Am I overreacting to a weekend alone?

[Miss Stress]

Although I'm in a relationship (if some sort) with a most incredible guy, he is not committed to me in any way that I'm aware of. He isn't married but he has a girlfriend. They were dating before we met. We've been dating for 3 years now. I just found out about the girlfriend last fall and what a relief that my hunches were right and I wasn't insane!

 

He never lied or led me on or filled my head w/bs. He was very clear when we met.

 

I've tried cutting myself off from him and telling myself I need to find someone that will commit to me and treat me the way I deserve. But he is so amazing and so much fun that it's hard to stay away. Not to mention the sex is incredible.

 

It is not out of the ordinary for him to em me 10 times in the am hours, text me 50 times t/o the day and then call me for a few hrs at night. The attention since I found out about the "gf" has been unreal. I've just been enjoying it and dating other people as well.

 

But it was a quiet weekend. No phone calls. No ems. No text messages. It was a wake up call I think.

 

I kind of want to punish him for this pain and not see him for a month or so and stop communication on such a constant basis. It's not literally wanting to punish him. I don't want to hurt him. It's just a wake up call that I'm not getting what I need and what I deserve and I need to invest my time and energy elsewhere.

 

I also don't like to be taken for granted. I like the intensity of affection after we take a break for awhile.

 

I just need some feedback b/c my mother is bi-polar. So it's hard for me to know when I'm overreacting to a situation. I don't want to be her or treat people the way she does. But I'm wanting to just distance myself from him for awhile. I'll tell him I got a second job or something.

 

Am I overreacting?

 

Miss Stressed

[KL08DK]

If you cut him off for the month to "punish" him you are only punishing yourself. You are in deeper than you want to admit. Although you've accepted his situation and your role in it, you still want more than you are getting. This is human nature. Believe me, I am NO expert here, I have my own post I'm getting ready to start but I can so see other's issues so much better than my own.

The extra added attention is a way to keep the hooks in. ONce he gets you to respond to this attention (and let me guess, yours was the last text, etc that went through the cycle--not his) He knows he hasn't lost you in any way so he's going to continue to do his thing.

Do what I am going to do right now, give him some distance. Don't be the first one to text, or im or whatever. And when he does text you don't be so quick to grab the phone and respond immediately. Try and keep some of the upper hand. IT sounds to me as if he's playing you right back where he wants you and when something more exciting came along (long weekend, etc.) you weren't in his thoughts.

Lets keep tabs on each other. I will be posting mine later today, maybe you can help me with my issue.........Good luck!

[AGENT 99]

Hi Miss.

 

I am sorry to say this is not your "bf's" doing but rather your own. You'

are the one who has accepted things as they are, so therefore you have set the standard for him. He already knows you are not going anywhere

by your actions. You say you want to 'punish" him by doing NC on him...how is that punishing him? He does not seem to be the one invested in this...you do.He probably did not contact you all weekend because he was probably with his g/f. Welcome to the world of being second best.

 

If you really wanna get "back' at him, then move on without him and don't look back. Anything less is settling. I know because I have been

in almost your same exact position myself.The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

[frannie]

I just found out about the girlfriend last fall and what a relief that my hunches were right and I wasn't insane!

 

He never lied or led me on or filled my head w/bs. He was very clear when we met.

 

Miss Stress, how can you say he didn't lie to you when he hid the fact he had another girlfriend for so long? That's one big fat lie, even though it's a lie by omission, not from his very own lips as such.

 

What was he clear about when you met? And what b/s didn't he fill your head with? Are you saying he always said this relationship was going nowhere and for you to expect next to nothing..? If so, OK, so you accepted that, and then you accepted when you found out he had another girlfriend so... as a previous poster has said, you have laid the groundwork here for the way he feels he can treat you.

 

 

But it was a quiet weekend. No phone calls. No ems. No text messages. It was a wake up call I think.

 

I kind of want to punish him for this pain and not see him for a month or so and stop communication on such a constant basis.

 

Am I overreacting?

 

 

So a weekend of no calls, etc. was a wake-up call, in a way that finding out he had a secret girlfriend wasn't? Are you OK with it just being an affair or whatever it is, as long as he gives you all the attention you want? Just trying to get a feel for what your real grievances are here.

