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Ovulating Mistress Remorseful


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used2saynvr

My emotions are all over the place today. Right now, I am just crying so hard. This situation is so heartbreaking on so many levels. I am so frustrated with it all. I am starting to think about his wife more and more. She doesn't deserve this. I don't know her, nor what she has done in her life, but my heart tells me that despite any of it, she doesn't deserve to be betrayed this way.

When I began this affair, I wasn't sleeping with her husband. What I mean by this is that I wasn't thinking about her and how I was tampering with something that "belongs" to her. I was sleeping with him. Only him. I was sleeping with this wonderful person that I was both attracted and attached to. I was only thinking about he and I and how much I wanted to experience him, and for him to experience me. I wasn't thinking about her at all. And that makes me selfish. Lonely, and selfish.

Now, I'm crying for myself. I've already come to terms with the fact that this verdict could go either way, and whatever the outcome of my pregnancy test, I will deal with it maturely and with a heart of acceptance. But what hurts the most is the fact that of all the people in the world, this is the man that my heart fell in love with. This is the man who my eyes fell in love with. This is the man that I chose to give myself to after all these years. It makes me sad to know that what I want the most out of life, peace and companionship, is what I have the least of in this situation.

Though my original title "Ovulating Mistress with Mixed Emotions" may come across a bit cavalier, the truth is, I've had more heartache, more torment, in this situation, than peace and pleasure. That is the sad truth. The back and forth (post-coital) regret he expressed over these past seven months, the ocassional guilt, the worry of this secret getting out, it all has added up to me losing weight, sleep, and part of my dignity. That is the truth of it all.

I don't know why fate (or whatever you want to call it) has led me to a place where my love, my attraction, my desire for someone stands the risk, if discovered, of hurting someone else. And from what I hear of her (from a coworker who knew her, but does not know what has been going on) is that she is nice and beautiful. I don't know if this is true, but it doesn't even matter. I know that if I were her I would not want to share my beautiful husband with another woman.

I wish I never met him. I wish I can figure out why our paths had to cross. There must be a reason for it, right? I mean, there must be a lesson or a blessing of some kind that has to result from this. Otherwise, I understand life less and less every day.

I wish I didn't fall in love with a man I can't have. A man, I shouldn't have had.

This has to stop.

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Never_Again
My emotions are all over the place today. Right now, I am just crying so hard. This situation is so heartbreaking on so many levels. I am so frustrated with it all. I am starting to think about his wife more and more. She doesn't deserve this. I don't know her, nor what she has done in her life, but my heart tells me that despite any of it, she doesn't deserve to be betrayed this way.

When I began this affair, I wasn't sleeping with her husband. What I mean by this is that I wasn't thinking about her and how I was tampering with something that "belongs" to her. I was sleeping with him. Only him. I was sleeping with this wonderful person that I was both attracted and attached to. I was only thinking about he and I and how much I wanted to experience him, and for him to experience me. I wasn't thinking about her at all. And that makes me selfish. Lonely, and selfish.

Now, I'm crying for myself. I've already come to terms with the fact that this verdict could go either way, and whatever the outcome of my pregnancy test, I will deal with it maturely and with a heart of acceptance. But what hurts the most is the fact that of all the people in the world, this is the man that my heart fell in love with. This is the man who my eyes fell in love with. This is the man that I chose to give myself to after all these years. It makes me sad to know that what I want the most out of life, peace and companionship, is what I have the least of in this situation.

Though my original title "Ovulating Mistress with Mixed Emotions" may come across a bit cavalier, the truth is, I've had more heartache, more torment, in this situation, than peace and pleasure. That is the sad truth. The back and forth (post-coital) regret he expressed over these past seven months, the ocassional guilt, the worry of this secret getting out, it all has added up to me losing weight, sleep, and part of my dignity. That is the truth of it all.

I don't know why fate (or whatever you want to call it) has led me to a place where my love, my attraction, my desire for someone stands the risk, if discovered, of hurting someone else. And from what I hear of her (from a coworker who knew her, but does not know what has been going on) is that she is nice and beautiful. I don't know if this is true, but it doesn't even matter. I know that if I were her I would not want to share my beautiful husband with another woman.

I wish I never met him. I wish I can figure out why our paths had to cross. There must be a reason for it, right? I mean, there must be a lesson or a blessing of some kind that has to result from this. Otherwise, I understand life less and less every day.

I wish I didn't fall in love with a man I can't have. A man, I shouldn't have had.

This has to stop.

 

Wow, I could have written this several years ago....

 

I empathize more than you know.

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NotMyselfNEmore

I will have to agree also. I've been there before. I emphatize with you as well. :o

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whichwayisup

Get some counselling so you can officially end it and walk away, and heal yourself.

 

Sorry for your pain, but it is good that you're seeing his wife as a real person and not just some unrealistic woman behind the scenes who doesn't exist.

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confused62181

If you feel that it has to stop then stop it. It's not easy being the other woman especially if you're starting to think of the wife. It would be in yhour best interest to end it all if you are losing weight and everything else. Maybe if he gets divorced and is willing to commit himself to you completely then you can start things again. I know its hard to hear that and you may choose not to follow that advice considering you love him but I am thinking what might be best for you after what I read. I hope that everything workd out for you in the end and if the test comes out positive. Don't take it as it looks take it as a blessing made out of love and someone to love you unconditionally.

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used2saynvr
Get some counselling so you can officially end it and walk away, and heal yourself.

 

Sorry for your pain, but it is good that you're seeing his wife as a real person and not just some unrealistic woman behind the scenes who doesn't exist.

 

i will consider counseling at some point. but chances are, i will first consult books. i'm sure there's one or two that can help me cope. thanks for your suggestion. i do appreciate it.

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used2saynvr
Wow, I could have written this several years ago....

 

I empathize more than you know.

 

thank you. it's really tough.

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used2saynvr
If you feel that it has to stop then stop it. It's not easy being the other woman especially if you're starting to think of the wife. It would be in yhour best interest to end it all if you are losing weight and everything else. Maybe if he gets divorced and is willing to commit himself to you completely then you can start things again. I know its hard to hear that and you may choose not to follow that advice considering you love him but I am thinking what might be best for you after what I read. I hope that everything workd out for you in the end and if the test comes out positive. Don't take it as it looks take it as a blessing made out of love and someone to love you unconditionally.

 

it's going to stop. it has to. it's time to get back to reality.

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used2saynvr
I will have to agree also. I've been there before. I emphatize with you as well. :o

 

thank you. i'm sure a lot of people have felt this way once the dust settled.

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mistresswchildren

Though my original title "Ovulating Mistress with Mixed Emotions" may come across a bit cavalier, the truth is, I've had more heartache, more torment, in this situation, than peace and pleasure. That is the sad truth. The back and forth (post-coital) regret he expressed over these past seven months, the ocassional guilt, the worry of this secret getting out, it all has added up to me losing weight, sleep, and part of my dignity. That is the truth of it all.

I don't know why fate (or whatever you want to call it) has led me to a place where my love, my attraction, my desire for someone stands the risk, if discovered, of hurting someone else. And from what I hear of her (from a coworker who knew her, but does not know what has been going on) is that she is nice and beautiful. I don't know if this is true, but it doesn't even matter. I know that if I were her I would not want to share my beautiful husband with another woman.

This I understand more than you know. I will tell you though that if you make the commitment in your heart to end all of this you will sleep better. I used to get so worked up that I would be vomiting. The weight loss, the loss of dignity, I've been through it all. You are lucky in the fact that it has been a relatively short amount of time. Trust me, the longer you let this go on, the easier it is to let it go on forever. I have finally gotten to the point where I am ready to let go. With that has come a profound sense of self. I, for the first time, remembered that I am a human being too. He is not the only person in the world. You deserve love from someone that is capable of giving it to you. Just remember that.

