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I keep comparing my SG with MM who is a close friend


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simple_city_girl

I am friends with a MM for over 3 years, he's 41 and I am 26. the relationship was also physical, we slept together for about 7 times in these 3 years and last time was about an year ago. Now its not physical anymore,we are only friends and i just love it.

 

I share everything with him, about life, work and things that i love and hate. he's very caring and concerned all the time about me. he's cares about little little things and is very respecting.

 

About 6 months ago I met another guy who is my age around 27, and we have been dating since. I share everything about us with my MM and he gives me unbiased advice on how to have a good relationship..

 

but there is one thing which has been bothering me..

Though I see that this guy seems perfect for me, he is well-educated, rich, settled in good job, has an adorable family which also adores me.

but i dont feel that he's as matured, caring, respectful and appreciative as my MM. there is nothing wrong with this guy, most of my friends would die to be with such a guy bcoz he has everything a girl would look for. but to me he never comes across "as" nice and loving as my MM.

 

If i dont compare him with MM, everything seems good coz he also cares for me a lot. but if i ever start comparing him with MM in any way, then he just doesnt seem that matured and warm like my MM (who is in 40s)

 

did anyone else also ever feel that a single ,available, young 'perfect prince charming' would also be not as pleasing, knowledgeable, worldly-wise and caring as MM

 

why is this so, why do i keep feeling like this?

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Untouchable_Fire

About 6 months ago I met another guy who is my age around 27, and we have been dating since. I share everything about us with my MM and he gives me unbiased advice on how to have a good relationship..

 

did anyone else also ever feel that a single ,available, young 'perfect prince charming' would also be not as pleasing, knowledgeable, worldly-wise and caring as MM

 

why is this so, why do i keep feeling like this?

 

I admit to having suffered some similar issues.

 

First, you have a strong emotional bond with the MM, which allows you to overlook all of his bad traits. If I met him, chances are I would think him a total scumbag.

 

Second, you've only dated the other guy for 6 months. Some guys are great on paper, but not so much in real life. If he isn't cutting it... move on. If you stick with someone just for a lifestyle, you do everyone a disservice. Plus it means your worthless as a person. So, keep your eyes open.

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pelicanpreacher

Rememer, you didn't know your MM when he was in his 20's. When you see your MM you're witnessing the end product of years of maturation which may have a lot to do with the moulding experience incurred while married to his wife! It is often said that "Behind every great man is a woman" and, though cliche, it has its own merit. I believe a MM's evolved state of being to be a real attractant for women involved in affairs because they want the "transformed" ready-made man with a heightened sense of awareness to a woman's needs rather than put in the work to develop a man through the ardous work and growing pains of a longterm relationship starting with a single or less mature one. JMO! :)

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I am friends with a MM for over 3 years, he's 41 and I am 26. the relationship was also physical, we slept together for about 7 times in these 3 years and last time was about an year ago. Now its not physical anymore,we are only friends and i just love it.

 

he's cares about little little things and is very respecting.

 

About 6 months ago I met another guy who is my age around 27,

 

i dont feel that he's as matured, caring, respectful and appreciative as my MM.

 

but to me he never comes across "as" nice and loving as my MM.

 

If i dont compare him with MM, everything seems good coz he also cares for me a lot. but if i ever start comparing him with MM in any way, then he just doesnt seem that matured and warm like my MM (who is in 40s)

 

Your perspective is more than a little out of whack.

 

This mature, loving, caring, warm, respectful MM you are holding up on a pedestal has been cheating on his wife with you for the past 3 years, and who knows what other women he's been cheating with during that time. He's been lying to his wife, and deceiving her. He is neither loving nor respecting his wife and family since he's a cheater, a liar, and a sneak. Perhaps one reason he's still not having sex with you right now is that he's lying to you as well while he's having sex with yet another woman.

 

Your 27 year old bf may not yet have as much life experience as a 40 year old man who has a decade plus more of life and a family, but then again, your 27 year old probably has a boatload more integrity since he isn't going around cheating on that family. Clearly, he is wiser than MM who could LOSE everything including his family and children when he is caught cheating.

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simple_city_girl

Thanks for being thoughtful and replying to me.

I have been wondering since many days now, how should i go about this whole situation. wats the best that i can do to overcome all this....

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The solution is simple...not easy, but simple.

 

Drop any and all contact with MM. You'll never get him "out of your system" if you're still in contact with him. No one can compare to him, because you're not capable of seeing the negatives in him at this time.

 

Break off contact with MM completely, give yourself some time to heal. Start a hobby, resume an old one, whatever it takes to redirect your energy...and don't worry about finding anyone else or a while.

 

Once things have calmed down for you...you'll be able to see others more clearly, and make fairer observations and assessments of them.

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