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Dr. Laura: Women Share Blame for Cheating Men...


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I found this interesting since it has come up quite a few times around here. I haven't read the whole thing, but read enough to know this woman's kinda crazy...

 

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23575221/

 

Her comment, “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” really disturbs me. I just cannot come to terms with believing this is Always true.

 

1. A Married Man should learn to accept his wife for whom she is, and they should be best friends.

 

2. Men should understand that a woman, especially once they have children, cannot focus All her attention on her husband, and accept that.

 

3. Why is it the wife's responsiblity to make her husband feel like a man, like a success? He should know by the time he's ready for a marital commitment, how to be successful and a Man.

 

Maybe I'm out of my mind thinking this way, but c'mon! These are Not acceptable excuses. And why is this so called popular psychologist making excuses for men? Or are these Not excuses and I assume they are? :rolleyes:

 

I'd love to write a book about the mind's of cheating men along with my friend who is currently having an affair with her mutal friend's-friend's boyfriend.

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I have a hard time with it too Gwynnie. But unfortunately I think it is all too true. A big part of taking care of a man is feeding his constantly-hungry ego. It is the way men are.

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Definitely watch the video. Dr. Laura feels very strongly about placing partial blame on the wife, while the other two do not place any or some blame on the wife. It's interesting.

 

Dr. Laura said: “The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving,” and I believe Nadia made the same comment. It's very interesting how she's a psychologist and we're either BS, OW / OM, or the WS and know pretty much the same things these three individuals study to learn.

Edited by Gwyneth
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LucreziaBorgia

The only thing I would have to say really is that while the health of the relationship is the responsibility of both parties, when a person cheats it is entirely one person's fault: the one who made a conscious decision to cheat. No one is ever driven to or forced to cheat.

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SoHotZanzibar

I think it comes from the belief that whenever is something wrong with the marriage, even though one spouse may be doing all the damage or wrong doing, there is always enough blame to go around to blame both.

 

I struggle with this concept quite a bit. but for me, it doesn't make all the sense. Because people that always think a marital problem should always be blamed by both people, regardless if only one is doing the trangression.

 

Now, lets say the husband went into a bank and robbed it and shot 5 people. The wife didn't have a thing to do with it. Didn't even know about it. Should she be blamed? Or course not.

 

Now lets say the guy goes into a brothel and screws 5 prostitutes. He's done it for years and its always been in him and he just kept it secret. Should the wife be blamed? I don't think so. It depends on the marriage, because every relationship is different.

Nobody knows what the marriage between them was like, and certainly not Dr. Laura.

 

People never hesitate to over simpilify situations, categorize people, and judge them. Dr. Laura doesn't have a clue about Silva or the marriage, so she shouldn't draw conclusions.

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Well, Marital problems is both parties' faults (husband and wife's), but the cheating is the problem and fault of the cheater. Even if his wife drove him to cheat because she is heartless or does not want to have sex with him, instead of seeking sex elsewhere, he should be able to communicate his issues with his wife either directly to her, or in counseling.

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bentnotbroken

Gwen, I agree with you. And since Dr(not) Laura is a FOW, it is hard for me to see her point of view coming from a professional point of view.

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If I ever wanted to slap somebody it would be dr Laura. That woman is JUST NOT RIGHT < Saw her on an interview, she had just brought out another book. It was about how wives should please their husbands. Her op was wife should do EVERYTHING including kissing HIS arch! Bow down wify!! Bow down!! Someone called in and asked if she would write a book for the husbands on how to please their wife. You know what she responded. """ are you kidding me, I would NEVER write a book like that, it would only require TWO pages!! Yes "2" you read it right. What a stupid B !! Then she says get this, " if a couple has children and they are not happy in marriage, who cares, you stay, no matter what, not your choice anymore...... because children raised by single parents grow up to be ALL criminals" :lmao::lmao::lmao: What is this B smoking????? They let her on TV??? I was so upset with this show.... If i could have reached my hand in the tv I would have slapped her upside her head. Anyway, my mm w has her book on the coffee table, go figure:lmao::lmao:

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Lookingforward
If I ever wanted to slap somebody it would be dr Laura. That woman is JUST NOT RIGHT < Saw her on an interview, she had just brought out another book. It was about how wives should please their husbands. Her op was wife should do EVERYTHING including kissing HIS arch! Bow down wify!! Bow down!! Someone called in and asked if she would write a book for the husbands on how to please their wife. You know what she responded. """ are you kidding me, I would NEVER write a book like that, it would only require TWO pages!! Yes "2" you read it right. What a stupid B !! Then she says get this, " if a couple has children and they are not happy in marriage, who cares, you stay, no matter what, not your choice anymore...... because children raised by single parents grow up to be ALL criminals" :lmao::lmao::lmao: What is this B smoking????? They let her on TV??? I was so upset with this show.... If i could have reached my hand in the tv I would have slapped her upside her head. Anyway, my mm w has her book on the coffee table, go figure:lmao::lmao:

 

 

ROFL !! My daughter claims I only ever listen to Dr Laura when I feel like yelling at the radio :p

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LakesideDream

Positive reinforcement is everything in relationships, both for the male, and the female. If we don't constantly "prop up" our spouses, SO's we are asking for trouble. No good can come from intentionally ignoring your partners needs. Relationships are messy. Is Dr. Laura correct? In her world she is. She is a practicing and devout Jew. They play by some very old school rules.

 

There is no reason you need to agree or disagree with her. She's in the business of making money on a very popular radio show, and by writing lots of relationship help books. I'm sure she does some people a lot of good. Nobody is forced to listen to her. You have a knob, or remote to deal with her if you don't agree with what you hear.

 

BTW on this particular subject, I disagree with Dr. Laura. I think there are a lot of steps between being unhappy in your relationship, and leaving to have sex with others.

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What is this B smoking????? They let her on TV???

 

Well, she's going to be on Larry King tomorrow night. I'll definitely be watching.

 

Anyway, my mm w has her book on the coffee table, go figure:lmao::lmao:

 

Hearing this just makes my heart ache.

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I don't think I ever heard of her until tonight. Therefore, I had no idea she is a FOW. Well that explains a lot! And not All single-parented children grow up to be criminals! My sibs and I are Not criminals. She's a bit stereotypical. I'm sure she does have some valid points though.

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SoHotZanzibar
Well, Marital problems is both parties' faults (husband and wife's), but the cheating is the problem and fault of the cheater. Even if his wife drove him to cheat because she is heartless or does not want to have sex with him, instead of seeking sex elsewhere, he should be able to communicate his issues with his wife either directly to her, or in counseling.

 

I think we agree. What I would like to express though is this:

what one person wrong does in the marriage MAY be a result of both partners actions, or MAY be just one person being unfaithful/dishonorable/etc.

Just because one spouse acts like a selfish prick/bitch does not automatically mean something is wrong with the other spouse. Thats just simply an unfair conclusion without full analysis of both

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What makes it more confusing is that MM "told me" that he and W were still having sex. So that cancels out the "she wasn't paying attention to me" saying.

 

Why then does a man feel the need to still cheat EVEN when he is getting sexual fulfillment at home from his W?

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SoHotZanzibar
What makes it more confusing is that MM "told me" that he and W were still having sex. So that cancels out the "she wasn't paying attention to me" saying.

 

Why then does a man feel the need to still cheat EVEN when he is getting sexual fulfillment at home from his W?

 

Thats just it. Not every cheater feels the 'need' to cheat, no matter what they are getting. They simply see nothing wrong with it or never grew out of their younger years where they probably had new girls every so often.

Everyone is different and you have to know the man.

Some men (and women!) might just get off on getting some 'strange'.

It's how each individual approaches sex as well.

Like for me, stranger sex doesn't turn me on. I like the mental connection. Others just like a hot body.

Not everyone is the same.

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White Flower

 

Not everyone is the same.

So true.

 

I often wonder why my MM crossed the line when he seemingly had the perfect relationship (except for the sexuality fading out). We discuss this at length and we are still analyzing it over two years later believe it or not. I think there may have been that sort of jealousy, on his part, of watching men picking up women and feeling left out. So, he asked me to dance and we talked for about a year before it turned PA. Neither of us had any intention of falling in love.

 

Having said that, I think to a very small degree Dr. Laura made some points, however extreme. Speakers like her make lots of money on controversy and need to come across strong and even fanatical in order to sell their books.

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Can'tGiveUp
I

Now lets say the guy goes into a brothel and screws 5 prostitutes. He's done it for years and its always been in him and he just kept it secret. Should the wife be blamed? I don't think so. It depends on the marriage, because every relationship is different.

Nobody knows what the marriage between them was like, and certainly not Dr. Laura.

 

People never hesitate to over simpilify situations, categorize people, and judge them. Dr. Laura doesn't have a clue about Silva or the marriage, so she shouldn't draw conclusions.

