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maddoglover

I started out as friends with my MM over a year ago.... He was living with W but seperated.... (if such a thing exists....) we were friends for about 6 months before anything ever happened with us. When we started sleeping together it was a FWB thing. We just thought we could fill the void in each others lives... And then slowly started to snowball into more. I realized in mid January that I had deeper feelings for him romanticly. And decided that I would let him in on those feelings... Which he took really well... He admitted that he had the same kind of feelings for me.

 

After the admission of feelings we slept together one more time, and then he started freaking out thinking I was preggers.... I wasn't worried till I realized I was a week late... We had a huge fight.... Then I started the next morning....

 

Since then he said that it was too much to deal with, and he needs time to decompress from all the "drama" that happened in January....

 

I'm ok with that.... I can give him his space..... I have been.... But I miss him.

 

I miss talking to him. I want to be his friend again... I can handle the no sex... I will miss it. God knows that man showed me how to make love..... How to really make love..... But I just miss the connection.....

 

Should I let him know that I miss him? Or do I just assume that he knows already?

 

I want to know if he misses me too???? Is it inappropriate to ask if he does?

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LucreziaBorgia

Just let him be for now. All that contacting him will do is make him shrink away from you more. In his mind, he just dodged the mother of all bullets, and is no doubt taking some time to thank his lucky stars that you were not pregnant. He may very well be rethinking the idea of having an affair at all.

 

Making love may be something he was good at, but I don't see anything to suggest that he actually loved you. He may have said he had feelings, but his behavior when he thought you were pregnant, and his subsequent "needing space" negates that.

 

You can contact him if it will make you feel better, but in the long run you will probably be glad if you didn't. All you will be doing is prolonging a painful situation for yourself.

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maddoglover

wow.... you are right... he is rethinking the affair.... I wouldn't go as far to say that he loves me....nor I him.......

 

I miss my buddy.... Before we started sleeping together we talked a lot about it "changing the relationship" we had...

 

Will we ever be best buddies again?

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You should not contact him,you will only make it worse for him.

 

The longer you go no contact the better for him and his M.

 

I'm not sure you even want his M to work out,obviously you don't.

 

If the man say's no contact then no contact it is,see you ow make it harder when you keep clinging on to us,we start to feel sorry for you,we start to get tempted and give in.

 

The longer he goes no contact with you the better for him and his M.

 

I'm sure the MM made you feel special and loved and told you all the sweetest things in the world.

 

We do this because we have to make up for the fact that we are M and go home to our wife,this is something you ow are very insecure about.

 

We have to make you ow feel like you were sent from the heavens to be with us.

 

Do yourself a HUGE favor and and stick to no contact you will save yourself alot of heartache in the long run,i'm sure there are many single guy's out there that can also show you what real love making is.

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No i don't think it will be wise to be buddies,of course you will want this because it benefits you.

 

It's your way of still having him in your life,and i'm assuming having hope that you will start the A up again.

 

Have respect for yourself and his wife let him go,no contact,no buddies.

 

Find a single guy,and another buddy.

Edited by John Who
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maddoglover

Wow, you make me sound like I am desperate....

 

A couple things.... I've told him many many times not to leave his wife for me.... I want him to be happy, if that means staying with mega bitch to be a part of his daughters life, then by all means.... Go ahead....

 

And no he didn't make me feel special, and loved, and he didn't tell me all the sweetest things in the world.... I'm not insecure that he goes home to his "wife"...

 

A running joke with us is that when he comes over I never offer him a drink or a sandwhich or anything... And I tell him, he's not mine to take care of....

 

I'm not ugly, and there are plenty of men out there for me... I am not in a place in my life to have a real relationship with anyone right now... But as far as love making goes, yes he showed me that..... I can "****" till the cows come home... But rarely enjoyed making love... and he showed me how to do that.....

 

Point being I miss my friend more than anything... I miss laughing with him... I miss making him laugh....

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maddoglover

of course I still want him in my life..... would I say no to starting up the A again.... probably not.... would I push it.... No....

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Oh no, not another Mega bitch wife?

 

And another hero falling on the sword-staying for the kids-what a man.

 

I really don't know where to invest my funds in...

