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OW talking to BS...?


ShouldveKnownBetter

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ShouldveKnownBetter

Hi all. I got myself into a mess, and I thought you all might be able to offer some perspective. I apologize in advance for the length.

 

Backtrack to April. I'm a professional female & had just broken up with a boyfriend. I was out one night when I received a call from a male co-worker. I had known him for years and had a great banter with him - but he was married. I had never seen him out socially before. He was out with a friend and wanted to know where I was - so I told him & his friend to meet us out. I end up getting drunk, need a ride home, and BAM - we have sex. I feel bad about it the next day. Fortunately, while we work together, we don't see each other THAT regularly, so I decide not to contact him and let the whole thing blow over.

 

Two days later, he calls me. I am having automobile problems the precise moment he calls, so he comes to assist me. We start talking. He tells me he & his wife are separating and tells me all about their problems (I have never met her - important to point out) - and the problems include her occasional flings on the side. He gives me the standard "we're staying together for the kids," "she feels the same way," etc. I'm skeptical. But we begin to talk regularly. He calls me every day. He comes out with a group of friends a little later, and we end up alone together again. We kiss, but I tell him I'm not going to be an OW and to get his s**t straight at home or get out of there.

 

The next day, he tells me that they have come up with a separation plan. They had just filed for bankruptcy and worked opposite work schedules, so they were going to remain in the same residence but different parts. I am again skeptical. He says he wants to take me out that Friday. For some (stupid) reason, I say fine. We round up a few other co-workers to meet us there.

 

We go out - he is OVERLY affectionate with me in front of everyone. He tells everyone he & his wife are separating. I start to think it's true - why else would he tell everyone? (Can you tell where this is going?). Over the course of the next few weeks, we start essentially a dating relationship - going out very publicly to dinners, lunches, ice cream, casual afternoons together - and frequently run into numerous people we know. He tells them all they're separated. I go to his softball games. They all believe he's separated and congratulate him for seeming so much happier. He introduces me to his best friend (who had also friends with his wife but had recently had a falling out). He tells her and her college-aged children (who he & his wife had essentially helped raise) in front of me that they've separated. He brings his sister to my place to meet me. Introduces his (young) kids to me. This goes on for approximately 2-3 months.

 

Well - guess what. I got the call from his wife about 10 days ago wanting to know whether I was seeing her husband. I tell her yes, that I thought she knew that since they were separated. Well, they weren't separated. She is so upset the first night that she ends up getting off the phone and - the first night - giving my phone number to basically her entire extended family. They all call, and I agree to talk to all of them. Then she calls me herself again to get details. He initially DENIES EVERYTHING to his wife and tells her that I'm lying because I wanted something out of it & he rebuffed me. I say to her, "I'm not going to lie to you" and answer all of her nitty-gritty questions - Truthfullly. This goes on for a few days - as I begin to answer more & she confronts him with it, he fesses up to more (although he's still lying about parts). She asks me to promise not to talk to him or try to contact him again - I agree to it, and I've abided by that since this happened. He apparently promises her the same & hasn't contacted me directly - although he did send me a message through a COMPLETLEY unrelated third party yesterday. Now, she wants to meet me to give me back a few of the personal items of mine that he had (and I think gratify some need of her own, which I admittedly understand).

 

Clearly I feel horrible, scummy, every possible name in the book. I should've never slept with him that first night - I at least knew he was married then - nor should I have gotten myself into the mess to begin with, and I certainly shouldn't have believed him (although hopefully someone can see why I did given how public he was about it!).

 

Here is my question. My friends - who knew him & knew what was going on - think I should've stopped talking to her outright. They tell me I don't want to get dragged into this any further. My response to this is that I'm already in it and don't want to lie to her to complicate matters further. She knows who I am if it ends up coming up later anyway. She has to decide now what to do, and he's lying to her. She needs information to make her decision, and he is continuing to lie to her about some things.

 

Is that an off-the-wall perspective? Should I stop talking to her entirely? Is that just going to make matters worse? Should I not meet her? Any advice here is welcome.

 

BTW - No worries on the no contact. I have a million questions for him that I'd LOVE to know the answer to, and I have a lot of hurt. But my actions screwed up enough here - I'm not going to break that promise to her.

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GreenEyedLady

I agree with your friends.

