The Lovers on the Subway

[Gwyneth]

About a month ago on my way to work, there was a man and woman getting cozy next to each other, seated on the subway. For some reason something seemed odd about the two. I quickly assumed they were lovers. I noticed they were trying Very hard to hide their hands of which they'd be wearing wedding rings. I heard the woman talking about watching TV the night before and she said "hunny," because the "hunny" was sleeping (Who I assume is her husband and not the man sitting next to her). I finally saw one of their hands and and the wedding bands were gold--I believe it was his hand. Toward the end of the ride, I quickly saw her hand and the rings were silver--

 

They kissed .....

 

I was hoping to see them again to double check if I'm right about this.

 

Today, I saw them again. I think the other two woman standing nearby were noticing the same obviousness I noticed. I was trying to listen but you know, it gets loud on the subways. I am pretty sure I heard her say something about Him finding out. The man (her lover) said to her that she needs to be honest and tell him these things. I think the woman began to cry because he reached into his bag to pull out a tissue, then he told her to shut-up When he told her to shut-up, one of the other woman nearby gave me this look.

 

I don't know if I am noticing what was going on here because 1. I'm nosey 2. I was the OW once, or 3. Because it's just that obvious.

 

Has anyone else picked up on affairs quickly, or does it take one to notice one (OW / OM or the cheater). The wedding bands alone give it away, but today she had her gloves on. Not he. I hope I see them again tomorrow.

 

Oh, I also heard her say that she was sorry she didn't get to talk to him yesterday (the lover man).

[bentnotbroken]

No they are fairly obvious, for ther most part. Even the kids at school notice when the science teacher was bonking the math teacher. And the 6th and 7th grade social studies teachers were bonking.

[Lookingforward]

I quickly assumed they were lovers. I noticed they were trying Very hard to hide their hands of which they'd be wearing wedding rings

 

Okaaaay, not getting this part - if anyone KNEW them they wouldn't need wedding bands to know they were married, and if you DIDN'T know them, why would you care?

 

Either way I can't see the reasoning behind "trying to hide their hands and wedding rings"

 

????

[Gwyneth]

Okaaaay, not getting this part - if anyone KNEW them they wouldn't need wedding bands to know they were married, and if you DIDN'T know them, why would you care?

 

Either way I can't see the reasoning behind "trying to hide their hands and wedding rings"

 

????

 

It just looked like they were--I don't know for sure, but that's the impression I got.

 

It's not a matter of caring; that's not my question. Reread my question and stay on topic.

[DrIndigo]

They are fairly obvious.

 

I have always been fairly attuned to the way two people interact with each other. I don't know whether being an OW has heightened that sense or not. I think there are additional "clues" I notice now, though.

[Lookingforward]

Reread my question and stay on topic.

 

excuse ME ?

 

I thought this was your topic, you were ASSUMING they are lovers, no ?

 

Based in part on their "trying to hide their hands and wedding rings"

[Lookingforward]

and I never said YOU cared...let me rephrase that - why would anyone that didn't know them care enough whether they were wearing rings or not to induce them to try to "hide their hands/rings"

[Gwyneth]

No they are fairly obvious, for ther most part. Even the kids at school notice when the science teacher was bonking the math teacher. And the 6th and 7th grade social studies teachers were bonking.

 

It's interesting you bring up children. I remember as kid I always picked up on these things and I was right too. Kids have this awareness that is lost when an adult (sometimes).

[BetrayedMM]

Yes, if you look for them, they're obvious. Funny thing is they usually seem to think nobody can tell.

Then there are those who are seeking affairs and put out a strong 'on the hunt' vibe without knowing it. Sometimes you can practically see the devil sticking right out of them. And, yet, they also seem to think nobody can tell.

 

I've always been pretty good at picking up on these subtle signals. Usually nothing I can put a finger on, but it adds up, and just once I'd like to be wrong once it adds up, but, unfortunately, reality is harsh and people are capable of incredibly despicable behavior. Sad.

