Kingsburybear Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Saw the term exit affair in a post and don't know what it means. Could someone please tell me. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
mclovin Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 An exit affair is what I head (read my thread). It constitutes having an affair prior to a divorce/separation. Usually, no other affairs occur during the course of the relationship, just the "exit affiar" at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 It's an Affair that the MP uses purely as an excuse to 'exit' the M, ie, not having the A for it's own sake, and usually in that case the OP isn't the one they end up with after they leave (or is MUCH less likely to). Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 An exit affair is what I head (read my thread). It constitutes having an affair prior to a divorce/separation. Usually, no other affairs occur during the course of the relationship, just the "exit affiar" at the end. Don't all affairs happen pre divorce/separation ? After it's not an affair, it's an R (just being pedantic lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 It's an Affair that the MP uses purely as an excuse to 'exit' the M, ie, not having the A for it's own sake, and usually in that case the OP isn't the one they end up with after they leave (or is MUCH less likely to). And to amplify this point a little, the implication of an "exit affair" is often that the MP isn't strong or motivated enough to make the decision to leave the marriage on his/her own, and so enters the affair, whether consciously or subconsciously, as a way of "shooting a hole in the bottom of the boat," to bring about the end of the marriage, to provide the MP a "ride out of town." (How many other cheesy metaphors can I use?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 A "ride out of town" may have been a little harsh LOL On a serious note, if you suspect yours may be an "exit affair" best to run like heck in the other direction. Why cause yourself pain to help someone do what they don't have the intestinal fortitude (that's guts to you ) to accomplish on their own? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 A "ride out of town" may have been a little harsh LOL Well, I hear you, but I didn't mean it harshly. I was just trying to come up with a metaphor that reflected that the OP didin't feel enough strength to do it him/herself, but found/created an opportunity - in the affair - that provided an energy source to hitch on to and leave... And I freely admit, the colors of opinions on an exit affair will be shaded by one's own experiences... Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Well, I hear you, but I didn't mean it harshly. I was just trying to come up with a metaphor that reflected that the OP didin't feel enough strength to do it him/herself, but found/created an opportunity - in the affair - that provided an energy source to hitch on to and leave... And I freely admit, the colors of opinions on an exit affair will be shaded by one's own experiences... Well my experience is that the EXIT Door was blocked.. and now she is stuck.. AND she WILL lose us both Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 A "ride out of town" may have been a little harsh Yes that did hurt to read! But only because it was all too true in my case... That's all my exMM was looking for - an excuse to get out of his M. He never had any intention of getting serious with me at all. I didn't get thrown under the bus... I WAS the bus. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Yes that did hurt to read! But only because it was all too true in my case... That's all my exMM was looking for - an excuse to get out of his M. He never had any intention of getting serious with me at all. I didn't get thrown under the bus... I WAS the bus. :D Hey OB, as long as we can see a funny side we're not doing too badly ? At least of all the things we lost, our sense of humour wasn't one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Hey OB, as long as we can see a funny side we're not doing too badly ? At least of all the things we lost, our sense of humour wasn't one of them. All I got to say is, thank God I don't LOOK like a bus. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 LOL, too funny, the bus!!! I am falling off my A@@ laughing:lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Exit affairs are when the MP is looking for a way out of the marriage, and subsequently the affair as well. He/she no longer has use of the marriage and when it ends, he has no use for the affair either so he ends both. Usually to end up dating someone else entirely. It is the messiest way to do a 'clean break' from everything having to do with the marriage. If the marriage was the wound, and the OW/OM was the bandaid that made it better - then when the wound heals, there is no need for the bandaid either. Time to start anew. If a MM/MW ends their marriage, and tells their OW/OM that they need 'time and space' and that they want to date around for a while, that is a pretty good indication that it was an exit affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 If the marriage was the wound, and the OW/OM was the bandaid that made it better - then when the wound heals, there is no need for the bandaid either. Time to start anew. Now it's my turn to say: ouch! I'm intrigued and fascinated with the metaphors being used in this thread, and how they've stirred up feelings. I originally thought my "ride out of town" comment was very neutral, but clearly it sparked some deeper feelings in some posters that I wouldn't have anticipated. And now I think I feel a similar distress: the marriage as the wound. I want to deny it, even as I have to consider the possibility... How sad. I've lived on the edge of awareness that my wife must have been in some amount of pain, but it's easier to let my anger at her for how she handled it (an exit affair?) dominate my empathy with her pain, which I have struggled - not always successfully - to insulate myself from. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 If the marriage was the wound, and the OW/OM was the bandaid that made it better - then when the wound heals, there is no need for the bandaid either. Time to start anew. And I think I'd add to this metaphor: And since the underlying infection that caused the wound was never found or treated, the wound will continue to return inexplicably, only begging to be "healed" again and again. Treat the source...the infection (what is it in the WS that allows them to see cheating on their spouse as a viable course of action), and you'll see the patient healed, without need of wound OR bandaid. Link to post Share on other sites
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