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Bashing the Wife or Girlfriend


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JackhammerGemma

Ok, I just have to know - is it right for an OW/OM to bash the person's sig other to the person they're cheating with?

 

My bf is cheating with a MW who I came to find out calls me names to him and says ugly things despite the fact he says she is a "nice" person. I have to see her at work and she sends poison darts my way even though she is married AND dating someone else's bf. It seems to me I should be the one entitled to that type of behavior, if anyone.

 

If I were in her shoes and having an affair I would avoid all discussion of the guy's wife or gf and not even look at her at work. I'd be so ashamed that I'd just drop off the radar.

 

Does this woman have gall by bashing me to my bf or is it just me? Please no comments about why I'm still in this situation, I just want to know if she is crossing more than one line by behaving this way.

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She doesn't have any right to do it, but she is doing it either because he is encouraging it or that is just who she is. She knows that you are sitting there and letting your guy and her get away with what they are doing to you, so she feels like she can tease you about it.

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I agree with Pyro. She's doing it because she knows she can get away with it. Your BF isn't defending you, and (while I don't know your whole story) it appears that you've not taken drastic action to end the affair or your relationship with him...so she's got no respect for you at all.

 

If you want it to stop...take action.

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Ok, I just have to know - is it right for an OW/OM to bash the person's sig other to the person they're cheating with?

 

No, it isn't. Of course they can bash all they like. that is, if they want to be a hypocrite since they are no better than the cheater they are sleeping with.

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My bf is cheating with a MW who I came to find out calls me names to him and says ugly things despite the fact he says she is a "nice" person.

 

2 thoughts on this:

 

1) if you bf is cheating, dump him. he is nothing but a slimeball

 

and

 

2) if her husband doesn't know, why don't you rat her out to him?

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2 thoughts on this:

 

1) if you bf is cheating, dump him. he is nothing but a slimeball

 

and

 

2) if her husband doesn't know, why don't you rat her out to him?

 

 

Word up! Took the words out of my mouth. I wouldn't normally stoop to that level but in this case... OH WAIT! I AM so lying right now... I ran into my stbxH- OW- BF (following me?) and I told him all about them. HAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!:lmao: She got dumped! HA! Skank thought she was going to get away with having a BF- to get her groove on with until my stbxH got out of jail. :lmao: Sorry...

Blow up her spot with her H and other BF. (Jeez, this is boder line STD clinic).

and YOU, dump the loser before you catch something... :sick:

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Sounds like catty competition to me. Is that crossing a line?

 

Yeah, if it offends you, it's crossing a line. That's assuming that everyone's somehow OK with the situation, and you're all some kind of 'free love' types who enjoy sharing each other or whatever. :rolleyes:

 

If everyone's NOT OK with the situation, then nothing about any of it is OK and it's adding insult to injury.

 

You said don't ask...

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This would make me wonder two things:

 

1. Why does she feel justified in bashing me? As in, what has my bf told her to make her think it's justified?

 

2. Why is my bf telling me she's bashing me? Does he want to upset me? Does he want to see a fight between the two women he's sleeping with? Is it because he thinks the same thing about me and it's easy to attribute the feeling to her?

 

I'd be much more curious about why my bf was repeating the slams than anything else. As for whether it's ok, sure. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. That she shares it that way doesn't say anything good about her but then again, what about her behavior does?

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I agree she is only doing what your bf is allowing her to do.She is probably doing it to get a reaction out of him to see how he reacts to what she is saying.

 

So when he allows her to say these things about and does not defend you,she loves it and it feeds her sick mind.

 

Like I have said some women are always trying to compete with the wife or gf.

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Sure, she has the right to say anything she wants to say--we all have that right. Is it acceptable? No. It's Never acceptable to say bad things about Anyone no matter whom they are (including the President of the US...;)). I believe name calling is a sin, but we are entitled to our own thoughts and opinions.

 

However, if your BF allows her to say these things without defending you, then maybe you need to question the stability and honesty of your bf. Cleaerly this woman has very few morals--she's married and dating a person who is in a committed relationship with you.

 

My question to you is, why are you still with this guy knowing he is cheating on you with a woman--a MW nonetheless???

