lonelyone Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Hi everyone, I’m here with a strange dilemma, one which lonely, unmarried women in their late thirties can probably relate to. I play my violin in the church choir and the director is one of those handsome men who appreciates my talent and is very nice. He is married, which is perfectly fine. After about a year of playing in the choir, I developed a crush on him, which is no problem at all. I can usually control my crushes on married men. This crush must be extra heavy though, because at the Easter mass, I wore lipstick, and I wore it for him. (It’s a small choir, and we were in a small loft together.) I don’t really know why I wore it for him – I was just in a good mood and wanted to look nice for him, and that was absolutely the extent of it. I normally don’t wear any makeup. For some reason, I’ve been paranoid ever since, that he may have suspected that I wore it just for him. I’m hoping that he’ll think I simply wore it because it was a holiday, although two people commented on my wearing lipstick and so now I’m paranoid. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow for a rehearsal, although I told him I may not attend because I’d be swamped at work (which was the truth). Well I’m no longer swamped, although I’m worried that if I go to rehearsal, after telling him that I may not, then he’ll think I may have changed my mind so as just to see him. I know all of this sounds crazy but if any of you have any input, please share! Did I go too far by wearing lipstick? (Something I don’t plan to do again.) Should I still skip rehearsal tomorrow even though I’m caught up at work? Edited April 1, 2008 by lonelyone Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Relax, most women wear at least some makeup, even to church. He may have noticed you looked spiffyier the last time he saw you, I seriously doubt he could tell you today exactly what made him think that. Lonely or not, a bit of lipstick hasn't turned you into an insatiatable harlot. It's highly unlikely that this one incident will result in your being cast into the lake of fire. I can only shudder to think what would have happened if you would have worn an underwire bra, or sexy pink panties! Link to post Share on other sites
mistresswchildren Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Lipstick is no big deal. If he noticed, then maybe his head is in the wrong place. Don't worry about it. It was something different for people to see and that is why people commented on it. Don't over think this. No big deal, leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Hey, OP, I think female musicians are pretty sexy No worries about the conductor. He's human and if you were looking awesome, his brief attention was an appropriate compliment. I'm sure he likes your skill with the violin as well. Wear lipstick more often and you might have to change your screen name Link to post Share on other sites
mistresswchildren Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Hey, OP, I think female musicians are pretty sexy No worries about the conductor. He's human and if you were looking awesome, his brief attention was an appropriate compliment. I'm sure he likes your skill with the violin as well. Wear lipstick more often and you might have to change your screen name Carhill You are always fun. Sometimes it's nice for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyone Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Thank you, all, for the nice responses. Looks like it's a consensus that the lipstick was no big deal. I totally overthink these things, and sometimes nice feedback, like yours, is just what I need! Carhill, like you said, I may try to wear lipstick more often. If fact, I'm trying to polish up my appearance in general - I'm attractive, so why not spiff it up a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 If I might be so bold, perhaps, since appearance is what the world tends to observe first, you were somewhat hiding your outer self for reasons important to you, or because the outer self was obscuring your inner self from view (an example of inner self is what comes out of you in your music) and you wished for more attention and notice inside and less outside. People who you become important to see and cherish both. Watch for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyone Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Thank you, Carhill. Like Mistress said, you are fun. Plus the bold comment you just made is practical, as well as fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Hi everyone, I’m here with a strange dilemma, one which lonely, unmarried women in their late thirties can probably relate to. I play my violin in the church choir and the director is one of those handsome men who appreciates my talent and is very nice. He is married, which is perfectly fine. After about a year of playing in the choir, I developed a crush on him, which is no problem at all. I can usually control my crushes on married men. This crush must be extra heavy though, because at the Easter mass, I wore lipstick, and I wore it for him. (It’s a small choir, and we were in a small loft together.) I don’t really know why I wore it for him – I was just in a good mood and wanted to look nice for him, and that was absolutely the extent of it. I normally don’t wear any makeup. For some reason, I’ve been paranoid ever since, that he may have suspected that I wore it just for him. I’m hoping that he’ll think I simply wore it because it was a holiday, although two people commented on my wearing lipstick and so now I’m paranoid. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow for a rehearsal, although I told him I may not attend because I’d be swamped at work (which was the truth). Well I’m no longer swamped, although I’m worried that if I go to rehearsal, after telling him that I may not, then he’ll think I may have changed my mind so as just to see him. I know all of this sounds crazy but if any of you have any input, please share! Did I go too far by wearing lipstick? (Something I don’t plan to do again.) Should I still skip rehearsal tomorrow even though I’m caught up at work? Calm down! I think you're being a little paranoid I'm sure he noticed you were wearing lipstick and some other makeup, but I don't think he construed that as "she must want me." Now if you wore a low cut shirt and low-rise pants, were showing your clevage and your butt crack, then he might think so--but other than that, I think you're okay. Now if you try too hard not to make your crush noticable, then you actually might be doing the reverse--making it Really obvious via Body Language. If he doesn't pick up on it (which trust me, he probably won't), someone else will--particularly a woman--and god forbid his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
nymphetgrown Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Calm down! I think you're being a little paranoid I'm sure he noticed you were wearing lipstick and some other makeup, but I don't think he construed that as "she must want me." No matter what we do, many men will construe it as "she must want me". They hear what they want to hear. Actually, that strikes me as a universal trait, but women especially seem to have a "d-mned if they do" situation: either we're coy or we're coming on to them. ...why, no, I'm not at all bitter. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 No matter what we do, many men will construe it as "she must want me". They hear what they want to hear. Actually, that strikes me as a universal trait, but women especially seem to have a "d-mned if they do" situation: either we're coy or we're coming on to them. ...why, no, I'm not at all bitter. Okay--but some of the men I know are sooo clueless when it comes to this. Maybe they just play dumb on purpose--we can agree men aren't very honest with women. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Most of my male friends think if a woman smiles at him, she wants him. Man, if I went by that criteria, I'd be Gene Simmons Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Most of my male friends think if a woman smiles at him, she wants him. Man, if I went by that criteria, I'd be Gene Simmons Are you saying you're incredibly sexy? Link to post Share on other sites
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