 

a..an Anti-Mega Bitch formula

b..plastic swords

c..Anti-Daft pills

d..weekend creativity retreats for spouses embarking upon an affair to at least attempt to find a new excuse to justify their abhorrent behaviour.

 

 

Me personally-If I heard any man ever utter those words, especially the one about staying for the kids-I would run for the hills faster than fast and quicker than quick-

 

TriMax

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maddoglover

what I said is I am not in a place in my life that I CAN have a real relationship....

 

And he's the one cheating, not me.... It takes 2 to have sex.

 

And I am not ruining their marriage.... Their marriage was already ruined.... they were seperated when I met him. He sought out the relationship with me. Not the other way around...

 

I don't want to f--k till the cows come home... I said I CAN, but making love is different. And he showed me that.

 

And it seems to me that you cheated on your wife and want to blame it all on the OW. Not taking any responsibility of your own.... The difference between you and him is that he takes responsibility for his part in our A. He has never not once placed the blame on me.

 

And I don't want him "anyway I can have him" I want our friendship back. I miss him.

 

I'm not a home wrecker.... His home was wrecked before I ever even came along.... He was missing female companionship in his life.... I wanted penis with "no strings" on a regular basis without having to have a million one night stands.

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Lookingforward
Oh no, not another Mega bitch wife?

 

TriMax

 

So are you saying they don't exist ?

 

I would think that if they do exist, it wouldn't be all that surprising the spouse would seek to escape, or do you think they should just suck it up in that case ?

Edited by Lookingforward
wiped out a line by mistake
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Yes, he misses you too. I'm in a similar boat, and when we go NC I miss talking with him too. It's very hard to have a close friend and then suddenly you can't talk or connect with them any more. But if he asked for time/NC - then do just that. After several weeks more than a few times, the man I was seeing came back around. They do need the time to figure things out, and they actual appreciate that you honored the NC. Just wait it out, even though it's brutal. I know how you feel.

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NC is incredibly brutal, it is so easy to think that they must already be "over" you. How do you keep optimistic that they will eventually contact you again?

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bentnotbroken
Oh no, not another Mega bitch wife?

 

And another hero falling on the sword-staying for the kids-what a man.

 

I really don't know where to invest my funds in...

 

a..an Anti-Mega Bitch formula

b..plastic swords

c..Anti-Daft pills

d..weekend creativity retreats for spouses embarking upon an affair to at least attempt to find a new excuse to justify their abhorrent behaviour.

 

 

Me personally-If I heard any man ever utter those words, especially the one about staying for the kids-I would run for the hills faster than fast and quicker than quick-

 

TriMax

 

 

 

Didn't you hear the news flash, all BW are mega-b1tch wives. We get a handbook the day we get married that spells out the step by step process. There are chapters on:1) how to dwindle the sex. 2)How to nag with a smile.3) Putting the children first and ignoring the jealous H. 4) How to be snide in front of futere ow. And the all time favorite: 5) Becoming a super b1tch in ten easy steps.

 

I wonder what book WH got on lying and deciet? HHHMMM, Maybe I'll call up Mr. Messy and ask him.

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bentnotbroken
what I said is I am not in a place in my life that I CAN have a real relationship....

 

And he's the one cheating, not me.... It takes 2 to have sex.

 

And I am not ruining their marriage.... Their marriage was already ruined.... they were seperated when I met him. He sought out the relationship with me. Not the other way around...

 

I don't want to f--k till the cows come home... I said I CAN, but making love is different. And he showed me that.

 

And it seems to me that you cheated on your wife and want to blame it all on the OW. Not taking any responsibility of your own.... The difference between you and him is that he takes responsibility for his part in our A. He has never not once placed the blame on me.

 

And I don't want him "anyway I can have him" I want our friendship back. I miss him.

 

I'm not a home wrecker.... His home was wrecked before I ever even came along.... He was missing female companionship in his life.... I wanted penis with "no strings" on a regular basis without having to have a million one night stands.

 

 

 

According to him the home was wrecked. But if he is still legally married, you are the side piece.

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Oh no, not another Mega bitch wife?

 

And another hero falling on the sword-staying for the kids-what a man.

 

I really don't know where to invest my funds in...

 

a..an Anti-Mega Bitch formula

b..plastic swords

c..Anti-Daft pills

d..weekend creativity retreats for spouses embarking upon an affair to at least attempt to find a new excuse to justify their abhorrent behaviour.

