lil update. doing good!

[neverendingsaga]

hi just wanted to give y'all an update, i have my 2nd job interview tom. am so i hope to be free from XMM soon. i havent been talking to him cept when he corners me or pretends its about work & then drones on & on about how miserable he is, yeah right then get D'ed ya know!! anyway its been so great, im free of him personally & ive been happier than ive been in a long time. but i want to be free of his professionally to so im like, please new please new job please new job LOL.

 

he still does dumb **** to get my attention at work but ive stopped paying him any mind. he still texts & calls me but i just turn my phone off. i just act like he doesnt exist. its been working of course at home & some at work, his attempts to contact me have gotten less & he more just pouts & sulks around me. i see now, hes a weasel, a child, he is only out for what HE wants. maybe hes having a mid life crises or something. if we had worked out hed be going after someone else in awhile, he is just never happy unless he has someone new fawning after him, & a wife at home to keep up his married man image. i see that now. ewww. he told me maybe its better we're not working out B/C theres someone else he has in mind to date. what a Ahole. i told him that, i said, your a pig, MM cant DATE duh, it doesnt work out, get it straight, and i went to leave his office. then he said, he meant after he gets D'ed. uh huh. then he said, hes so sorry, he just said that to make me jealous B/C hes so hurt, how could i hurt him by ignoring him like this. uh huh.

 

anyway. im a happy girl now that im free of that selfish jerk & hes wallowing around being miserable. i will be much happier when i have a new job B/C he does make work diff!! but its so nice to go home or out w/ friends or to the gym & turn off my cell phone & not have to worry about him anymore. he is no longer my problem & it feels great to be free!!!! i cant believe i invested so much in him & did **** i def. dont normally do for him. ewww.

 

anyway i just wanted to give everyone that update & say wish me luck for my hopefully new job... ughghgh i want it so much, mostly B/C XMM's not there & also B/C it pays me lots more, that will be nice, i'll go out & pamper myself!

 

PS i was reading this career guide book for my interview & it said to avoid inter-office relationships, they will plague your prof. reputation for life, esp. if its a situation where its like your boss & your his inferior, & esp. if hes M'ed. there was a story in there about a girl who flirted w/ her boss then ended up sleeping w/ him & she felt bad & guilty b/c it was his W who actually got her that job & she had babysat for there kids & stuff! she said ppl at work were suspicious & talking about her & she was so stressed B/C she tried to break it off but he was a creep about it (like my XMM ha ha) so she ended up just quitting B/C she was so miserable... & then she was like, i cant explain to new jobs why i left such a good position. so then they explained all the reasons its bad to date someone at work or to mix your professional life w/ your personal life. i read that and was like, yep, screwed that up already! it made me sad B/C when i started i had such HUGE hopes & now i am leaving (i hope) just B/C of my really really stupid decision to get involved w/ XMM. but i hope to start over w/ a fresh slate & i will take that books advice & not date anyone at work & esp. not a MM, WTF was i thinking!!??!?! i obviously wasnt... SIGH...

[mopar crazy]

I'm happy for you that you are finally moving on from this jerk. GL w/ the job interview and I hope you get the job. You seem strong.

 

Your story sounds so similar to my WH and the exOW but flipped. My H broke it off w/ the xOW to R our M (he left me for her and filed for a D, long story). He was her supervisor. When he told her it was over she wouldn't let go. She would constantly call him, flirt w/ him at work, stop by the house. It wasn't until I spoke to her that she went NC. They worked together after the A ended and I HATED it. She also told him that she had someone in mind to date right after he broke it off w/ her. They did start dating and shortly after that she got H fired (another long story,he hired an attorney). Then she went on to get another job elsewhere after he was fired. She had been looking and applying right after he broke it off. She felt he was trying to get her fired but he wasn't. Anyhow, I don't know why she quit the job she had for several years b4 their A after he got fired. Maybe her co-workers weren't too friendly w/ her after she got him fired, I don't know.

