tangled_webofclarity Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 was looking for a comment from someone thats experienced life, found this one and thought i take a chance. this is my first post, my first effort to get some help/support for an absurd situaton i have cultivated by my big self. i am in pain. have been the last couple of weeks after having some realizations about the whole thing. this is an emotional/chemical/persistent feeling of metal on metal.. slow, can be put aside occasionaly, but always returns, distracts me from my daily living, i'm trying to figure out a strategy to help me endure and work toward the best possible solution. i can't do it. i imagine my foolishness sets the bar. i've been having an affair , if you can call it that, for 8 years with a married woman.. and i'm a married man. she tells me all the supporting stuff you need to here but but but she won't leave . maybe for the same fundamental reasons i couldn't leave but now am willing to put aside and be bold about it all. i'm thinking i need patiences, i need to help her 'break thru her denial'. but am afraid if she does, she'll discover i'm just a 'nice to have'.. Although that is not and has never beeen the messages she sends. We meet for a couple of hours a couple times a week, have been since the beginning. Compressed lifes huh? you all know about it. thats what is killing me now. i've gotten panicky over the fact that my life is slipping thru my hands, i've not managed my love relations well, should have split 20 years ago but kept in it for various reasons , some 'noble' and some not so noble. i have an ineffable feeling of compassion for my mate.. but am bored out of my mind, and simply do not get what i need so so much in order for me to be a balanced individual. but i'm so ridiculously enslaved to 'tradtion'. ok . so you know what , i'm now totally conviced that if my true love came to me and said she was ready to go .. i would, knowing full well it won't be pleasant in the short run , but also knowing if i, me, my self, am ever going to enjoy what is the best one can hope for .. then I WIL DO IT. not a difficult choice. i realized that a couple of weeks ago.. and the pain began. is it too much to hope for that maybe she'll feel that way also? Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm not sure what kind of feedback/help you want. Your last sentence makes it sound as if all you want is validation of your feelings and hope that she should act a certain way. I understand your hopes, but honestly, why would she be motivated to change what has been working for the last 8 years? So if you're waiting on her to change, before you will, then that might mean you're gonna' stay stuck in this holding pattern. Are you willing to risk being single by leaving your marriage and not knowing whether your MW will do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
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