 

You've given her enough information already. The rest is between her and her husband. There's no need for you to stay in it by talking to her. She knows that her husband lied to her and cheated on her.

 

This is his fault, not yours. Meeting her is not atonement. You need to heal and staying in their mess is not going to help you at all.

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I, on the other hand, think you should go ahead and see her - but only once - you don't need to stay in the mess, but one meeting shouldn't stop your progress. I will freely admit here that I'm coming at this from the BS's angle, though.

 

Since the two of you have been fairly amiable (from the sound of things) and since you have every intention of honoring her request to no longer contact the guy - I think it's possible that talking to each other may give both of you something you need.

 

It will almost undoubtedly give the BS something she needs - which is to see you.

 

Sounds like you got yourself into a messy situation, but it also sounds like you are coming out of it very well. Good luck to your future.

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Ouch! What a nasty situation to be in! However, I find it admirable that you immediately did the right thing here. As for talking to the BS, you've already done so, and for all the right reasons. You didn't do it out of spite, you did it out of contrition and as an attempt to make right your part of the situation. If you feel the BS needs more from you, why not give it to her? The reasons you did so initially still exist. Wouldn't you want the same in return if the situation were reversed? If you were trying to decide whether to remain married to a man who cheated on you, wouldn't you want to be fully informed so you could make the right decision for you?

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Lookingforward

So he sent you a message through a 3rd party - did he admit to you he wasn't separated at all or what?

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ShouldveKnownBetter

The message I received through the third party (who hadn't known anything was going on) was "Tell her I'm very sorry from the bottom of my heart." Ironically, the person he chose to use as a messenger can't stand him. She did tell me, however, that - as much as she hates him - she thought he was being sincere about whatever it was since he teared up. Not much for closure on my end, but it was something.

 

Thanks for the advice so far & I look forward to any additional responses! I definitely got myself into a mess, but I'm looking to do what I can to repair or at least prevent further damage the best I can.

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If you feel that meeting the BS will make it easier for you to move on, then go ahead. After that, go NC with her and keep both of them out of your life.

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Go ahead and meet her. She will understand that it wasn't your intention to hurt her, and this meeting will help her cope(and hopefully you too). Be careful to make your boundaries clear though, she may continue to call and make sure he has left you alone. Be clear with her that you are leaving this mess alone after this. As for your friends saying you shouldn't have talked to her, I don't even get that mentality. You have done the right thing in the way you have handled this situation.

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I have to agree with the other posters. You have already tried to do the right thing when you realized your mistake. You've done a lot in way of giving her closure and abiding her wishes. If you feel it will be good to do the one meeting, that's understandable, but make it the last.

 

It's not like she won't understand. Just tell her outright "Look, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I wish I'd had no part in it and I've tried to handle it the best I can. However, I don't like being reminded of what happened. I plan to step out of this completely. I will keep my promise and not contact him, but I would like to do the same with you."

 

You've paid your dues and from here out, you are just prolonging something that does nothing but cause everyone involved pain. Just step out and move on with your life. Lesson learned.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

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GreenEyedLady

I would make sure it's not a state that has an AOA law.

 

The BS is not your friend and does not have your interest in mind.

 

She wants to meet with you to size you up, decide if you're going to carry on with her H and to ask you the same questions over and over again.

 

She's going to judge you and decide if physically you were acceptable for her H to cheat on her with.

 

If you think I'm lying, go to Surviving Infidelity and see what the BS's write about their H's affair partners.

 

Do you want to subject yourself to this?

 

As long as you meet with her and answer her phone calls and questions, you are still part of the triangle.

 

Get out of the triangle. You are the only one looking out for your best interest here.

 

GEL

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She's going to judge you and decide if physically you were acceptable for her H to cheat on her with.

 

Do you want to subject yourself to this?

 

As long as you meet with her and answer her phone calls and questions, you are still part of the triangle.

 

Get out of the triangle. You are the only one looking out for your best interest here.

 

GEL

 

 

I think you should call her and tell her that she can do whatever she feels is necessary with those items and not meet with her, unless you just want to to get it over with.

 

You spoke with her and almost all of her extended family? Wow. You have done above and beyond what is expected or hoped for. So I say you are done, and I'm an ex-BW.

