him. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Exactly Lizzie and I am sure you are a wonderful woman and you had 18 further happy years together.... It was all hearts and flowers today until I said nope no chance of anything unless you are ready to leave - he almost jumped out of the chair. Had to laugh. If they are even open to considering leaving, they dont say they are never leaving. Why say it if you dont mean it? It certainly doesnt increase your chances of getting what you want (the A). And infatuation is much different than a lasting love and a marriage and family and children. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Maybe some would, but I wouldn't. I would be saying the exact same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I from the America. Sorry to disappoint you but its true girls in our country(for the most part) are cake eaters they want everything and give nothing. When a man cheats he is sacrificed at the stake but when a woman cheats we all want to feel sorry for her and blame the husband for not meeting one of her 10,000 needs. WTF?............. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Hiswoman, you are married and that is suppose to mean something! Nothing is more low class then stepping out on your marriage. You should have taken your vows seriously because M is not all about an individual its about building a foundation for your families future. You can't simply look outside for something better you need to build your life from within without outside influence. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I from the America. Sorry to disappoint you but its true girls in our country(for the most part) are cake eaters they want everything and give nothing. When a man cheats he is sacrificed at the stake but when a woman cheats we all want to feel sorry for her and blame the husband for not meeting one of her 10,000 needs. There's no difference IMO. She is cheating on her husband, she's selfish and wants what she wants, on the expense of her husband and family. She's in an affair-fog, isn't thinking clearly at all. I haven't seen anyone here doing hand holding and feeling sorry for the OP, if anything, I see people trying to open her eyes so she can stop the affair, or end her marriage. One or the other. Staying in the affair is like walking into the fire, eventually she will be burnt by choice...Unfortunately those who are innocent in this situation ARE going to be burned, but not by choice. I don't know why you're saying this is gender specific? It isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Something else to think about - What if you get ill. I'm not talking about the flu, or a cold... Who is going to be there for you, look after you, support you, care for you. The MM or your husband? This is exactly what I am talking about! It is gender specific because you never see questions like this posted towards male cheaters but when women cheat for some reason everyone feels the need to try bring up cases where the women should choose the man who can help her when in reality she should have chosen the day she said I do. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I noticed that too. No disrespect to anyone, but I find that screen names reveal a lot. The names that are related to a man somehow are the biggest redflags. Seems that those posters are in the deepest doo-doo, without an identity of their own. Equally troubling are the victim-like names. Seems that those posters seldom move past being damaged goods. It's not b/w and I don't mean to read too much into it, but I do notice these trends. I wonder what impression my screenname gives. LOL. But I do agree with the screenname association. "Hiswoman" screams to be prefixed with "WantsToBe". Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I guess you haven't been around LS much then. Go to the infidelity section and read what MM post about there. Search for a name called Mattym. Anyway, what does it matter right now? You are thread jacking someone's thread to discuss this. Start your own thread about it..To open a discussion like this on the OP thread is just rude. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 I guess you haven't been around LS much then. This may surprise you but I have read through most of these threads and I was referring to the world in general not just the fantasy internet world. Go to the infidelity section and read what MM post about there. Search for a name called Mattym. Good you found one to counter the 500 others Anyway, what does it matter right now? You are thread jacking someone's thread to discuss this. Start your own thread about it..To open a discussion like this on the OP thread is just rude. I didn't thread jack I just stated that the poster was a cake eater! You are just mad that I called you out on your post!I will be happy to repeat it the poster only seems to care about herself and people are being sensitive to it. She stated that this is not her first time being the OW, that she "loves" her H but still cheats, and she CHOOSES to go outside of her M . So please tell me why she has the right to choose which man to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
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