[DrIndigo]

When my MM and I were still a secret, I used to assume everyone could tell, no matter how careful we might be. And usually, in a public place where we didn't know anyone, we weren't all that careful anyway. Not to my surprise, people picked up on the relationship. People with whom we both socialized never said anything but they would leave open the seat next to whichever one of us had already arrived so the other could have it. To this day, I don't know whether that behavior, as well as others like it, was conscious.

[LucreziaBorgia]

There was a situation at work with a MM and a single OW. Everyone, and I mean everyone knew they were f*cking and they were the butt of many jokes and snide comments. People would say things dripping with innuendo right to their faces, and they couldn't do a damned thing about it. Where I work, a relationship between the top guy and anyone else below him is grounds for immediate dismissal for them both. So, they had to grin (or grimace) and bear it, until someone busted them by outing them to HR.

 

They didn't fool anyone from beginning to end. It is easier to pick up when you are around them on a daily or weekly basis, I think. The body language gives it away every time. That is why I get a chuckle every time someone posts about a work tryst and how 'no one knows'. Trust me. Someone knows, if not everyone.

 

Random stuff is harder to figure out, but not too difficult. You can tell when someone is subconsciously acting guilty and discreet.

[OldEurope]

You can always tell:

 

A man who has not had sex in a long time

 

A man who has a healthy sex life

 

A woman who is in a strained marriage

 

A woman who is in love

 

Two people in an affair.

 

There is some human awareness on some level, an extra sense of smell, a recognition. It is both strong and subtle at once.

 

xo

OE

[2sunny]

i agree with LB - it is body language that gives it away.

[JackJack]

About a month ago on my way to work, there was a man and woman getting cozy next to each other, seated on the subway. For some reason something seemed odd about the two. I quickly assumed they were lovers. I noticed they were trying Very hard to hide their hands of which they'd be wearing wedding rings. I heard the woman talking about watching TV the night before and she said "hunny," because the "hunny" was sleeping (Who I assume is her husband and not the man sitting next to her). I finally saw one of their hands and and the wedding bands were gold--I believe it was his hand. Toward the end of the ride, I quickly saw her hand and the rings were silver--

 

They kissed .....

 

I was hoping to see them again to double check if I'm right about this.

 

Today, I saw them again. I think the other two woman standing nearby were noticing the same obviousness I noticed. I was trying to listen but you know, it gets loud on the subways. I am pretty sure I heard her say something about Him finding out. The man (her lover) said to her that she needs to be honest and tell him these things. I think the woman began to cry because he reached into his bag to pull out a tissue, then he told her to shut-up When he told her to shut-up, one of the other woman nearby gave me this look.

 

I don't know if I am noticing what was going on here because 1. I'm nosey 2. I was the OW once, or 3. Because it's just that obvious.

 

Has anyone else picked up on affairs quickly, or does it take one to notice one (OW / OM or the cheater). The wedding bands alone give it away, but today she had her gloves on. Not he. I hope I see them again tomorrow.

 

Oh, I also heard her say that she was sorry she didn't get to talk to him yesterday (the lover man).

 

 

 

Novel anyone?

[SerenityX2]

I agree with the body language thing...but it's also b/c it's intermixed with the discreetness.

 

I hope people aren't too quick to judge people who are out in public and showing PDA b/c they "can" be married to EACH other!

 

I read a thread recently where the wife thought it was strange for a woman to pinching her husbands a$$ so her husband said maybe it was a mistress! ....Umm my husband and I do that to each other sometimes when we're playing around (usually grocery shopping) ...we always sit close together...in a bar I'll sometimes drap my leg over his and we often share a kiss it that atmosphere. (who's really paying attn to other couples in a bar though anyway?) In other places he often has his arm around me...or his hand on my thigh...yes even in church..but it's not done with any disrespect.