 

I quoted what GEL said because it is SO true. I just HAD to see what the co-worker looked like that my H had the EA with. Part of me decided to stay because she was cute and at least he had ENOUGH SENSE to have an EA with a pretty woman. LOL. <she was a model>

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Part of me decided to stay because she was cute and at least he had ENOUGH SENSE to have an EA with a pretty woman. LOL. <she was a model>

 

It's not a competition (despite what Peli thinks :p ) but I think that aspect is there. What really crushed a BW colleague was not so much that her H cheated - she put that down to MLC - but that he chose a dog to do it with. She was in tears in my office, once she'd seen the woman... "Is THAT what he betrayed me for? He thinks THAT is better than me?" She was devastated. (She, the BW, is really pretty, although her self-confidence has always been low so she doesn't recognise that.) And another male colleague got dumped by his BW after he mercy-fcked some realy fugly woman because she (BW) refused to be uglified by association. (BW is since remarried to an OK-ish guy - he just hasn't aged well, but he's sweet enough; colleague is remarried to a real hottie who's at the top of her game professionally, as is he now and I think his xW is a bit sorry she dumped him.)

 

sorry for the t/j

 

I do agree with GEL though - don't enslave yourself through remorse. Make your peace with your conscience and move on. The issue that needs resolution here is between the BW and the CH - you're an accessory to that, and will become a weapon in the process unless you extricate yourself.

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Her motiviations for talking with you might be a little different than everyone's posted so far.

 

She might feel that YOU've been "betrayed" by him too, in a way.

 

He lied to you to get what he wanted from you. He lied to her to get what he wanted.

 

She might see you less as the enemy, and more as a fellow victim of HIM.

 

ESPECIALLY given how reasonable, open, honest, and up front you've played with her.

 

I'm not telling you that you need to meet with her...I'm not telling you that you shouldn't.

 

That's more up to you to decide. I'm just suggesting that you give her motives a thought, and do some thinking about where her request might be coming from.

 

She MIGHT be jealous/angry/vengeful against you. She MIGHT simply want to meet to get an even better understanding of the situation.

 

What matters most at this point isn't that meeting, but more about how YOU are going to deal with the situation. Its really up to YOU what you want to do going forward.

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ShouldveKnownBetter

Thanks everyone for your responses... I am not meeting her at this point because we can't arrange a mutual time. I also am trying to sever contact since I need to get on from this too! I don't exactly think her motivations are clean for wanting to meet me - she's already said she wants to see what I look like. I gave her a "neutral" address to mail the belongings if she wanted to.

 

Here's the one last thing I'm wondering though. Based on the things she continues to say to me, he's obviously still lying to her. She's making the decision to stay with him and try to work it out though, since they're moving to another city in a few months. Given that, should I bother to tell her that:

 

-He "contacted" me through the third party even though he promised her he wouldn't?

 

-He continues to stalk me on social networking sites? (which she doesn't even know he has?)

 

Annd.. here's the biggie:

 

-When he learned about his transfer to another city back in May, a position became available for me in my line of work in the same city. He encouraged me to apply for it since I was looking for a new position anyway- and I did. I got an interview, and I loved it when I went there. I'm actually still waiting to hear about whether I got it or not. However, he's telling her things now (or at least she's saying) that "He told me he told you he was leaving but he never had any intentions of it... he was excited about us moving to this other city..." (both their families are from that city) and so on.

 

Or should I just cut this off altogether?

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Cut it ALL off altogether.

 

Tell her that you've given her all the info you've got, and that you want to "move on" from this mistake yourself...and...make her one promise...that you'll never get involved with her H again. (I believe you're already there...the one thing that she's most likely going to want to hear from you is that you're no longer going to be involved in ANY fashion). Tell her that her H has tried to contact you, explain how, and ask her to ensure that he gets the message that he's no longer welcome in your life in any fashion.

 

The next time he attempts to contact you in ANY fashion other than work...tell him that you will NOT accept any form of communication from him concerning ANYTHING but business, and that if he contacts you again you're going to take it to HR. And MEAN IT.

 

You might reconsider taking that job if you really want to get out of this whole situation.

 

Just my suggestions...setting clear boundaries with EVERYONE is the best way to get clear of this mess.

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ShouldveKnownBetter

Ouch. Well, that one ended up ugly guys!

