mytruelove Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 10 years ago i met the man that is the love of my life. it was love at first site. my family (my mom, in fact, is the one that introduced me to him), friends, even my soon-to-be-ex knows that i had/have the hugest crush on this guy (they could tell be my face when i walked out from meeting him the first time). at the time we met he was married and i was involved with my ex. i then married. he got a divorce. he got involved with another woman and got her pregnant and has a child to his previous marriage and to the other woman. so, we have never been completely available for each other and timing has always been an issue. over the years i have listened as he has poored his heart out to me about his problems and his life. i have been there through all the hurt he has suffered. i care deeply for him. we have developed a wonderful friendship and mutual respect for each other. it killed him that i was married to someone else and it killed me that he was married to someone else and nothing came of it. last year it became clear that my marriage would break up (ex is an alcoholic and abusive). so, one day, i just blurted out how i felt about this man never expecting anything to come of it, but not wanting another day to go by without expressing it. to my surprise, he returned my feelings. he had/has a girlfriend at the time, but stated that he would call me if anything changed. well, things have developed from there. we have been seeing each other, phone calls, emails. we have developed a great friendship. we both have trust issues but somehow have let ourselves trust and become vulnerable to each other- a huge deal. hugs, kisses, signs of affection and deep caring. we have fought off the urge to have sex until last week, both scared to death it would change things between us. the sex felt really natural and good except for him always worried about being caught. i have talked to him since and things seem to be ok, but until i see him i won't know for sure and am scared. i don't want to have sex again until he breaks up with the girlfriend. it hurts too much to be that close with him and then send him home to someone else. is it possible to go back to the way things were before we had sex? i am really worried i gave up too much too soon (even after ten years-lol.) i know it is just a matter of time before him and his girlfriend break up. i have found myself and began to feel again, thanks to him and wonderful people in my life and my own sheer determination, and know what i want in life and really feel like we are meant to be. most of all, i don't want to lose what we have and i don't want things to change between us. any guidance, support, or advice? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Stop this now. Seriously. Have you been reading lots of other posts on this board? Because if you haven't, do it now...yours is a common story and it often doesnt end well (well ok, virtually never ends well!). Its early days for you two, and time for you to get out the situation before more major damage is done... Just tell him you are crazy about him but you two are nothing but friends until he is single, and until that time comes you consider yourself a single girl. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Yes, freeze this moment and allow him to resolve his relationship. Your mutual feelings (I presume he feels likewise) will stand the test of time. I would go as far as to recommend no contact with him, as such will detract from him properly analyzing his current R and, if appropriate, ending it. This is a time where you need to be true to your feelings for him and set a timeline to wait, unfettered, for resolution. To me, that means, at the most, casual dating with others (assuming your M is ended), with no expectation of or desire for commitment from another man. IMO, remaining truly single and leaving him alone is really the only way for the two of you to get onto the same page, timing-wise. Additionally, I would recommend, even if he does leave his GF, that you not get serious with him for at least a year. Trust me, I know how hard that would be, but I think it's wise so each of you is clear of latent feelings from your prior R's. Perhaps a year is the wrong number, but you should set a number which is appropriate. Too much, too fast and you'll blow up the friendship as well as the potential R, IMO. I've done this so know what a mess bad timing and too much can do. Don't be me Best wishes and welcome to LS.... Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Stop this now. Seriously. Have you been reading lots of other posts on this board? Because if you haven't, do it now...yours is a common story and it often doesnt end well (well ok, virtually never ends well!). Its early days for you two, and time for you to get out the situation before more major damage is done... Just tell him you are crazy about him but you two are nothing but friends until he is single, and until that time comes you consider yourself a single girl. I agree. You two have so many issues, it's time to take a step back and look at yourself and become happier so you stop this madness. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 First off, welcome! I think the best thing for you is to decide what you really want. Do you want this man? Are you willing to wait for him? Do you have a plan if he tells you he isn't ready to break off his R with his GF? And how do you feel about him telling you that? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Ditto to what others have said- you both need to be 100% single and free in order to nurture this relationship. Until he breaks up with his gf, you are not in a position to figure this out properly. Link to post Share on other sites
Accidental_OW Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Don't do it... I wouldn't recommend this misery on my worst enemy! It's worth the wait... Link to post Share on other sites
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