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This would make me wonder two things:

 

1. Why does she feel justified in bashing me? As in, what has my bf told her to make her think it's justified?

 

2. Why is my bf telling me she's bashing me? Does he want to upset me? Does he want to see a fight between the two women he's sleeping with? Is it because he thinks the same thing about me and it's easy to attribute the feeling to her?

 

I'd be much more curious about why my bf was repeating the slams than anything else. As for whether it's ok, sure. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. That she shares it that way doesn't say anything good about her but then again, what about her behavior does?

 

I can answer these as the OW myself. MM gave me reasons to bash his wife--he also allowed it and seemed to accept the criticism I endure on her. Why? Well, he's an Ahole, that's why.

 

Answers to:

 

#1: I am very sure he has told her things to make her say the things she does--why or how else would she come up with the things she says? I base my accusations and assumptions and so forth on what he tells me. She knows the OP here though, so this situation is a bit different than mine.

 

#2: He is telling you she is bashing you because he either feels this way himself about you, or has some anger toward you that he is too much of a coward to admit himself.

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I agree she is only doing what your bf is allowing her to do.She is probably doing it to get a reaction out of him to see how he reacts to what she is saying.

 

So when he allows her to say these things about and does not defend you,she loves it and it feeds her sick mind.

 

Like I have said some women are always trying to compete with the wife or gf.

 

BINGO!!!! John Who has hit the target.

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Lookingforward

Like I have said some women are always trying to compete with the wife

or gf.

 

BINGO!!!! John Who has hit the target.

 

Really ? Was that YOUR problem then ?

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Like I have said some women are always trying to compete with the wife

or gf.

 

BINGO!!!! John Who has hit the target.

 

Really ? Was that YOUR problem then ?

 

No. I meant the first part of his post was what I was agreeing to. I have nothing to be jealous of, thank you.

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On another note, I don't see why the OW would want to compete with the W / gf. For one, why would you be jealous of a woman whose husband is cheating on her? Does every OW dream of a man who cheats on her?

 

And for the gf / W, why should she at all be jealous of the OW? Is it her Dream to be the OW?

 

I don't agree that jealousy is an issue. Maybe it is for women who do not have confidence, but I see a lot of OW and formers around here who definitely have confidence. Same for BS's.

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On another note, I don't see why the OW would want to compete with the W / gf. For one, why would you be jealous of a woman whose husband is cheating on her? Does every OW dream of a man who cheats on her?

 

And for the gf / W, why should she at all be jealous of the OW? Is it her Dream to be the OW?

 

I don't agree that jealousy is an issue. Maybe it is for women who do not have confidence, but I see a lot of OW and formers around here who definitely have confidence. Same for BS's.

 

 

Actually sounds absurd... The W's dream to be the other OW???? WTF is that supposed to mean?

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Actually sounds absurd... The W's dream to be the other OW???? WTF is that supposed to mean?

 

My point is that Jealousy on both ends is absurd. Reread my whole post.

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JackhammerGemma

Just to clarify a couple things: I know of the things she's said because I read some of her texts to my bf unbeknownst to him at the time. Can't tell you what they're about here because that would give away my identity were she to come to this forum. She has also badmouthed me to a mutual friend, probably more than one but just one that told me about it. Let's just say she has a lot of nerve, threefold: 1.Cheating on her husband, 2. with a co-worker's boyfriend 3. whose gf she talks sh*t about to him and others. I am usually not one to judge these types of situations as I have unfortunately and with great remorse already been on that end of the equation. I just cannot picture bashing someone's wife or gf to them, especially since that would make me look petty and jealous. I'd be afraid it would make the guy lose respect for me as the OW or not want to be around me. It's like, you know how things are, deal with it and shut up or don't have the affair to begin with. Or find someone who doesn't have attachments. This is not to say there are any set cardinal rules on how to have an affair, but if there were I'd say she's breaking them. I just wanted to know if that was normal behavior because when I was the OW I never said anything bad about the W at all. I just listened and even tried to make helpful suggestions.

 

I asked him why he allows her to talk badly about me. Of course he said he doesn't encourage it or bash me to her, and said he told her not to say those things about me. But let's be serious- how else would he pacify me but to tell me what he thinks I want to hear, right?

 

Why I am still with this guy is fodder for other threads. I have problems of my own obviously. Sigh. :eek:

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Lookingforward
I have nothing to be jealous of, thank you.