 

After we couldn't arrange a mutual time (she has a long commute, I have two jobs), she thought that I was trying to avoid her & threatened to come to my work if I didn't contact her by a certain time last night. I told her I didn't think that was necessary because of the career implications that might have for her husband (not just me), and she kept on. I told her I'd try to get done with what I was doing for my 2nd job before her "cut off" time to avoid a major to-do at work.

 

Somewhere along the line, her former friend (that her husband had involved - see original post) got involved last night and told her to lay off of me and move on. Important side note here: She had involved the friend last week when she was driving around town trying to find me while I was out - she thought I might be with the friend and was blowing up both of our phones apparently (I wasn't out with the friend - I was with my friends - including some of the some people her husband had lied to about the situation). She was hell-bent on finding me that night, but I told her that I wasn't goingg to meet her in a public place like that where there was alcohol involved. The friend had apparently told her to go home and - if she was going to try to work things out - to do that instead of hunting me down. BS has been contacting the friend for various pieces of info since this all blew up.

 

Back to yesterday. Eventually the BS accused me of threatening her and her husband, or at least enlisting the friend to do that. Remember, I was tied up with my second job in a meeting the entire evening. I tell her that, and she ignores everything I'm saying and shoots back various comments that she says her husband has said about me.

 

Anyway, I am able to finish up with what I'm doing and contact her before her cut off time, telling her I'm available if she wants to meet. She sends me this long text message that says she initially wanted to meet me because she felt sorry for me & wanted to see what I looked like, etc. but that changed when she started getting threats from her friend, that it was going to take a lot for her to forgive her husband and that i'd have to make peace with myself, and that they'd be fine. She said she couldn't believe I didn't want to see the person I hurt and that she was going to be the "mature" one and just mail me the stuff to "not even my own address."

 

I responded that I had no idea what nor involvement with whatever the friend was doing, that I had honored every request for information she had given me, that I had no desire for anyone to lose anything else - much less a job - or cause any more hurt, and that I had fully intended on meeting her - I just didn't want to drag it out over weeks until we could coordinate a time. I wished her luck with her move & told her goodbye. Of course, she had to have the last word and shot me back a REALLY nasty reply that she was sorry the friend felt the need to get involved and that she hoped that me & the friend grew to be great friends. I let that one go and don't intend to ever respond... I'm hoping I don't hear from her anymore either.

 

Yikes?!? Any thoughts anyone? I'm particularly interested in the BS perspective here.

 

BTW - Owl, trust me, I've thought about VERY long & hard about what to do about that job should it be offered since I really did like it so much & it'd be an excellent career move. I've put in a number of places though & have interviewed a bunch as well -- I am just hoping something pans out before I hear back from them so I can avoid having to make the decision altogether!

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Hi all. I got myself into a mess, and I thought you all might be able to offer some perspective. I apologize in advance for the length.

 

Backtrack to April. I'm a professional female & had just broken up with a boyfriend. I was out one night when I received a call from a male co-worker. I had known him for years and had a great banter with him - but he was married. I had never seen him out socially before. He was out with a friend and wanted to know where I was - so I told him & his friend to meet us out. I end up getting drunk, need a ride home, and BAM - we have sex. I feel bad about it the next day. Fortunately, while we work together, we don't see each other THAT regularly, so I decide not to contact him and let the whole thing blow over.

 

Two days later, he calls me. I am having automobile problems the precise moment he calls, so he comes to assist me. We start talking. He tells me he & his wife are separating and tells me all about their problems (I have never met her - important to point out) - and the problems include her occasional flings on the side. He gives me the standard "we're staying together for the kids," "she feels the same way," etc. I'm skeptical. But we begin to talk regularly. He calls me every day. He comes out with a group of friends a little later, and we end up alone together again. We kiss, but I tell him I'm not going to be an OW and to get his s**t straight at home or get out of there.

 

The next day, he tells me that they have come up with a separation plan. They had just filed for bankruptcy and worked opposite work schedules, so they were going to remain in the same residence but different parts. I am again skeptical. He says he wants to take me out that Friday. For some (stupid) reason, I say fine. We round up a few other co-workers to meet us there.

