Only sex

[SofiaLo]

Hi,

 

I'll tell you as much as I'm able to because as I start to write I get overcome with the notion of how much I lie to myself and how embaracing my behavior is toward this man.

 

He is 60, married 37 yrs., lives in a different country. I'm 46, divorced.

 

Its been 10 years since we met and He still says his motivations to see me are purely sexual.

 

I call him constantly......I sent him an email (a sappy one) telling him I wont see him anymore and received no answer. It's been 3 days and I begin to falter, to find excuses to call.

 

I need to stop behaving this way and want your support.

 

Please dont use the word pathetic (it dosen,t seem to work)

[Lyssa]

Hi Sofia,

 

You must be feeling awful right now, not having any contact with him. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

How did you manage the past 3 days? What did you do to keep your mind off him?

 

Do you have any friends you can go out with - have some fun?

[SofiaLo]

Thank you Lyssa,

 

I go to bed late, spend the days sleeping and read about mm and ow. that's how I found this site.

 

I dont go out much. I divorced 6 yrs ago. have been very depress until 2 years ago.

[Lyssa]

Let me get this straight - you have been or you were seeing an MM for 10 years and it was purely physical? And now you have fallen for him or have been all this while?

 

You sent him an email and received no respond. He very well may have moved on because on his part, he was only with you for sex. I'm sure you deserve more than that and this man cannot give you that.

 

Have you thought of counseling?

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

He is 60, married 37 yrs., lives in a different country. I'm 46, divorced.

Can this guy be any LESS appealing? A senior citizen and he's long distance? Surely there are old men around your town that you can become obsessed with? Check the bingo parlor.

 

And how nice to be told you're nothing more than a piece of meat to help him get off. I can see the attraction - I'd become enamoured, too.

 

He must LOVE that you call him constantly. I'm amazed he hasn't changed his number and taken on a new alias with an international stalker on his back.

 

I won't use the word "pathetic" as you requested in your post. But you didn't say I couldn't use the word PITIFUL, right?

[american-woman]

Email his wife

[whichwayisup]

You are wasting your love and energy on a man who only uses you for sex. No wonder you're depressed.

 

Seek some counselling so you can get strong enough to end it with him and find yourself again! Life is what you make it to be - DO NOT choose to be someone's play thing on his terms and his time frame...

 

You deserve better and MORE, but you won't get it from him, ever.

[Tyra]

You are wasting your love and energy on a man who only uses you for sex. No wonder you're depressed.

 

Seek some counselling so you can get strong enough to end it with him and find yourself again! Life is what you make it to be - DO NOT choose to be someone's play thing on his terms and his time frame...

 

You deserve better and MORE, but you won't get it from him, ever.

 

I truly agree.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

Let him go.

[Gwyneth]

Can this guy be any LESS appealing? A senior citizen and he's long distance? Surely there are old men around your town that you can become obsessed with? Check the bingo parlor.

 

And how nice to be told you're nothing more than a piece of meat to help him get off. I can see the attraction - I'd become enamoured, too.

 

He must LOVE that you call him constantly. I'm amazed he hasn't changed his number and taken on a new alias with an international stalker on his back.

 

I won't use the word "pathetic" as you requested in your post. But you didn't say I couldn't use the word PITIFUL, right?

 

LOL...my thoughts exactly. I'm only 26 so the thought of a 60 year old man having sex creeps me out.

 

I think the OP here can do better. He came right out and told you it's only about sex. If this is okay with you, then that's good. Otherwise, he seems to be no good. He's 60 years old--I would expect a man much younger than him to act in this way. Maybe I'm biased because 60 to me is pretty up there, but also, he's been married 37 years. A man at his age is very unlikely going to leave his wife for another woman. So if a stricly sexual R is what you are looking for as well, then go for it.

 

Also, are you sure you're in love with him, or are you deeply missing him and infatuated with him? Sometimes these feelings can be confusing.

[Dominique]

You spend your days sleeping and reading about MM and OW, you are 46 and divorced and he is out yonder, married 37 years. Okay.

