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The obsession of being the OW.......


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isavelives2

To the MW ---- I am the OW, I am the one that you put blame on.... I am the one that you hate.... I am the one that "ruined your family".... I am the one that your H ran too when he felt "empty inside".... I am the one that let your H be who he wanted to be (not the garbage man, the wage earner, the lawn mower, the door mat).... I am the one that takes responsibility for MY actions ..... I am the one that LOVES him too

 

To the MM ---- I am the one you find yourself desiring...... I am the one you find yourself confiding in..... I am the one you share your time with .... I am the one you laugh with .... I am the one you cuddle with ..... I am the one that brings you happiness (at least temporarily)..... I am the one that worries about you..... I am the one that cries over you.... I am the one that LOVES you

 

To BOTH the MM & MW ---- I find myself as being the one that is doing it all. I am so caught up in LOVE that I have lost myself.... If I am all these things than why do I not feel whole.... why do I feel so empty inside.... why do I feel so lost .....Because I Am The OW !!!

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Lookingforward
You also sound like an overly dramatic teenager ;)

 

and the BS when they "vent" here don't ? :confused:

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isavelives2

Not sure how to take that comment :p , but that's your opinion, this was just my thoughts....

You also sound like an overly dramatic teenager ;)
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You sound like you have some really deeply seated issues that this forum is either going to make worse or just can't help you with.

 

The whole "to the MW" thing. Whew. What a head trip being the OW must be. Then the "to the MM". Ego boost indeed.

 

You need help. You don't need to consult with likeminded individuals as they will only feed your delusion and make your problems worst.

 

Question is: do you want help with your issues? Or, do you think that they situation with your EMA is the only issue?

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isavelives2

I never posted this for "head trips" or "ego boosts", I posted this because being the OW, this is how I FEEL.

 

What is the difference in a MW posting on here how she feels or, how so many people push blame on us.

 

You are right on one hand that I do have issues with being the OW, and I am trying to do the right thing...... if I didn't want help getting through this, I wouldn't be here reading all the posts, and seeing other people experiencing the same things I am......

 

 

 

You sound like you have some really deeply seated issues that this forum is either going to make worse or just can't help you with.

 

The whole "to the MW" thing. Whew. What a head trip being the OW must be. Then the "to the MM". Ego boost indeed.

 

You need help. You don't need to consult with likeminded individuals as they will only feed your delusion and make your problems worst.

 

Question is: do you want help with your issues? Or, do you think that they situation with your EMA is the only issue?

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I never posted this for "head trips" or "ego boosts", I posted this because being the OW, this is how I FEEL.

 

What is the difference in a MW posting on here how she feels or, how so many people push blame on us.

 

You are right on one hand that I do have issues with being the OW, and I am trying to do the right thing...... if I didn't want help getting through this, I wouldn't be here reading all the posts, and seeing other people experiencing the same things I am......

 

 

I don't think that you posted this for head trips or ego boost. I can see that its the way you feel and that's where your issues lie. Not with being the OW, but why you keep being the OW and having these kinds of feelings.

 

Your feelings ARE the issue. It seems that being the OW makes you feel all-powerful and undercompensated for it. Not a healthy thing for a relationship of any sort.

 

That's all I was saying. You may want to seek help for that and then your OW situation will work itself out.

 

eta - aren't you the poster that has been the OW in many of your relationships before they became something serious/committed

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Lookingforward

Just ignore it Isave - this IS the board for OW support and discussion - where else would be more fitting for you to post how you as an OW feel ?

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To the MW ---- I am the OW, I am the one that you put blame on.... I am the one that you hate.... I am the one that "ruined your family".... I am the one that your H ran too when he felt "empty inside".... I am the one that let your H be who he wanted to be (not the garbage man, the wage earner, the lawn mower, the door mat).... I am the one that takes responsibility for MY actions ..... I am the one that LOVES him too

 

To the MM ---- I am the one you find yourself desiring...... I am the one you find yourself confiding in..... I am the one you share your time with .... I am the one you laugh with .... I am the one you cuddle with ..... I am the one that brings you happiness (at least temporarily)..... I am the one that worries about you..... I am the one that cries over you.... I am the one that LOVES you

 

To BOTH the MM & MW ---- I find myself as being the one that is doing it all. I am so caught up in LOVE that I have lost myself.... If I am all these things than why do I not feel whole.... why do I feel so empty inside.... why do I feel so lost .....Because I Am The OW !!!

 

These post are kind of funny in a sad way. Find a good shrink and quit the sales job. Good luck.

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Lookingforward
These post are kind of funny in a sad way. Find a good shrink and quit the sales job. Good luck.

 

what's really funny in a sad way is that happily marrieds feel the need to come to this board to get their jollies......

