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justanotherwoman

After scouring the threads I was unable to find a similar situation to mine so have decided to post.

Rather than write a long involved story I thought I would put it in points:

- I am the other woman

- I am involved in the same circle of friends as he and his wife although wouldnt classify her as a friend

- 90% of the circle of friends know but havnt told her

- It started in April 07 in a drunken moment

- I finished it in Jan 08 realising it was going nowhere and I would loose friends

- They have no children

- We are all approx 30 yrs old

- They have been together since childhood, basically first loves

- I stopped the affair by being a bitch to him and making myself hate him in my head

- Weak moment last week told him I still liked him and why I was being a bitch to him for closure for myself

- Had a visit from him on the weekend. He has told me he is giving himself 2 weeks to decide if he is getting a divorce.

- I told him I would not be having sex with him ever again as long as he is married and have stuck to it

- He has basically mapped out our future plans together if he leaves her

- He has said the usual things such as he hates her, she talks down to him, lucky to have sex 12-15 times a year, he loves me, told me I am his girl now, just the usual crap they sprout etc

- He went as far as wanting to visit all the circle of friends together, as a couple before he has divorced

 

My question is do you guys think he will leave her? He still wanted to be in my company after I made it clear there would be no sex while he is married. I have decided to give him a month without him knowing, if nothing has happened I will just continue making myself hate him, I think I should be able to do this as no sex or emotion is now involved. I guess I will be able to update everyone in 1 month.

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saraispiel19

oh jeeze what have you done. This damn wanker is also at fault.

 

You are in no position to impose in a marriage and bring yourself in you are as much fault as he.

 

 

Generally in my POV men do leave because usually the wife leaves OR the husband realizes what they can lose and bend over backwards to get thier wife back leaving you out of the equation.

 

Also, the damn wife is probably clueing into some of the signs or has some sort of doubt and she needs to find out. Others may say it's not YOUR position to do so but in this case someone has to; if her husband doesn't have the balls to do so.

 

Nevertheless, I wouldn't suggest a relationship with this man- If they will lie for you they will lie to you. Simple as that.

 

He is a coward and you for once can be the bigger person- sure it may have been fun, sex was great, etc. Look at his flaws; he whines to you about his wife complains about sex, probably degrades her to you- what makes you think your so special, hey you may be for the moment but just wait till your no longer flavour of the week.

 

Goodluck to ya and keep us posted!

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noforgiveness

That is really really sad.

 

Do you have any idea the devastation you will cause in this woman's life? She is being deceived not only by her husband but by 90% of her group of friends too. Have you even thought of her feelings or is it just you you you?

 

You want him to choose? You want him to leave her? Then tell his wife you are screwing her husband. You can do it annonymously if you'd like. Send an annonymous text or something.

 

:laugh:He actually wants the two of you as a couple around his friends first before he decides? You're kidding right? So he's going to choose you if his friends are ok with it?

 

Please remove yourself from this. Oh and are you sure your friends know you are still carrying on an affair or do they just know you had a drunken incident.

 

That makes you feel superior doesn't it? All her friends know but are protecting you. I'm sure they are actually protecting her in their minds and say some really crappy things about you behind your back. What you are doing is not nice at all and completely selfish. He is married.

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Lookingforward
After scouring the threads I was unable to find a similar situation to mine so have decided to post.

Rather than write a long involved story I thought I would put it in points:

- I am the other woman

- I am involved in the same circle of friends as he and his wife although wouldnt classify her as a friend

- 90% of the circle of friends know but havnt told her

- It started in April 07 in a drunken moment

- I finished it in Jan 08 realising it was going nowhere and I would loose friends

- They have no children

- We are all approx 30 yrs old

- They have been together since childhood, basically first loves

- I stopped the affair by being a bitch to him and making myself hate him in my head

- Weak moment last week told him I still liked him and why I was being a bitch to him for closure for myself

- Had a visit from him on the weekend. He has told me he is giving himself 2 weeks to decide if he is getting a divorce.

- I told him I would not be having sex with him ever again as long as he is married and have stuck to it

- He has basically mapped out our future plans together if he leaves her

- He has said the usual things such as he hates her, she talks down to him, lucky to have sex 12-15 times a year, he loves me, told me I am his girl now, just the usual crap they sprout etc

- He went as far as wanting to visit all the circle of friends together, as a couple before he has divorced

 

My question is do you guys think he will leave her? He still wanted to be in my company after I made it clear there would be no sex while he is married. I have decided to give him a month without him knowing, if nothing has happened I will just continue making myself hate him, I think I should be able to do this as no sex or emotion is now involved. I guess I will be able to update everyone in 1 month.

 

My question is, if there's no emotion involved, why do you care ?