 

Good luck!!! Hope it all works out for you and you learned a couple valuable lesson from this. 1. Don't date a MM and 2. Don't date co-workers. I dated co-workers and once the R ended it was difficult working w/ them.

[bentnotbroken]

Good to hear you are gaining strength and perspective. It will be hard, but you feel so much more confident in you abilities to overcome adversity. Keep your chin up and remember the hard learned lesson.

[neverendingsaga]

I'm happy for you that you are finally moving on from this jerk. GL w/ the job interview and I hope you get the job. You seem strong.

 

Your story sounds so similar to my WH and the exOW but flipped. My H broke it off w/ the xOW to R our M (he left me for her and filed for a D, long story). He was her supervisor. When he told her it was over she wouldn't let go. She would constantly call him, flirt w/ him at work, stop by the house. It wasn't until I spoke to her that she went NC. They worked together after the A ended and I HATED it. She also told him that she had someone in mind to date right after he broke it off w/ her. They did start dating and shortly after that she got H fired (another long story,he hired an attorney). Then she went on to get another job elsewhere after he was fired. She had been looking and applying right after he broke it off. She felt he was trying to get her fired but he wasn't. Anyhow, I don't know why she quit the job she had for several years b4 their A after he got fired. Maybe her co-workers weren't too friendly w/ her after she got him fired, I don't know.

 

Good luck!!! Hope it all works out for you and you learned a couple valuable lesson from this. 1. Don't date a MM and 2. Don't date co-workers. I dated co-workers and once the R ended it was difficult working w/ them.

 

WOW your H's XOW does sound alot like my XMM. he constantly calls me, emails me, uses socalled work reasons to talk to me, texts me, comes to my office, tries to flirt w/ me, gets mad at me for not talking to him, ETC!! too. All that works is ignoring him, he used to have so many reasons i NEEDED to talk to him. then i realised there is no reason i need to talk to him. maybe work but even that is iffy, i mean whats he gonna do, go complain that im not talking to him about work & then let me explain why?! ha ha. but i just try to keep it strictly work & as civil as poss. for now untill i can leave.

 

im glad your H wised up. do you think he learned his lesson? sometimes i think, wow, how could XMM's W be w/ him when he's like this. but she doesnt know about me. but she suspects & im sure if he's this crazy w/ ME hes crazy w/ her too. i wonder if MMs change there personality when there having an A though, so how would i really know. and i know i have learned from this & changed so MMs can to. NOT my XMM, he certainly hasnt, but some MMs, like your H it sounds like!

 

i kind of feel weird asking you these ?s since i was a OW. but since your on the OW board it must be ok right? if not im sorry. im not asking to hurt you, only B/C im really interested from the W's POV.

 

i did learn those 2 valuable lessons & i wont forget them. thx for the encoragment!

[neverendingsaga]

Good to hear you are gaining strength and perspective. It will be hard, but you feel so much more confident in you abilities to overcome adversity. Keep your chin up and remember the hard learned lesson.

 

thx BNB those are very true words!!

 

 

[jj2007]

hi just wanted to give y'all an update, i have my 2nd job interview tom. am so i hope to be free from XMM soon. i havent been talking to him cept when he corners me or pretends its about work & then drones on & on about how miserable he is, yeah right then get D'ed ya know!! anyway its been so great, im free of him personally & ive been happier than ive been in a long time. but i want to be free of his professionally to so im like, please new please new job please new job LOL.

