Jumbo Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I have had NC for 4 months now....and I really miss my MW and what we shared. The A was 7 years long. I have been staying busy and dating a bit but the truth is that I still miss her everyday. I never connected with someone like her, on all levels. My hope is to not be in love with her but I am...I said some pretty harsh stuff in the end and wish the whole thing would have played out differently. Not sure what the issue is with how I feel..... Maybe there was lack of closure or something....maybe I am soft hearted...thought our love would prevail. I feel heartbroken and sad, I miss her so much...she made me feel terrific. I am tempted to email her and say sorry for how the whole thing played out and that i miss her. Seems weird to share love and life with another person for over 7 years and then to never speak again..its really hard....she was so special to me that is why i stayed so long...and miss her so much now. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 It's over and it has been. Leave it that way. She belongs to another and she always has. If you really do care about her then leave her alone so maybe she can heal her marriage. It may feel strange to have NC after seven years and never speak to that person again but it's not all that rare. I was married for 25 years -- a marriage that ended 14 years ago. But for children I would not have had any communication with the ex at all. Now that the children are all grown and on their own, I've not seen nor spoken with the ex for five years. With any luck I never will again. Did you ever consider that she may feel that way about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 You have some valid points. Although I do not think she is as bitter as are. When we walked away she said that she wished she was with me and loved me more than her H. I am guessing that that was not the case with you and your ex. Thanks for sharing your thoughts though. Any ex OMW out there with a view point? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 c'mon man.. stay with me here.. It will do NO good to do that. She knows you love her. It won't cause her to run out of the door.. It will ONLY cause her more time behind the door... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Thanks SD. We were best friends and there is a gap with her gone. Not to mention I never felt someone's love the way I did hers. I never though she should be behind the door this long...always thought she would run through it to me. Its all very confusing for me. A lot was said and shared over our years together. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Thanks SD. We were best friends and there is a gap with her gone. Not to mention I never felt someone's love the way I did hers. I never though she should be behind the door this long...always thought she would run through it to me. Its all very confusing for me. A lot was said and shared over our years together. go back and read some of my posts starting back in December.. I know some of the ones in the Spring were all deleted because the site had some kind of blowup.. Anyway, I know how you are feeling to a T.. and yes, it SUCKS. It's not fair, it's not right, the answers that should be so clear are not there (and now you are sobbing as you read this).. We can all say, "hang in there, it will all get better", and yes, while it will, there is no comfort TODAY. There is no way off of the Merry Go Round you are on, you just have to ride it. HOWEVER, you must focus on your mindset. Accept that it is all F***ed up, the SITUATION, not the 2 of you.. But it IS a situation, and there is nothing changing that and from all of the patterns I see here, nothing will... Sh*t, my MW's H knows about us, and there is alot to know.. and instead of me spending my Sunday playing golf with her, HE is spending his Sunday "avoiding" her... that is MY situation, Hang in there pal! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 It serves no purpose whatsoever to email her and tell her that. None. It'll make you feel worse and discredit all the NC you've done in the past 4 months. You're having a rough time, but do not contact her. Try to forgive yourself for how it ended and make your own closure. Speaking to her or emailing her will only open pandora's box and it'll hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Agent_99 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Think about it this way, what progress HAVE you made in the four months since going NC? If you break the NC then you will lose the progress in healing, no matter how little it has been. And remember that she HASN'T tried to contact you. SD~ oh lordy. What I have read of your 'situation' is heartbreaking. And sadly just like 'other' affairs here I see similarities. My MW is in a relationship that involves a lot of distance between them, emotionally as well as time. The only day that they actually spend any real time together is saturdays. And that is usually ruined by her partners avoiding tendencies. ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
