It's over

[luvly1jmh]

I have decided to stop being the other woman! I have finally realized that after a year of lies and deceit he will never be mine. Nor would I want a man with such low integrity. All I can say in defense of myself is I was naive, wanting love, and a man that soo desired me. He did so much that I didn't think I was worth. Now I do. Every woman deserves to be the leading lady not supporting actress:D:D:D. This experience has made me a stronger woman.

[Jumbo]

Good for you! You are right...Keep that mindset!...its better you control the breakup than him. My MW broke our relationship off and looking back at it would rather have been in the drivers seat!

[troubadour]

"If we can not gain anything else we gain experience."

 

I don't remember who said that... I think it was Oscar Wild.

[Lizzie60]

I have decided to stop being the other woman! I have finally realized that after a year of lies and deceit he will never be mine. Nor would I want a man with such low integrity. All I can say in defense of myself is I was naive, wanting love, and a man that soo desired me. He did so much that I didn't think I was worth. Now I do. Every woman deserves to be the leading lady not supporting actress:D:D:D. This experience has made me a stronger woman.

 

 

Good for you.. whatever a person needs to do to make her happier.. she needs to do it..

[ioncebelieved]

I was a supporting actor so I know your pain. Good thing it took you a year instead of almost 2 years for me. This thing destroyed self esteem for minute did it not?

[Lyssa]

Good for you. I wish you all the best and there will be a better person for you out there.

 

You will never be the second best if you let yourself be but I guess it all depends how serious MM was about you in the first place.

[SnowWhite924]

Congratulations! How did you break it off and are you afraid you will get back with him?

I have ended my A on a monthly basis and find myself back with him. I also feel he is not worth it and I'm not even in love with him anymore.

Any advice would be great!

[nadiaj2727]

Kudos to you luvly. I am so glad you stopped being second best and realized you deserved more.

 

Snowwhite-- sounds like you may be a little addicted to the momentum and just staying because it's familiar and not even because it brings you anything close to happiness anymore. I think you should reread luvly's post and realize YOU deserve more too. Whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself what you really want out of life. Doesn't sound like you want to be some married man's affair partner. So decide what you DO want and go for it, and leave this MM in the dust once and for all.

[astra77]

luvly1jmh, congrats on a very brave desicion. Being the supporting actress is damn hard work that does not always pay off. You have to do what is right for YOU.

 

That said, being an unemployed supporting actor or actress (leaving the A) is EVEN HARDER. Being the OM/OW involves "supporting" a M / R that is not yours. You have alot to live up to in the MM/MW eyes, you are the one that "saves their day" makes them feel "special" (ego boost) When the MM/MW sees you, you had better live up to that expectation!!

 

That my dear is WAY TOO much pressure, and why you have to get out, because for all the "support" that you give the MM/MW, what does a supporting actor / actress REALLY get in return? Nothing, oh, hang on, sorry - great sex, emotional attachment to an unhealthy situation and a W H O L E lotta heartache to boot.

 

It is very tough to realise this, and even tougher to truely belive it - I am still trying to make sense of my whole situation.

 

My xmm was my boss. He woke up every morning knowing that I would be at the office shortly, and if there were any issues, i would have them sorted - what a way to start the day - for him. I effectively ran the company that HE was in charge of, which took a **** load of pressure off of him and moved it on to me. When i wanted a full time job - i was only a temp - he "tried" to talk about it with senior management, but he is such an avoider by nature, this didn't work well.

 

The last month i was in my A and my job - i have left both the job and the A - I realised he was using me in the "workforce situation", he had it easy, an employee that would do ALL the work - up to 60+ hours a week, I wasnt allowed holidays or days off when i asked him, he wouldnt let me do what i wanted. Thats when i realised the was something fishy going on. I couldnt work out why if i was sleeping with the boss I couldnt have a week off after working 60 hours a week straight for 6 months. How was this fair? I figured that this was his way of keeping me on a leash, albeit a very short one. This was not healthy, nor was it what i wanted in a realtionship.

[SnowWhite924]

Kudos to you luvly. I am so glad you stopped being second best and realized you deserved more.

 

Snowwhite-- sounds like you may be a little addicted to the momentum and just staying because it's familiar and not even because it brings you anything close to happiness anymore. I think you should reread luvly's post and realize YOU deserve more too. Whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself what you really want out of life. Doesn't sound like you want to be some married man's affair partner. So decide what you DO want and go for it, and leave this MM in the dust once and for all.

Wow! You gave me great insight. You are so right about it being familiar and I'm getting any happiness out of it. Is there a way we can email each other? I read your threads and see you've been through this. Thank you!!!