 

he still does dumb **** to get my attention at work but ive stopped paying him any mind. he still texts & calls me but i just turn my phone off. i just act like he doesnt exist. its been working of course at home & some at work, his attempts to contact me have gotten less & he more just pouts & sulks around me. i see now, hes a weasel, a child, he is only out for what HE wants. maybe hes having a mid life crises or something. if we had worked out hed be going after someone else in awhile, he is just never happy unless he has someone new fawning after him, & a wife at home to keep up his married man image. i see that now. ewww. he told me maybe its better we're not working out B/C theres someone else he has in mind to date. what a Ahole. i told him that, i said, your a pig, MM cant DATE duh, it doesnt work out, get it straight, and i went to leave his office. then he said, he meant after he gets D'ed. uh huh. then he said, hes so sorry, he just said that to make me jealous B/C hes so hurt, how could i hurt him by ignoring him like this. uh huh.

 

anyway. im a happy girl now that im free of that selfish jerk & hes wallowing around being miserable. i will be much happier when i have a new job B/C he does make work diff!! but its so nice to go home or out w/ friends or to the gym & turn off my cell phone & not have to worry about him anymore. he is no longer my problem & it feels great to be free!!!! i cant believe i invested so much in him & did **** i def. dont normally do for him. ewww.

 

anyway i just wanted to give everyone that update & say wish me luck for my hopefully new job... ughghgh i want it so much, mostly B/C XMM's not there & also B/C it pays me lots more, that will be nice, i'll go out & pamper myself!

 

PS i was reading this career guide book for my interview & it said to avoid inter-office relationships, they will plague your prof. reputation for life, esp. if its a situation where its like your boss & your his inferior, & esp. if hes M'ed. there was a story in there about a girl who flirted w/ her boss then ended up sleeping w/ him & she felt bad & guilty b/c it was his W who actually got her that job & she had babysat for there kids & stuff! she said ppl at work were suspicious & talking about her & she was so stressed B/C she tried to break it off but he was a creep about it (like my XMM ha ha) so she ended up just quitting B/C she was so miserable... & then she was like, i cant explain to new jobs why i left such a good position. so then they explained all the reasons its bad to date someone at work or to mix your professional life w/ your personal life. i read that and was like, yep, screwed that up already! it made me sad B/C when i started i had such HUGE hopes & now i am leaving (i hope) just B/C of my really really stupid decision to get involved w/ XMM. but i hope to start over w/ a fresh slate & i will take that books advice & not date anyone at work & esp. not a MM, WTF was i thinking!!??!?! i obviously wasnt... SIGH...

 

You go girl!! I knew you would be strong enough to make it through this! Good job!

Speaking of jobs, Good Luck with your new one! I wish you the very best and all the happiness in the world! You deserve it!

 

Tell that MM to crawl back under the rock he came out from!!

[pelicanpreacher]

Be careful NES. Until you've got your bird in the hand you're still fumbling in the bush! Remember, be cool!

[neverendingsaga]

You go girl!! I knew you would be strong enough to make it through this! Good job!

Speaking of jobs, Good Luck with your new one! I wish you the very best and all the happiness in the world! You deserve it!

 

Tell that MM to crawl back under the rock he came out from!!

 

thanks jj.

 

i dont have the new job yet, just a 2nd interview. hopefully i'll have that good luck & get it.

[mopar crazy]

WOW your H's XOW does sound alot like my XMM. he constantly calls me, emails me, uses socalled work reasons to talk to me, texts me, comes to my office, tries to flirt w/ me, gets mad at me for not talking to him, ETC!! too. All that works is ignoring him, he used to have so many reasons i NEEDED to talk to him. then i realised there is no reason i need to talk to him. maybe work but even that is iffy, i mean whats he gonna do, go complain that im not talking to him about work & then let me explain why?! ha ha. but i just try to keep it strictly work & as civil as poss. for now untill i can leave.

 

im glad your H wised up. do you think he learned his lesson? sometimes i think, wow, how could XMM's W be w/ him when he's like this. but she doesnt know about me. but she suspects & im sure if he's this crazy w/ ME hes crazy w/ her too. i wonder if MMs change there personality when there having an A though, so how would i really know. and i know i have learned from this & changed so MMs can to. NOT my XMM, he certainly hasnt, but some MMs, like your H it sounds like!