 

You may not be ready to give it up. Only you can tell yourself when that time will be. Nothing any of us can say will sway you one way or another. I know that when I came here, I was ready for it all to end. Talking to the LSers here just gave me that extra push that I needed. If you want it to be over, if you want the pain to stop, if you want hope at a fulfilling life, you will see that this needs to end for you (and also for the Ws sake, but that may not be enough motivation). You are better than all of this. Rise above it all and move on.

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used2saynvr

 

Talking to the LSers here just gave me that extra push that I needed. If you want it to be over, if you want the pain to stop, if you want hope at a fulfilling life, you will see that this needs to end for you (and also for the Ws sake, but that may not be enough motivation). You are better than all of this. Rise above it all and move on.

 

I agree. Talking to you all here has offered enlightenment on a dilemma whose solution may seem so obvious to an outsider, but to an insider, is not so simple. This forum allows me to see and think objectively, which I think is the first step.

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No matter how remorseful you feel, the damage has been done to their marriage and to her and you can never take that back the moment you had sex with someone else's husband. Now, do the right thing, stop the affair and inform her. She has every right to know and it won't be coming from her husband. Put yourself in her shoes for few more minutes, wouldn't you want to know or would you rather to be made a fool out of it for any longer?

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No matter how remorseful you feel, the damage has been done to their marriage and to her and you can never take that back the moment you had sex with someone else's husband. Now, do the right thing, stop the affair and inform her. She has every right to know and it won't be coming from her husband. Put yourself in her shoes for few more minutes, wouldn't you want to know or would you rather to be made a fool out of it for any longer?[/quote]

 

Enlightment...we agree on something.

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used2saynvr
inform her. She has every right to know and it won't be coming from her husband. Put yourself in her shoes for few more minutes, wouldn't you want to know or would you rather to be made a fool out of it for any longer?

 

She definitely has a right to know. But i don't have the right to tell her. Just as i didn't have the right to sleep with her husband. This is something i feel he must do. I don't think it's fair for me to now betray him by beating him to the punch on enlightening her. That is his wife. And his life. Together they are a family. This information should not come from "the enemy". It should come from within. And he has a right to the opportunity of coming clean. I don't want to begin taking his rights away. I have to give him this opportunity. Just b/c i am ready right now (to move on and do the right thing) does not mean that his timing is aligned with mine. Everyone has to do things within the realms of their own timing. That is their right. Just b/c i'm ready to "come clean" with myself, doesn't mean he is ready to come clean to her.

 

Futhermore, how would I even go about doing this if I did want to be the one to break the devasting news? I don't know her. And an ambush would just be wrong. Maybe I'm naive, but I do believe the he is the kind of person who will eventually confess this to her. But on his own time.

 

I would resent the OW for having the nerve to tell me what she has been doing in secret with my husband all this time. For me, this would come across as a slap in the face as if to say, "i've been sleeping with your man, but now that i'm done with him (thanks) i can fill you in." That, to me, seems arrogant, and would hurt my feelings. It would strike a blow to my ego that this woman I don't even know is exerting some position of power over me and my life to where she has the ability (and inside knowledge) to tell me what my marriage has really been about lately. I think that would hurt more than help. Don't you agree?

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Maybe I'm naive, but I do believe the he is the kind of person who will eventually confess this to her. But on his own time.

 

It's not maybe, it's definately! The chance of him doing that is probably 10 times slimmer that you've already gotten a STD from him.

 

Don't you agree?

 

No. What you've said so far is all about defending yourself and not put yourself in a uncomfortable position. You're her ONLY source and chance of finding out the truth assuming that he won't get caught. It's one thing when you have evil intention of telling her that you slept with her husband by saying "I don't want him anymore now, you can have him," it' sanother thing when you do it for her. You're the one who cause the damage, you should be the one who inform her of the damage you have contributed to her marriage.

 

Yes, it's EASIER for the mistress to just walk away from the mess that she created, but is it the right thing to do? You've done so much wrong, end it right, do the right thing!

 

Gwyneth, since you said you agree with me, talk some sense out of her.

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It's not maybe, it's definately! The chance of him doing that is probably 10 times slimmer that you've already gotten a STD from him.

 

 

 

No. What you've said so far is all about defending yourself and not put yourself in a uncomfortable position. You're her ONLY source and chance of finding out the truth assuming that he won't get caught. It's one thing when you have evil intention of telling her that you slept with her husband by saying "I don't want him anymore now, you can have him," it' sanother thing when you do it for her. You're the one who cause the damage, you should be the one who inform her of the damage you have contributed to her marriage.

 

Yes, it's EASIER for the mistress to just walk away from the mess that she created, but is it the right thing to do? You've done so much wrong, end it right, do the right thing!

 

Gwyneth, since you said you agree with me, talk some sense out of her.

 

Well I can't change her mind--she has to Want her mind to be changed. You can tell her what you know best, but we can't make her choose what's best. Only She knows what's best for her.

 

My point is that I agree it's okay to tell the BS but only if the cheating spouse is not agreeing that his or her BS should know.

 

I think in this situation, which is unique, she first needs to find out if she's pregnant, then proceed from there. That's what needs to be done first. If she is pregnant and still losing weight and having harsh emotional trauma, then she needs to seek counseling For Real. Right now Telling the wife needs to come last--that's the husband's problem right now. But if she Is pregnant, then yes, the wife should and needs to know--and if the husband isn't tell her, then yes, the OP here needs to tell her.

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I think in this situation, which is unique, she first needs to find out if she's pregnant, then proceed from there. That's what needs to be done first. If she is pregnant and still losing weight and having harsh emotional trauma, then she needs to seek counseling For Real. Right now Telling the wife needs to come last--that's the husband's problem right now. But if she Is pregnant, then yes, the wife should and needs to know--and if the husband isn't tell her, then yes, the OP here needs to tell her.

 

I disagree. I think his wife has the right and needs to know regardless whether she's pregnant or not. Once again, it's out of her own selfisness and not wanting to be put in an uncomfortable position that prevents her from telling her.

 

Gwyneth, you might be bias. Did does your MM's wife know about you and the pregnancy? If not, why haven't you tell her yet?

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used2saynvr
You're the one who cause the damage, you should be the one who inform her of the damage you have contributed to her marriage.

 

Yes, it's EASIER for the mistress to just walk away from the mess that she created, but is it the right thing to do? You've done so much wrong, end it right, do the right thing!.

 

See, i don't see it that way. I'm thinking about how I would feel if I were her. I would definitely want to hear this from the man who married me, not the woman who's been having an affair with him. This is a very delicate situation. We're talking about someone's life (world) here. You can't just hastily rush to confession and exposure. You have to be strategic and careful with these things.

 

Furthermore, I don't know this woman. She could seriously want to hurt me. Don't you watch the news? These aren't dramatizations. People kill every day in the name of love and betrayal. Every day. Yes, I put myself in this position by being with her husband. But I am not going to put myself in possible danger by "showing up" to tell her about it. Making a mistake does not mean that I should now become more foolish and put myself in harm's way. That's just dumb. I don't know her potential, his potential, or the potential of her friends and family. I didn't know my own potential, remember? People will surprise you. Just as I (and many women/men here) have suprised myself. My first priority is myself when it comes to my personal safety and well-being. That's one instance where I don't mind being selfish. Also, what if she hurts him? I can't live with that. I can live with me not telling her something she has a right to know. But I cannot live with the possible guilt from knowing my big mouth now caused someone physical harm. This would definitely destroy lives.