 

Really ? Then why did you "bash his wife" to him when he encouraged you to ? (according to you he did anyway) - just curious

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Just to clarify a couple things: I know of the things she's said because I read some of her texts to my bf unbeknownst to him at the time. Can't tell you what they're about here because that would give away my identity were she to come to this forum. She has also badmouthed me to a mutual friend, probably more than one but just one that told me about it. Let's just say she has a lot of nerve, threefold: 1.Cheating on her husband, 2. with a co-worker's boyfriend 3. whose gf she talks sh*t about to him and others. I am usually not one to judge these types of situations as I have unfortunately and with great remorse already been on that end of the equation. I just cannot picture bashing someone's wife or gf to them, especially since that would make me look petty and jealous. I'd be afraid it would make the guy lose respect for me as the OW or not want to be around me. It's like, you know how things are, deal with it and shut up or don't have the affair to begin with. Or find someone who doesn't have attachments. This is not to say there are any set cardinal rules on how to have an affair, but if there were I'd say she's breaking them. I just wanted to know if that was normal behavior because when I was the OW I never said anything bad about the W at all. I just listened and even tried to make helpful suggestions.

 

I asked him why he allows her to talk badly about me. Of course he said he doesn't encourage it or bash me to her, and said he told her not to say those things about me. But let's be serious- how else would he pacify me but to tell me what he thinks I want to hear, right?

 

Why I am still with this guy is fodder for other threads. I have problems of my own obviously. Sigh. :eek:

 

 

I can tell you about my experience as an OW. I've always had a policy of not commenting in any way on the W. I also maintained a policy of not allowing the MM to complain to me about the W. I always just thought, "nothing to do with me, not my problem." The only exception was once I fell for the MM who has since left the W for me. Once I fell for him, I began to develop a strong dislike of her because of the things he told me about her. I cared for him, she hurt him, and therefore, I really disliked her. For a very long time, I worked hard to never express any negative thought or feeling about the W, even when MM brought her up and told me something negative. A few times I failed when he felt particularly hurt, and I expressed my anger that anyone would treat him that way.

I think amongst secure women, there does exist a basic etiquette that you don't bash the W/gf, but insecure women are another story completely.

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I asked him why he allows her to talk badly about me.
Did you ask him why he was telling you that she bashes you to him? What was the purpose of him telling you about it?

 

What she does should be less of a concern, I'd think, than what HE does. And he's stirring it up for his own reasons by telling you. Surely he knows that would upset you. So what are his reasons and why are you ok with him being an ass to you?

 

I imagine she's doing it to try to make you look bad to him. To 'open his eyes' to how 'terrible' you are since he still stays with you despite having an affair with her. Maybe she wants her side dish (your bf) to herself and is hoping he'll break up with you if only he would wake up and realize how 'terrible' you are.

Edited by norajane
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JackhammerGemma
Did you ask him why he was telling you that she bashes you to him? What was the purpose of him telling you about it?

He didn't tell me, I read texts in his phone (see my post above yours)

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Good grief. :eek:

 

First off, whatever this schemer has to say about you should count for NOTHING. Especially when you consider the type of person it’s coming from AND the dirty little agenda behind it. Don’t give value or substance to her words by making it the source of your frustrations. It’ll only distract you from the REAL source of your problems ... the one who isn’t so vocal and is hurting you more than anyone else because his methods are more underhanded.

 

Why, oh why, would you want call someone like this your “boyfriend.” (???) A “Friend” wouldn’t even crap all over you like this. Even a “Friend” would feel more motivated than he does to step up in your behalf and cut this woman off at the knees for the things she is saying and doing ... let alone welcome and encourage it! And a guy who loves and respects you won’t screw your co-worker and leave you to deal with the fallout at work.

 

I can’t understand why you would allow other people to treat you like this? I just don’t. :( I gather you must have your reasons. But just the same, it’s hard to comprehend why you would prefer to lay down and subject yourself to this kind of cruel madness when the solution to your problems is as simple as eliminating BOTH of these nasty individuals from your life.

 

So what can we do to encourage you to grow a backbone and finally stand up for yourself? :confused:

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This lady sounds like she has a bucket full of issues. I'd stay as far away from her as I could, and dump the boyfriend.

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