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SerenityX2
You sound like you have some really deeply seated issues that this forum is either going to make worse or just can't help you with.

 

The whole "to the MW" thing. Whew. What a head trip being the OW must be. Then the "to the MM". Ego boost indeed.

 

You need help. You don't need to consult with likeminded individuals as they will only feed your delusion and make your problems worst.

 

Question is: do you want help with your issues? Or, do you think that they situation with your EMA is the only issue?

 

NID I totally agree, esp to the "MW" thing....never once did ANY of those thoughts cross my mind even 14 years ago. I don't "hate" it's a useless emotion that blackens one's heart. However I didn't feel those things then nor would I now, nor do I need to keep my husband under lock and key :rolleyes: He has no desire.

 

OP if you do truly desire help, then please keep your mind open to many viewpoints. That's why this forum is unique and I hope doesn't change, to "any viewpoint that doesn't hold the OW's hand and sing I'd like to give the world a coke" needs to be deleted. I fully understand it's a forum for support, but support can come in all forms.

 

It's a melting pot of sorts and you can learn much. I try to be respectful of others offering my insights from my experience (just b/c I'm happily married now doesn't mean I haven't had my share of pain) or my concern that people find peace within their lives. You sound like you are in utter turmoil, I wish you strength.

 

I have read some far and few between OW success stories are here...but they're strictly that. Yours seems to be the more common one unfortunately from what you've posted. I mean picking out wedding bands before ending a r'ship? That's fantasy, I'm sorry if you don't see it.

 

I wish you well on your journey to healing.

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I don't see it as an obsession.. I see it as 'The Joy of being the OW'

 

I love the ultimate passion of our encounters...

 

I love when he gently push me back to better examine me.. and say how beautiful I am...

 

I love the passionate sex... like it's going to be our last time... and he wants to make sure I'm satisfied..

 

I love when he texts me after saying what a wonderful time he had... and that he will go to sleep thinking about it...

 

I love when he says he's been thinking all week about me.. and what he would do to me... I love the thought that he 'plans' ahead our sexual encounter and that he gets all wrapped up and horny all week just thinking about me...

 

I love when he calls me saying he's been thinking all day about me.. and that he had to call to tell me more.. (it usually ends up in phone sex.. him at his desk somewhere)

 

I love the way he looks at me.. the way he kisses me... when he whispers my name when we make love...

 

I love the way he moans when he 'comes'...

 

It is way more fun.. it is passionate without the commitment, etc...

 

It is, really, the best kind of relationship someone can have.. IMO...

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isavelives2

Who are you to tell me what I need for what I wrote and how I feel??

 

If you didn't like what I wrote, than read it, and move on..... why is it you feel the need to "comment" if you thought it was "kind of funny in a sad way".....

 

These post are kind of funny in a sad way. Find a good shrink and quit the sales job. Good luck.
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I don't see it as an obsession.. I see it as 'The Joy of being the OW'

 

I love the ultimate passion of our encounters...

 

I love when he gently push me back to better examine me.. and say how beautiful I am...

 

I love the passionate sex... like it's going to be our last time... and he wants to make sure I'm satisfied..

 

I love when he texts me after saying what a wonderful time he had... and that he will go to sleep thinking about it...

 

I love when he says he's been thinking all week about me.. and what he would do to me... I love the thought that he 'plans' ahead our sexual encounter and that he gets all wrapped up and horny all week just thinking about me...

 

I love when he calls me saying he's been thinking all day about me.. and that he had to call to tell me more.. (it usually ends up in phone sex.. him at his desk somewhere)

 

I love the way he looks at me.. the way he kisses me... when he whispers my name when we make love...

 

I love the way he moans when he 'comes'...

 

It is way more fun.. it is passionate without the commitment, etc...

 

It is, really, the best kind of relationship someone can have.. IMO...

 

Shouldn't you be replacing the word "he" with "they?" ;)

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I wish you well on your journey to healing.

 

I wish her the same.

 

Some may say that I am projecting, but I do feel that I see alot of myself many years before in what was posted.

 

Isave sounds like she needs help herself, not with the A. Her mindset is destructive whether or not anyone else agrees with me. Even her chosen screenname lends to this. I save lives, too?

 

I know I said that she was a psychologist's dream in another post but she really does sound like she is about to turn "bunny boiler" which is really just another term for "out of control" because she just can't and won't help herself.

 

Is it possible that the mental issues mentioned are not her husband's? I ask in all sincerity. Mental issues have treatment and can be controlled by meds for most people. So this is no dig. I am serious. And I hope my responses on this thread are taken that way.

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SerenityX2
what's really funny in a sad way is that happily marrieds feel the need to come to this board to get their jollies......