 

We go out - he is OVERLY affectionate with me in front of everyone. He tells everyone he & his wife are separating. I start to think it's true - why else would he tell everyone? (Can you tell where this is going?). Over the course of the next few weeks, we start essentially a dating relationship - going out very publicly to dinners, lunches, ice cream, casual afternoons together - and frequently run into numerous people we know. He tells them all they're separated. I go to his softball games. They all believe he's separated and congratulate him for seeming so much happier. He introduces me to his best friend (who had also friends with his wife but had recently had a falling out). He tells her and her college-aged children (who he & his wife had essentially helped raise) in front of me that they've separated. He brings his sister to my place to meet me. Introduces his (young) kids to me. This goes on for approximately 2-3 months.

 

Well - guess what. I got the call from his wife about 10 days ago wanting to know whether I was seeing her husband. I tell her yes, that I thought she knew that since they were separated. Well, they weren't separated. She is so upset the first night that she ends up getting off the phone and - the first night - giving my phone number to basically her entire extended family. They all call, and I agree to talk to all of them. Then she calls me herself again to get details. He initially DENIES EVERYTHING to his wife and tells her that I'm lying because I wanted something out of it & he rebuffed me. I say to her, "I'm not going to lie to you" and answer all of her nitty-gritty questions - Truthfullly. This goes on for a few days - as I begin to answer more & she confronts him with it, he fesses up to more (although he's still lying about parts). She asks me to promise not to talk to him or try to contact him again - I agree to it, and I've abided by that since this happened. He apparently promises her the same & hasn't contacted me directly - although he did send me a message through a COMPLETLEY unrelated third party yesterday. Now, she wants to meet me to give me back a few of the personal items of mine that he had (and I think gratify some need of her own, which I admittedly understand).

 

Clearly I feel horrible, scummy, every possible name in the book. I should've never slept with him that first night - I at least knew he was married then - nor should I have gotten myself into the mess to begin with, and I certainly shouldn't have believed him (although hopefully someone can see why I did given how public he was about it!).

 

Here is my question. My friends - who knew him & knew what was going on - think I should've stopped talking to her outright. They tell me I don't want to get dragged into this any further. My response to this is that I'm already in it and don't want to lie to her to complicate matters further. She knows who I am if it ends up coming up later anyway. She has to decide now what to do, and he's lying to her. She needs information to make her decision, and he is continuing to lie to her about some things.

 

Is that an off-the-wall perspective? Should I stop talking to her entirely? Is that just going to make matters worse? Should I not meet her? Any advice here is welcome.

 

BTW - No worries on the no contact. I have a million questions for him that I'd LOVE to know the answer to, and I have a lot of hurt. But my actions screwed up enough here - I'm not going to break that promise to her.

 

I Believe you should stop talking wth her. The answers should come from her H. She knows about you and the A.. now its time for her to sort this out with her H. I would simply stick with the NC and forget about this mm. You deserve much better. Best wishes.

 

AP:)

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Yikes?!? Any thoughts anyone? I'm particularly interested in the BS perspective here.

 

BTW - Owl, trust me, I've thought about VERY long & hard about what to do about that job should it be offered since I really did like it so much & it'd be an excellent career move. I've put in a number of places though & have interviewed a bunch as well -- I am just hoping something pans out before I hear back from them so I can avoid having to make the decision altogether!

 

Hmmm - sounds weird. I can't really relate to this, so the best I (personally) could think about what is going on with her is that she probably feels out of control and angry so wants to control anything and everything around her (including you). That's not something you want to be exposed to. Best you avoid any further contact or communication - as GEL said to begin with :).

 

BTW - I 2nd Owl. Moving to the same city (and job) where this guy is moving to will send a very bad signal to him and will keep you exposed to this toxic situation. Sometimes a good career move can be a really bad life move :).

 

Take care and Good luck.

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Hmmmm...well, I'm a fBS, and I'll tell you that I think at this point you really do need to tell her that you've "helped" her as much as you can, and that she needs to seek the answers and work out the issues with her H, and not with you.

 

And make it clear that you've never threatened her...but she threatened you with the job thing.

 

And finally, tell her that if either her OR her H contact you again, you're going straight to the police for harassment and seeking a restraining order.

 

There's no reason why you need to tolerate her treating you like this when you've gone out of your way to be reasonable and to do what's right.

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GreenEyedLady

Yeah, you never know what kind of BS you're going to get...

 

I think you should not involve yourself in any way, shape or form from here on out. Careerwise, get away from the man. No man is worth your career or professional reputation.

