Allegrokw Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Hello, I was here in 2006, no surprise there, huh! My xMM has not lived with his W for many years, even from very early on in his M. He pursued business and money over anything else. I have other threads, so I won't go into the full story, but it's been 5 years since we started our R. Three months ago, I ended the A because we were supposed to go into business together, and I finally realized that if anything happened to him (he is 63, I am 47 and divorced), I could not be a part of the decisions. And if anything happened to me, he wouldn't be a part of the decisions either. He is still married. It is more complicated than that though. My xH and I are in business together and are VERY GOOD FRIENDS. His new W and her children are very close to me. I babysit, they come to see me when I am at work without my xH, I socialize with my x and his new W. It all worked out very well for us. My xMM got an appt. in a different city to start the new business, and I was supposed to be a partner in it when it got off the ground. I guess the final straw for me was when he told me that his W would be staying with him at "our" new Condo so I would not be able to visit him the next week. The place where we were going to start this new business. I told him that the R was over and I would never see him again. I was angry and didn't talk to him for quite some time. I have talked with him since (invited him to my home twice) so that we could resolve an ending. Sadly, I remain very attached with so many mixed feelings. Any help out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Just to let you know that I love you! Know that I am here for you sweetheart! WA Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I guess the final straw for me was when he told me that his W would be staying with him at "our" new Condo so I would not be able to visit him the next week. The place where we were going to start this new business. It seems the loving husband and wife have spent some quality time together at the condo. Do they have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Is WA the MM? Just asking I don't know... too much drama will happen. Why don't you set up the business with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Is WA the MM? Just asking I don't know... too much drama will happen. Why don't you set up the business with someone else? Allegrokw is a very, very good friend of mine. We met here! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Allegrokw is a very, very good friend of mine. We met here! Hey anything is possible! Good. I know what you mean. I met a few good friends here too. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Well, the only way to "resolve an ending" is to go to complete and permanent NO CONTACT with him. Of any kind whatsoever. As you've found out...anything less than that just leads to dragging the whole thing out. So there's your best answer...its simple. Maybe not easy, but simple. Tell him goodbye. Change your email/phone/IM accesses so he can no longer contact you. And drive on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allegrokw Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Thanks WA.* You have always been here for me and I appreciate it more than you know. It is really good to be back at LS too.* It really helps to bring things back into perspective. I think that one of my problems is that I am a gatherer of people.* I don't have any family and have always tried to maintain relationships, not sever,* with people whether they are lovers, ex husbands, friends whatever.* Like my ex Husband. * This is not a nasty split with my xMM.* It just felt like it was time for me to have some security in my life with a future that seems solid.* The visit from his W is no different than what they have always done.* They act like brother and sister.* They have grown kids and grandchildren, but that isn't really the problem.* She has accepted him for what he is, and knows all about our R and has known for years.* Since they don't live together, they have completely separate lives.* Albeit they do have business together.* I could have stayed in the R if it didn't hit me so hard that we can't ever solidify anything. What happens if he gets sick, or if I do. Who makes the decisions? Anyway, I am hanging in there. Don't necessarily agree with you Owl, but respect your opinion. Do you think that there is any way to remain friends? Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 (edited) The visit from his W is no different than what they have always done.* They act like brother and sister.* They have grown kids and grandchildren, but that isn't really the problem.* You might be old, but very naive. Do you really think that they slept so many times before and now they are under the same roof, at night when no one is around, they are not doing anything? Seriously! This can only hapen if they never slept with each other before or when they absolutely hated each other's guts. But, you know that's not the case. Becasue of their past history, one flirtatious word is all it takes to get them to bed. They are like brother and sister? Who told you that? Your MM? They will NEVER be like brother and sister because they are NOT blood related and they were married before and produced kids while they were in it. Wake up. He is married after all. And, I can't keep going against my belief system anymore. What happened to your above statement? Edited March 21, 2008 by TheRain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allegrokw Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 Rain - first of all, I am not old. You seem very young and naive. I am not here to get bashed, and if that is your intention, then please don't ever post a reply to my thread. Think again. We are all going through different things, and we handle them differently. I am not looking for support to stay, but I am looking for support to walk away. Think again. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 How come you didn't answer my above questions? Do you really think they are like "brother and sister" or are you just in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 TheRain, Allegro is in pain. That is obvious. There is much more to the situation than you are aware of. Putting salt in someone's wounds is never, ever a helpful thing. This forum is for HELP - not to open freshly healing wounds. She is walking away from a relationship that is harming her emotionally. Support is always a good thing, don't you think...? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 TheRain, Allegro is in pain. That is obvious. There is much more to the situation than you are aware of. Putting salt in someone's wounds is never, ever a helpful thing. This forum is for HELP - not to open freshly healing wounds. She is walking away from a relationship that is harming her emotionally. Support is always a good thing, don't you think...? WA - you're not going to get any support from The Rain Allegro is hurting and you're right, adding salt to a wound is not helpful. Best is for Allegro to put anyone who is doing just that on ignore. I hope she will come back and keep us updated with her situation - it helps to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Elena62 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 WA - you're not going to get any support from The Rain Allegro is hurting and you're right, adding salt to a wound is not helpful. Best is for Allegro to put anyone who is doing just that on ignore. I hope she will come back and keep us updated with her situation - it helps to talk about it. Well I can tell you now that TheRain was on my case earlier on as well, and it just set me back a whole month! There is nothing constructive in what that less than human being has to say, so just ignore him/her. Just notice that person hasn't started their own thread, and has totally attacked people that he/she considers to be "in the wrong" That means one thing, he (and I say he because his terminology is aggressive) has been screwed over by his spouse. Probably HE considers his spouse to be a skank. (and if that's the case TR then you're probably right, she really is a skank!) What ever, I'm never posting here again. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Don't leave. Just ignore the people you don't want to hear from. I'm sure I have been put on ignore myself. This site is wonderful. I met wonderful people whom I am friends OUTSIDE of LS with. There are great nuggets of truth in what many people have to say. Stick around... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Do you think that there is any way to remain friends? Are you asking if there is a way to remain friends with him? Because if you are, do you really need a friend like THAT?! Sometimes the best way to move on is completely cut that person out of your life... I understand how heartbroken you must be, but don't let him see that...Let him see you moving on...Do not invite him over...Do not talk to him...Let him feel the natural consequence... It will hurt and it will be hard, but you deserve better...He's stringing you along, I am so sorry to say...You can end that by simply saying I'm done, and then come here for support... There are those who don't understand what support means, but put those posters on ignore...There are others like me who will sincerely support you... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 You might be old, but very naive. Do you really think that they slept so many times before and now they are under the same roof, at night when no one is around, they are not doing anything? Seriously! This can only hapen if they never slept with each other before or when they absolutely hated each other's guts. But, you know that's not the case. Becasue of their past history, one flirtatious word is all it takes to get them to bed. They are like brother and sister? Who told you that? Your MM? They will NEVER be like brother and sister because they are NOT blood related and they were married before and produced kids while they were in it. Wake up. What happened to your above statement? Wow! Do you know the couple in question? Because you're really reaching here... And if anyone sounds old, it's you... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Well I can tell you now that TheRain was on my case earlier on as well, and it just set me back a whole month! There is nothing constructive in what that less than human being has to say, so just ignore him/her. Just notice that person hasn't started their own thread, and has totally attacked people that he/she considers to be "in the wrong" That means one thing, he (and I say he because his terminology is aggressive) has been screwed over by his spouse. Probably HE considers his spouse to be a skank. (and if that's the case TR then you're probably right, she really is a skank!) What ever, I'm never posting here again. There are a lot of people who are just haters... Do what I do (after posting a zinger) and say: I forgive him/her because he/she is a miserable person. It seems that anything draws them out: happiness and unhappiness...because they just want others to be as unhappy as them... And now we all can be thankful that we don't have a bad attitude and that our goal is help others, not hurt them... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 TheRain is definately projecting personal deficiencies and pain and lashing out at others to make them as miserable as he/she is. If that's his/her typical reaction to what life tosses a person's way, well...it would be no wonder no one irl wants to be around them and he/she needs to come here to do this sort of thing. it's too bad, but the world is full of such miserable people. letting them make you feel worse is a waste of though and energy, elena. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDi Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 If you want to be in a business together, couldn't you have a lawyer write up some type of agreement? I would think business partners all over the world have some type of document stating what happens if the partnership is dissolved for whatever reason. You shouldn't have to lose out on a possibly lucritive business deal because of your entanglement emotionally! Good Luck, I hate NC...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allegrokw Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 We could get an agreement, but I just feel so uncomfortable. We are very entangled emotionally still. I am really at a loss about what to do. I think that I need to let the dust settle a little bit before I make any decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
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