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Why the HE** Do I care?


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I found out today that he and his W are on vacation until Sunday! He told me "they" were going away for a few days so this was no real surprise.

 

So, why does it hurt so much? Why do I even care? My therapist said I am grieving a loss similar to death of a loved one. My emotions are just so jumbled up – hate, love, happy, sad, revenge, rejected, hurt, etc….

 

 

Any advice? :(:(:(:(:(

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Lookingforward
I found out today that he and his W are on vacation until Sunday! He told me "they" were going away for a few days so this was no real surprise.

 

So, why does it hurt so much? Why do I even care? My therapist said I am grieving a loss similar to death of a loved one. My emotions are just so jumbled up – hate, love, happy, sad, revenge, rejected, hurt, etc….

 

 

Any advice? :(:(:(:(:(

 

You have a picture of him you can attach to a dart board ? :bunny: (or a punching bag)

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You have a picture of him you can attach to a dart board ? :bunny: (or a punching bag)

 

:laugh: Good one!

 

Kamikaze, you care cause you still have feelings for him which is only natural. It takes time to get over him. Do something to keep your mind off him - as LF suggested, do you have any picture of him!?

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You have a picture of him you can attach to a dart board ? :bunny: (or a punching bag)

 

Yes - but that is no good! I don't want to look at him right now.

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Yes - but that is no good! I don't want to look at him right now.

 

Will it make you feel better to burn those photos of him?

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I found out today that he and his W are on vacation until Sunday! He told me "they" were going away for a few days so this was no real surprise.

 

So, why does it hurt so much? Why do I even care? My therapist said I am grieving a loss similar to death of a loved one. My emotions are just so jumbled up – hate, love, happy, sad, revenge, rejected, hurt, etc….

 

 

Any advice? :(:(:(:(:(

 

Your therapist is 100% correct. The grieving process is the same as one goes through when there is a death of a loved one. Just hang on and go through it until you get to the other side. Once you make it through, you'll be okay. So my advice is just do little things for yourself to make yourself feel self-loved and keep moving on.

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Will it make you feel better to burn those photos of him?

 

I am just not there yet! Perhaps one day.

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Your therapist is 100% correct. The grieving process is the same as one goes through when there is a death of a loved one. Just hang on and go through it until you get to the other side. Once you make it through, you'll be okay. So my advice is just do little things for yourself to make yourself feel self-loved and keep moving on.

 

Thanks Cliche! I am trying - being at work is hard because he called me here so many times everyday. I am trying to change my routine - go out for lunch, hold meetings that take up my time and that are productive.

 

But, like I stated, I am still on the emotional roller coaster.

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isavelives2

I just wanted to give you alittle support and let you know that I am right there with you, one minute I hate him, love him, want revenge, want to stand beside him, etc......

 

I just have to keep telling myself, it's get better and things will be ok. Keep your head up!!!

 

 

I found out today that he and his W are on vacation until Sunday! He told me "they" were going away for a few days so this was no real surprise.

 

So, why does it hurt so much? Why do I even care? My therapist said I am grieving a loss similar to death of a loved one. My emotions are just so jumbled up – hate, love, happy, sad, revenge, rejected, hurt, etc….

 

 

Any advice? :(:(:(:(:(

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I am just not there yet! Perhaps one day.

 

[[[Kamikaze]]]

 

It's hard. In the beginning, there were times I wanted to burn his photos but I couldn't cause they were all in my thumb drive. Then again, if I had hard copies of his photos - I don't think I'd have the heart to burn them :o.

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I just wanted to give you alittle support and let you know that I am right there with you, one minute I hate him, love him, want revenge, want to stand beside him, etc......

 

I just have to keep telling myself, it's get better and things will be ok. Keep your head up!!!

 

Thank you. It really does help to read the posts here! I am normally such a strong person. I just do not understand why this has all hit me like this - of course 28 years is a long time to love someone and then feel like this.

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Lookingforward
Thanks Cliche! I am trying - being at work is hard because he called me here so many times everyday. I am trying to change my routine - go out for lunch, hold meetings that take up my time and that are productive.

 

But, like I stated, I am still on the emotional roller coaster.