 

First, I don't like her...but I think her points are somewhat valid in this instance. She very clearly denied any knowledge of Silva's situation or their marriage. Her comments were not specific to them. She also said that there are always exceptions, and that sometimes it just doesn't matter what the wife is like, the guy will cheat.

 

What makes it more confusing is that MM "told me" that he and W were still having sex. So that cancels out the "she wasn't paying attention to me" saying.

 

Why then does a man feel the need to still cheat EVEN when he is getting sexual fulfillment at home from his W?

 

Never had bad sex? I think the last 5 years of my marriage was bad sex. Sort of wish he had been cheating...

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SoHotZanzibar
First, I don't like her...but I think her points are somewhat valid in this instance. She very clearly denied any knowledge of Silva's situation or their marriage. Her comments were not specific to them. She also said that there are always exceptions, and that sometimes it just doesn't matter what the wife is like, the guy will cheat.

 

 

 

Never had bad sex? I think the last 5 years of my marriage was bad sex. Sort of wish he had been cheating...

 

I hear ya, but her points are not valid in all cases and i really don't know what percentage they should be, but when a spouse is a cheater, lets not jump an blame the victim until there is an actual reason to do so.

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SoHotZanzibar

Never had bad sex? I think the last 5 years of my marriage was bad sex. Sort of wish he had been cheating...

 

Why do you wish he had been cheating and what was so bad about it?

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Can'tGiveUp
Why do you wish he had been cheating and what was so bad about it?

 

If he'd been cheating, I'd have left much earlier. I stayed for most of those years because of the kids. Bad sex...no desire to be there, no intimacy, something I almost conceded to engage in when it could no longer be avoided, no affection...

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SoHotZanzibar
If he'd been cheating' date=' I'd have left much earlier. I stayed for most of those years because of the kids. Bad sex...no desire to be there, no intimacy, something I almost conceded to engage in when it could no longer be avoided, no affection...[/quote']

 

Im so sorry to hear that. Hopefully things are looking up

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Daphne Crane

In a final appearance with TODAY’s Ann Curry and Hoda Kotb, Schlessinger stuck to her guns.

“The point is, what he’s done is wrong. The point is, what she’s done is wrong,” she said. “I have kept marriages together after affairs because I have reminded women that you have the power to turn this around. He had his children with you. He has his future life plans with you, his dreams, his whole mind, body and soul was wrapped up in the promise of you. If you now turn that back on, all that stuff you turned off because ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’m irritated’ or ‘I’m annoyed’ or ‘I’m self-centered’ — if you turn that around, you have that man back.”

She said that there are reasons why men look outside the marriage for sex and companionship.

“I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she’s being,” she said. “Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he’s her man? If she’s not doing that, then she’s contributing to his wrong choice.”

 

First, let me say, I am not a fan of Laura Whatsaface.

 

I know a lot of people are not going to like this but IMO she is completely right. It may not be the case in all A but for the most part it is. Both men and women do what it takes to get the man/woman (by any means necessary) but once they have the ring on their finger something goes missing. I don't know if they feel "well I have him/her now and he/she is not going anywhere". Come on let's be fair about this, what you do to get him/her is what you must do to keep him/her.

 

We all have to be supportive, approving, and loving even when we don't want to. LOL Sometimes they need to hear "everything's going to be alright". You have to ask "how was your day" and listen to what they have to say even if you don't care two flips of a shyt. When you are dating, you find the time to be with him/her sexual so why can't you find the time once you get married. People go from having sex everyday to have sex once every 3 or 4 months. And you think that's going to keep him/her from somebody else's bed. CHILD PLEASE. Make him feel like he is a man and that he matters. Give him/her a hug for no apparent reason.

 

Now on the flip side, you do have some men/women that are getting everything they need at home and just want more. You just can't please some people. LOL!

Edited by Daphne Crane
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I don't agree with her but isn't the same excuse cheating women use? Cheating is wrong period but her you can't come down on men who stray while calling female cheaters victims or liberated feminists like you hear so much. Switch around the genders and she would sound exactly like one of those feminists who make excuses for cheating women. Men are not animals who can't control ourselves though and making excuses for cheaters reduces us to that. In my experience though the women that get cheated on are almost always loving and devoted partners. Men who you would understand if they got some affection are usually so whipped they won't jump without asking their wife first. Also I know this is off topic but I do not look forward to hearing about this 24/7 in the news.

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