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She called to say she was sorry


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I know I wasnt supposed to answer her call, but it was 6:15 this morning, from a number I didnt recognize (she is down in Florida). Anyway, she called to say she was very sorry for how crazy things have gotten, and this was the last thing she wanted of course.. She wanted to know WHY I called her H, and I told her.. She said that while she is still a little mad, hurt, confused and scared, the thing that sticks out the most during this "clarity trip to Florida", is JUST HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME... I never asked "how are things at home" and the ONLY thing I said about US, is that "I" am moving forward for ME.. I said that I am glad that the "Affair" is over. And she said she was too.. I was proud of her for saying that she was sorry, and recognizing that things had gotten out of hand. She said that we may have some "trust issues to work through one day, huh?" I said, "yes, but I believe it IS something that we can work through and earn from eachother ONE DAY "We left it at "maybe we can talk about things down the road"

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whichwayisup

One step forward, two steps back.........

 

Until she is honest with her husband, gives him the same 'respect' in a sense that she's given you, nothing is going to change. Words, that's all it is. Her actions now will show what happens next.

 

SD, I know you have trouble when she contacts you, but if you can manage to do NC (ignore her calls, don't pick up, let the machine get it) block her emails etc, you'll be better off and it will show her that she just can't keep reaching out to you 'one last time'. Yeah the A is over, but it could very easily slip into an EA, holding you both back from doing what needs to be done.

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Hi Stamp,

 

You handled yourself well. Head first, heart second.

 

Don't answer the phone anymore (apart of course from other numbers you recognize). That is it. Even the anonymous numbers...just let your message machine or cell phone answering service take them. You must now wait for "down the road" to appear....i.e. the road to divorce.

 

Please take it from me. I don't know if you know my story but my former "MM" did propose to me. We are married today and I love it. But I had to enforce an airtight "NC" over the course of several months to bring it to that point. They have to be "forced" to change, as has been said many times before.

 

xo

OE

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Stick to the NC, SD.

 

I'm sure hearing her voice threw you back right where you were a few days ago...

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One step forward, two steps back.........

 

Until she is honest with her husband, gives him the same 'respect' in a sense that she's given you, nothing is going to change. Words, that's all it is. Her actions now will show what happens next.

 

SD, I know you have trouble when she contacts you, but if you can manage to do NC (ignore her calls, don't pick up, let the machine get it) block her emails etc, you'll be better off and it will show her that she just can't keep reaching out to you 'one last time'. Yeah the A is over, but it could very easily slip into an EA, holding you both back from doing what needs to be done.

I hear this loud and clear, and quite honestly, I feel good, meaning I feel like I am leaving EVERYTHING in her lap, IT IS UP TO HER. I do not have a relationship with her TODAY. And if she wants one with me, and she is honest about what she said this moring about "just how much she loves me", then she will do what she needs to do.. If not, she won't

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I agree with what you've been told so far. Hearing her voice puts YOUR recovery back.

 

And its clear she's STILL lying to her H...she's calling you.

 

It sounds like the both of you are still hanging hopes on either a "one day we'll be together" or a "we'll at least be friends after this". The comments about future trust issues spells that out.

 

The real issue is this...either she's going to have you in her life, or her H. She can't have both. Going back to a 'friendship only' mode after a 4 year affair isnt' going to happen. Her H will never (rightfully so) trust any kind of contact or relationship between the two of you again. There's no way that can work out. And it is normally very very painful for both parties to try to resume that 'frienship'...and often it DOES result in a renewed affair.

 

So it boils down to her choosing to be with you, or with him.

 

And it boils down to whether or not you want to be second fiddle, do you want to have her at the expense of the damage done to her H and everyone else...or do you want to be the one who was strong enough to "walk away"?

 

I'd suggest getting an answering machine and screeing your calls going forward, friend.

 

Its all up to you man. Not her...you.

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I agree with what you've been told so far. Hearing her voice puts YOUR recovery back.

 

And its clear she's STILL lying to her H...she's calling you.

 

It sounds like the both of you are still hanging hopes on either a "one day we'll be together" or a "we'll at least be friends after this". The comments about future trust issues spells that out.

 

The real issue is this...either she's going to have you in her life, or her H. She can't have both. Going back to a 'friendship only' mode after a 4 year affair isnt' going to happen. Her H will never (rightfully so) trust any kind of contact or relationship between the two of you again. There's no way that can work out. And it is normally very very painful for both parties to try to resume that 'frienship'...and often it DOES result in a renewed affair.

 

So it boils down to her choosing to be with you, or with him.

 

And it boils down to whether or not you want to be second fiddle, do you want to have her at the expense of the damage done to her H and everyone else...or do you want to be the one who was strong enough to "walk away"?

 

I'd suggest getting an answering machine and screeing your calls going forward, friend.

 

Its all up to you man. Not her...you.

