smile711 Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 It's been 23 (yippee!) days of NC with xMM. I wanted to know your opinions on something. As time marches forward, is it more or less likely that he will call? I'm not going to call him. What I mean is, are there people out there who have gone NC for a long time and then hear from the xMM out of the blue? ALL my friends and family feel that he will try to contact me. Granted, they are not happy about that but they feel he's going to give it a shot given his past history (multiple affairs, back and forth between W and me several times, calling me the last time he was trying to make things work with his W). My ex-husband (of all people!) put it this way-xMM is walking the line right now-doing all he is expected to do. He calls on his way to and from work and while he is at work. He is not able to go out with his friends or co-workers. According to my ex-husband, this "honeymoon" phase will start to wear on someone like the xMM, who is used to doing what he wants when he wants (obviously). Ex-husband feels that when xMM gets sick of playing by the rules, he will try to contact me. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Its very possible but if he doesnt consider yourself lucky - it will mean he actually respected you enough to allow you to go on with your life rather than selfishly trying to pull you back into a situation that is not good for you. DONT fall into the trap of thinking that if he doesnt contact you it means you never meant anything to him. The path of integrity (if he isnt getting divorced) is to let you move on and find real happiness with someone available. Feel good and valued if he takes this path. If he does contact you dont respond if you can possibly manage it. Or tell him if you must that you cant be in contact with him. If hes not leaving then its just his way of getting his needs met (emotional or otherwise) at your expense and more heartache to you. Hang in there 23 days is fantastic Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile711 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Share Posted September 15, 2008 jj, what you said was absolutely perfect. I was honestly thinking that if he never calls me again that it DID mean that I didn't mean as much to him as he did to me. It's like you read my mind. Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
aloneatnights Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 i made a booboo and added mm to friends on facebook. he hasnt confirmed so is hopefully ignoring it. i feel so crap after doing NC for over two months now and there really was no point adding him. what an idiot i am Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile711 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Share Posted September 15, 2008 Please don't beat yourself up, aloneatnights. This whole experience is fraught with missteps and spur of the moment decisions that we all regret. Today is another new day where you can take it one hour at a time, like I have been doing. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 i made a booboo and added mm to friends on facebook. he hasnt confirmed so is hopefully ignoring it. i feel so crap after doing NC for over two months now and there really was no point adding him. what an idiot i am Just clean it up by removing him from your friends, block receiving contact from him via Facebook, and move on. It's a lapse, but if you seal up the hole in the fence, then the consequences are minimized. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneatnights Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 yeah i just feel so stupid. he hasnt confirmed and i'm hoping he doesnt. his wife is on there too same time and she looks the spit of me from side view. its a kick in the guts but in a good way for me. i am finished done. if he does come to me then he will leave with a flea in his ear and a big ego letdown. i cannot tolerate liars. bit hypocritical coming from my old position but that is why i ended things. i hate lying and couldnt carry on with it any longer. its finished now, the things he said and the proof i have just killed any feelings and attachments. not sure what that makes me but hopefully stronger, stable and far less gullible than i used to be Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 yeah i just feel so stupid. he hasnt confirmed and i'm hoping he doesnt. I'm not on Facebook, but can't you change your mind and cancel the friend request and also block him? (Block his W, too.) I'm sure an email to tech support would make that happen. "Hoping he doesn't," makes it sound like you're not very serious or empowering yourself to fix the mistake. Don't leave it up to him, take charge! Link to post Share on other sites
aloneatnights Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 thanks WS. blocking done *phew* Smile, i hope you are feeling good today and sorry to hijack your thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile711 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Share Posted September 16, 2008 Don't worry, alone! We're all here to help each other. I'm just hearing from all sides that he will probably try to contact me for some seemingly innocent reason to feel me out about things. Part of me wants that and part of me doesn't, as sick as I know that sounds. I hope that me not calling him (and feeding his big ego) bothers him as much as him not calling me bothers me. Link to post Share on other sites
blueberry Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I'm not on Facebook, but can't you change your mind and cancel the friend request and also block him? (Block his W, too.) I'm sure an email to tech support would make that happen. No you can't unfortunately. Got the same situ with my ex. Sending an email to tech support is a great idea though. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneatnights Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 you can. go to privacy and block them, a list of names will come up so pick it and block. you cant cancel a friend request but can block. they have no way of seeing you or your info or getting in touch unless they have your email, but that wouldnt be thru facebook site smile i hear what you are saying and it used to eat me up wondering if he's contact me or think about me. hard as it is, try not to focus on that bit. i used to but dont make it my waking thought any more. as they say. time heals eventually and each day/week/month he will not be in your thoughts as much or at least, as not as intensely. hang on in there, you;re doing good so far Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts