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UPDATE: MM gone nuts....


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DepressedWaiting

Well I am back with an interesting update. As you know I have been NC with MM since April 15th. I am proud to say that I have stuck to NC and have been REFUSING contact with him. I made it EXTREMELY clear... do NOT contact me unless you have SIGNED DIVORCE papers... I did this the last time he showed up at my front door (un-announced) and I kicked him off my property... this was almost 3 wees ago. Since then he never tried contacting me.

 

But tonight all of a sudden he emails me saying he is having lunch with this divorce attorney on friday and wants me to join him and his attorney for their little lunch meeting. WTF is wrong with my MM???? MM says he wants to PROVE to me that he is SERIOUSLY working on it and making progress. He says he TOLD his attorney about me (he has known this attorney for two years now.. apparently they are golf buddies... another WTF moment!!!) I told him I do NOT care and am NOT interested!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MM told his attorney about me and says his attorney wants to meet me at lunch to see just what woman my MM is spending ALL this money on and turning his life upside down for. My MM says he showed his attorney a picture of me. WTF????

 

Everybody... I really think this proves everything. He cannot respect my wishes... it's obvious by his ridiculous behavior what a true coward he is.

 

He is sooooo DESPERATE to see me... not because he can't live without me... but because he is in a panic for losing his cake eater habits.

 

Unbelievable.

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Is man is a truly mentally handicapped? All that sounds like is a desperate web of lies schemed up by him and a lawyer friend of his. I highly doubt that this is the lawyer he would really use for a divorce. Most likely just a friend who can help him get you back. Does this sound like something he is capable of?

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DepressedWaiting

Porter,

 

I don't know what to think anymore. I mean yes... his friend could possibly indeed be a divorce attorney. Has played golf with him for two years... I mean if MM were going to use an attorney I don't see what would be so strange of him to use that attorney since that would be one he can trust and knows.

 

But the fact that he is wanting me to go to lunch etc is just plain ridiculous not to mention the fact that he cannot seem to respect my wishes of... do NOT contact me unless you have signed divorce papers.

 

MM says he wants to PROVE to me that is is SERIOUSLY working on it and making BIG progress with his attorney... thus why he wants me to join their lunch meeting.

 

Well I hope he has fun on his lunch date with this little golf buddy (aka "attorney").

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Art_Critic

Just have him fax you the filing... or better yet.. most filings are on the internet today thru the county courthouse's webpage if they are on the internet..(most big counties are today ).. have him send you the link to the filing...

 

The guy is lying to you..

Divorce attorneys just don't go to lunch with clients to discuss their case, they have you meet them in their office..

Friend or not.. they wouldn't meet with you either..You are not the client...

 

Don't give up on your NC.. the guy is a piece of work... lunch with his attorney..hahahahaha

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DepressedWaiting

This morning MM is still asking me to accompany him to lunch with his attorney on friday because he already told his attorney I would be there and his attorney is interested in meeting me. Supposedly the attorney has known MM for about two years now (they are golf buddes). The attorney asks my MM... "Who is this woman you are turning your entire life upside down for spending all this money on... she must be something special". So MM then showed his attorney a picture of me and his attorney knows the whole story about how MM has been having an affair with me for several years.

 

I told my mother about him wanting me to join him and his attorney for lunch and my mother had a very DIFFERENT reaction from you guys. I am confused!!! She says it is NOT strange that the attorney is willing to have lunch with me and MM and that it seems MM really does have the ball rolling.

 

My MM says he will be faxing me a copy of his $5,000 attorney bill to me later this evening (he just payed this attorney all that money) and wants to show me proof of that.

 

MM says he is worried sick that I might move on to be with another man in the meantime and lose me so he wanted to at least prove to me that he has got the ball rolling because I tell him I do not even believe he has an ATTORNEY and that I am "dating other men" so he tells me if I STILL feel that I need NC after meeting his attorney then he will comply but wants to prove to me his work in progress with the attorney so that I will wait for him to finish.

 

MY MM says I can invite my friend or even my own mother to the lunch with the attorney if I do not feel comfortable going alone.

 

I am almost curious to check it out... I have ZERO risk of getting sucked back into this situation I PROMISE you that. It is a fabulous feeling to know this 100%. I am NOT worried about that at all...

 

My friend who knows MM very well and the situation had the same reaction as my mother... she says I SHOULD check out this attorney. I can ask him questions (ones he is willing to answer that are not too confidential)... because I DEFINITELY have questions for him I would LOVE to ask and to verify that he is indeed an attorney!!! Now obviously if MM and this attorney were not golf buddies I doubt this lunch would be happening but it seems since they know each outside the office it changes it a tad. I will get this attorneys full name, name of his firm... FULLY check EVERYTHING.

 

Then of course OBVIOUSLY I will go back to NC as I have been because it seems to be working... it seems like it has indeed kicked MM into action!!! :D

 

Let's say that this attorney is indeed REAL and MM did indeed pay him $5k so far.... it is a possibility... time will tell. Mind you MM would NEVER EVER pay an attorney $5K if he was NOT moving forward SERIOUSLY... he does NOT have money to spare.... financially... at all.. $5K to him is a VERY big deal.

 

PS: Art Critic, I thought exactly what you are thinking at first... but it COULD be a REAL attorney. I need to find out. Trust me... I have ZERO chance of getting sucked back into being OW (things are VERY different now)... he will NEVER step foot on my property again and NC it will be after I verify no matter what.

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lovelorcet

Why do you even care? This guy sounds like a complete dumbass... why don't you just move on?

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LucreziaBorgia

No contact until the divorce is final, and he and his stbxW are living permanently in separate places. Period. You would be surprised what documentation can be faked. Tell him you want to see the final decree, and the lease to his new place.

 

Golf buddy or no, if the attny wants to meet you that badly, he can meet you properly when MM is divorced. I'm surprised he wants to at all at this point - most attnys from what I understand will suggest keeping the OW firmly under wraps to keep the divorce from getting any uglier.

 

This is the point where you do not want to give in - even a centimeter. He's in panic mode, and if he sees any 'give room' at all, he will take full advantage of it.

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I've got to agree...is this REALLY the kind of guy you want in your life?

 

If he's this bad now...can you IMAGINE being married to him?!?!?!

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This could be a total scam job, and if I were you I wouldn't want any part of it just in case it is. An attorney bill? Big deal. Until the deed is done, he could backpedal at any time.

 

Stick to your guns. Don't let him snow you like this. Be a strong woman. Stronger than he obviously believes you to be.

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DepressedWaiting

I am not interested in EVER getting married nor ever living with ANY man nor have any kids. It is NOT for me.

 

I don't need to be married to somebody nor live with them to be in a legit fully committed relationship.

 

You guys don't even know him personally asides from me trying to post the situation. He is not BAD person... I don't think it's right to ask me why would I want to be with somebody like him. Like a LOT of MM out there when the OW ends it they panic. He is now forced to p*ss or get off the pot and I'm sure he doesn't like that feeling!

 

And the way he is behaving right now is NOTHING compared to what I was doing two and a half years ago if you read my old threads. Him wanting me to go to lunch with his attorney to try to prove his progress to me so that I don't leave him for another man in the meantime pales in comparison to my behavior years ago.

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Well I am back with an interesting update. As you know I have been NC with MM since April 15th. I am proud to say that I have stuck to NC and have been REFUSING contact with him. I made it EXTREMELY clear... do NOT contact me unless you have SIGNED DIVORCE papers... I did this the last time he showed up at my front door (un-announced) and I kicked him off my property... this was almost 3 wees ago. Since then he never tried contacting me.

 

But tonight all of a sudden he emails me saying he is having lunch with this divorce attorney on friday and wants me to join him and his attorney for their little lunch meeting. WTF is wrong with my MM???? MM says he wants to PROVE to me that he is SERIOUSLY working on it and making progress. He says he TOLD his attorney about me (he has known this attorney for two years now.. apparently they are golf buddies... another WTF moment!!!) I told him I do NOT care and am NOT interested!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MM told his attorney about me and says his attorney wants to meet me at lunch to see just what woman my MM is spending ALL this money on and turning his life upside down for. My MM says he showed his attorney a picture of me. WTF????

 

Everybody... I really think this proves everything. He cannot respect my wishes... it's obvious by his ridiculous behavior what a true coward he is.

 

He is sooooo DESPERATE to see me... not because he can't live without me... but because he is in a panic for losing his cake eater habits.

 

Unbelievable.

 

OK I'm coming late to this thread but...

 

... what do you want here? Do you want a progress report, or an outcome?

 

If you said, "signed divorce papers", chances are that's not what's going to be flashed around over lunch. Instead, you'll be shown various milestones on the way towards that.

 

Is that good enough for you, or are you still with your "signed divorce papers"?

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DepressedWaiting

OWoman,

 

Definitely SIGNED DIVORCE papers. I don't know what to do now. I myself felt I should NOT go. I agree with guys. But then I spoke my good friend and then also my mother. Both know him VERY well and both told me I SHOULD go and investigate to see if he really does have a real attorney etc. Also MM has told me he THINKS that once I see he REALLY does have a real attorney and is going ahead full force that I will apologize to him for not believing any of it. He is FULLY convinced after I have this meeting with his attorney that I will not only not leave him for another man but that I will change my mind and allow him to talk to me during the process. Boy oh boy would he have a RUDE wake up call after this little attorney meeting because that would NOT be happening!!!

 

First I just want to say, he's not some horrible person and every man has his flaws... I mean he is a weirdo but I am not exactly normal myself. We match well together... if he were SINGLE. Right now his behavior is just panicked over losing me.

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Definitely SIGNED DIVORCE papers. I don't know what to do now. I myself felt I should NOT go. I agree with guys. But then I spoke my good friend and then also my mother. Both know him VERY well and both told me I SHOULD go and investigate to see if he really does have a real attorney etc.

 

Right - you feel you shouldn't go. They feel you should. How about - let them go, if they're wanting convincing. If you're waiting for the papers, that's not going to change anything for you either way. If it changes something for them, that's their call and perhaps they want to assure themselves.

 

But you need to do what feels right to you.

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Art_Critic
most attnys from what I understand will suggest keeping the OW firmly under wraps to keep the divorce from getting any uglier.

 

Yeah.. that is correct.. they will even tell a client to knock it off..

 

There is an attorney client privilege.. if his attorney speaks with you about the divorce at lunch then the attorney client privilege has been broken in respect to the things you have spoken about.

 

The attorney would be making a big mistake speaking about the case.. it would be unethical for him to do so.. even if his client was present.

 

I personally would not go and I would tell the MM to pack it in his ass..

 

There also is a big difference to filing and go thru with a divorce..

My brother had filed on his wife before only to drop the case 4 months later..

 

you need to make sure he is DIVORCED...

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nadiaj2727

No no no, sorry hon but his attorney could never meet with him about the details of his case with YOU there (let alone in a public place) because that would DESTROY attorney/client privilege, the number one thing attorneys are taught to uphold. Anything he says to him with you present, he would have to divulge later to his wife's attorney!!! This is SO not how it works, it is a scam! Please listen to me, I'm an attorney and I wish I could go laugh in your xMM's face for telling you such a bold-faced lie. :mad: It is just more total BS concocted by him to keep you waiting.

 

PS I've been following your posts and I think you are very strong. Good job standing your ground against this total A-hole. My xMM pulled the SAME kind of stuff (telling me he didn't need an attorney because he and his wife are attorneys and she's had experience doing divorces so she's handling their divorce... um yeah that makes me feel lots better!). It finally got to the point where I didn't want to be with him anymore no matter what happened because I realized what a scam artist he was. I so relate to you and I am very proud of what you've been doing. When I saw this post about meeting with his attorney though, red lights went flashing all over the place for me and I just had to come tell you, NO, believe me, that is not how it works-- an attorney would never EVER do something like this, unless he's willing to get disbarred for his buddy! Just ignore him and that will be the best way to call him on his BS. Plus, as I'm sure you know, even if somehow this crazy story was legit, his divorce with his wife is absolutely none of your business and he shouldn't try to make it your business.

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nadiaj2727

 

You guys don't even know him personally asides from me trying to post the situation. He is not BAD person... I don't think it's right to ask me why would I want to be with somebody like him.

 

I don't know him one bit but his actions here show me he is not being a good person because he is lying to you about this plain and simple. No matter how much he's "panicking", he shouldn't be lying to you, that's a BAD thing, don't you agree?

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't be with him. No one's perfect as they say. But it p!sses me off that he's trying to pull this over on you, and that makes me think that at least right now he is acting very selfishly indeed.

