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Am I being irrational


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Ok, here is the deal. My MM and I have been together for almost 2.5 years. We have never been able to go out of town together. We actually had the chance this weekend. He is the one who suggested that we go together. I was very excited. I asked him today if we were going to go, and he said no. He is closing on some property next week, and he needs to get paperwork done b4 then. Am I right to be upset?

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I would say it's definitely something he could make happen if there was sufficient desire to do so, and that there are things to be read into this. What things, I don't know.

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blind_otter

Well he gave you a very valid reason for not being able to go - would you rather he neglect the closing and just go with you as if he had no responsibilities?

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whichwayisup

You can be upset, but he gave you a good reason why he couldn't go.

 

My MM and I have been together for almost 2.5 years

 

How long do you intend on being the OW? After 2.5 years of having an affair with him, I take it you want more and want him to leave his wife and family for you? Or, are you OK with just being the OW and allowing him to call the shots, make the plans on his time frame.

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No, I would rather he have done what he needed to get done b4 this weekend so that way he could have gone . He has known about this for at least a month or so. I think he should have tried considering this is something we have never done, and he was the one to suggest it.

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I am NOT happy with the way things are. I am trying to break away. It is hard for me to do so. I know that he will not leave his wife. I cant give a valid reason why I stay, except that I do love him.

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whichwayisup

Well, if you choose to stay and aren't strong enough to actually do what is best for you, then you need to figure out a way to accept your role as the OW. Learn not to care as much, learn to turn it off and don't let him call all the shots.

 

I am not telling you to stay in this affair, but it seems right now you can't end it.

 

Sure you love him, but you're totally settling for table scraps!

 

No, I would rather he have done what he needed to get done b4 this weekend so that way he could have gone . He has known about this for at least a month or so. I think he should have tried considering this is something we have never done, and he was the one to suggest it.

 

I'm sure it hurts but you as the OW, he hasn't put you high on his priority list. His job, his family, his wife come before you. Another thing to accept if you plan on staying the OW.

 

I wish you the strength to end it. Have you considered seeking some counselling to help you get stronger so you can end it with him?

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thank you. I know that you are right. It seems everyday it gets a little easier. I know in my head I need to leave, but my heart says something else.

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I agree with the majority here--he gave you a Very valid reason.

 

I also ask the same WWIS asks--how long do you intend to be in this affair with him? Well that's a question you can answer for yourself--not for the board. Think about that long and hard.

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noforgiveness

He didn't need to give you a valid reason. He is married and not to you. That is reason enough.

 

Oh please closing on a property? Paperwork? That should not take that many hours. Read the writing and dump this cakeeater and stop wasting your life. You could be going away every weekend and enjoying the company of a man who has eyes only for you.

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He didn't need to give you a valid reason. He is married and not to you. That is reason enough.

 

Oh please closing on a property? Paperwork? That should not take that many hours. Read the writing and dump this cakeeater and stop wasting your life. You could be going away every weekend and enjoying the company of a man who has eyes only for you.

 

Also true, but she said Some Property--I took that as more than one. Also, he probably wants to make sure he has nothing going on in his calendar to be able to go away.

 

What would he tell his wife? Business trip? If he's a broker, what kind of business trip is he taking?

 

Ever see Little Children? The husband told his wife he was going to take his BAR test--instead he went away with the mistress for a night.

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noforgiveness
Also true, but she said Some Property--I took that as more than one. Also, he probably wants to make sure he has nothing going on in his calendar to be able to go away.

 

What would he tell his wife? Business trip? If he's a broker, what kind of business trip is he taking?

 

Ever see Little Children? The husband told his wife he was going to take his BAR test--instead he went away with the mistress for a night.

 

It was his idea. If he really planned on it he would have the paperwork done, the hotel booked and the wife excuse covered by now. I mean 2 and a half YEARS and she's never had a weekend with him??? What does this tell you?

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It was his idea. If he really planned on it he would have the paperwork done, the hotel booked and the wife excuse covered by now. I mean 2 and a half YEARS and she's never had a weekend with him??? What does this tell you?

 

Well my opinion on affairs is off-skew from others' opinions. I look as an affair as a friendship with benefits--not a committment. Neither party has to make promises or commit to the other in any way whatsoever. That's an understanding both parties of the Affair have to come to.

 

Yes, 2 1/2 years is a very long time, but it's Her choice to stay in this affair, as well as his. I can't relate as my affair only lasted about six months, and I never went into the affair with the intention he'd stay over for the night, or take me on a wild weekend away. If the OP here had these intentions, then this right now is her perfect reason to escape this affair--he broke a promise.

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It is a funny thing, an affair. You do not intend a great many things, but sometimes things and feelings occur. We have spent weekends and he has spent nights with me, but we have never gone away.

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mistresswchildren
Ok, here is the deal. My MM and I have been together for almost 2.5 years. We have never been able to go out of town together. We actually had the chance this weekend. He is the one who suggested that we go together. I was very excited. I asked him today if we were going to go, and he said no. He is closing on some property next week, and he needs to get paperwork done b4 then. Am I right to be upset?

 

I have been given EVERY excuse known to man, and that is all it is, an EXCUSE. You like me have been in a long term A. Have you every asked him to leave her? Has he ever said he would? I have gotten excuse after countless excuse on why he couldn't make it to something. This MM could easily work on his paperwork wherever you were supposed to go. It is called a lap top. If your are a real estate agent, you are almost required to have one. Take it from me, let it go now. Each day, month, year... that goes by just makes it easier for you to believe these EXCUSES (and I am guaranteeing you it is an excuse).

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Well laptops are essential, however, if he needs to meet with both parties for paper signging, and lawyers, then that can be what the conflict is. Or perhaps it is his excuse.

 

You'll only know if you talk to him about this. We can only make assumptions based on what you tell us and also based on experiences.

 

MM are Filled with excuses.

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Every minute you spend emotionally tied to this guy is another minute you lose off your life. Another moment in which you COULD meet a single guy you might fall in love with and who may be perfect for you. So sad.

 

I agree with this 100%. 2 1/2 years is a Very long time to be tied up to a man in which the R isn't going anywhere-whether he's a MM or not.

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thank you so very much. It is so very nice to know that if I need support you are there.:)

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thank you so very much. It is so very nice to know that if I need support you are there.:)

 

I for one, and can only speak for myself, only show support. I'm not judgemental or hurtful in anyway, as I have found too much of that around here. This is the OW / OM part of the board, and there is a Lot of anger and a no show of support around here. Some will say they are "supporting" you by helping, but the truth hurts sometimes, and these same posters don't realize what they are saying is not helpful at all.

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GreenEyedLady
Ok, here is the deal. My MM and I have been together for almost 2.5 years. We have never been able to go out of town together. We actually had the chance this weekend. He is the one who suggested that we go together. I was very excited. I asked him today if we were going to go, and he said no. He is closing on some property next week, and he needs to get paperwork done b4 then. Am I right to be upset?

 

I am probably not the best person to ask *wink* but you are right to be upset...

 

It's his problem he's married not yours...

 

If you allow someone to treat you badly, that's your fault...

 

Set expectations and follow through on them...

 

That's my advice...

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