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Exit Affairs


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Old 25th June 2008, 8:50 PM   #1
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Exit Affairs

Out of curiousity, are the majority of exit affairs EA or PA? I keep reading that they have the lowest percentage of "survival" and can't figure out if then it would be easier to walk from an EA or a PA.

I would think PA as that would be, for me emotional and physical, but not sure if that would be the majority.
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Old 25th June 2008, 9:21 PM   #2
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I think that they would be PA, just because it crosses such a line that can never be uncrossed, but I don't know how true it is.
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Old 25th June 2008, 9:32 PM   #3
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For a man? Definitely a PA. Actually, it would probably be a PA for a woman, too, to leave her M. For both, I think the biggest compeller is the double-whammy, a PA and an EA... and falling in love with the OP.

But I've always thought of Exit Affairs as having everything to do with the CS's intentions. They're looking for a soft lap to fall in as they're leaving the M -- "the bridge" if you will. It's not necessarily about leaving for the OP.

And I think this is precisely why Exit Affairs don't usually last as permanent relationships -- because they're thought of, from the very beginning, as "the bridge." The purpose of crossing a bridge is to get to the other side. Once you've crossed it, you keep on gettin' it, leaving it far behind. You have no more use for "the bridge."
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Old 26th June 2008, 1:25 AM   #4
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I would say PA / EA combo, for both men and women.
I would have to agree. I think it would be both for the women and at least PA for the man.
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Old 26th June 2008, 2:58 AM   #5
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But I've always thought of Exit Affairs as having everything to do with the CS's intentions. They're looking for a soft lap to fall in as they're leaving the M -- "the bridge" if you will. It's not necessarily about leaving for the OP.
I think the difficulty arises in that those intentions are not always conscious - the MP wants out, uses the opportunity of the A to achieve that, and then realises that it wasn't about the people, it was about the structure. Many tears all round.
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Old 26th June 2008, 7:04 AM   #6
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I think the difficulty arises in that those intentions are not always conscious - the MP wants out, uses the opportunity of the A to achieve that, and then realises that it wasn't about the people, it was about the structure. Many tears all round.
That is what I was thinking. I am just not that sure people are so self aware that they understand that they are looking for a "bridge" to get out of the marriage especially since they are most likely so disconnected in the marriage that they are out of touch with themselves already.

I wonder at what point does the realization becomes evident that the "bridge" is a bridge and not about the other person? I mean I would assume that when it is started they really think it is about the individual and at some point the fog starts to clear.

And do the exit affairs have the lowest success rate b/c of all the stress and drama of the ending of a marriage(s)? A new relationship is so frail in a healthy state, adding all of these other factors would be a major strain.

And, on that vein, what affairs have high success rates!?! I guess I don't understand the stats since it would seem like if one is going to "succeed" then it would be an exit affair for someone.

Thanks so much in my musings. Just finding these stuff interesting.

I found out a few years ago my mother had had an affair with a married man she had been involved with in the past. My parents stayed together but they were already toxic before the affair, worst afterwards. Been talking to my dad about it, the final end of their marriage years later, the lines that he drew for himself, etc.

I feel for both of them, knew that they were just looking for happiness and for misguided reason stayed together and miserable for decades. Luckily they are happy now and better friends than during their marriage.
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Old 26th June 2008, 9:12 AM   #7
 
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I think men are more likley to have the classic "exit affair" than women as from reading many threads on here it seems that it is the MM that "needs" to have someone there waiting before they can take the leap to leave their M, even when there are many valid reasons for dissolving that union.

Woman seem to be more likely to leave a toxic M on their own.

Just my take anyway.
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Old 26th June 2008, 9:46 AM   #8
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My wife's EA was definitely intended to be an exit affair. And her EA would have immediately become PA had she got on the plane and met with him as she'd planned.

Luckily, it didn't work out that way.
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Old 26th June 2008, 9:52 AM   #9
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Exit affairs imply more than they mean. MM don't have affairs to enable us to divorce. We have affairs for the usually hot affair sex. Most guys are not that premeditated about the whole thing. Men are simple creatures.

I had a 3 year PA, which continued as an EA for 2 more years. I was married and so was my lover.

I ended the affair and 2 years later ended my marriage.I didn't need another woman to cushion the blow (or fall). My ex-affair partner (I believe) remains married and my ex-wife and I get along very, very well.

And I'm very happy being single. Most of all, I'm happy about not being in an affair.It's been 4 years and counting since I've seen the MW, and I miss her not.

Never again.
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Old 26th June 2008, 10:06 AM   #10
 
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Exit affairs imply more than they mean. MM don't have affairs to enable us to divorce. We have affairs for the usually hot affair sex. Most guys are not that premeditated about the whole thing. Men are simple creatures.

I had a 3 year PA, which continued as an EA for 2 more years. I was married and so was my lover.

I ended the affair and 2 years later ended my marriage.I didn't need another woman to cushion the blow (or fall). My ex-affair partner (I believe) remains married and my ex-wife and I get along very, very well.

And I'm very happy being single. Most of all, I'm happy about not being in an affair.It's been 4 years and counting since I've seen the MW, and I miss her not.

Never again.
But are you "typical" ? SOME men do have affairs to help them "exit" the M.
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Old 26th June 2008, 10:22 AM   #11
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I'm probably not typical. I have noticed that some middle-aged men are weenies. By that I mean they leave their wives, spend 2 weeks dating, sleep with a woman, and end up marrying her. Its as if they can't stand to live and sleep alone. In my view, they're wusses.

If by exit affair one means that a MM with premeditation embarks on an affair to provide an excuse to leave the wife and kids, I don't believe it's common. What often happens is the MM has the affair, unfavorably compares his wife to the OW and his marriage to the affair, and then jumps out of the marriage onto the lap of the OW. The OW gives the MM an emotional parachute which he uses to drop out of his marriage, and she also provides a safe, convenient drop zone.

Unfortunately, once the MM lands safely, he no longer needs the OW. He can then date around, and trade-up. In a way it's a two-for-one, a double betrayal:the MM betrays the wife and the OW.

Life isn't fair.
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Old 26th June 2008, 2:44 PM   #12
 
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Life isn't fair.

nope - it just IS
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Old 26th June 2008, 2:47 PM   #13
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nope - it just IS
Til its not...but lets not get into that...that's religion, and a whole DIFFERENT can o' worms!
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Old 26th June 2008, 2:55 PM   #14
 
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Til its not...but lets not get into that...that's religion, and a whole DIFFERENT can o' worms!
well you gotta live like this is the only life you get, no ?
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Old 26th June 2008, 3:15 PM   #15
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well you gotta live like this is the only life you get, no ?
No arguments from me there! This is how I live.
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