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whichwayisup
But tonight all of a sudden he emails me saying he is having lunch with this divorce attorney on friday and wants me to join him and his attorney for their little lunch meeting. WTF is wrong with my MM???? MM says he wants to PROVE to me that he is SERIOUSLY working on it and making progress. He says he TOLD his attorney about me (he has known this attorney for two years now.. apparently they are golf buddies... another WTF moment!!!) I told him I do NOT care and am NOT interested!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yup. Don't go. The deal is NC until you show up on my doorstep with the papers in hand, anything that falls short of that doesn't count. You do NOT need to be included in this lunch meeting.

 

MM told his attorney about me and says his attorney wants to meet me at lunch to see just what woman my MM is spending ALL this money on and turning his life upside down for. My MM says he showed his attorney a picture of me. WTF????

 

This is the biggest line of crap I've heard in a long time. I don't believe that for a second, neither should you.

 

He should be leaving his marriage because he doesn't want to be married to his wife anymore, reguardless if you're in the picture or not.

 

Everybody... I really think this proves everything. He cannot respect my wishes... it's obvious by his ridiculous behavior what a true coward he is.

 

Yes. And do you feel that this process now, him disrespcting you, freaking out and putting crazy demands on you is affecting how you feel about him?

 

He is sooooo DESPERATE to see me... not because he can't live without me... but because he is in a panic for losing his cake eater habits.

 

Unbelievable.

 

His world of having two women is coming to an end. Let his actions show if he truly desires to just be with you, then he'll actually divorce. A lunch meeting with a D lawyer means nothing yet.

 

This morning MM is still asking me to accompany him to lunch with his attorney on friday because he already told his attorney I would be there and his attorney is interested in meeting me. Supposedly the attorney has known MM for about two years now (they are golf buddes). The attorney asks my MM... "Who is this woman you are turning your entire life upside down for spending all this money on... she must be something special". So MM then showed his attorney a picture of me and his attorney knows the whole story about how MM has been having an affair with me for several years.

 

I really hope you haven't gone to lunch with them.

 

I told my mother about him wanting me to join him and his attorney for lunch and my mother had a very DIFFERENT reaction from you guys. I am confused!!! She says it is NOT strange that the attorney is willing to have lunch with me and MM and that it seems MM really does have the ball rolling.

I also hope you won't let your mom change your mind. The point of NC is so HE can DO this on his own and get his divorce. You do NOT need to be in his life during this process. If you cave, he wins and he'll take his damn time doing what he's said he's gonna do.

 

My MM says he will be faxing me a copy of his $5,000 attorney bill to me later this evening (he just payed this attorney all that money) and wants to show me proof of that.

 

Still means nothing. Wrong piece of paper you need to see.

 

MM says he is worried sick that I might move on to be with another man in the meantime and lose me so he wanted to at least prove to me that he has got the ball rolling because I tell him I do not even believe he has an ATTORNEY and that I am "dating other men" so he tells me if I STILL feel that I need NC after meeting his attorney then he will comply but wants to prove to me his work in progress with the attorney so that I will wait for him to finish.

 

Blah blah blah, his attempt of manipulating you and trying to make you feel sorry for him, don't fall for it.

 

MY MM says I can invite my friend or even my own mother to the lunch with the attorney if I do not feel comfortable going alone.

 

Don't go!

 

I am almost curious to check it out... I have ZERO risk of getting sucked back into this situation I PROMISE you that. It is a fabulous feeling to know this 100%. I am NOT worried about that at all...

 

You know that, but by going, this gives him alot of power to pour it on later. Don't cave!

 

My friend who knows MM very well and the situation had the same reaction as my mother... she says I SHOULD check out this attorney. I can ask him questions (ones he is willing to answer that are not too confidential)... because I DEFINITELY have questions for him I would LOVE to ask and to verify that he is indeed an attorney!!! Now obviously if MM and this attorney were not golf buddies I doubt this lunch would be happening but it seems since they know each outside the office it changes it a tad. I will get this attorneys full name, name of his firm... FULLY check EVERYTHING.

Yes, this is a good idea to get a check on who the lawyer is.

 

Then of course OBVIOUSLY I will go back to NC as I have been because it seems to be working... it seems like it has indeed kicked MM into action!!! :D

 

Just stay in NC mode, again, don't do the lunch!