 

I don't come here for my jollies. I've explained ad nauseam why I'm here.

 

Help comes in all forms, I do not bash, I try to offer help where I can.

 

LF your backstory has had an impact on me. I cannot believe how easy it is to get blindsided into believing someone is seperated when they are in fact not. And even though you're some nameless, faceless person in cyberland...I feel for you...can you understand that? It pains me for what you went through, but as your screen name says, I believe you have much better days for what you went through made you stronger. I don't know what else to say without you attacking me or saying I'm insincere.

 

I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything negative. I've learned a lot from folks on this board. I try to show respect towards others even if I disagree with their methods. But you have to admit, there are people who have come here...and through insight such as WWIU or OWL, have found a better place, and yes even w/o the AP even though that's why they orig came here...I can't see that as a bad thing. I know Nadia agrees, I also know she causes controversy for some...but I also wonder if it's not b/c they don't want to look into that mirror that she now has. Regardless I do see your situation as unique, I'm glad you are stronger.

 

Running the BS or the happily marrieds off the board isn't the solution, looking inside your heart and finding happiness within is, but realizing that insight can come in different forms. (I'm now speaking general not to you :))

 

Lizzie...I have all that you wrote, pretty much exact, with the exception of texting afterwards b/c we're still together...he does actually call me during the day to tell me about the "movie reels" he's got going..like I said it's part of the spark that keeps our passion alive. Passion begets passion. But I know it's b/c we've only been married a short time, I disagree, but what you wrote married women can also have, plus the joy of knowing you're not walking that trail alone when times get rough. Nice sentiments though, I think that going by the wayside it part of the reason for A's in the first place, thus I explained in the Passion thread.

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Lookingforward
I don't come here for my jollies. I've explained ad nauseam why I'm here.

 

Help comes in all forms, I do not bash, I try to offer help where I can.

 

LF your backstory has had an impact on me. I cannot believe how easy it is to get blindsided into believing someone is seperated when they are in fact not. And even though you're some nameless, faceless person in cyberland...I feel for you...can you understand that? It pains me for what you went through, but as your screen name says, I believe you have much better days for what you went through made you stronger. I don't know what else to say without you attacking me or saying I'm insincere.

 

I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything negative. I've learned a lot from folks on this board. I try to show respect towards others even if I disagree with their methods. But you have to admit, there are people who have come here...and through insight such as WWIU or OWL, have found a better place, and yes even w/o the AP even though that's why they orig came here...I can't see that as a bad thing. I know Nadia agrees, I also know she causes controversy for some...but I also wonder if it's not b/c they don't want to look into that mirror that she now has. Regardless I do see your situation as unique, I'm glad you are stronger.

 

Running the BS or the happily marrieds off the board isn't the solution, looking inside your heart and finding happiness within is, but realizing that insight can come in different forms. (I'm now speaking general not to you :))

 

Lizzie...I have all that you wrote, pretty much exact, with the exception of texting afterwards b/c we're still together...he does actually call me during the day to tell me about the "movie reels" he's got going..like I said it's part of the spark that keeps our passion alive. Passion begets passion. But I know it's b/c we've only been married a short time, I disagree, but what you wrote married women can also have, plus the joy of knowing you're not walking that trail alone when times get rough. Nice sentiments though, I think that going by the wayside it part of the reason for A's in the first place, thus I explained in the Passion thread.

 

que ? He WAS separated lol, living in his own place - emotionally perhaps not as it turns out.....but then having a cheating W will do that to you I guess.

 

fwiw there are plenty of boards available to the BS and HM without there being a need to come onto this one for the sole purpose of berating the OW/OM

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Shouldn't you be replacing the word "he" with "they?" ;)

 

 

Hahaha... yeah.. I could have... there are a lot of similarities.. eventhough each has its own personality... ;)

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vivrantflo
I don't see it as an obsession.. I see it as 'The Joy of being the OW'

 

I love the ultimate passion of our encounters...

 

I love when he gently push me back to better examine me.. and say how beautiful I am...

 

I love the passionate sex... like it's going to be our last time... and he wants to make sure I'm satisfied..

 

I love when he texts me after saying what a wonderful time he had... and that he will go to sleep thinking about it...

 

I love when he says he's been thinking all week about me.. and what he would do to me... I love the thought that he 'plans' ahead our sexual encounter and that he gets all wrapped up and horny all week just thinking about me...

 

I love when he calls me saying he's been thinking all day about me.. and that he had to call to tell me more.. (it usually ends up in phone sex.. him at his desk somewhere)

 

I love the way he looks at me.. the way he kisses me... when he whispers my name when we make love...

 

I love the way he moans when he 'comes'...