 

You ended it already , leave it be....... sounds like it will be a terrific R if you do continue LOL

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You seem to be getting a little bashed here. I understand why, but at least you told him enough is enough instead of allowing him to lead you around by the nose.

 

Wait two weeks and see what he does, and don't just take his word for anything, and do NOT get back in bed with the guy!

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You seem to be getting a little bashed here

 

That's kinda funny coming from you but yup, you're right - Justanotherwoman, don't get in bed with that man!

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lucky to have sex 12-15 times a year

 

you're killing me here ... the fact that he's HAVING sex with her indicates to me that he's not interested in giving up that piece anytime soon, and an extramarital affair just supplements his supply, IMO

 

will he leave her? Why should he? He's getting some at home, he's getting some on the side and he's calling all the shots. He'd be stupid to jeopardize this good thing he's got by leaving what he has now to go to a situation where he's expected to be monogamous with someone who knows he likes to screw around.

 

stop torturing yourself by hanging your hat on unrealistic dreams. This relationship is not about you; it's about your married lover having the best of both worlds.

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That's kinda funny coming from you but yup, you're right - Justanotherwoman, don't get in bed with that man!

 

Not really. The problem I have is primarily with those who have an "I don't give a sheeit" attitude and gloat about their behavior while trash talking the BS as well as others on LS who don't share their opinions.

 

And the above comment was completely unnecessary, IMO.

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Mustang Sally

My vote is for "No."

 

Reasoning: It's been over a year since your A started (April 07) and a good 6 months since you "ended it" (Jan 08). He hasn't left her yet? He's unlikely to do so.

 

Just one woman's opinion.

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After scouring the threads I was unable to find a similar situation to mine so have decided to post.

Rather than write a long involved story I thought I would put it in points:

- I am the other woman - First Problem

- I am involved in the same circle of friends as he and his wife although wouldnt classify her as a friend - Yeah, that makes it better, geez

- 90% of the circle of friends know but havnt told her - nice circle of friends

- It started in April 07 in a drunken moment - always a popular excuse for doing something wrong and not accepting your fault

- I finished it in Jan 08 realising it was going nowhere and I would loose friends - yeah, would hate to lose that buch

- They have no children - Thank God

- We are all approx 30 yrs old - You two should probably know better then

- They have been together since childhood, basically first loves - and?

- I stopped the affair by being a bitch to him and making myself hate him in my head - must have been hard, being a bitch and all

- Weak moment last week told him I still liked him and why I was being a bitch to him for closure for myself - weak = horny

- Had a visit from him on the weekend. He has told me he is giving himself 2 weeks to decide if he is getting a divorce. - Damn he is good

- I told him I would not be having sex with him ever again as long as he is married and have stuck to it - until the next drinking party

- He has basically mapped out our future plans together if he leaves her - he can play the guitar too

- He has said the usual things such as he hates her, she talks down to him, lucky to have sex 12-15 times a year, he loves me, told me I am his girl now, just the usual crap they sprout etc - yeah, I would hate for you to fall for any of that usual crap

- He went as far as wanting to visit all the circle of friends together, as a couple before he has divorced - well, did you do it?

 

My question is do you guys think he will leave her? - you really want to know?

He still wanted to be in my company after I made it clear there would be no sex while he is married. - wont it be suspicious if he shunned you all of a sudden?

I have decided to give him a month without him knowing, if nothing has happened I will just continue making myself hate him, I think I should be able to do this as no sex or emotion is now involved. - why hate him alone? it takes two

I guess I will be able to update everyone in 1 month.- cant wait!

 

Ya'll deserve each other.

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bentnotbroken
After scouring the threads I was unable to find a similar situation to mine so have decided to post.

Rather than write a long involved story I thought I would put it in points:

- I am the other woman

- I am involved in the same circle of friends as he and his wife although wouldnt classify her as a friend

- 90% of the circle of friends know but havnt told her

- It started in April 07 in a drunken moment

- I finished it in Jan 08 realising it was going nowhere and I would loose friends

- They have no children

- We are all approx 30 yrs old

- They have been together since childhood, basically first loves

- I stopped the affair by being a bitch to him and making myself hate him in my head

- Weak moment last week told him I still liked him and why I was being a bitch to him for closure for myself

- Had a visit from him on the weekend. He has told me he is giving himself 2 weeks to decide if he is getting a divorce.

- I told him I would not be having sex with him ever again as long as he is married and have stuck to it

- He has basically mapped out our future plans together if he leaves her

- He has said the usual things such as he hates her, she talks down to him, lucky to have sex 12-15 times a year, he loves me, told me I am his girl now, just the usual crap they sprout etc

- He went as far as wanting to visit all the circle of friends together, as a couple before he has divorced

 

My question is do you guys think he will leave her? He still wanted to be in my company after I made it clear there would be no sex while he is married. I have decided to give him a month without him knowing, if nothing has happened I will just continue making myself hate him, I think I should be able to do this as no sex or emotion is now involved. I guess I will be able to update everyone in 1 month.

