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Can't the thoughts at least go away when I sleep???


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It's so frustrating. I am to the point where every single night I am having pretty vivid dreams about my situation with xMM. It is tiring because although I do sleep, I feel like it is not relaxing, restful sleep. It is stressful sleep!! It just makes it that much worse when I wake up. Mornings are horrible due to the flood of thoughts going thru my head. It just seems we could at least catch a break at night time when are bodies are shut down, but apparently not. :(

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That sounds pretty awful. Have you tried meditating? Might be helpful in creating a peaceful space for your mind...

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two words: VOD KA

 

just kiddin.. I HATE this part too.. I have tried and tried and tried to count sheep, count golf holes I have played, count my blessings, but Count Dracula always sneaks in and sucks all of my good memories away and floods me with panic..

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All kinds of dreams... but he or something to do with him is always in them. Sometimes it is that he chooses to be w/me, but then I wake up and reality sucks that much more. Lately, it has been things involving him and his wife though. Like running into her... even talking to her.. just really far out there stuff where one of them is always a character involved. I just want to dream of something else!!

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It's because you rmind is so overloaded with this during the day. It is trying to process it and make sense of your hopes and fears in your dreams.

 

Hopefully once you start your counseling you will beging to find peace little by little. Like Mimi said, it is like mental detox. Actually I'm seeing mine tonight, woo hoo...

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All kinds of dreams... but he or something to do with him is always in them. Sometimes it is that he chooses to be w/me, but then I wake up and reality sucks that much more. Lately, it has been things involving him and his wife though. Like running into her... even talking to her.. just really far out there stuff where one of them is always a character involved. I just want to dream of something else!!

 

While I was still with my stbxH, every time that he rekindle his A with that *@*#*@#&@# (let me not say it. lol!) I used to dream every fricking night something that related to the fact that she was back in the picture.

Coming from a background that very much believes in mysticism, 6th sense or whatever you want to call it, I took it as signs. My instinct was NEVER wrong! Since the day that he called me and told me to take a hike because Marriage was out of style... I have not ever again had one single dream that he/or she are involved in. 8 months.

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My therapist said that dreams show us our progress and our state of mind. I said, "great, that is so discouraging because I still have a lot of dreams about xMM, I guess that means I haven't progressed yet!" He said that it's GOOD that I'm dreaming about xMM because it means that my subconsious is deailng with it at night, instead of being too preoccupied with thinking about him during the day. He said that dreams are our natural ways of processing things and dealing with things, so it's a good thing. So there you go, be reassured. :) I suggest telilng your counselor your dreams, if they are like mine, they will have a lot of insight into how it's interpreted in your daily life and your emotions.

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GreenEyedLady

Can you take a medication that can help you have restful sleep?

 

You're having dreams about him because you're thinking about him alot...It's totally natural and normal...

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Lookingforward
It's so frustrating. I am to the point where every single night I am having pretty vivid dreams about my situation with xMM. It is tiring because although I do sleep, I feel like it is not relaxing, restful sleep. It is stressful sleep!! It just makes it that much worse when I wake up. Mornings are horrible due to the flood of thoughts going thru my head. It just seems we could at least catch a break at night time when are bodies are shut down, but apparently not. :(

 

Having the same issue find.. never dreamed about him at all in the early stages..

 

As someone else said I think it's just our subconscious processing "stuff", but yeah it sucks, Hopefully this means I am finally accepting the situation and I can get back to being "me" again.

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RollerCoasterGirl

Me too!

I have no advice at all. I can't help you; I can't begin to process my situation.

I need to start my own thread. But I just thought the same thing. The last few nights I've been having these stupid dreams about MM and also thinking about what I want to say to him the next time I get a chance, etc. etc. Sleep is not even an escape.:lmao:

 

Sorry. No help. This really, really sucks.

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whichwayisup

Try falling asleep with the TV on..It will distract you and hopefully you'll just dream about what you saw on TV. (*Just make sure you do not watch ANY scary movies like The Exoricist otherwise you'll have afew nightmares...*)

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There ARE things like "Quietude" which can usually be purchased at a natural food store or an organic food store.