 

If she continues contacting you, seek a restraining order.

 

If she has your personal information, change phone numbers and email addresses etc.

 

Honestly, cool it with the MM. He lied to you and he's not helping you AT ALL here. He's throwing you under the bus in a subtle way.

 

Stay strong!

 

GEL

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As a BS myself, I mostly felt that one thing I shared with the OW was the betrayal of my H. We were both betrayed and hurt by him. For the OWs who were willing to meet with me and discuss everything openly we helped each other heal that way. One in particular was especially helpful and I forever thank her for not turning me away when I desperately needed to sit down and see her side of things. But there was also one who gave me a little info then shut me down before I had time to get a full picture of what was going on(this was the first one) so I ended up having to try to beleive my H when in truth she held the key to free me at that point. I really think for your BS, she felt that there was more you had to offer her and that you were having second thought about telling her whatever it was you left out. There is nothing worse then feeling like there is some really important information about your marriage that someone else chooses not to enlighten you about. And I understand that it isn't your job to tell her, it is her Hs job. However she probably is well aware that he is only telling her what he chooses to and you may be more likely to be honest with her. She is probably really hurt that you stopped short of the full truth. I think these situations are so hard to know what the right thing to do is, and I am not saying in anyway what you did was wrong . I think her threats are low and childish but I suppose she is stuck in a really hard place at the moment with her world being torn up right in front of her. If you feel like there is a good way for you to tell her the rest like through email, then you should....and then tell her to leave you out of it at that point. She may realize that her behavior is a little over the top at this time, she is just doing whatever it takes to get the truth because she can't get it from home.

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whichwayisup
However she probably is well aware that he is only telling her what he chooses to and you may be more likely to be honest with her.

 

This will only work if the OW has 100% decided to never speak to the MM again and the A is really over. If an OW still has feelings for her MM, she'll feel torn and feel like she's betraying him by speaking to his wife. Also, if she wants him back, she won't tell the truth completely, if anything, there's always a chance she'll say more than necessary that may not be true so she can benefit in hopes the BW will kick MM out of the house.

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pelicanpreacher
I have to agree with the other posters. You have already tried to do the right thing when you realized your mistake. You've done a lot in way of giving her closure and abiding her wishes. If you feel it will be good to do the one meeting, that's understandable, but make it the last.

 

It's not like she won't understand. Just tell her outright "Look, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I wish I'd had no part in it and I've tried to handle it the best I can. However, I don't like being reminded of what happened. I plan to step out of this completely. I will keep my promise and not contact him, but I would like to do the same with you."

 

You've paid your dues and from here out, you are just prolonging something that does nothing but cause everyone involved pain. Just step out and move on with your life. Lesson learned.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

 

And you might also add "If I ever see your husband again I'll kick his ass so hard he'll be wearing his balls for ear rings"!

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I honestly don't think there is ANYTHING you will be able to say or do to make this BS feel better about the situation. Obviously, from her comments that 'they will be fine' etc. she is obviously in a place where she is still believing or wanting to believe her husband and his lies. You are now becoming the problem instead of her placing blame where blame is due.

 

I say get out of the situation, refuse any further contract with her or anyone running interference for her and, at least until they move, watch yourself when you are out and about because it sounds like this BS could very quickly turn into a problem for you! Anyone who starts setting deadlines for you, threatening to confront you at work and actively seeking you out to confront you is not in a stable, rational state of mind (which is understandable given the mess her life is in right now!). If you feel threatened or feel that she is not respecting your decision to have no contact do as others have said and get a restraining order.

 

Good Luck.

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pelicanpreacher

Waaaaaaaaaait a minute. You had all the available time in the world to go out in the evenings and party with friends, meet MM for lunch, spend afternoons and evenings out on dates with him, and go to his softball games but, you couldn't find one spare moment of your busy schedule to face the BS?!! I empathize with the fact that you got royally duped by this schmuck but your excuses about having no time to meet her because of working two jobs, yet still having enough time to go out and spend with friends (while she roamed the city looking for you), says you've got more time available for yourself than you're honestly admitting. The window to demonstrate your honorability in the eyes of this BS has closed because you allowed your fear, embarrassment, and self loathing to paralyze yourself into inaction.

 

Hopefully, we'll all fare better in our next test in life!

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