 

Personally, I think it's pointless to be in a relationship where you feel the need or desire to 'punish' someone for how they act. I would be upfront. Tell him he let you down, tell him what you expect from him. If he can't do that, then tell him its over, because you have expectations he's not meeting. Punishing and going NC to 'teach him a lesson' is so far from real intimacy I can't see the point in it. Just be honest.

 

But apart from all that, aren't you wasting your time with him? Has he any intentions of ending things with his other girlfriend? And if not, are you prepared to accept whatever it is he has to offer you in that situation?

[Miss Stress]

Thanks so much to everyone for the feedback. I really appreciate the honesty too!

 

Seems I have some soul searching to do. It's just really hard. I've gone thru a really rough time the past 6 mos and he has been the only person there for me. Trying to teach me how to buy a home, find a new career, and teach me how to manage money. But we also talked about having a baby together b/c he knows I want one.

 

So ... yes, I guess he does send mixed signals and wasn't completely honest when we met. Supposedly they had broken up and that's why he created a profile on a dating site. About a month after we met, he deleted the profile. Supposedly, that is when they got back together.

 

I guess I'm just trying to give him credit for not telling me that he loves me and filling my head with "our future garbage." He always made it clear that he was only looking to have fun and nothing serious or a relationship. That is why I've always dated other people.

 

But I agree so much that I haven't been able to keep my emotional distance. I'm in way over my head and deeper than I want to be.

 

I guess maybe I am the one that needs space. Space to get my head on straight. I just thought logic would always prevail. But my heart must have clamped on when I wasn't looking.

 

KLO8DK ... let me know when you post. Believe it or not, the only time I have heard from my friends lately is when they need relationship advice. I've got such amazing clarity for any situation other than my own!!!!

 

Thanks so much for the feedback. It is really helpful. I don't know if I'll have the strength to break it off tho ... I'm in such need of a friend right now. I've lost so much lately that he doesn't even know about.

 

I don't know what my grievance is ... I'm just in pain. That's all I know. Makes no difference when your second or third or fourth or sixth-best. He's Latin ... so "who knows!"

[whichwayisup]

But we also talked about having a baby together b/c he knows I want one.

Why would you willingly want to have a baby with someone who "omitted" the fact he has a girlfriend, other than you? BIG RED FLAG here. Think about it.

 

I don't know if I'll have the strength to break it off tho ... I'm in such need of a friend right now. I've lost so much lately that he doesn't even know about.

 

Keep posting and seek some counselling to help you get stronger so you can end it. Staying with him is settling and putting up with being the OW.

[GreenEyedLady]

What do you want out of this? That's what's important here...

[White Flower]

It sounds as though he has figured out how to get as much sex as he can. He is keeping his women in competition with each other, or at least you are competing. If you are seriously considering having a baby with a committed partner, I wouldn't choose him. Unless of course you're OK with an uncommitted partner.

 

Set up some ground rules and make sure he follows them. He should have at least called to let you know he was OK and at the very least that he was thinking about you. Or he better have a very good story that he dropped his cell phone in some water and there were no pay phones wherever he was. You've been together a long time and there is no excuse for a sudden lack of contact.

[OWoman]

I've gone thru a really rough time the past 6 mos and he has been the only person there for me. Trying to teach me how to buy a home, find a new career, and teach me how to manage money. But we also talked about having a baby together b/c he knows I want one.

 

"Trying to teach you" - are you some kind of kid he has to talk down to? It sounds like you've become dependent on him in an unhealthy way - you're relying on him for things you should be relying on yourself for. So yes, when he's not around, you can't get them elsewhere. So his silence will hurt.

 

Having a baby? It doesn't seem the right time, from what you describe. You need to be taking care of you, not some other utterly dependent, continually demanding little creature that will tax you to your very limit, and then some. And the notion of "having a baby TOGETHER" is a little misplaced if you're not "together". Likely you'll be left with the baby, and he'll check in occasionally, or maybe head for the hills if it seems like too much of a chore.

 

I think your wanting a baby is because you want someone to love, and to love you. But, as the cliche goes, you have to love you first and I don't see an awful lot of evidence for that here.

[Miss Stress]

Ouch! OWoman ... that hurt! Who asked for the reality check? ... Oh ... I guess I did. Thanks so much for taking the time. I really appreciate you shedding so much light on my words. It's so hard to see your own actions w/any perspective. You are so on the money. I am desperate for someone to love. I am on the downside of my 30's and feel like I'll be an expired container of milk once I reach the F-word. I don't see myself dating after that and I do want someone to love. But you are right. I need to do some serious self-improvement. My brain is totally capable. I've just been ko'd so big time this mo. I've pretty much lost everything that ment anything to me. I'm in a low place. It's hard to ignore the only person that is there for me right now.

 

The other comments by wf, gel, and wwisu are also very much appreciated. I'm so glad I gave this board a try. I didn't expect to find so much help and insight. Thank-you

[AGENT 99]

Are you kidding Miss tress??? You feel like an expired container of MILK

at FORTY??? Geeze..I'm 37..and I FULLY intend on being the hottest 40 year old out there!!! LOL

Your ATTITUDE is NOT helping at all. You are looking at this completely wrong........change your mindset and the rest will follow!!!!!!

[Mino]

Ouch! OWoman ... that hurt! Who asked for the reality check? ... Oh ... I guess I did. Thanks so much for taking the time. I really appreciate you shedding so much light on my words. It's so hard to see your own actions w/any perspective. You are so on the money. I am desperate for someone to love. I am on the downside of my 30's and feel like I'll be an expired container of milk once I reach the F-word. I don't see myself dating after that and I do want someone to love. But you are right. I need to do some serious self-improvement. My brain is totally capable. I've just been ko'd so big time this mo. I've pretty much lost everything that ment anything to me. I'm in a low place. It's hard to ignore the only person that is there for me right now.

 

The other comments by wf, gel, and wwisu are also very much appreciated. I'm so glad I gave this board a try. I didn't expect to find so much help and insight. Thank-you

Sweetie, I have to say this to you, I am in my mid forties, and I sure dont feel or look like a expired milk container!! Looking back to my 30"s, I wouldnt want to revisit those years. I love my forties, my body is in much better shape, I look around and see thes young girls and think naaaa, wouldnt want to be them. I am more confiendent all around, emotionally, sexually, able to speak my peace, I know what I want in life. Men are all around, even the younger ones.... My last guy was in his mid 20, I think I was about 37. I hit 40 and didnt like the age difference... had to let him go . Anyway look forward to your 40"s I am looking forward to my 50:) Life only gets better!!

[Miss Stress]

WOW!!! That's awesome ... what great news!!! I live in Los Angeles. There is a serious man shortage here and an overabundance of little actress/model wannabes. It's kind of unreal. They will hit on my dates right in front of my face. It's just hard in a town of beautiful parannahs. They are running away from someone or something and desperate for affection. I might look great for my age ... but it's still hella hard in this meat factory town. But great to hear such positive feedback.

[OWoman]

WOW!!! That's awesome ... what great news!!! I live in Los Angeles. There is a serious man shortage here and an overabundance of little actress/model wannabes. It's kind of unreal. They will hit on my dates right in front of my face. It's just hard in a town of beautiful parannahs. They are running away from someone or something and desperate for affection. I might look great for my age ... but it's still hella hard in this meat factory town. But great to hear such positive feedback.

 

30s are good, but 40s are better. Women peak sexually in their late 30s, and the confidence of a woman who knows what she wants and where she's going clocks any fresh faced budding starlet who's trying it on ANY DAY! (Bright young things are fun in a disposable way - which is what they're typically into at that age too. But chewing bubblegum when you want steak is ultimately not satisfying, and long term leads to ulcers.)

 

Give yourself a break, MS - stop putting yourself DOWN, and start putting yourself FIRST.

[Miss Stress]

So hard to admit ... I hate the words ... but I need to find a therapist. I've always had these self depreciating voices in my head. I don't know how to make them stop. I loved the book The Secret but even using those techniques has not helped. I will lose my health benefits on June 1. But I know it's something I need to do. So hard to admit tho. I'm strong and independent in so many ways. It's hard to admit but I've tried and can't seem to pull myself out of whatever this is.

 

Mr. Man and I usually go to a class on Wed. I told him I wasn't going. He tried to see me and I said no. He tried to see me tonite, I said no. I'm trying ...

 

What does "trying it on any day" mean?

 

Have any of you been able to find what you want? What exactly do some of you want? What are you looking for?

 

I have no females in my life w/that confidence. I've never had a female role model.

 

I've been settle'g for so long I can't even remember what I wanted to begin with. When someone asks me what do you want out of life. I have no answer. Ever since I moved to LA all I've done is try to not get eaten alive.

[White Flower]

So hard to admit ... I hate the words ... but I need to find a therapist. I've always had these self depreciating voices in my head. I don't know how to make them stop. I loved the book The Secret but even using those techniques has not helped. I will lose my health benefits on June 1. But I know it's something I need to do. So hard to admit tho. I'm strong and independent in so many ways. It's hard to admit but I've tried and can't seem to pull myself out of whatever this is.

 

Mr. Man and I usually go to a class on Wed. I told him I wasn't going. He tried to see me and I said no. He tried to see me tonite, I said no. I'm trying ...

 

What does "trying it on any day" mean?

 

Have any of you been able to find what you want? What exactly do some of you want? What are you looking for?

 

I have no females in my life w/that confidence. I've never had a female role model.

 

I've been settle'g for so long I can't even remember what I wanted to begin with. When someone asks me what do you want out of life. I have no answer.

Sweetie, hang in there.

 

Start by making that appointment.

 

Then start with making you who you want to be. You don't need a role model. You decide what kind of person you want to be and make it happen. Surround yourself with friends who will be good for you.

 

Many people don't have mothers, aunts, or grandmothers. But inside you know who you want to be. Follow your heart and fake it till ya make it. And keep posting here because it really helps.

 

(((Miss Stress)))

[frannie]

So hard to admit ... I hate the words ... but I need to find a therapist. I've always had these self depreciating voices in my head. I don't know how to make them stop. I loved the book The Secret but even using those techniques has not helped. I will lose my health benefits on June 1. But I know it's something I need to do. So hard to admit tho. I'm strong and independent in so many ways. It's hard to admit but I've tried and can't seem to pull myself out of whatever this is.

 

In my view it's strong and independent to identify where you have a problem, and seek help to fix it. Anything else is putting your head in the sand, not strength but fear of what you might have to face. So don't fret that you feel you want to seek out therapy for a problem. It's the best solution to things like this, so it makes sense!

 

I know what you mean about the critical voices. You have to wonder where they came from, whose voices they actually are. Every time you listen to them you're just beating yourself up and getting nowhere. Would you talk to a good friend in the way you talk to yourself? No, you wouldn't, and that's because those 'voices' aren't the voice of reason or good sense at all, so why are you listening to them?

 

I've had a lot of success from going to a women's therapy group. There, I was able to see first hand women doing exactly what you do, telling yourself negative things all the time. It's evident from a lot of the posts on this forum: I did this or that so I'm stupid, this happened, so I'm useless. Constantly beating ourselves up, and to what end? What purpose does it serve?

 

In therapy group women were asked to start to notice when they were being self-critical, and to challenge the thought or voice that said: 'I'm stupid' (or whatever). And replace it with a more logical response, which was caring and understanding. The kind of thing you would say to a good friend who had been through the same thing. Try and be your own best friend where self-talk is concerned.

 

But the first thing to do is identify when you're doing it, and challenge it. Because the voices aren't right at all, they're just self-critical thoughts we've (for the most part) internalised from other sources while we were growing up. They serve no useful purpose, and are just harmful. Out with them!

[OWoman]

So hard to admit ... I hate the words ... but I need to find a therapist. I've always had these self depreciating voices in my head. I don't know how to make them stop. I loved the book The Secret but even using those techniques has not helped. I will lose my health benefits on June 1. But I know it's something I need to do. So hard to admit tho. I'm strong and independent in so many ways. It's hard to admit but I've tried and can't seem to pull myself out of whatever this is.

 

MS, I think this is a positive admission. It doesn't mean you're not strong, or you're not independent, it just means you've gotten to a place where you need an external perspective to help you get beyond where you're getting stuck. No shame in that whatsoever! It takes a lot of strength to admit it.

 

If you can't afford private therapy, you may be able to find public funded counselling, or a community organisation that offers some kind of support and assistance. As Frannie suggests, women's groups have had a good deal of success in this - Rape Crisis and other feminist organisations would be able to refer you to whatever exists in your area. Alternatively, your local clinic or day hospital would have lists of community structures and organisations who you could contact.

 

What does "trying it on any day" mean?

 

I was referring to those young women who aspire to be something they're not (yet), who try desperately hard to (pretend to) be that person... but come across as young, desperate, trying. A wannabe. An older woman who's made peace with what she is, or has become what she truly wanted to become, and who inhabits her body and her personality with confidence and passion comes across as so much more attractive.

 

Have any of you been able to find what you want? What exactly do some of you want? What are you looking for?

 

I've found exactly what I want - though what I want has changed over time, I'm someone who thrives on change and so I've relished the shifts as they've happened.

 

When I was young, it was all about excitement, adventure, newness. I changed job frequently, flung myself into one thing after another with intense passion, shifting focus the minute I spotted boredom approaching in the distance. Romantic encounters were brief, fiery, forgettable; I married, bred, fornicated with abandon and enjoyed life to the full. I amassed degrees in diverse fields and volunteered in numerous community organisations, living on adrenalin and insufficient sleep.

 

As I matured, my focus shifted and I dumped the marriage charade, moved into a more sustainable system of a finite group of men in a holding pen for encounters as and when I chose, took the parenting bit more seriously in between work and studies and bought into The System in the sense of getting a permanent job, developing a career, buying a house, and looking for all the world like a Settled Person. I had a massive circle of friends, a smaller circle of close friends and recreational activities that kept me engaged and active and involved.

 

As the kids grew, and became more independent, my focus shifted again to the point where I could shake of the veneer of respectable stability and reconnect with my passions, laughing off compromise and embracing principles as my driving force, making enemies as well as friends and falling (sigh...) in love. So now, new adventures await and I'm running towards the cliff knowing my wings won't fail me when I leap.

 

I have no females in my life w/that confidence. I've never had a female role model.

 

Me neither. Thank god! It's left me free to invent myself the way I'd like to be, not the way I'd have thought some other arb person would have felt I ought to be.

 

I've been settle'g for so long I can't even remember what I wanted to begin with. When someone asks me what do you want out of life. I have no answer. Ever since I moved to LA all I've done is try to not get eaten alive.

 

Have you read the book "What color is your parachute?" I haven't (yet) but it's been recommended by so many people as life shaping - it's (iirc) focused on work but has broader life perspectives too - about connecting with what's really important to you, how to translate that into a career, and then how to put it into an action plan with achievable goals. It might be worth reading (apparently public libraries usually have copies) to give you some pointers you could then follow up on in counselling.

[White Flower]

MS, I think this is a positive admission. It doesn't mean you're not strong, or you're not independent, it just means you've gotten to a place where you need an external perspective to help you get beyond where you're getting stuck. No shame in that whatsoever! It takes a lot of strength to admit it.

 

If you can't afford private therapy, you may be able to find public funded counselling, or a community organisation that offers some kind of support and assistance. As Frannie suggests, women's groups have had a good deal of success in this - Rape Crisis and other feminist organisations would be able to refer you to whatever exists in your area. Alternatively, your local clinic or day hospital would have lists of community structures and organisations who you could contact.

 

 

 

I was referring to those young women who aspire to be something they're not (yet), who try desperately hard to (pretend to) be that person... but come across as young, desperate, trying. A wannabe. An older woman who's made peace with what she is, or has become what she truly wanted to become, and who inhabits her body and her personality with confidence and passion comes across as so much more attractive.

 

 

 

I've found exactly what I want - though what I want has changed over time, I'm someone who thrives on change and so I've relished the shifts as they've happened.

 

When I was young, it was all about excitement, adventure, newness. I changed job frequently, flung myself into one thing after another with intense passion, shifting focus the minute I spotted boredom approaching in the distance. Romantic encounters were brief, fiery, forgettable; I married, bred, fornicated with abandon and enjoyed life to the full. I amassed degrees in diverse fields and volunteered in numerous community organisations, living on adrenalin and insufficient sleep.

 

As I matured, my focus shifted and I dumped the marriage charade, moved into a more sustainable system of a finite group of men in a holding pen for encounters as and when I chose, took the parenting bit more seriously in between work and studies and bought into The System in the sense of getting a permanent job, developing a career, buying a house, and looking for all the world like a Settled Person. I had a massive circle of friends, a smaller circle of close friends and recreational activities that kept me engaged and active and involved.

 

As the kids grew, and became more independent, my focus shifted again to the point where I could shake of the veneer of respectable stability and reconnect with my passions, laughing off compromise and embracing principles as my driving force, making enemies as well as friends and falling (sigh...) in love. So now, new adventures await and I'm running towards the cliff knowing my wings won't fail me when I leap.

 

 

 

Me neither. Thank god! It's left me free to invent myself the way I'd like to be, not the way I'd have thought some other arb person would have felt I ought to be.

 

 

 

Have you read the book "What color is your parachute?" I haven't (yet) but it's been recommended by so many people as life shaping - it's (iirc) focused on work but has broader life perspectives too - about connecting with what's really important to you, how to translate that into a career, and then how to put it into an action plan with achievable goals. It might be worth reading (apparently public libraries usually have copies) to give you some pointers you could then follow up on in counselling.

OWoman, you are the bomb!! (My kids keep rolling their eyes when I say that because the expression is out!, but I don't care because it describes you).

 

So many women do not have role models and they have two choices: allow it to keep them down or decide to forge their own character.

 

My mother died 2 months after my first child was born. My H was never supportive and worked 16 hours a day (always addicted to something) and I found myself in a psychiatrists office being diagnosed with depression. There was a book on her desk called, Motherless Daughters and I began crying just reading the title. Then I told myself this is b*******. I wasn't going to wallow in self pity. I would pull myself up, dump the bottle of prozac (I only ever took four pills) and make my own way. I never did read that book.

 

I became who I wanted to be despite the oppression I felt from my H. That would take years to overcome because I loved him so much and desperately tried to make the M work. Once I knew it was never going to happen I shifted my focus and became even stronger. I think for some, giving up on a M would make them weaker, but I chose to make me stronger. Of course, I am still a work in progress but I definitely like who I am and despite the turmoil of the last couple of years I love my life.

 

I did read parts of What Color is Your Parachute? It is a great book that helps you recognize your strengths and what career to choose for your strengths and personality type.

 

MS, make that appointment. Ask your counselor to recommend books that will inspire you. Read, What Happy People Know, by Dan Baker and make your own way. Prove to the world that YOU can be your own role model. It is whoever you WANT to be.

[torranceshipman]

Awesome post, whiteflower, I completely agree with everything you said...there comes a time when you have to suck it up, no matter how bad things have gotten, and decide to take responsibility for your own happiness and pave your own way, no matter how negative (or positive), fair or unfair things in your life might be....

[White Flower]

Thank you torranceshipman;)

[Miss Stress]

Thanks so much for all of the advice and encouragement! Esp. the book advice!!!

 

I read this book called How to Feng Shui Your Life by Jayme Barrett and I'm throwing everything out that has bad energy or that I don't use. I am starting with what I look at everyday. It's starting somewhere. But as you go thru the process it reminds you and strengthens you to do the same w/emotional baggage.

 

I will def look for some sort of therapy thru the community organizations. In the meantime he asked me out again last nite and I said no. He even called me "luv" ... that word has never come across his lips. Never ... not in his vocabulary. I'm trying to keep myself busy w/projects to make saying no easier. So far, it's working.

 

Even tho I'm not in the best place I also signed up for 3 mos on a popular online dating site. I'm a pretty good screener and have never had a bad experience. I just want to communicate w/other men and keep myself busy for now.

 

Thanks so much for all the great advice and feedback

[White Flower]

Thanks so much for all of the advice and encouragement! Esp. the book advice!!!