 

i kind of feel weird asking you these ?s since i was a OW. but since your on the OW board it must be ok right? if not im sorry. im not asking to hurt you, only B/C im really interested from the W's POV.

 

i did learn those 2 valuable lessons & i wont forget them. thx for the encoragment!

That is ok, you can ask all you want. Talking about it doesn't hurt anymore.

Do I think my H learned his lesson? I hope so. We were in a tough time in our M right b4 their A. The xOW had been after my H for about 3 years prior to their A. His reasoning for the A was b/c she paid attention to him. He said when he walked into the room her eyes would light up and she would greet him w/ a smile and a hello. I didn't pay much attention to my H b/c he never was home to pay attention to. I think once our children and I were gone he woke up out of his fantasy land and realized a D is not what he wanted.

The xOW used every excuse to call, work, a co-workers accident, anything. I don't know if she took H seriously about not calling anymore. I guess it took hearing it from me made her realize their R was over and she needed to move on.

 

Your xMM just can't grasp that it's over between the two of you. Hopefully you can get this new job so he will stop bothering you.

[neverendingsaga]

Be careful NES. Until you've got your bird in the hand you're still fumbling in the bush! Remember, be cool!

 

im not entirely sure what you mean PP but thanks. you are always very helpful!

[neverendingsaga]

That is ok, you can ask all you want. Talking about it doesn't hurt anymore.

Do I think my H learned his lesson? I hope so. We were in a tough time in our M right b4 their A. The xOW had been after my H for about 3 years prior to their A. His reasoning for the A was b/c she paid attention to him. He said when he walked into the room her eyes would light up and she would greet him w/ a smile and a hello. I didn't pay much attention to my H b/c he never was home to pay attention to. I think once our children and I were gone he woke up out of his fantasy land and realized a D is not what he wanted.

The xOW used every excuse to call, work, a co-workers accident, anything. I don't know if she took H seriously about not calling anymore. I guess it took hearing it from me made her realize their R was over and she needed to move on.

 

Your xMM just can't grasp that it's over between the two of you. Hopefully you can get this new job so he will stop bothering you.

 

thx for answering my ?s, im glad things are better b/t you & your H. it sounds like the A was a wakeup call for you two to improve your M. not that that was a good excuse for him to cheat though!! i wonder why some ppl- like me!!- have to learn our lessons the hard way & others seem to instincually KNOW they should do the right thing no matter what.

 

your right, XMM thinks that sooner or later i'll start playing along again. thats B/C i havent been strong enough in the past. i would tell him it needs to be over but then i would give in when he contacted me. not this time & its throwing him for a real loop. now he says i only used him to get trained & for a reference & then im dumping him & moving on. um OKAY if he really wants to look at it that way then he sure got something out of the deal but instead of dumping me which would be the RIGHT thing to do since hes still M'ed he wants to keep on using me. what sucks is that he always helped me at work so much, at 1st i was so naive & thought we could be a great personal/professional team. WTF was that all about, i was so stupid!!

 

thanks again mopar.

[pelicanpreacher]

Any news on the new job? I'm waiting with my "Bottle of Bubbley"!...Okay, actually my beer.

[neverendingsaga]

2nd job interview went well. there are several departments & i had already met w/ everyone in the department i'd be working in. so this time i met w/ the head of the other departments even though they dont really have much say over me being hired. the head of my dept. chooses whether or not to hire me, but i guess these ppl want to see if i fit in well w/ the whole company. i couldn't really see the point of it except as a way for them to see if i fit & for ME to see if they fit w/ what i want.

 

so it went well but i dont think it was nearly as important as my 1st interview & my portfolio/ samples & my reference. the recruiter told me that one other person she knows of was called back too & shes not sure of how many others that applied on there own, not through her. at this point im not sure what the deciding factors are in there decision. nor do i know when exactly they'll make the decision or if there are any more steps 1st. so for now im just sitting back & waiting!