 

Most people agree that a little alcohol helps but a lot of alcohol just backpfires and makes you wake up at 3am with a bad case of confusion and anxiety and lousy sleep for the rest of the night.

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My therapist said to spend 15 minutes every night before I go to bed just writing stream-of-conscience writing. It doesn't have to be great, or publishable, or anything but whatever comes to my mind. He said this will help get any anxious thoughts out of my head BEFORE I go to sleep so that they won't invade my dreams. (Actually it was for my night terrors but I think it works for unwanted dreams or any kind of disturbing sleep issues).

 

He also said NOT to watch TV before going to bed because that will put distracting images in my mind (not that I don't think WWIU's advice sounds good, too... I have definitely used the TV when I'm not tired to lull myself into sleep... I'm not sure if it had a good or bad effect on my dreams though, once I did fall asleep). In fact he said to NEVER use my bed for anything but sleeping (and perhaps sex ;). He said we need to train our bodies to fall asleep when we're in bed and rest peacefully, and to be active doing other things when we're NOT in bed. If you can't sleep, get up and do something else that makes you tired, so that you condition your body to be awake when you're not in bed and to be asleep when you're in bed. But those are all general ways to fall asleep better... the writing one is the tip to banish anxieties from your mind before you fall asleep at all.

 

I've been too busy and tired to actually put those suggestions into use. :eek: But I thought I would pass them onto you in case they help.

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There ARE things like "Quietude" which can usually be purchased at a natural food store or an organic food store.

 

Most people agree that a little alcohol helps but a lot of alcohol just backpfires and makes you wake up at 3am with a bad case of confusion and anxiety and lousy sleep for the rest of the night.

 

Oh yeah... he said you can have up to two regular drinks (a glass of wine or a glass of beer or a shot of liquor equaling one drink) but any more will *disturb* your sleep.

 

Also limit your caffeine use to the mornings only and to two cups as well.

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Love is Tragic

Yikes, i cant even imagine if i were to dream about my exMM every night, yuck.. Even though hes pretty much constantly on my mind during the day, ive been fortunate to not have many dreams about him since our NC. Or any that i can remember. The dreams i have had about him have been doozies though-i generally wake up bawling my eyes out and twice as depressed as before. So i can see how miserable constant exMM dreaming is making you! Many hugs to you! Hope it gets better!

 

One of the last dreams i had about exMM was that he had sent me all these text messages, and when i opened them up, they were pictures of him, the wife, their two kids, and a new baby they had just had(new baby isnt an actual occurence) and stated how ecstatic and happy they were in their new life. Gag.. that one was fun to dream about, NOT!

 

The last dream ive had consisted of me driving to his hometown, and tracking down where he lived. I hid behind his house, waiting on him to come out(i think i was hiding behind a bush, sheesh..) It was a huge snowstorm at the time, which made it even more strange. When he came out we ended up having sex(outside, against the side of his house, weird), then his wife came out and i had to hide back in the bush. They ended up getting in their car and leaving or something, and i was left wanting more behind the bush. Ugh!! Terrible!

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Thanks everyone for the tips. I do have to say I do follow the advice of no TV or really anything else in the bedroom other than sex (which obviously do to this sitch there has been none of lately!) and sleep. I live alone and love my family room, love watching tv in there, never have to fight anyone for the remote... so there really is no need for a tv in my bedroom. I have never really had a problem falling asleep before. As a matter fact, I tend to go the other way and sleep too much when I am depressed or down about something. I guess the many thoughts and different scenarios to ponder in this kind of situation though is just alittle too much for one mind to handle. It is on overdrive. I can fall asleep but as soon as I wake up bam... thoughts like crazy, then when I am asleep xMM is there in my dreams or W is chasing me down or shoot we've even had lunch and golfed in my dream!! what the heck??? Hopefully, there will be a time when this will calm down and I can get my nights back!!

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Je Ne Regrette Rien

Keep a journal, and write about everything in your day, the good, the bad. Before you go to bed read the page before and then write your new day.

 

Write anything and everything down that you want to. I think this helps in offloading what is in our minds. I usually get a more restful sleep knowing I've lain my subconscious down on paper...and it makes for some very interesting reading for me in the future

 

Sleep well x

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