 

Quick, before John Who and Woggle show up...

 

1. Get out of bed. At 6 am

 

2. Do a big bunch of stretches and exercise

 

3. Clean out your diet

 

4. Clean out your brain (no junk, little t v, no dumb magazines, etc)

 

5. Go collect some hobbies. You are single! Time to cherish. It means doing all those things you would like to do without someone checking their watch to see when you'll be back or getting "nervous" that you have other interests...

 

6. Go get a paying job so your sense of self worth comes back

 

7. Pretty yourself up, so you can attract men your age or around your age and up, and most of all, do it for you..Confidence, even before "perfect looks" above all, attracts men. I can have a plain t shirt on and a black skirt, but boy if I am walking tall, the heads turn. You have to do this too...

 

8 Get yourself something that requires care: a bunch of fussy flowers or plants or a cute pet. Focusing attention on a living thing other than yourself does wonders (this, I mean, if friends are not so much around)

 

9. Come out of your cave and join the living. You are here to live. And when you do, you can dump old what's-his-face and that is that. (And next thing you know he is calling you. But that is another problem for another time)

[SofiaLo]

Thank you.

[audrey_1]

You spend your days sleeping and reading about MM and OW, you are 46 and divorced and he is out yonder, married 37 years. Okay.

 

Quick, before John Who and Woggle show up...

 

1. Get out of bed. At 6 am

 

2. Do a big bunch of stretches and exercise

 

3. Clean out your diet

 

4. Clean out your brain (no junk, little t v, no dumb magazines, etc)

 

5. Go collect some hobbies. You are single! Time to cherish. It means doing all those things you would like to do without someone checking their watch to see when you'll be back or getting "nervous" that you have other interests...

 

6. Go get a paying job so your sense of self worth comes back

 

7. Pretty yourself up, so you can attract men your age or around your age and up, and most of all, do it for you..Confidence, even before "perfect looks" above all, attracts men. I can have a plain t shirt on and a black skirt, but boy if I am walking tall, the heads turn. You have to do this too...

 

8 Get yourself something that requires care: a bunch of fussy flowers or plants or a cute pet. Focusing attention on a living thing other than yourself does wonders (this, I mean, if friends are not so much around)

 

9. Come out of your cave and join the living. You are here to live. And when you do, you can dump old what's-his-face and that is that. (And next thing you know he is calling you. But that is another problem for another time)

 

Bravo!

[SofiaLo]

Audrey, Im printing your get a life respone.

 

It is because thats the attitude I'm aiming for, because I am at a great point to choose how my life can be that I requested the NC.

 

Now I have to keep it up. Your response, as well as the more critical ones, are the lifeline Im looking for and may have gotten for friends and family but I have been too deceitful and ashame to confide in them.

 

Thank you.

Edited March 21, 2008 by SofiaLo

[SofiaLo]

Hi Lyssa,

 

It's never been purely sex for me. We were both married and I downplayed the feelings I developed for him and the fact that He never expressed a desire for developing the "relationship" any further.

 

He has confide in me aspects of his life that make me believe he trust me and see me as a good friend.

 

He has been the only man I have wanted to be intimate with for all this time.

 

We have have no sex for 1,2 year at a time.

 

He was a good support for me when I was going through separation and divorce.

 

I do seek counseling, my depression is real and not caused by him or anyone else( I'd like to blame it on someone).

 

He would like me to be patient(for what?), Wait for him to call me and be smart.

 

Anyway I was with him for 3 days last Jan. and He was making plans to get together next month, I cant take the wait and the circumstances of our visits.

 

That's why I sent the email requesting NC.

Edited March 21, 2008 by SofiaLo

[Owl]

Rather than "request" NC...why not INSIST on it?

 

And take steps to enforce it. Change your email address/IM accounts/phone numbers. I'm betting it wouldn't be very easy for him to track any of that stuff down from another country.

 

This puts YOU in control of the NC...not him.