 

It's okay Kami - it just takes time and it's an endless cycle of emotions to start with..... I had to take my Skype off for a few months because everytime it rang with that distinctive ringtone I'd break up.......

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Thanks Cliche! I am trying - being at work is hard because he called me here so many times everyday. I am trying to change my routine - go out for lunch, hold meetings that take up my time and that are productive.

 

But, like I stated, I am still on the emotional roller coaster.

 

I know, Kamikaze. That A roller coaster is one of the worst emotional states I've ever been in (even moreso than my divorce). I am NOT a religious person, though I'm a bit spiritual. But I after I found out I was pg last fall, I was desperate. I sat outside in my backyard, crying and miserable and prayed to God to please give me an answer of what to do. I swear a voice came into my head and said "start living your own life and you won't care about how he lives his." It is such a simple statement. But it is the truth. I then spent a couple of weeks deciding what I wanted *my* life to look like...you know, the important part of MY life where men were, well, I don't want to say inconsequential, but where my goals didn't include them. When I was really able to construct a picture of my life, I was then able to honestly tell MM that I needed to get from point A to point B, and that his current situation was a barrier to that. Things fell into place after that. I still believe that had it turned out differently and he had chosen to stay in his M, I'd still be as happy now without him as I am with him...though a different happy (or maybe peaceful is the better descriptor).

 

Anyway, good luck. You'll get there.

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It's okay Kami - it just takes time and it's an endless cycle of emotions to start with..... I had to take my Skype off for a few months because everytime it rang with that distinctive ringtone I'd break up.......

 

The book I am reading - is really helping (Will he leave her for me?) By: Rona B. Subotnik L.M.F.T.

 

I am changing many of the patterns - it just taked time.

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SerenityX2
I know, Kamikaze. That A roller coaster is one of the worst emotional states I've ever been in (even moreso than my divorce). I am NOT a religious person, though I'm a bit spiritual. But I after I found out I was pg last fall, I was desperate. I sat outside in my backyard, crying and miserable and prayed to God to please give me an answer of what to do. I swear a voice came into my head and said "start living your own life and you won't care about how he lives his." It is such a simple statement. But it is the truth. I then spent a couple of weeks deciding what I wanted *my* life to look like...you know, the important part of MY life where men were, well, I don't want to say inconsequential, but where my goals didn't include them. When I was really able to construct a picture of my life, I was then able to honestly tell MM that I needed to get from point A to point B, and that his current situation was a barrier to that. Things fell into place after that. I still believe that had it turned out differently and he had chosen to stay in his M, I'd still be as happy now without him as I am with him...though a different happy (or maybe peaceful is the better descriptor).

 

Anyway, good luck. You'll get there.

 

Brilliant Cliche...that truly says it all. That's what I say too, when I get faulted that I don't understand pain or if I advise someone to let go life doesn't need drama etc...I get told I can have that viewpoint "because" I have found true happiness with my husband. but that's not true I found that happiness within "me" first.

 

Good for you...I saw your replies on the other thread, I didn't want to resurrect them for that though! Thank you for your well wishes as well (on the other thread)

 

OP like the others said..stages of grief, allow them all to go through you so you may heal and come out whole on the other side (supressing one or another only prolongs it b/c it will come bubbling back sometime in the future sometimes when you least expect it) You may cycle through them a few times, everyone is different...just don't wallow in it...but don't ignore it either...embrace it...it'll make you that much stronger.

 

Peace

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Brilliant Cliche...that truly says it all. That's what I say too, when I get faulted that I don't understand pain or if I advise someone to let go life doesn't need drama etc...I get told I can have that viewpoint "because" I have found true happiness with my husband. but that's not true I found that happiness within "me" first.

 

Good for you...I saw your replies on the other thread, I didn't want to resurrect them for that though! Thank you for your well wishes as well (on the other thread)

 

OP like the others said..stages of grief, allow them all to go through you so you may heal and come out whole on the other side (supressing one or another only prolongs it b/c it will come bubbling back sometime in the future sometimes when you least expect it) You may cycle through them a few times, everyone is different...just don't wallow in it...but don't ignore it either...embrace it...it'll make you that much stronger.

 

Peace

 

Thank you for your kind words.

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