 

thx everyone for the good luck wishes, i think i had a pretty good interview.

[pelicanpreacher]

im not entirely sure what you mean PP but thanks. you are always very helpful!

 

Until you have the job in hand you still must deal politely and professionally with the OM!

[neverendingsaga]

Until you have the job in hand you still must deal politely and professionally with the OM!

 

true i see your point. ive been reading a career book B/C i realised how clueless i was, mixing up personal & professional like that at work. ughghghg. now every time i have any interactions w/ him at work i say to myself to keep it professional & not give in to his attempts to make it personal. the book is full of common sense advice that i shouldve known all along, maybe i lack common sense. like you are always being judged by your actions at work & ppl do not respect the office flirt (not like i flirted w/ anyone in the office but him, but still), ppl will notice if you spend a lot of time w/ one person, if the doors are shut to much, if you guys are chatting to much instead of working, etc. i look back & think, how could i have done so many things wrong not just morally but also for my career!! so im trying to improve things while i still work here. no one at my job seems to care but if the book is right they see me as unprofessional... him too i guess but he doesnt seem to care about that so im just caring about myself.

 

once we were at a restaurant, luckily we had business clothes on & werent sitting close etc & it was daytime but it was just the two of us & to our luck we saw the main boss there!!! that really showed me something about his priorities & the image he wanted to have... he went over to our boss & started talking to him in front of me about the trees that are blooming in the yard at him & his Ws house. then he was such a huge idiot, asking me really loudly "wheres your car, mines parked over here, i'll see you later" when of course we had come together.

 

later i was so mad, like, ok i know we're still undercover but do you need to overcompensate so much, it is obvious to our boss that we are together (our boss married his OW who he was dating when she worked tehre & he was married to another W, so our boss doesnt really care he just knows), & you looked silly purposefully pointing out things about you & your W. plus how do you think that makes me feel, like just a piece of poo your trying to cover up under mud by talking about your grand castle toilet at home or something.

 

he was like oh i didnt realise i hurt your feelings i just said the 1st thing i thought of. i was like yeah, that really shows me your state of mind, how can you be telling me your getting D'ed & talking to our boss about your house w/ your W etc. anyway the point of this story was that at that time i told him we had to stop doing things in secret B/C we could be found out, it could have been his W or one of her friends at the restaurant, or other ppl from work that would care more then our boss or talk bad about us etc. i told him that among many reasons to stop the A was that face that i had to worry about my professional reputation. he was like 'what about MY prof. reputation?' and i was like, well theres another good reason, both of ours have prolly already taken a big hit but why continue like this. then he started to feel all guilty & say we needed to stop until he was D'ed, & he felt like a scumbag, but i could tell he never felt that way untill it hit him & untill i pointed it out. (& this was a while ago so i guess he got over feeling like a scumbag B/C he still begged & pleaded me to stay w/ him & keep the A up). its like he doesnt think things through, he just does them untill he is caught & left feeling silly (but then he keeps doing them anyway or tries). that was a huge pattern w/ him... i knew i was doing the wrong thing & i thought about this stuff & tried to tlak to him about it all the time as reasons i was breaking up w/ him, not that i didnt love him but look at all these important reasons to stop-- his wife, our job, not living in secret etc., but he never THOUGHT of them untill he was hit w/ reality.

 

so im thinking of them every minute & trying to do everything perfectly at work since i messed up so much in the past. amazingly ppl still like my work & me & my career is doing well, & if i get this job (that was funny about the bottle of bubbly BTW) it will be doing even better... so i just feel grateful for the opportunity to walk away & start over w/ a fresh slate (which is something the career book recommended if you have already done too much damage to your reputation). Im really glad i turned this around before it was to late even though i already did so much stuff the wrong way & messed up so much! at least i cant be proud of myself for SOMETHING...