Is he having an emotional affair?

[fredsgirl75]

I met me boyfriend 3years ago through an internet dating site. He told me he had a friend (girl) she wanted a relationship with him he didn't. It took approx 12 months for him to introduce us, there was always some excuse, why do you feel you need to meet her, don't you trust me. He tells her everything even down to his sexual fantasies. Every time we are all together I feel like an intruder like I am in the way and they would be happier if I just left. He talks to her on the phone for hours we could be out window shopping and he is talking to her. It gets to the point where I think why do I bother and I just want to go home. They worked together she got him the job. They talked everyday at work even having lunch and going shopping together. She sends him messages and emails about why is he with me and not with her. She wants to know why i am better than her and what's wrong with her. She is in a relationship with another man and has been for about 2 years. But this has not stopped her.

My partner thinks I am being irrational and if I really trusted him I should not mind that he has a good friend to talk too. Well I do mind that the woman you are telling all your secrets to and talking to about us and my problems with her would jump into a relationship with you at any chance she got. We even went out one night for a work do. She sent him a message in morning blubbering on about how hurt she was that he went home with me and not with her. She now has a new job but amazingly she catches the train where my partner gets off. The other night he was late home. I asked him where he was he told me he was talking to her at train station. We are having a family dinner. He didn't want to understand what the problem was. We broke up for about 8 months. He did not get with her during that time and he uses that to justify being her friend. If I wanted to be with her, I had the chance but I did not do anything. i want to be with you.

With me, so why does it feel like there are tree people in the relationship.

[carhill]

Not healthy. I speak from experience. I've been the male version of her.

 

He is with her, emotionally. He's compartmentalizing. He needs to get those needs met in a R with you (or her or someone else). He can't have it both ways.

 

The key? The amount of time he took to introduce you to her. Normally, friends check out a new girl/guy early on in a R. He wanted you hooked before seeing that reality in person.

 

It's two big interlocking triangles. Someone needs to break the link. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders

[GPFan]

The answer to your question is Yes.

[angie2443]

Yes he's having an emotional affair. If you have no children, seriously consider leaving this situation as soon as possible. Why waste more years on a relationship that is only going to cause you pain?

[fredsgirl75]

Came home from work last night to bf being very attentive. Said he loved me very much, always had and I should never doubt it. I asked him if he had been on the computer. He had. We talked like we had never before. He would always rant and rave and we would get into an argument. He said he was sorry I felt that way but nothing was going on, nothing ever will.

I told him how it made me feel. He said he understood. I know she is a good friend to him. she even told him he should try to get me back when we broke up.

He said he does not want to lose their friendship, I agree. But it still does not ease the worry or hurt I have. I said I just wanted him to understand how it made me feel and to be considerate of my feelings. He said he did and would, and he understood he should have done things differently in the past.

[Meaplus3]

I met me boyfriend 3years ago through an internet dating site. He told me he had a friend (girl) she wanted a relationship with him he didn't. It took approx 12 months for him to introduce us, there was always some excuse, why do you feel you need to meet her, don't you trust me. He tells her everything even down to his sexual fantasies. Every time we are all together I feel like an intruder like I am in the way and they would be happier if I just left. He talks to her on the phone for hours we could be out window shopping and he is talking to her. It gets to the point where I think why do I bother and I just want to go home. They worked together she got him the job. They talked everyday at work even having lunch and going shopping together. She sends him messages and emails about why is he with me and not with her. She wants to know why i am better than her and what's wrong with her. She is in a relationship with another man and has been for about 2 years. But this has not stopped her.

My partner thinks I am being irrational and if I really trusted him I should not mind that he has a good friend to talk too. Well I do mind that the woman you are telling all your secrets to and talking to about us and my problems with her would jump into a relationship with you at any chance she got. We even went out one night for a work do. She sent him a message in morning blubbering on about how hurt she was that he went home with me and not with her. She now has a new job but amazingly she catches the train where my partner gets off. The other night he was late home. I asked him where he was he told me he was talking to her at train station. We are having a family dinner. He didn't want to understand what the problem was. We broke up for about 8 months. He did not get with her during that time and he uses that to justify being her friend. If I wanted to be with her, I had the chance but I did not do anything. i want to be with you.

With me, so why does it feel like there are tree people in the relationship.

 

 

I'm afraid it looks like yes indeed an ea is brewing. He need's to end all contact with her in order to focus on the Relationship between the two of you.

 

AP:)