 

Let's say that this attorney is indeed REAL and MM did indeed pay him $5k so far.... it is a possibility... time will tell. Mind you MM would NEVER EVER pay an attorney $5K if he was NOT moving forward SERIOUSLY... he does NOT have money to spare.... financially... at all.. $5K to him is a VERY big deal.

 

So what? If he paid, time will tell if the papers are drawn up and signed. This process means nothing because it is not finalized.

 

PS: Art Critic, I thought exactly what you are thinking at first... but it COULD be a REAL attorney. I need to find out. Trust me... I have ZERO chance of getting sucked back into being OW (things are VERY different now)... he will NEVER step foot on my property again and NC it will be after I verify no matter what.

 

Glad to hear you won't settle to be the OW.

 

Definitely SIGNED DIVORCE papers. I don't know what to do now. I myself felt I should NOT go. I agree with guys. But then I spoke my good friend and then also my mother. Both know him VERY well and both told me I SHOULD go and investigate to see if he really does have a real attorney etc. Also MM has told me he THINKS that once I see he REALLY does have a real attorney and is going ahead full force that I will apologize to him for not believing any of it. He is FULLY convinced after I have this meeting with his attorney that I will not only not leave him for another man but that I will change my mind and allow him to talk to me during the process. Boy oh boy would he have a RUDE wake up call after this little attorney meeting because that would NOT be happening!!!

 

Don't let him manipulate you. Again, don't go, reasons explained already..

 

First I just want to say, he's not some horrible person and every man has his flaws... I mean he is a weirdo but I am not exactly normal myself. We match well together... if he were SINGLE. Right now his behavior is just panicked over losing me.

 

This is logical thinking. Yes he is panicking and isn't thinking clearly - which is why NOT being around him is better for you. He knows that the D must happen if you are to be in his life - That is the bottom line here. I bet he is feeling insecure about it, but once again, he should be divorcing reguardless if you're waiting for him or not. Right?

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underpants
Yeah.. that is correct.. they will even tell a client to knock it off..

 

There is an attorney client privilege.. if his attorney speaks with you about the divorce at lunch then the attorney client privilege has been broken in respect to the things you have spoken about.

 

The attorney would be making a big mistake speaking about the case.. it would be unethical for him to do so.. even if his client was present.

 

I personally would not go and I would tell the MM to pack it in his ass..

 

There also is a big difference to filing and go thru with a divorce..

My brother had filed on his wife before only to drop the case 4 months later..

 

you need to make sure he is DIVORCED...

 

Solid advice.

 

You don't need to attend lunch to verify his actions.

 

Signed papers drawn up by an attorney need to be filed at his local courthouse. You can go there and see if it is on record. Many states have limited information on line, but it might be worth a trip to verify.

 

In many states the other woman is named in the proceedings. Going to lunch and involving yourself in his assumed divorce may get you named in it.

 

From his actions he sounds a little desperate and I'm not sure that is a resolve of someone who knows what they want, as opposed to being driven by what they are losing.

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LucreziaBorgia

His attny 'golf buddy' might be doing a favor for MM by writing up a "bill" and coming up with a load of legal sounding crap during that lunch that would justify 'waiting quietly'.

 

Seriously - I wouldn't suggest going. The terms are clear: finalized divorce papers, and a new lease for either or both ex-spouses - nothing less, and then he can feel free to contact you. Otherwise, sorry charlie.

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DepressedWaiting

Shoot!!! You guys know how the entire forum was down all day long yesterday... so I was NOT able to come here for any advice. The only advice I got was from my friend and mother... so yesterday I told MM I would go meet his attorney did DID today because my friend told me I should. If I had read your responses I don't think I would have. Now I am more confused than ever.

 

But it turns out this was a REAL attorney. I got his full name, what firm he works for etc and see MM did pay him $5,000 so far. The attorney told me it is actually pretty COMMON that the MM is involved with the OW throughout the process and that he has dealt with this before many of times. The attorney told me that he obviously CANNOT discuss ANY details of the case at all but that it is a complicated case. MM's wife runs his entire business... big complicated mess.

