jd74 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 so long story short!! i don't know thats possible.. i have been involved with a man on and off for 10 years.. first Both single... Then stopped talking.. then me married... start talking... then 2 years and 1 baby.. start talking again... 2 months prior 2 long time GF and his marriage be start talking again..i at time am not in happy marriage.. this was 4 years ago.. my divorce was final 1 1/2 years ago and he has since had a child and a new baby that is just over a month old... last month i told him again.. that i could not be the ow anymore. that he need ed to be married(since we have been together his WHOLE MARRIAGE.. and that i was going to leave him alone... he did everything and said everything to tell me he loved me and need ed me.. he's in love with me.. don't leave him.. love notes.. etc.. i told him he could not see me if he continued to be with his wife. That it was not fair to her what we were doing and that she deserved to know the truth and be able to find someone who loved her and treated her better.. So he tells her he's unhappy...(just not about me)(did i mention that she knows who i m.. and that my ex husband knows who he is) he said he was having a hard time leaving her witha newborn at home... anyways in the mean time MY ex husband discovers that i m seeing this man and threatn to tell his wife everything.. So days go by.. and we are wiating for the bomb. My MM is stressed becausehe is sure 100%that she will kick him out and take the kids away.. so he tells me he loves me and we make plans for the next day to talk...the next morning he calls.. tells me he misses me... then i get a text... hes telling his wife EVERYTHING.. its been a week and day.. thte last communication from him was... he told her everything.. WE can never talk again.. he has a problem and is seeing drs for help with his wife...SHES STAYING WITH HIM!!! i recieved a letter in the mail the other day typed(she wrote it) saying basically that he is sorry for the pain but more so sorry he hurt his wife... that he is lucky she loves him enough to try and fix things.. and that his kids are to young to know what heahas caused his family.. and requesting me to not contact him or them in any manner.. or he will get a p.p.o against me.... WTF he signed it.. but he didn't write it.!! help me figure this out..im lost and confused..but i can't be angry at him... i believe with every ounce that we are meant to be together.. and that he is in love with me!!! and thats the short version... AHHHHH Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 In this particular situation I have to say it sounds like he was never really unhappy with his wife and really didn't intend to leave her. He may have toyed with the idea of divorce but when all is said and done he loved his wife and was being selfish by keeping you around. NC was probably a condition his wife offered in exchange for her forgiveness. I think that now that she knows everything he is probably feeling like a huge burden has been lifted off his shoulders and is happier. Just let this situation be what it is. The whole threat towards you is over the top but most likely because she felt disgusted that the OW is someone she knows. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 He has made his choice . He wants hiw , kids and marriage. Most likely if you contact him again he will get a PPO. Stay away and do not contact. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Rejection is the risk we run when we fool around with... or fall in love with married people. He's trying to do what's right by his wife... and baby's. Leave him alone. Oh.. sorry it's hurting you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Agree with everyone who replied. You two had 10 years of opportunities to "try". Neither were on the same page. And you're still not on the same page. You two may have another 10 years of off and on and you two would have other lives destroyed simply because neither of you were "willing" nor were meant to be together. Perhaps it took this long for both of you to must learn to let go and allow yourselves to grow. You haven't in the last 10 years have you? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Hmm. Well I'm going to disagree in some degree with those who have already replied. I'd say this was the necessary risk you/he took in coming clean (at last!) with her. He is doing what he feels he needs to do for the moment, for the sake of his marriage/child. As you say, she wrote the note, and he signed it. That says it all for me. I do, however agree that you need to leave them alone now to work this through in their own time. Perhaps they will stay together in the longrun, and perhaps they won't. But you have been asked to stay away, and that's what you should do, no matter how you feel about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Did your H know about the A while you were married to him? Frannie is right, the bottomline here is - MM has chosen to stay married - You have NO choice but to respect his wishes that it is over and to leave him alone. If you really do love him, then do what is best for him, and his family. If you two were meant to be, why didn't you get married A LONG TIME AGO when you were both single? Why didn't he break up with his girlfriend years ago when you were divorced? Instead he chose to get married, and not to you.. He isn't being FORCED into anything, he told her about the A, she didn't want the marriage to end. If he truly wanted it to end, he would have told her no..He didn't and sadly you DO have accept this and try your best to move on. Get counselling if you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 And prepare yourself for when he comes back around, trying to resume the A. He's trying to placate his W right now. But he'll be back around. Do you want to keep going through this?? He's gotten away with playing you AND his W for the last 10 years. (He's good!!) Are you going to allow him to continue treating you like this? IME, you're paying too high a price for the pleasure of his company. But it's your call. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 And prepare yourself for when he comes back around, trying to resume the A. He's trying to placate his W right now. But he'll be back around. Do you want to keep going through this?? He's gotten away with playing you AND his W for the last 10 years. (He's good!!) Are you going to allow him to continue treating you like this? IME, you're paying too high a price for the pleasure of his company. But it's your call. OB, you're right on! OP reread this post...He'll be back...And where are you going to be? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Rejection is the risk we run when we fool around with... or fall in love with married people. With anybody! Thing is, jd, whether he signed under duress or not - he signed, he agreed, he chose. Any move on your part now will make you look desperate, clinging, a stalker (given the threat of the RO). He has your number, he could get hold of you any time he wanted - and, as OB and GEL suggest, I don't think you've seen the last of him. But do you want to be the plan b of some guy who's prepared to dump you so callously, and make you out as a stalker, the minute the heat is on? He had the perfect opportunity to declare his undying love for you, to leave his unhappy M and have a solid, unmediated R with his kids... if that's what he wanted. You may love him, but he doesn't love you... enough. Link to post Share on other sites
me003 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Rejection is the risk we run when we fool around with... or fall in love with married people. Rejection is can come from all people not just married people. I ahve rejected plenty of man in my single days. Link to post Share on other sites
clairebear Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 he doesn't love you OR respect you...you are NOTHING to him!!! a PLAYTHING!!!! i bet your parents are proud!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
me003 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 With anybody! He has your number, he could get hold of you any time he wanted - and, as OB and GEL suggest, I don't think you've seen the last of him. But do you want to be the plan b of some guy who's prepared to dump you so callously, and make you out as a stalker, the minute the heat is on? He had the perfect opportunity to declare his undying love for you, to leave his unhappy M and have a solid, unmediated R with his kids... if that's what he wanted. You may love him, but he doesn't love you... enough. I agree. If he wanted to be with you he would have gotten a divorce. He has a child and children have a way of making anyone sacrife themselves. I have sacrificed many relatinships because they were not good for my son. Maybe in a few more years timing will be right and you can be together under the right circumstances. I wish you luck in yoru life and I know how difucult it is to be in your situation. You will have bad days and good days but you have to be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 You can't be angry with him? He threw you under the bus. He made a choice. You are wanting to believe W made it for him. Does he allow other people to make decisions for him? If so, that is spineless. Why would you want a "man" like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Screwedover Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 He's not in love with you. Go read the thread "I'm in love with my MM." Ditto everything I said there. Link to post Share on other sites
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