9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Hey guys Alot of US here love this MM/MW and we vest so much time, thought, and energy into them and their lives. Are you playing yourself for a fool though? My mm left home and lives 3 minutes from both me and her. It is ridiculous. We had broke up and he contacted me when he moved out but it was like to say sorry for everything that happen. It wasnt that he was wanting to get together even though we did. He feels like he needs to be alone and sort thru his feelings and thought. Me being stupid was/is afraid of what this could mean for me and really did not want to do that. It was good for a short time but he was still feeling everything. So it was kinda wierd at the same time. He has joined church and all that. I email him and told him that even though he was with me, I felt like he was going to leave me. His w got the password to his email and read it. She responded to the email saying he had told her that he did not talk to me anymore and that she caught him in a lie. So he tells me that he is tired of hurting people and people hurting over him and he needs to be by himself. I think it is a little f/ed up becuase first of all he lied. He told me he does not feel the same. He wanted to be friends cause he need space to think. We now work in the same office and I dont have to see him unless he comes looking for me. Which he does everyday even though it has only been a week. My brother told me that I need to stop being so available and giving to him so much. It's like a person that didnt show up for work but still gets paid...raises,....bonus....all that. He said dont call him. Just chill. If he is short with me, be short as well. He is so use to me just being all over him and running after him that that is a change for me. I would give in to him regardless of if he deserved it or not. You dont get respect this way. He said give him what he likes and cut it off when he dont. You dont get mad...you just take a dip(ignore his as/s) for a while. Throw him off and make him figure out why you acting different. Never say what you are doing cause you will screw it all up. Just act accordingly. When he treats you well and does the things you like...reward him with love and the things he likes. ....when he doesnt, just chill....dont run after him. DATE OTHER GUYS. Make him earn your love, time,...make him respect you. Dont just always give him what he wants. I am learning....My xmm was definately not showing up for work and still getting paid. BAD BAD BAD. Now I dont have anything. My heart is broken and I think he is running after his w and playing me to the left I think. I am not sure but I feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenScent Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Get over him. He's not worth it and I don't understand the need to ponder about someone who cheated on his wife and you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 just like that Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenScent Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 It's not going to be easy for how long are you going to put up with the way he's treating you? Don't you have any self worth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 It's not going to be easy for how long are you going to put up with the way he's treating you? Don't you have any self worth? Im working on it. Just a fool in love, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Well, it does appear he's playing you just as he played his wife. He's been lying to her, telling him that he's no longer in contact with you. There's only one reason for that...he's working to repair the damage he's done on his relationship with her. Its sad, because he's using the same lies on you that he used on her. "I need space." "I need time to think." I think that his brother's advice is good. Move on...see what happens from there. It may not be easy to do, but its the surest bet to get things resolved and you into a more healthy situation. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 All of that game playing is going to take a lot of time, energy, emotion, etc. Apply that to yourself and getting over him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 He's probably having some sort of breakdown, realizing how much he has screwed up his life, ruined his marriage and hurt you. Respect his choice to be alone and leave him alone. Who cares if he is still being paid while off from work. For all you know maybe he got a Dr's note saying he is stressed out, depressed and can't function properly at work so he needs time off. Focus on you, healing yourself and moving on. Sounds like that is what he is doing as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 Well, it does appear he's playing you just as he played his wife. He's been lying to her, telling him that he's no longer in contact with you. There's only one reason for that...he's working to repair the damage he's done on his relationship with her. Its sad, because he's using the same lies on you that he used on her. "I need space." "I need time to think." I think that his brother's advice is good. Move on...see what happens from there. It may not be easy to do, but its the surest bet to get things resolved and you into a more healthy situation. everybody is saying just get over him....if it was just that easy. I feel so hurt and i dont know what is really happening with him. I dont know if he is trying to repair or trying to really get clarity for the future. I am not sure if he really is using me or if he is trying to figure out his life and what is really right. It just not that easy to just say he is playing me for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 He may not be playing you for a fool, but if you don't leave him alone he may just push you away further. I'm sure it isn't easy for you, to not know what is going through his mind and have urges to contact him..The thing is, he asked for space so give it to him. Try to involve yourself with friends and family, start projects or do a hobby that you've been wanting to try for a while. Focus that energy into you and something else that is important in your life. Don't wait and rely on him to provide that for you, atleast not for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 But, it IS easy to say he's playing you. He's using the same lies on you that he used on his wife. He's clearly showing that he's at least considering getting back with his wife...by continuing to lie to her about the status of his relationship with you, at the very least. Why else would he tell her that he was no longer seeing you? It might not be easy to back off, and potentially end your relationship with him, but honestly, I don't see a better plan for you. The alternative would be to sit where you're at, in pain, and in limbo. The choice...belongs to you. Not just to him. You just have to take control of YOUR life and make your own choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 But, it IS easy to say he's playing you. He's using the same lies on you that he used on his wife. He's clearly showing that he's at least considering getting back with his wife...by continuing to lie to her about the status of his relationship with you, at the very least. Why else would he tell her that he was no longer seeing you? It might not be easy to back off, and potentially end your relationship with him, but honestly, I don't see a better plan for you. The alternative would be to sit where you're at, in pain, and in limbo. The choice...belongs to you. Not just to him. You just have to take control of YOUR life and make your own choices.[/quote I still dont believe he wants his wife back like...I want to be with her back. I just think he does not want to have all this hanging over his head and it to end over a woman and all this stuff. He aint into her I dont think. Everything about them is separate. They dont have the same checking accounts....they dont help really take care of each other kids...It is like they are room mates. I dont feel threaten by her regardless of whether he goes back or not. He has done alot for me. If I would have left him alone long time a ago, he probably would have left her too. He just dont want to deal with hurting her, losing his house, and that s/hit. He did more for me and with me than he did for her. I was really his wife. She had the house and papers. I know that sounds crazy but he said it himself. I have made mistakes dealing with him. Being too needy and not handling myself right at times. I'm not saying it my fault but I am saying I could have been stronger. I have to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Fair enough. I've voiced my advice and thoughts on what might be going on. Good luck to you friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 Fair enough. I've voiced my advice and thoughts on what might be going on. Good luck to you friend! I mean, I am just trying to paint the picture as clear as possible. I value your oppinion so dont think any different. Again he has done so much with me that It was like she did not even exist alot of time. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 It's not going to be easy for how long are you going to put up with the way he's treating you? Don't you have any self worth? That's great advice HS. Also I love the doggie in your pic! It's so cute. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 OP, The roller coaster really begins when he is/has actively left... You are left with much insecurity due to his behavior... Take a deep breath... Let him be for now... If he truly loves you, there is NOTHING that will stop him from being with you... Take care of yourself and let tomorrow worry about itself... (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 OP, The roller coaster really begins when he is/has actively left... You are left with much insecurity due to his behavior... Take a deep breath... Let him be for now... If he truly loves you, there is NOTHING that will stop him from being with you... Take care of yourself and let tomorrow worry about itself... (((HUGS))) I did not think it could get any worst but I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
theycallmeprincess Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 [quote=child_of_isis;1599758]All of that game playing is going to take a lot of time, energy, emotion, etc. Apply that to yourself and getting over him. This is so true!!! Why exert all the time, effort and energy into these games, when it is best spent on focussing on yourself and improving your life and situation. Give the MM the space he is asking for, and take this time to really evaluate the situation and the relationship you have with said MM. Show him that you are not as his beck and call, that you are a strong, independent woman who can make decisions on her own, and that you are not dependant on him for love and affection. A good way to do this is, starting to date single, unattached men. Link to post Share on other sites
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