 

I read this book called How to Feng Shui Your Life by Jayme Barrett and I'm throwing everything out that has bad energy or that I don't use. I am starting with what I look at everyday. It's starting somewhere. But as you go thru the process it reminds you and strengthens you to do the same w/emotional baggage.

 

I will def look for some sort of therapy thru the community organizations. In the meantime he asked me out again last nite and I said no. He even called me "luv" ... that word has never come across his lips. Never ... not in his vocabulary. I'm trying to keep myself busy w/projects to make saying no easier. So far, it's working.

 

Even tho I'm not in the best place I also signed up for 3 mos on a popular online dating site. I'm a pretty good screener and have never had a bad experience. I just want to communicate w/other men and keep myself busy for now.

 

Thanks so much for all the great advice and feedback

Wow! You've come a long way already!

 

I'm glad you got that feng shui book, I need to get that.

 

Don't fall for that term of endearment. He pulled it out only because he is desperate now. If he meant it he would have said it before. (Unless he is just now realizing how much you meant to him.

 

And good for you for trying to date again. You deserve this and it will get your mind of this guy. Yay for MS!

 

And again, you don't sound like you're over reacting. You sound just like any one of us;)

[Miss Stress]

WooHoo!!!! Thanks pretty flower

 

That book is so good! I've ckd out dozens of books on Feng Shui and was never able to figure out how to really do it. This book is step by step by step. Even if it sounds a little hokey ... there is something empowering about just giving it a try. Cuz why not?

 

I am clearing the clutter and cleansing the energy in my wealth bagua. It happens to be this dreaded catch-all closet. You know the one ... the one you would just die if anyone you had a crush on opened it b/c you would look like total slob!!!! Yea ... that one!!!!

 

One of the big concepts is clearing and cleansing spaces to welcome positive, creative and empowering energy. Ex: When you have a space that is messy and cluttered and unorganized, it sucks you of powerful energy. Why? Because every time you look at that space or dreaded project you say "geesh, I really need to tackle that." And every time you don't, it drains you of positive energy b/c it wears on you and nags at you and you might even beat yourself up over it. Then it b/c this huge deal in ur mind. When really it's just a task.

 

On that topic. I have a question (very unrelated ... sorta). So I am cleansing my home of everything that holds negative energy (and crap I'm not using). In order to welcome positive energy into my life. I need to make space for all the things I want.

 

So ... wut to do w/old photo albums full of yuck? X-husband X-finance X-bf's that I can't even stand the sight of. I'm a very future-focused person. I don't relish the past. I'm always thinking about tomorrow and excited about the future I have no desire to hold onto this stuff. HS, College, my 20's ... it can all go! But ... I dunno. That seems kinda crazy to throw out your life history in photos. Any suggestions on how to hold onto things from the past w/o letting them hold onto you?

 

Like wut am I gonna have to look at when I'm 80 and ****ting myself in the nursing home? Maybe I'll be wise and want to look back and say "Oh there I am in my twenties ... look how dumb I was!" ahhahahahahhaahahaaaa ... Wut to do????

 

xoxo

MS

[White Flower]

WooHoo!!!! Thanks pretty flower

 

 

Like wut am I gonna have to look at when I'm 80 and ****ting myself in the nursing home? Maybe I'll be wise and want to look back and say "Oh there I am in my twenties ... look how dumb I was!" ahhahahahahhaahahaaaa ... Wut to do????

 

xoxo

MS

You are quite welcome, and thank you because you are such an inspiration and not just for sad OWs but for anyone trying to get their life in order.

 

You are asking the wrong (or right;)) person about keeping pictures. I am a sentimental person and keep too much but I also relish in memories and I'm totally into scrapbooking. Your future children, nieces, nephews might want to know what you were like when you were young. I recently found pictures of my grandmother when she was still single and I had no idea what a knock out she was! Just imagine what your grandkids might say about you. Surely one of them will cherish those photos. Maybe you can put them in storage so that you don't have to deal with them daily but you'll know where they'll always be? Or, have someone make some scrapbooks for you so you can keep them out on your coffee table. Too much relishing? OK, never mind.