ioncebelieved Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Tomorrow is one month NC with my MW and I hope that in 3 months I do not feel this way!!! It serves you NO good to contact her! I was best friends with mine as well which makes the pain worse, but HOLD ONTO NC!!! If she wants you, she will find you. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I have had NC for 4 months now....and I really miss my MW and what we shared. The A was 7 years long. I am tempted to email her and say sorry for how the whole thing played out and that i miss her. DO NOT EMAIL HER! Once you do that, the ball is FOREVER out of your court. Did she really make you feel terrific? Did she go to work functions with you? Take care of you when you were sick? Invite you to family functions and show you off as the love of her life? I am thinking, probably not, or at least probably not to most of them. She made you feel terrific for a short while and I am guessing when she left, you felt tremendously let-down. Enjoy what you had, but remember what you really had with her. And fortunately, that can be replaced, but it will take time. You deserve ALL of someone, not just part of them. (((HUGS))) GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 Ionce - I hope you don't either! Hope no one does....I made it through today anyway with out sending the email. I just miss her....she made me feel so special....and that felt good. I wish I had a larger capacity to hate to get past this. In reality I should hate what she was doing. But that is overshadowed by her love and the kindness she shared with me. In the 7 years we were together she always treated me wonderfully, she was never a jerk. In fact I was the one who would be a jerk from time to time...always rooted in my dissatisfaction of her not being with me all the time. She was very pretty, funny, smart, fit......if I could build my perfect other half...it pretty much would have been her...its huge loss. Green eyed lady...you brought a tear to my eye...some things yes...many no...she did help me at a time in my life when things were very difficult and helped me get back on top. ...she did not have to ...it was rotted in friendship and caring. That was the basis for how our lives got entwined. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 she made me feel so special ...But then she would go home to her husband.. Glad you didn't cave and email her. If you get the urge again, please post. Get busy, go out, see friends, do something to distract yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 how about this line: there are more fish in the sea... does that help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I hear you..... to date she is my record catch....its very hard having her slip back into the sea....without extending my hand to try to catch her. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I hear you..... to date she is my record catch....its very hard having her slip back into the sea....without extending my hand to try to catch her. Sadly though, she doesn't want to be caught. She's made her choice...I'm sure it's killing you, you have no choice but leave her alone and try your best to work through your own pain and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 WU - I know you are right. Its weird my hope will not die...its heartbreaking. I for one will never be in this situation again. ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jumbo Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 ................................... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 WU - I know you are right. Its weird my hope will not die...its heartbreaking. Your hope will die eventually. You may not believe it now, but it will. This is the same as any relationship breakup when one partner didn't want it to end. It will get better. It takes as long as it takes - but sooner or later, someone else will squeeze that hope for life and love back into you I for one will never be in this situation again. ugh! I think that's a good thing. Unfortunately from your experience, you have already learned this scenario is painfully heart-breaking for you and you can't go there again. That will furnish you with the tools it takes to avoid it again. You'll be able to interpret flags and issues before they present as a problem, hence not putting yourself in this situation again. It's a painful lesson, but one learned well and I'm sorry you had to learn it. Link to post Share on other sites
Zoomarch Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 JUMBO: I do know exactly how you feel. Having an affair was the worst mistake I've ever made. I do miss him terribly and it's stripped me of all my joy, hope and passion for life. I told my husband of the affair and he chose to forgive me, even though I did not deserve it. He is a good man and sometimes I feel part of my punishment is his forgiveness. I have to work with the other MM and to see emails on a daily basis is torture. But what he did to me was worse than rape. He stripped me of all happiness. I fell in love with him and have never felt for anyone what I feel/felt for him and he told me the same. In my case though, I really think I was/am dealing with a Sociopath (someone who can charm their way through anything, lie as easily as they breath) He is married with children, as am I. Logic would say that I should be happy but this situation, missing him, feeling guilty about how I feel, has stripped me of all my joy. I was friends with him for many years before we let the affair happen. Now, I feel as if I've lost my best friend, a co-worker that made everyday at work happy, and because we are both in very high level positions, neither of us has left the company. We have had NC as much as that is possible and never call anymore; only email on work related thing. But it is torture to see his name all the time. I will quit rambling. I really don't know how to change how I feel. I feel guilty for how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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