happinessnow Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Its been a few weeks now since my last post. I wrote a post called Falling for a married woman. I wanted to thank everyone that gave me advice and i wanted to give you an update. After reading the advice and other stories here we had a long talk today and as much as it hurts me and her we will be spending time apart. We are going to stop seeing each other and she will be leaving work early and going to a therapist to help her deal with her problems and try to find strength to put a stop to her horrible marriage. i hope i am doing the right thing, i hope that she will be ok, i have never done anything so hard in my life and my eyes hurt so much from all the tears that i've shed, tomorrow will be our last goodbye until she comes back to me, if she does. I've never been so scared. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 This is for the best - You knew you couldn't go on as things were before. Seek counselling for yourself if you're having a hard time doing NC with her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Congratulations on your decision. I can empathize with how painful it is for you. Last time I went NC with my friend, it took 2 years for the connection to subside enough to seriously date anyone else. I second IC. The tools I've learned in MC for my M will help me with NC as well. Counseling really does work if you want to learn and change. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Its been a few weeks now since my last post. I wrote a post called Falling for a married woman. I wanted to thank everyone that gave me advice and i wanted to give you an update. After reading the advice and other stories here we had a long talk today and as much as it hurts me and her we will be spending time apart. We are going to stop seeing each other and she will be leaving work early and going to a therapist to help her deal with her problems and try to find strength to put a stop to her horrible marriage. i hope i am doing the right thing, i hope that she will be ok, i have never done anything so hard in my life and my eyes hurt so much from all the tears that i've shed, tomorrow will be our last goodbye until she comes back to me, if she does. I've never been so scared. You may not realize this now but GOD intersected you with her life so that you could show her the selfless love of a FRIEND ONLY! The strength of your love has helped her to summon the courage to find the professional guidance she needed to help her love and restore her self-esteem again! The best and most you should strive for is to remain a friend who'll be there to support her in her failings as she stumbles forward through her treatment. In time she will grow stronger within herself and become more capable of taking ownership of her life again to thrive as a fully actualized adult. This will only occur, though, after enduring many years of intense therapy to undo the damage of abuse suffered under her parents and husband. If you have the fortitude to wait for her as she proceeds along this arduous journey then, when the time is right(in accordance to her therapist), you can mutually decide to elevate your relationship to start on an even playing field where both partners can stand on their own two feet! If you would have chosen the dark path of a romantic affair with her she wouldn't have been strong enough to fight the ingrained notion hammered into her psyche that her self worth is strictly determined, sanctioned and justified in accordance to her husband's acknowledgement, standards, and valuation of her being. She would, therefore, eventually have succumbed to the impact of guilt, fear, and shame of betraying her husband's authority and be compelled to return to him only to find herself in a far harsher environment of abuse and control than she experienced before she met you. His hold over her now would be so intense and pervasive that she would've eventually crawled into her shell and be lost to you forever! Long is the road and hard that out of Hell lead up to light! You've pick your path wisely! Link to post Share on other sites
Author happinessnow Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 i will look for a therapist, i've cried myself to sleep and woke up crying, i might of slept a combined 2 hours tonight. i don't know how i will be able to do this, i feel like i failed her and i wasn't good enough to save her. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Its been a few weeks now since my last post. I wrote a post called Falling for a married woman. I wanted to thank everyone that gave me advice and i wanted to give you an update. After reading the advice and other stories here we had a long talk today and as much as it hurts me and her we will be spending time apart. We are going to stop seeing each other and she will be leaving work early and going to a therapist to help her deal with her problems and try to find strength to put a stop to her horrible marriage. i hope i am doing the right thing, i hope that she will be ok, i have never done anything so hard in my life and my eyes hurt so much from all the tears that i've shed, tomorrow will be our last goodbye until she comes back to me, if she does. I've never been so scared. Good for you, it's refresing when someone actually listens to the common sense advice they've been given. And no matter what people on this forum told you or helped you to see, YOU are the one who chose to end it with her, and to make a better life for you, so good for YOU. I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Eventually you will start to heal and realize you are much better off not being with a woman who is married to someone else. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happinessnow Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 i do realize that i will be better off being with a woman that isnt married. but i still want it to be her. yesterday when we said our last goodbye she told me to give her 6 months to better herself through counciling and leave her marriage so i will wait the 6months as hard as it is. hopefully she comes back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Its been a few weeks now since my last post. I wrote a post called Falling for a married woman. I wanted to thank everyone that gave me advice and i wanted to give you an update. After reading the advice and other stories here we had a long talk today and as much as it hurts me and her we will be spending time apart. We are going to stop seeing each other and she will be leaving work early and going to a therapist to help her deal with her problems and try to find strength to put a stop to her horrible marriage. i hope i am doing the right thing, i hope that she will be ok, i have never done anything so hard in my life and my eyes hurt so much from all the tears that i've shed, tomorrow will be our last goodbye until she comes back to me, if she does. I've never been so scared. Good for you. You are doing the right thing.. at this point. There is NO use beign second best when you can be #1.. and you can't be number one in her book until she is single and fully available to you. Best wishes. Stay strong. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
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