 

 

Not only does she need to dump her husband, she needs to dump her friends. With friends like those, she doesn't need enemies.:sick:

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LucreziaBorgia

Well, he is going to weigh his options in his head:

 

Does he want this:

 

- It started in April 07 in a drunken moment

 

or...

 

They have been together since childhood, basically first loves

 

Ever heard that saying about the devil you know is better than the one you don't? My guess? He will stick with what he knows, and can rely on as a sure thing regardless of how "unhappy" he is.

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saraispiel19

Ever heard that saying about the devil you know is better than the one you don't? My guess? He will stick with what he knows, and can rely on as a sure thing regardless of how "unhappy" he is.

 

you know what you bring a point there Lucrezia! Think about it a man fools around with a woman who knows he is cheating on his wife and is okay with that and he is married to one who is faithful and has been there the longest.

 

ho hum..just a thought!

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justanotherwoman

Hey Guys, Thanks for your responses, although some of them harsh, they are all well deserved and put a smile on my face.

The latest update is I have finished it, pulled the pin on it totally. Who was I actually trying to Kid.

I had a mutual friend phone last night, we got talking and he said MM and the wife were fighting at the moment and MM had asked if he could stay at the mutual friends house the previous night. Warning bells rang, why wouldnt he stay with me? ah yes thats right, I told him no sex while he is married. I ended up getting a text from MM this morning telling me how he was arguing with the wife at the moment. I replied and told him that if he ment all the things he said, when your fighting its the easiest time to leave. I got the reply back, maybe, better not dont want to loose everything I have. Ill see you sunday.

Ding Ding, the penny finally dropped for me.

If he contacts me again I will be advising him that now I do not need to pretend to hate him anymore and he had better pray I dont run into his wife in the next couple of weeks.

I dont know if im more furious at myself for beleiving him or at him for screwing with my head after I told him not to.

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you know what you bring a point there Lucrezia! Think about it a man fools around with a woman who knows he is cheating on his wife and is okay with that and he is married to one who is faithful and has been there the longest.

 

ho hum..just a thought!

 

That is a good point. MM knows he is a cheater, but he also knows that the OW is in a relationship with a MM. So, when it comes down to it, "who can HE trust?"

 

Maybe this is why some of the MM that do leave the marriage don't move in with the OW. They ask for "time" to sort things out. They may continue to see the OW, but in reality the MM knows that the OW isn't really that trustworthy. When it comes to a real relationship, as hypocritical as it sounds, the man wants a woman he can trust even if he himself isn't so trustworthy.

 

A very interesting concept indeed.

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That is a good point. MM knows he is a cheater, but he also knows that the OW is in a relationship with a MM. So, when it comes down to it, "who can HE trust?"

 

Maybe this is why some of the MM that do leave the marriage don't move in with the OW. They ask for "time" to sort things out. They may continue to see the OW, but in reality the MM knows that the OW isn't really that trustworthy. When it comes to a real relationship, as hypocritical as it sounds, the man wants a woman he can trust even if he himself isn't so trustworthy.

 

A very interesting concept indeed.

 

Well that's just great. (I know it's true, but it's one of those truths that make you want to throw up.) I could never live under such tyranny and hypocrisy, as the W of such a man. I'd show him trustworthy, all right. Trustworthy his @ss right out the door. Yyyyuusshh. [OpenBook shudders in abject horror at the very thought.]

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bentnotbroken
Well that's just great. (I know it's true, but it's one of those truths that make you want to throw up.) I could never live under such tyranny and hypocrisy, as the W of such a man. I'd show him trustworthy, all right. Trustworthy his @ss right out the door. Yyyyuusshh. [OpenBook shudders in abject horror at the very thought.]

 

 

As badly as it hurt at the time, opening that door and watching him go YYYYuusshh right out the door was the best thing I ever did.[Laughing as his @ss bounces off the curb and into the gutter:laugh:]

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CallMeCrazy

Please don't feel bad about the mean comments some of the posters made.... Everyone has their own opinion, but you know you've made these decisions and now you have to decide for your self where to go from here. I will tell you from personal experience, it's a LONG painful road and even if he DOES leave, there is still so much that you have yet to go through...

 

I would suggest reading a book that I found helpful... Your feelings matter too ~ so don't forget that.

 

This book is written by a therapist with a lot of expeience dealing with people in relationships like ours ~ and can give you objective perspective from the eyes of all parties. Believe me ~ my MM was telling me all the same things that yours has and you'd be surprised how much of it ended up being a lie. We believe what we want to believe and ignore the signs that tell us something different is going on... we want to make it work and keep hoping. Statistically the odds are against us....

 

Hang in there and do what you feel is right deep down.... Listen to that little voice.... :) Hugs...

