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If you could turn back time....


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NewSunrise asked in another thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t152658/ "If you could turn back time, would you do anything different?"

 

I thought that was an interesting question and worth its own thread - so, voila!

 

Limiting it to the A (as opposed to, I would have taken Maths rather than Home Ec at school :rolleyes: and become a brain surgeon rather than a housewife) - if there was a seminal point that, looking back on now, you wish you'd played differently... what was it, and what would you rather (blessed with hindsight) have done?

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Lookingforward

Funny you should ask - I had a computer issue over the weekend and resolved it - and then wished for a 'system restore point' in real life

 

As to which point you restore back to - that's the hard part

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Funny you should ask - I had a computer issue over the weekend and resolved it - and then wished for a 'system restore point' in real life

 

As to which point you restore back to - that's the hard part

 

Same as on the PC - where the system was stable :)

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Same as on the PC - where the system was stable :)

 

Errr... looking back, I'd say the moment of conception :lmao:

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Errr... looking back, I'd say the moment of conception :lmao:

 

 

I suspect that, in my universe, that was one of the least stable moments... :laugh::p:lmao:

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LucreziaBorgia

I dunno. I doubt I would change much. Every action in my life has led to the point where I am now, and I'm pretty happy.

 

That said, I would love to go back and observe my actions objectively - sort of like accessing the past as a 'read only memory'.

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I would change a few things... but it's hard to figure how my life would be... maybe it would be worst...

 

but I would change my life with my first ex.. I wonder what those 29 yrs would have been without him in the picture.. ;)

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I wouldn't change anything. Wait - I'd change the part where I dated an abusive guy - mentally and physically. Other than that, I'm all good. I wouldn't have known life isn't all that black and white, if not for the things I went through.

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I would not have had my love affair. Would that have saved my marriage? I doubt it. Still, the pain I caused my family will live with me, and them, forever.

 

Saying that, my ex and I, along with my kids, are getting along very, very well. It took time, however,for us to reach this new equilibrium.

 

As for my long ago, MW, I don't know how she's doing, and I don't particularly care.

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Lookingforward
Same as on the PC - where the system was stable :)

 

 

okay - stable - still hard - WHEN was it stable ? (possibly before the doors were locked after the horse bolted?)

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Five months ago, I started romancing my MM--I was smitten with him, he was an old friend (from several years before), he had no children, I wanted a chance to be with him.

 

For about 4 months we talked constantly, touched rarely, and it changed my life in some incredible ways. I feel larger, stranger, funnier, more confident and honest and beautiful. We never had sex or even got that close.

 

 

He said he was thinking about leaving his wife but made no promises, and we never talked about their marriage. I think that is his business. I asked him for two things; to not string me along, and to tell me if he knew that he would lnot eave his wife. I guess those are really the same thing.

 

Last month I started to get desperate, wanting so badly to meke love to him that I could barely stand it, so I went away for a month, and I told him it was over. He said he hadn't made up his mind yet but he understood. It was terrifically sad.

 

I think both of us are better people for it--I think he probably realized some great things about his marriage that made it worth staying, and I feel like we did ti right, giving it a little chance, but not so much of a chance so as to fatally undermine hismarriage. I mean I'm really crazy about him, I love the way he lives and thinks, and I would not turn away the chance to try for him, but i had my chance and I lost.

 

It got much harrier than I expected, true--emotions are so powerful--but we were basically respectful towards eachother an dhis marraige.

 

So no, I wouldn't change a thing. Well, I would change whether or not I made my play 8 years earleir, when he was just dating someone (else), instead of this time. But I guess I think respectful, powerful love is worth trying fo, and because we never had sex I don't have much to regret.

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neverendingsaga

idealisticaly, i wouldve run away from the beg. as soon as XMM said 'i have such strong feelings for you,' i wouldve had the knowledge/ self worth/ foresight/ boundaries/ ETC to say 'im flattered but your M'ed. come back if/ when your not', and i never would have gotten involved in this whole mess to begin w/.

 

but practicaly speaking... i DIDNT know enough at that time to say that. i really did think it was true love & he was in the process of D & all that. so, not being too hard on myself, i know the one thing that i did that was good was breaking off the A after he half-moved out & i realised he was hesitating & the D was going nowhere. that was the time when i was at my smartest. so if i could go back in time, i would stick to that decision & never start talking to him again when he still wasnt D'ed (& in fact had moved back in w/ his W!) everything went BACKWARDS, not FORWARDS, & i allowed the A to linger by going against what id said & talking to him.

 

in the beg., i view it more as his fault for making me promises he obviously wasnt sure he could carry out. but from the point that i REALISED he was doing that & broke up w/ him on, i view it as my fault for settling for less then i know i deserve & taking crumbs from him. i feel i deserve all the pain i got from that point on. oh how i wish i could have kept being as strong as the time i walked away completely w/out looking back. im trying to do that all over again but, having looked back once, its a lot less convincing. :(

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Lookingforward

Actually, I think I've touched on this scenario before briefly...

