final email to MW

[snark_hunter]

Hi Sunshine,

 

> 2) _My_ vision of moral said me that i should follow my oath, if I said

> him that i never leave him, I shouldn't.

> I feel myself very bad when i broke my promises, even if it's small and

> not important things. That's how my parents and grandparent always did.

 

 

Bull****. You lie all the time, and it doesn't make you feel bad at all. You

told me this. You told me you think it's ok for you to lie....You lie about

lying. I have a good memory, that's why I caught so many of your lies.

 

> 3) I don't know why, but i truly hate myself, H always suppressing me and

> _I_like_it_

 

This is a classic symptom of an abused person with low self-esteem.

 

He punishes you so you don't have to take responsibility for your actions.

 

Its a sign that you are still a child and not an adult. It's a game you both

play. I think you will grow out of this one day...I hope so, for your own

sake.

 

 

> I know that you will never hit me, I know that you will never forbid me a

> lot of things.

 

 

Yes, because an adult person takes responsibility for himself. You treat H

like a surrogate father. Your father never loved you, so you found an abuser

to take that place. It's so very common.

 

What you don't realize is that he is weaker than you. Much weaker.

 

 

> In the end of december, when I told him everything he beat me very hard

> (other things I already told you), but i realised that this is the way how I

> want to exist.

 

 

Victim mentality. As I said, if you ever grow up, you will grow out of this,

but you are probably not ready yet.

 

 

> The day before yesterday he abused me (not physicaly) again, and after

> that i wrote you a letter, becouse it was realy hard. The explanation was -

> he sit too close to you at the lunch and he was very angry becouse of it (I

> realy hope that you will never told this to him, it's dangerous for me).

 

 

Blahblahblah this is boring. It's all in your control. He cannot hit or hurt

you at all if you don't allow it. I think you know this, but you prefer the

illusion of being helpless and not in control. You are weak because you want

to be.

 

>> To make everything right, you would have to leave H, and you showed that

>> you do not want to do that.

> I think, that I shouldn't told you that I love you, from my side it would

> be right.

 

 

Grow up.

 

 

> >You do not love me. If you would, you would be with me. But you are not.

> It's not need to be with you for loving you like hell. Trust me. Love you

> - miss you - suffer - sick pleasure.

 

 

Have fun.

 

 

> >It's just that you are afraid of really talking to me.

> I'm afraid to be punished. I was punished when he notice that i look at

> you.

 

 

Cry me a river.

 

 

> You said that you like the true, even if it's evil true. If you don't

> understand something - just ask. I think that before you answer me, it will

> be better to ask (SOMEONE) or someone else about this, couse your vision

> of normal human being is too different from this.

 

 

Oh come on, your situation is not special at all. It's very typical, your

behavior is, his behavior is. You can find it in any psychology textbook.

 

 

Anyway, thanks for answering my question, and now please STAY OUT OF MY LIFE

for good.

 

Don't write me anymore.

Don't come to (WORK).

Don't come to (WORK) parties.

 

If you ever grow up, maybe we can talk again. I don't think this will be

anytime soon, though.

 

 

I wish you only happiness.

 

Goodbye.

Edited April 7, 2008 by snark_hunter

[child_of_isis]

But I realize that this is the way I want to exist....? I'm not touching that one.

 

Be glad you got out.

[SeraBella]

I agree that you should be glad you got out of this one.

 

I also agree that this sounds like a textbook abused woman...but telling her to "grow up" isn't going to change it.

 

It's really not that easy for women in abusive relationships to understand that they are being manipulated, or for them to get out. I'm not saying it is your responsibility to save her, but you do lack compassion in your email. I am sure that results from whatever she put you through, but it's rare to find an abused woman who is capable of just up and leaving the abusive relationship.

[snark_hunter]

I agree that you should be glad you got out of this one.

 

I also agree that this sounds like a textbook abused woman...but telling her to "grow up" isn't going to change it.

 

It's really not that easy for women in abusive relationships to understand that they are being manipulated, or for them to get out. I'm not saying it is your responsibility to save her, but you do lack compassion in your email. I am sure that results from whatever she put you through, but it's rare to find an abused woman who is capable of just up and leaving the abusive relationship.

 

I do seem to lack compassion because we talked about this many many times when the A was on. She had many chances to leave it all behind, and she didn't take them.

 

We have pretty good infrastructure for abused women, I gave her all the info. She had the chance to live with me. She had the chance to live with work mates of hers. She didn't take any of them. She really thinks she needs this.

 

And yes, I may seem heartless but I just heard enough of this crap. If she doesn't want out of her abusive M, she does not get to complain about her situation.

 

I believe in personal responsibility.

 

Also, we were in NC for more than two months until she started contacting me again... I ignored most of the emails, but finally I gave in to her wishes and answered one, which lead to a short exchange of emails. With this I ended it to return to NC.

[SeraBella]

At that point it seems there is nothing anyone can do. It's like a drug addict...you can try everything, even stage an intervention, but if they aren't willing to change and work towards a change, it will not help.

 

She sounds brainwashed. That's sad, but there doesn't sound like anything you can do other than physically remove her from the situation. And even at that, she sounds like she'd find her way back.

 

Sorry to hear about all of this. I hope you're able to move on with your life.

[snark_hunter]

At that point it seems there is nothing anyone can do. It's like a drug addict...you can try everything, even stage an intervention, but if they aren't willing to change and work towards a change, it will not help.

 

She sounds brainwashed. That's sad, but there doesn't sound like anything you can do other than physically remove her from the situation. And even at that, she sounds like she'd find her way back.

 

Sorry to hear about all of this. I hope you're able to move on with your life.

 

Thanks.

 

I'm actually ok, now. The first two months were very hard, and I still have down moments every now and then, but I have a great family and good friends who help and support me when I need it.

 

Also, I started dating (single) women, and that helped the most... mainly by just taking my mental focus off her.