 

It is way more fun.. it is passionate without the commitment, etc...

 

It is, really, the best kind of relationship someone can have.. IMO...

 

 

See, this sounds nice.. it really does. And every woman is entitled to have a man make her feel this way.

 

But why can't it be a man that's single, and you don't have to share him with anyone??

 

Why does he have to be married?

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SerenityX2
que ? He WAS separated lol, living in his own place - emotionally perhaps not as it turns out.....but then having a cheating W will do that to you I guess.

 

fwiw there are plenty of boards available to the BS and HM without there being a need to come onto this one for the sole purpose of berating the OW/OM

 

Sorry...I meant that....and really I'm at a loss for words, not that you're looking for any.

 

Um, no, no HM board...have you seen that place? It's a mess. It's no wonder the divorce rate skyrockets with no one taking responsibility to the demise of the M's, and more than half the time zero communication which is what landed them there. Worse there's less of an understanding than on this board of what it takes to make positive changes, so it basically becomes a b!tchfest...I don't have the energy for that for the most part, btdt.

 

Although it goes "back" to the majority of happily married people aren't on a message board let alone a OW one...they're living their happy lives. I'm out on break now for 6 more weeks, H is working...here I am killing time...b/c I stumbled to this site trying to help a "then" patient. I'll be the first to admit it can look odd at a glance, but everyone's story for being here is different. I still don't see the difference if we are trying to help. I know some fly in here, bash then fly back out...I don't understand that logic either.

 

Anyway I may have been touched by someone, or someone may have been touched by my words. It is my wish that someone may find hope in someone else's words if they're struggling. Like I've said I've learned much since I've been here, I'm not sure beyond the 6 weeks how often or if at all, I'll come back...but I do hope that others that may not share the popular opinion do stick around to help.

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SerenityX2
See, this sounds nice.. it really does. And every woman is entitled to have a man make her feel this way.

 

But why can't it be a man that's single, and you don't have to share him with anyone??

 

Why does he have to be married?

 

 

Well I have that, and I didn't get from cheating with anyone and we are married. There are guys out there that provide it...I'm living proof, I know of others....though rare, true.

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To the MW ---- I am the OW, I am the one that you put blame on.... I am the one that you hate.... I am the one that "ruined your family".... I am the one that your H ran too when he felt "empty inside".... I am the one that let your H be who he wanted to be (not the garbage man, the wage earner, the lawn mower, the door mat).... I am the one that takes responsibility for MY actions ..... I am the one that LOVES him too

[/b]

 

Since this is the category I fit into, this will be the one I address.

 

#1 - I don't hate you. That would be wasted energy. I don't even know you and you don't know me.

 

#2 - You didn't ruin my family, you don't have that kind of power.

 

#3 - You are the one that was there and willing to have sex with a MM that felt "empty inside".

 

#4 - When my H was with you, he was far from what he "wanted" to be as a man, as a human, or any other label you want to place on him.

 

#5 - If you did love him, I'm sorry that your love was wasted on a man who, at the time, didn't really care a whole lot about either of us.

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isavelives2

HN :

I am actually glad you posted this without condemning.....

 

I find myself in unfamilliar territories......I trully HATE being the OW, and I know some will say "then just let him go"...... I find myself in a situation that I don't have the strength or courage to let it go (just like many MM with their situations say). I AM however getting there, everyday that goes by, every post I read I get a little more strength and courage to let go.

 

I don't want to be hated, I don't want to be told I'm a "home wrecker", I don't want to be the one that he runs to when it's convient for him (sex or no sex)....... I'm sorry I wasted time loving someone who didn't respect either one of us ......

 

I respect you as a MW, the one that stood beside "him", been there when he has bad days, washed his laundry, cooked his meals, mothered his children, listened while he vented, took care of him when he got sick, and LOVED him unconditionally...... I just wish someday that I have your courage!!

 

(Hard to believe I was the MW for 10 yrs after re-reading this)

 

 

 

Since this is the category I fit into, this will be the one I address.

 

#1 - I don't hate you. That would be wasted energy. I don't even know you and you don't know me.

 

#2 - You didn't ruin my family, you don't have that kind of power.

 

#3 - You are the one that was there and willing to have sex with a MM that felt "empty inside".

 

#4 - When my H was with you, he was far from what he "wanted" to be as a man, as a human, or any other label you want to place on him.

 

#5 - If you did love him, I'm sorry that your love was wasted on a man who, at the time, didn't really care a whole lot about either of us.

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Lookingforward
Sorry...I meant that....and really I'm at a loss for words, not that you're looking for any.

 

 

Thanks - you were right, I was blindsided by the fact he decided to go back...considering what he was going back to.......I didn't see that coming at all.

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