 

We don't french in public Okay there may sometimes be a teasing slip of the tongue if we are spicing things for later but point is...we are just a close couple...and yes quite often in a restuarant if we're seated at a booth we will be "sss" I learned from a horrified classmate that it meant "same side seated" and her and others that work at this one restaurant poke fun of that sort of thing and "assume" it's a troubled r'ship! Her reasoning is why would the couple need to "show off"? ...I had to assure her we are perfecly capable of sitting across from each other as well if it's a more romantic/smaller type table...however booths are casual and kick back and it's easier to talk and yes, touch when we're side by side.

 

I guess to give our viewpoint is, my husband and I are pretty much oblivous to on lookers when we're out...we're happy to be with each other...miss each other through the course of the day, we're out there to prove anything to anyone...we act the same behind closed doors as we do in public. If we could change something it would be that we met sooner or that we were each other's first M's...but we wouldn't have our kids...we wouldn't be who we are...etc etc...so moot point, but we realize how fragile and short life is and we don't take things for granted.

 

It's the second time that I read on this site about a couple acting "too" close must be an A...so I thought I'd give my side...I realize G, that you have words between this couple to back the actions...and I tried analytically to come up with a reason if they were married to each other what the exchange could have meant (like she was talking about a son finding something out and you missed pieces of the conversation)...the rings are inconclusive...I wear a white gold w band w/yellow gold accents but my e ring is yellow gold my H's ring is white gold on the bottom and yellow gold on the top (he wears his the same way but we don't have a matching set...and I even know of a couple that she liked white gold but he liked yellow so their rings didn't match at all. However with all else said, I can't really see it other than you described...I do think you have a heightend awareness b/c of your experience....but again their actions aren't exactly the blatant part in itself...it's the deception that was hovering over it.

 

G, for what it's worth, I've seen you grow quite a bit in a short time from various posts I'd been able to catch, I think these sorts of things will phase you less and less as you move further away from the past and have your world rocked when you become a mom! Best wishes to you and the baby/ies.

 

Peace

[blair08]

I hope people aren't too quick to judge people who are out in public and showing PDA b/c they "can" be married to EACH other!

 

 

I agree. It could be a wife and husband showing affection to each other. I have even heard of some married men and women keeping the spark alive in their marriages by meeting each other at a bar or hotel, pretending they didn't know each other, and coming on to one another like they were strangers. Something exciting for them I guess. Hey it sure beats seeking out a real affair.

[BetrayedMM]

Oh, I at least can tell the difference. I'm talking more about those who are boinking and trying to act like they're not. The ones who are openly affectionate are hard to read outside the context of the situation, but in context it can be obvious.

 

For instance- you're in a park at around lunch time, 2 separate late model cars, one with tinted windows is bouncing. Without even seeing the couple, the context of the situation has given them away. No subtle clues nor body language necessary. The ring thing is like that.

 

Ass pinching... yes, married couples do that too you know. I used to pinch my wife's ass now and then, just to be playful. No big deal.

 

But, making out... doing so in public implies a lack of private time. Sex on lunch break also does.

[Gwyneth]

 

G, for what it's worth, I've seen you grow quite a bit in a short time from various posts I'd been able to catch, I think these sorts of things will phase you less and less as you move further away from the past and have your world rocked when you become a mom! Best wishes to you and the baby/ies.

 

Peace

 

I have come a long way, and it mostly came from this board. Thank you, and it's Just one baby

 

As for body language, I agree--it is Very obvious. I could tell people noticed the sexual tension between MM and I when we were talking at his job. We weren't just talking with our mouths--but with our bodies mostly, ya know?

 

Also, my manager is--we think--very much attracted to a coworker of mine. A lot of people notice it too. Her body language alone shows she likes this guy (why, I don't know--he's so yuck). She has a bf and the guy has a gf, but that certainly doesn't Always mean anything. She lets this guy work on days and shifts he's not needed--just so she can be near him. I mean, she has got it BAD for this guy. And the worst part is, he knows and is taking advantage of her. She is the most sweetest person and while I don't agree with her ethics here, I also don't think it's right for him to take advantage of her. Anyway, that's another story for another thread. Point is, the body language is SO loud with the two. And for MM and I, men especially would watch he and I like hawks. I assumed they thought we were doing it, but then I thought maybe they were just being nosey?