 

I would go back to the beginning and I would be more pro-active regarding counteracting the toxic influence from his W

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NewSunrise

Glad to see that such a simple question evolved into some "soul searching", some honestly, some cynical.:) But, hey all in fun. The question was directed more alligned with whether or not you got all that you wanted or that you simply "settled", for a lack of better word. Like I said, I don't know your history Owoman, based on your numerous replies to posters, I gathered that you are still with your MM and if I remember correctly, he is D his W and supposedly both of you will be together? Again, as I said in my original inquiry leading up to this question, correct me if I'm wrong. Interesting however....

 

Yep. Restoring my computer system does wonder when it locks up and can't figure out what happened. And sometimes, just a simple click of "refresh" allows you to asess what you did. Of course, computer is void of emotions and mental capacity. But, hey, maybe in 50 years, we'll have computers thinking like human beings. At that point, OW/OM or affairs in general will be non-existent. You will be able design your own OM/OW exactly the way you want them to be...Wowweee!:D

 

Of course, the flipside to this might be that human beings will lose the mental and emotional capacity to care, not that it isn't already happening.

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Event Horizon

Well my affair with a married woman all started when I told her she looked really nice one day.

 

So, if I could go back, I would skip telling her she looked nice that day.

 

E..H

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Lookingforward
But, hey, maybe in 50 years, we'll have computers thinking like human beings. At that point, OW/OM or affairs in general will be non-existent. You will be able design your own OM/OW exactly the way you want them to be...Wowweee!:D

 

I don't think most would be designing an OW/OM, rather they would be redesigning their spouses so the need for an OW/OM was non existent......in most cases anyway

 

just my 2 pence

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I don't think most would be designing an OW/OM, rather they would be redesigning their spouses so the need for an OW/OM was non existent......in most cases anyway

 

just my 2 pence

What a great idea. In this case, no point in getting married anymore, right?

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GreenEyedLady
NewSunrise asked in another thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t152658/ "If you could turn back time, would you do anything different?"

 

I thought that was an interesting question and worth its own thread - so, voila!

 

Limiting it to the A (as opposed to, I would have taken Maths rather than Home Ec at school :rolleyes: and become a brain surgeon rather than a housewife) - if there was a seminal point that, looking back on now, you wish you'd played differently... what was it, and what would you rather (blessed with hindsight) have done?

 

I would not do anything differently. I learned so much aobut myself and became a stronger person through our R. I never lost sight of myself or what I wanted and I was never a doormat. I would actually say this whole situation was the turning point in my life where I became the woman I was meant to be.

 

And I would feel the same way if we didn't end up together.

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Can'tGiveUp

I would have been more open about the strength of my feelings for him. I kept that from him and when he reconciled with W, he did so without that knowledge. We both regret that now.

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I don't think most would be designing an OW/OM, rather they would be redesigning their spouses so the need for an OW/OM was non existent......in most cases anyway

 

just my 2 pence

Just as an after thought, I think married couples do go through redesigning each other for each other and for the marriage. It's called compromising.

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What a great idea. In this case, no point in getting married anymore, right?

 

Work permits and visas apart - we're already at that point.

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SoxPrincess

I would absolutely change a few things, but these are the top 2:

 

(1) I would go back to 1977 and tell my Dad not to go out on his motorcycle & to just stay home and spend time with us. I was 2 years old at the time and he and my Mom had been arguing about his motorcycle; she gave him an ultimatum "either the bike or your family" and he chose his family but wanted to go out on one last bike ride. Sadly, it really was his last ride as he got into an accident that night and died. I've always wondered what my life would've been like if I had my Dad around..especially now that I have children.

 

(2) The night I met the guy who turned into my OM: Instead of continuing to drink and feel "free", I would have gone back to my OWN hotel room and called my Husband to tell him how much I loved him. Unfortunately, that did not happen and a 12 month affair ensued and nearly destroyed my marriage. I often think what a waste that entire year was and time with my H and my family that I'll never get back and I regret it every single day.

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LakesideDream
I would not do anything differently. I learned so much aobut myself and became a stronger person through our R. I never lost sight of myself or what I wanted and I was never a doormat. I would actually say this whole situation was the turning point in my life where I became the woman I was meant to be.

 

And I would feel the same way if we didn't end up together.

 

 

Owoman, Unlike GEL above, if I could "turn back time" I would, to the day before I was married. Knowing what I found out. Knowing the things that explained all sorts of behaviors, I would turn back time and save myself all that pain.

 

Better yet I would turn back the clock even farther and try to make my life with someone I knew loved me.

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Well my affair with a married woman all started when I told her she looked really nice one day.

 

So, if I could go back, I would skip telling her she looked nice that day.

 

E..H

 

It doesn't take much, does it? It's like hitting a switch.

 

Very scary. That's why I avoid married women like the plague.

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