 

Will He Ever Leave Her For Me?:Understanding your situation, making decisions for your happiness ~ by Rona B. Subotnik

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saraispiel19
As badly as it hurt at the time, opening that door and watching him go YYYYuusshh right out the door was the best thing I ever did.[Laughing as his @ss bounces off the curb and into the gutter:laugh:]

 

 

ah well it's not as easy as it sounds bent. Once your in the position you have a whole new prespective. Like the saying goes: easier said than done.

 

Also to the original poster:

 

This man if he did "love you" as he claims (i think i'm at the right thread) would have indeed come to your home after the fight with his wife regardless if sex was taboo. Something about him makes me wonder if he is cheating on you too! Men who enjoy a side dish can't just pick one!

 

Goodluck to you and keep us posted.

 

 

p.s. I am sorry if I was one of the "harsh" posters the last thing I want to be is rude. Your entitled to make mistakes as for everyone else; this man is a cheat and a liar- this is not someone you want to make a home with. He obviously does not respect his wife nor his own household. This is not a good man to sleep beside.

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justanotherwoman
ah well it's not as easy as it sounds bent. Once your in the position you have a whole new prespective. Like the saying goes: easier said than done.

 

Also to the original poster:

 

This man if he did "love you" as he claims (i think i'm at the right thread) would have indeed come to your home after the fight with his wife regardless if sex was taboo. Something about him makes me wonder if he is cheating on you too! Men who enjoy a side dish can't just pick one!

 

Goodluck to you and keep us posted.

 

 

p.s. I am sorry if I was one of the "harsh" posters the last thing I want to be is rude. Your entitled to make mistakes as for everyone else; this man is a cheat and a liar- this is not someone you want to make a home with. He obviously does not respect his wife nor his own household. This is not a good man to sleep beside.

 

 

I think you may be right on this one, I think he also has "another other woman" on the side. Upon talking to this mutual friend there appears to be 2 hours of this MM was unaccounted for. Also something he said but I dismissed at the time made me think he almost admitted to seeing another person also along with a strange gut feeling now I think about it. This has all had a positive effect on me, I will not have a bar of him ever again. Thankyou everyone for the replies, it makes so much difference when they are personalised and directed to me. My next dilemma will be should I tell his wife? Thoughts?

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saraispiel19

I say go for it. I think honestly you made a mistake a dumb one and if you do want to be a good person and change I say you tell the oblivious wife and confirm her most probably suspicions. No one should be left in the dark- I mean wouldn't you want to know if you were her.

 

By all means apologize for your wrong doing and thank heavens you are not following through with that man.

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I say you tell the oblivious wife and confirm her most probably suspicions. No one should be left in the dark- I mean wouldn't you want to know if you were her.

 

Yeah. I wonder if that's one of the things they fight about. Her: "I just KNOW you're sneaking around behind my back!" Him: "I swear, honey, I'm not!" (in his most innocent, little-boy voice)

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noforgiveness
I think you may be right on this one, I think he also has "another other woman" on the side. Upon talking to this mutual friend there appears to be 2 hours of this MM was unaccounted for. Also something he said but I dismissed at the time made me think he almost admitted to seeing another person also along with a strange gut feeling now I think about it. This has all had a positive effect on me, I will not have a bar of him ever again. Thankyou everyone for the replies, it makes so much difference when they are personalised and directed to me. My next dilemma will be should I tell his wife? Thoughts?

 

oh please do tell her. Especially since she doesn't have children though. Be prepared though. I have a feeling you will enjoy telling her to get revenge for him but it will slap you in the face. She will hate you. You knew he was married. She will tell your mutual friends awful things about you. You will be the pariah with the group. The women will not let you around because they do not like your boundaries.

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I replied and told him that if he meant all the things he said, when your fighting its the easiest time to leave. I got the reply back, maybe, better not don't want to loose everything I have. Ill see you sunday.

 

CAKE-EATER!!! someone needs to take that jerk behind the barn for a good azz-whuppin' ... I mean, really! Telling someone he doesn't want to lose what he's got, then in the same breath he makes plans for the weekend with his lover. How thick-headed is that?

 

My next dilemma will be should I tell his wife? Thoughts?

 

what is it going to accomplish? Yes, she ought to be in on the loop, but YOU telling HER is just going to make the situation look like sour grapes. Unless you've explicitly told him to bug off, that it's over and you invoke a period of no-contact. If he breaks the no contact, you might have true recourse in telling his wife, "Hey, I've quit your husband but he refuses to leave me be. I want nothing to do with him, yet he's insistant we remain lovers."

 

that shows her that yeah, even though you were sleeping with her husband, you got smart and got out of the relationship, but he's still pursuing you. She'll be angry and hurt, but it would be undeniably him doing the pursuing ...

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