 

I then tell the attorney that I am not pleased about MM inviting me to this lunch meeting and that I feel like I have NO business being involved with MM until he takes care of his business... and asked the attorney's input on this issue. The attorney said that this is a decision me and MM have to make with each other.

 

I then also asked the attorney how common is it for a man to back out and stop the divorce from finalizing even once he has filed for divorce... the attorney said this happens very rarely. Most men do go through with it... that it's not common for a man to spends thousands on an attorney and go far as to file for divorce and then back out.

 

You could CLEARLY tell he was an attorney though... just by the way he spoke and the things he was saying. He was a REAL attorney. After the meeting MM told me he will now go NC if I still wish but to please believe him and wait for him and that he was also trying to show me this in GOOD FAITH today. He thought it would make me HAPPY. He is NOT lying about this... he REALLY does think it would make me HAPPY when I saw the "proof".

 

I am DISGUSTED that this attorney basically told me he doesn't find it necessary for me to STOP seeing MM and let MM take care of his business and then contact me AFTERWARDS. The only response the attorney gave was that MM's mind is already madeup and that the process has already started and that within the next month or two the filing should take place.

 

Now if this man was NOT a real attorney then my MM truly is a real big talented LIAR. It doesn't seem like something he would do... but reading your responses has me EXTREMELY confused. Now I am NOT an idiot (sure I'm a nutcase but not that stupid)... if he really pulled this fake stunt on me then he is REAL good at it.

 

Either way after the meeting I angrily told MM whatever he was trying to accomplish FAILED today and that I am going back to NC. I want NO part of this... show me the f**king SIGNED DIVORCE papers when you will supposedly have them in a month or two or stay out of my life!!!!!!! Today made me angry!!!!

 

I'm POSITIVE if all this is TRUE then MM can handle going a couple of months without seeing me. What happened here today will not be happening ever again. CASE CLOSED!!!!!!!!!!

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who cares if he is a REAL attorney? he could have easily just asked his atty/golf buddy/friend to give you enough info to keep you hanging around so your MM can buy more time with you still in the picture.

 

it is still unethical - the circumstances surrounding this atty meeting with you.

 

bottom line is - your MM continues to disrespect YOUR WISHES! you told him NC and now he has you snagged. AGAIN.

 

also - and as usual - this is all about what he wants. he wants to make sure you stay around... make sure you don't start seeing someone else while he is "supposedly" getting his divorce moving along.

 

i would tell him NC until the divorce IS FINAL! he continues to manipulate you and your best interest and you keep giving in to more of his crap.

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DepressedWaiting

2suuny,

 

You are correct. He was trying to do this so that I don't go with another man (very selfish!!!) but I also think deep down in his twisted thinking he REALLY did think this would make me HAPPY. He was so excited about this meeting and his chance to show me proof and that he is NOT lying to me so that I will beleive him and wait and/or maybe at least talk to him from now on.

 

But today has made me soooo furious... I know I shouldn't have gone but and glad that I did because it really shows to me the ONLY right thing to do here is very very simple... NC. No exceptions.

 

I am not about to take the chances that he pulled on on me today (even though i really do NOT think that's what he did)... but reading your responses has freaked me out!!!

 

All this is soooo unnecessary... if he is SERIOUS and KNOWS he will file in a month or two... then he should have NO problem doing NC and NOT put me through all this GARBAGE! I don't feel comfortable with ANY of it... therefore he must now respect my wishes.

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whichwayisup
Shoot!!! You guys know how the entire forum was down all day long yesterday... so I was NOT able to come here for any advice. The only advice I got was from my friend and mother... so yesterday I told MM I would go meet his attorney did DID today because my friend told me I should. If I had read your responses I don't think I would have. Now I am more confused than ever.

 

But you posted this morning and got replies before noon...

 

OK, well what's done is done, you went, you saw and now you just need to forget what the lawyer told you, he is going to do whatever MM wants him to do because 1)he is his buddy and 2)possibly he's paying him.

 

Get back into total NC mode. MM 100% NOW KNOWS why NC is necessary, anything that falls short of papers signed and sealed, officially divorced won't matter.

 

No reason for him to speak to you or you to him.

 

Keep busy and focus on the good things in your life.

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DepressedWaiting

I had a typo in above post and time ran out to edit post. I meant to type:

 

"I am not about to take the chance that he pulled one on me today".

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