Its been 6 months

[Jumbo]

Its been 6 monhts that I saw her and just about that long since I talked to her....I think about her less, I guess she still shows up in my dreams!...but I still miss her and the intimacy....7 years was a long time for an A at least for me.

 

I continue to read LS every day...to keep my mind in the right spot....but the last few days my heart aches for her...I know NC is for the best..wish the A never happened and that i ( or anyone) ever had to go thru this....in the end for me anyway it was so not worth it.

 

Not that it means a hill of beans other than I wonder what she is experiancing...but for any woman out there that were the MW seeing the OM did you wish you were with the OM or miss him....

[InaPanic]

I missed my OM in an obsessive way. It was not healthy for anyone involved. It's been 9 months since NC w/my other man tho the contact after the affair ended was purely 'friendship'. It's easier but i still miss him sometimes. In my situation tho, I got the feeling he moved on quite easily & didn't think much about me. Not sure if that's true as he was always the one stirring up the contact again & again so i guess he did think about me. It really doesn't add up to a hill of beans i suppose.

Try to stay strong & move on. I cannot imagine 7 years with someone who you had no future with Please move on & find someone else that can be in a real relationship with you Jumbo.

[crystal_lostheart]

I am so sorry to hear this - 7 years!!!! Such a long time out of your life. Please don't waste anymore time. It's so hard I know..... I'm struggling at 9 months with my MM and am trying to think rationally about what my life is actually worth and in the end - it's not worth this horrible heartache -as hard as it is to break away - the pain while you stay is much worse..... You are out now, the hardest part is now done. There is a life for you out there - take it, run and be free....

 

All the Best

[Agent_99]

I am the OW, but I just wanted to say that it's that kind of thinking that keeps you trapped in A mode. Wondering about her, what she's doing, is she thinking of you, etc.

 

MW and I alway joke about being each other's stalkers, cause we both know each other's schedules intimatly. She likes to suprise me with lunch or bfast or just a walk in the park when she can.

 

Maybe adding something new to your life? Take up a new hobby. I plan to learn to play guitar. A: it's going to involve my brain B: It'll be agreat way for my stepdad and I to spend some time together, especially as none of the brothers and sisters have shown an interest in it. C: I love music, and adding another instrument will be fun.

 

No this new hobby is not going to make up for the intimacy and closeness that her and I share, BUT I know I'm not going to be ready to date for a while and well learning guitar is on the life to do list.

 

I hope some of this helps somehow. I'm only just now starting the ending/NC process.

 

~99

[Jumbo]

99-

 

Thanks, to be clear I don't sit around pining every day for her....so not sure I am buying in to the fact that I am still in A mode.

 

Truth be told I travel, have many hobbies and stay very busy, have started dating, work out, spend time with my kids ...not to mention a high stress job.

 

I spent 7 years of my life in love with someone....for me or in my thoughts if I did not wonder about her on occasion it would be odd...but that is me.

 

Since we are NC and there really isn't any other way to gain visibility into the head of a MW I asked the question...even though I know we will not be together, can not be just friends, and I have no intention of calling her...I still carry some level of love for her and most likely always will...humanist side of me. Over our years together...she helped me thru some troubling spots and was always a great friend...should we went down the A path, no..can't take that back.

 

Do I miss her sometimes, yes...is she good for me no...do i know that yes...kind of like cigarettes...lol....miss from time to time...but I know better.

 

Bottom line is she was a dear friend and we shared love...she made me smile, feel good, and was very caring, and were a great fit...do i miss that, yes...people that touch you that way do not come along frequently ( twice in my life)..at least for me....I am moving on...although a piece of me will always be left behind....even in its toxic nature of the A...my heart was touched by her.....hence the 7 years...thought we would end up together...but did not.

[wildsoul]

I can see how passing the half-year mark might reactivate your longings again.

 

Question for you: In your mind, what is it that either:

A. You hope she's feeling/thinking about you?

B. You're worried she's feeling/thinking about you?

 

The reason I ask is that perhaps there is something psychologically you can give yourself. You've already set the premise that you don't need to get it directly from her (because you're asking the forum instead.) But let's go directly to the source: you. What is it that you need to work out?

[Jumbo]

Wildsoul -

 

I guess I hope she is still thinking about me at some level...or from time to time.

 

We had a bad ending....wish it could have ended differently...again can't change that.

 

Over the years she told me she loved me and I was the one...and i saw it in her eyes and actions. That is why i stayed. Maybe I am looking for the validation that what I was told was true...even if we are not together... I guess I want to believe that the love I thought shared was real....I know there were lies...in retrospect and by nature of an A there has to be...hoping they were rooted in sparing feelings...rather than using me...its hard to explain.

 

I loved her a long time...and i miss her today...I guess I hope she misses me too...not out of me wanting her to be unhappy...but missing the love we shared. Sorry if this is disjointed...saying some of this brought tears to my eyes.

 

Truth is the answers will never be there.

[wildsoul]

Sounds like a part of you needs some reassurance that you were loved (as I'm sure you were.) If you can give that to yourself, you might feel better. Maybe have a little mantra to get through the day?

 

I was loved.

I can let go of past love.

I'm ready for more love.

Of course, I'm lovable!