 

 

Me personally-If I heard any man ever utter those words, especially the one about staying for the kids-I would run for the hills faster than fast and quicker than quick-

 

TriMax

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: Trifecta... I am LMAO... :lmao::lmao:

 

I was a mega-bitch too... I think I also supposedly didn't like sex... :lmao::lmao:

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Topic:

 

Maddog, I think it's hard to go back to just being friends once a certain line has been crossed. I've seen a lot of people have the same opinion. Not saying it's impossible, but I think once emotions are all jumbled up and thrown into the mix, it's hard. The fact that the man is married is just going to make it worse.

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whichwayisup
And he's the one cheating, not me.... It takes 2 to have sex.

 

Yes, he is the one cheating, but you are enabling him to cheat. And, you only know what he's told you, in the sense of the status of his marriage. Who knows how much of it is the actual truth..

 

Obviously the pregnancy scare did scare him and made him rethink things.

 

All you can do is focus on you, give him space and go from there.

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ICallsEmAsISeesEm
I guess your in a place in your life where you want to help ruin a M, all because you want to f--k until the cow's come home.
LMAO...not to worry, John. There's no 'marriage' to wreck, remember?

 

He's "separated" but living with wifey. Man, if I had a nickel for every married man who made that claim.... :D

 

Here's a thought, MadDog...why don't you call his wife and ask her if they're "separated but living in the same house?" I'd be willing to bet the farm she's got no CLUE she's "separated."

Edited by ICallsEmAsISeesEm
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God, this forum is like a box of rotten chocolates...newbies never know what the heck response to expect.

 

Why do some of you feel the need to dump all of your anger and resentfulness all over newbies who come here, desperately needing to talk and get some support? Sure, they're not doing things in their life that you agree with, but this place is FOR DISCUSSION AND SUPPORT FOR OTHER WOMEN/MEN.

 

I don't think this forum was created to be "Dumping Ground for Those Who Are Mad About What Happened to Them".

 

If you're so riddled with anger and rage at infidelity, why not talk to your WS or a counselor instead of slashing and tearing at newbies???? That would seem a far more productive, constructive way of healing your pain.

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maddoglover

THANK YOU jmc!!

 

I thought that this was supposed to be support.... I am not the one that ruined your marriages.... The fact is, that if you were in a happy and loving marriage then your spouse wouldn't be looking for whatever it is that they are missing..... Or you just picked a prick to marry....

 

Either way, if it wasn't me that was getting his penis wet with, it would be someone else..... At least with me I'm not asking him to leave... I'm not asking him to hang his boots up.... We were just friends with benefits, then it got a little messy... now I just want to be friends again... I want my buddy back.... I want to laugh with him again.... I want to bulls--t with him.... More than anything that is what I want.

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LucreziaBorgia

Give it time. Like I said, he is probably spooked big time over the near miss pregnancy thing. He may come back, he may not. But I can tell you this - if you try to bring things back around at this point in time, he won't do much more than create some more distance there in addition to the distance he put already.

 

You will want to understand that when reality crashes into an affair like that, it can permanently destroy what you had. If you are waiting around on him, and keeping yourself from finding happiness elsewhere you may want to reconsider and start looking for someone else. Preferably someone a bit less... complicated.

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We were just friends with benefits, then it got a little messy... now I just want to be friends again... I want my buddy back.... I want to laugh with him again.... I want to bulls--t with him.... More than anything that is what I want.

 

mdl I think that might be easier for us women than for guys. I think once guys cross that line, they have difficulty going back. But obviously not all men are the same, just as not all women are the same, so maybe it can work for your buddy.

 

Does the "buddy" state you want to return to with him include any (possible future) "benefits", or strictly hands-off forever more?

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Maddog, I got ripped new ones too when I first got here...all over the place. But I did get some kindness from understanding ones too, which I hope you'll get.

 

When I see a new person post here, no doubt confused and in a lot of pain, after most likely searching desperately for some place to go to to talk about this, not knowing how this forum can be...it kills me. I feel so bad for what they inevitably will be treated to.

 

I can't stand to see people in pain. Even certain BS's (after I've discerned the pain some hide under their anger).

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