So it's not that easy. 1.) i deserves the opportunity to come clean to his own wife. 2.) it's not my place 3.) telling a woman you've been sleeping with her man is nothing to play with 4.) guilt should not drive one to stupidity 5.) i cannot betray him that way.

 

i see your point. i truly do. but, i've weighed it out, and this is too heavy.

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used2saynvr
Also, what if she hurts him? I can't live with that. I can live with me not telling her something she has a right to know. But I cannot live with the possible guilt from knowing my big mouth now caused someone physical harm. This would definitely destroy lives.

 

and what if she hurts herself? you just don't know people's emotional states. For all i know, this could be the last straw for her. Perhaps I'm not the first (though he says I am...of course). But what if this has occurred? What if her self-esteem is low right now? or he is her whole world? This could crush her. And everyone doesn't respond to devastation the same. These are things you must consider before you go spilling the beans to someone b/c you're assuming their like you.

I clearly see the potential pain my poor selfish choices now stand to create. But I can't undo this, though I wish like heck I could. And I won't make it worse. That's for sure.

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1.) i deserves the opportunity to come clean to his own wife. 2.) it's not my place 3.) telling a woman you've been sleeping with her man is nothing to play with 4.) guilt should not drive one to stupidity 5.) i cannot betray him that way.

 

i see your point. i truly do. but, i've weighed it out, and this is too heavy.

 

Every single one of that list SCREAMS selfishness. Ofcourse the possibility is there, but they are slim, especially if you do it right and not with the intention to hurt her. Ask him to come clean with his wife. If he doesn't YOU need to do it, because no one else will. But, then again, based on yoru selfishness, what are the chances that you will ask him to do it? And, what are the chances that he will do it? What are the chances that you will tell her? Slimmer to none because you're both selfish cheaters a liars and have no plan to change and to make things right.

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and what if she hurts herself? you just don't know people's emotional states. For all i know, this could be the last straw for her. Perhaps I'm not the first (though he says I am...of course). But what if this has occurred? What if her self-esteem is low right now? or he is her whole world? This could crush her. And everyone doesn't respond to devastation the same. These are things you must consider before you go spilling the beans to someone b/c you're assuming their like you.

I clearly see the potential pain my poor selfish choices now stand to create. But I can't undo this, though I wish like heck I could. And I won't make it worse. That's for sure.

 

There are so many what ifs and no one will be sure how it will turn out as no one will be sure what the next lottery numbers are going to be.

 

No, those are the things YOU must consider before having sex with a married man who has a family.

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GreenEyedLady
Every single one of that list SCREAMS selfishness. Ofcourse the possibility is there, but they are slim, especially if you do it right and not with the intention to hurt her. Ask him to come clean with his wife. If he doesn't YOU need to do it, because no one else will. But, then again, based on yoru selfishness, what are the chances that you will ask him to do it? And, what are the chances that he will do it? What are the chances that you will tell her? Slimmer to none because you're both selfish cheaters a liars and have no plan to change and to make things right.

 

Whoa Nellie!!!

 

What's your personal stake in this?!

 

I think you need to put whatever is happening to YOU personally aside and offer support and encouragement in the spirit of the forum, not condemnation and judgment.

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used2saynvr
those are the things YOU must consider before having sex with a married man who has a family.

 

i agree 100%. i should have paused to consider everything i'm considering now. i didn't. and that is my failure and selfishness.

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used2saynvr
Whoa Nellie!!!

 

What's your personal stake in this?!

 

I think you need to put whatever is happening to YOU personally aside and offer support and encouragement in the spirit of the forum, not condemnation and judgment.

 

i second that!

thanks

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i second that!

thanks

 

Just so you know, she disgrees with me on everything. That's her personal goal.

 

You're continue to be selfish for not doing what you're supposed to do. Believe me, what you plan to do or not to do, you will only get support from OW/OM like GreenEyedLady, the ones without morals.

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