There will be no "friendship". It will either be US or it will be ME. RIGHT NOW IT IS JUST "ME", and I am Ok with that.. That is what TODAY is.. Honestly, I was dead asleep and the phone rang "my cell" and it scared the sh** out of me.. :laugh: I would have let it go to v/m if I would have thought to.. Anyway, yes, I was happy to hear her voice being "kinder" than the last time, for sure, but WORDS ARE WORDS, and until I see ACTION, I am OK sticking to my plan that we talked about here yesterday.

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Trialbyfire
She said that we may have some "trust issues to work through one day, huh?" I said, "yes, but I believe it IS something that we can work through and earn from eachother ONE DAY "We left it at "maybe we can talk about things down the road"

She threw out the bait and you snapped it up. Back on her line...

 

If you have any self-respect, kick this one to the curb. She's dangled you for 4 years. She's good at it.

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She threw out the bait and you snapped it up. Back on her line...

 

If you have any self-respect, kick this one to the curb. She's dangled you for 4 years. She's good at it.

Honestly, the ONLY thing that I am walking away from this is I am glad that she might understand OR try to understand WHY I did what I did. THAT'S ALL. I am not walking away with HOPE... I AM WALKING AWAY though on MY road....

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THAT'S ALL. I am not walking away with HOPE...

 

I'm not sure I believe this.

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Are you sure? I'm not sure I believe this.

I think I am.. I am still digesting, but what do I have in my lap? NOTHING, same as yesterday. I am human though, And I am glad that she is not still so mad at me for doing what I did. I am happy to hear that she is "thinking about things", and can only "hope" that she is thinking about EVERYTHING.. I am glad that I was able to say to her that the "Affair" is OVER and have her agree, without it being, "Fine, we are through!!!" in a haeful manner, more just "matter of fact". There are no "plans" when she gets back, in fact, there is only TIME...

 

So, in all honesty, YES, I am glad about some aspects of the call, I would be lying if I wasnt, BUT, I think they are the RIGHT things for ME...

Hope I made sense. THANKS

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Honestly, the ONLY thing that I am walking away from this is I am glad that she might understand OR try to understand WHY I did what I did. THAT'S ALL. I am not walking away with HOPE... I AM WALKING AWAY though on MY road....

 

 

Stampdaddy, I understand exactly where you are at. People can say that they think you aren't truly wanting to walk away or that you do have hope, that's fine. But I see what you are doing and that your intentions are real. Typing your intentions out like you have often helps us reitterate to ourselves just what it is we are trying to accomplish. You never said it was easy, you never said your heart wasn't hurting... but what you have said is that you have realized who you need to put number one now. I certainly respect that. I am working on it myself. Good luck.

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So, in all honesty, YES, I am glad about some aspects of the call, I would be lying if I wasnt, BUT, I think they are the RIGHT things for ME...

Hope I made sense. THANKS

 

 

I understand you totally. Going through the same ****, with xMW breaking NC but being unwilling to break her habits.

 

 

I just know I wish she kept the NC...hope is only too easily resurrected. Damn.

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thanks for the kind words.. YES, I have never said it was easy, and it shouldnt be.. And to quote Friday Night Lights, "CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN'T LOSE!"

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allbetternow
thanks for the kind words.. YES, I have never said it was easy, and it shouldnt be.. And to quote Friday Night Lights, "CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN'T LOSE!"

 

I believe your heart is full... just make sure your eyes are clear. Good luck.

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I believe your heart is full... just make sure your eyes are clear. Good luck.

Bought some Visene today.. Thanks

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Darth Vader

Are they divorcing? Have you thought about telling her husband that she called you?

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Are they divorcing? Have you thought about telling her husband that she called you?

I don't know what is going on YET, and no I wont call H again, AND I will not allow her to call me again until they are divorcing or after... If she calls, it will go to voicemail and I will not call back.. ACTION is everything from this point forward.

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whichwayisup

Good for you SD!

 

Now, on a piece of paper, write out 100x "I will not pick up the phone, or call her back, or return an email, or answer the door." Try to do NC in your head too. Don't allow yourself to 'think' about her in a fantasy way or what you had with her.

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Good for you SD!

 

Now, on a piece of paper, write out 100x "I will not pick up the phone, or call her back, or return an email, or answer the door." Try to do NC in your head too. Don't allow yourself to 'think' about her in a fantasy way or what you had with her.

ahh do I haftta?

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Yes, or you'll never hear the end of it. hehe..

yes maam... I'll go sharpen my pencil, it's gonna be a long nite.. I was gonna go take a bath with a nice glass of Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio.....

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Stampdaddy... I feel ya. NC is one thing, but getting mental images and memories out of your head is a whole different story.......

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Stampdaddy... I feel ya. NC is one thing, but getting mental images and memories out of your head is a whole different story.......

well, I am NOT at that place yet... And I am afraid of when I might have to be there, to be quite honest

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Stampdaddy... I feel ya. NC is one thing, but getting mental images and memories out of your head is a whole different story.......

OH, and by the way, HOW ARE YOU DOING??

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