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Sometimes it does happen...


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GreenEyedLady

This is to all the women/men in difficult situations...

 

No matter what people say, sometimes it works out...Sometimes the M is irreparable....Sometimes people grow apart or never were in love at all...

 

Sometimes you meet the one for you at the wrong time...

 

And sometimes when people really love each other, they do what it takes to make things right...

 

This is not to give anyone false hope. This is to say that it does happen. It's happened for me.

 

Don't ever settle for less, no matter what. Love always finds a way.

 

GEL

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whichwayisup
And sometimes when people really love each other, they do what it takes to make things right...

 

This I agree with...BUT..It shouldn't take years to do. IF love is enough and two people have fallen inlove, the MP needs to not carry on with the affair, do what is necessary. It seems that rarely happens though.

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Don't ever settle for less, no matter what. Love always finds a way.

 

GEL

 

Yes, I suppose it does... My bf started off as my OM... It took me two years to wade through my massive issues and commit to a genuine relationship him (I wasn't hanging on to my old relationship for that entire time, however -- it ended after several months). He says he always believed I'd come around. I did, once I tackled my dread of being vulnerable and in love.

 

And now that we're together and planning our future... the damage has caught up to him. He saw what I was doing... he can't entirely erase that first perception of me as a lying cheater. He's hurt, and he's angry, and he's having a hard time getting through that. With the help of our therapist, we're trying to.

 

Just a word of caution, I guess, to those waiting like my bf did. Consider what emotions you may experience once they are free to wander beyond "ifs". The well can get poisoned, and you may find that you're not all happiness and light when you finally do get your chance.

 

Not trying to be all gloom and doom, just offering a real life example ;)

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Lookingforward

The well can get poisoned, and you may find that you're not all happiness and light when you finally do get your chance.

 

That's what scares ME, that if after all this and having gone NC things don't work out for him and his M and he decides he wants me/us after all, what if by then I don't have the same feelings for him ?

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That's what scares ME, that if after all this and having gone NC things don't work out for him and his M and he decides he wants me/us after all, what if by then I don't have the same feelings for him ?

 

Yep, totally understandable... I think it takes a LOT of introspection, a lot of being brutally honest with oneself... which can be very difficult when there are so many intense emotions involved.

 

When I got involved with an MM, my well became poisoned... even when I could pretty much tell that it was happening, I didn't want to admit it to myself.

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Sometimes you meet the one for you at the wrong time...

 

Sure, and this may apply to many romantic relationships. I would even venture to say that there is more then one "one" in anyone's lifetime.

 

 

The well can get poisoned, and you may find that you're not all happiness and light when you finally do get your chance.

 

This I have witnessed more then not where cheating is concerned. I am not trying to be gloom and doom either. I am just saying that it is a very real hurdle in these situations. It never seems to completely go away.

 

You build a relationship on a foundation. Cheating is a crack.

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This I have witnessed more then not where cheating is concerned. I am not trying to be gloom and doom either. I am just saying that it is a very real hurdle in these situations. It never seems to completely go away.

 

You build a relationship on a foundation. Cheating is a crack.

 

Heh, oh yes...

 

I remember when I was involved with this MM... I had of course heard before the very thing I am saying now... but I didn't get it until this hot chick started subletting one of the rooms in his office. Hoo boy was that an eye opener. I was forced to realize I didn't trust him any further than I could throw him -- specifically because I had been observing for months what he was doing to his own family with me.

 

And my own current situation is another example.

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Sure sometimes it happens,BUT most of the time it does not happen.

 

Life's like that. Not everyone wins the lottery or marries George Clooney, or lands a recording contract or a starring role in a blockbuster.

 

But if you want to be a movie star, settling for life as an accountant is going to leave you short-changed and bitter. My MM could have settled and stayed with his abusive W until he left in a box. He didn't - he considered his own needs for once and left, and now people are stopping him in the street commenting on how happy he looks. Sometimes happiness IS within your reach.

 

But - as Lila states - not ALWAYS. Both people need to want it - not one person wanting it and the other feeling stalked and hounded.

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If its the right person, we wait until the right time instead of settling for the wrong time. I believe that if its the wrong time, then we do it for the wrong reasons.

 

I met the right person at the "wrong" time. But I didn't date him then. I even accepted that while he was perfect for me and me for him, that it needed to be under the right circumstances AND that it might never be. When the right circumstances arrived, the timing was right for both of us. No legalities to wait for, no one else's life needed to be rearranged for our "right" time.

 

But either way....

 

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

 

But in the infamous words of GEL herself: what is the point of this thread? Its not asking for advice or anything. It seems she's already made up her mind so what is she telling us for? LOL. :laugh:

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Sometimes it does but more often than not relationships based on cheating do not turn out well.

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If its the right person, we wait until the right time instead of settling for the wrong time. I believe that if its the wrong time, then we do it for the wrong reasons.

 

I met the right person at the "wrong" time. But I didn't date him then. I even accepted that while he was perfect for me and me for him, that it needed to be under the right circumstances AND that it might never be. When the right circumstances arrived, the timing was right for both of us. No legalities to wait for, no one else's life needed to be rearranged for our "right" time.

 

But either way....

 

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

 

But in the infamous words of GEL herself: what is the point of this thread? Its not asking for advice or anything. It seems she's already made up her mind so what is she telling us for? LOL. :laugh:

 

 

The point of this thread is to encourage others that seem to wonder whether it can happen for them. She is letting some of us understand that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Whats so wrong with that?

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The point of this thread is to encourage others that seem to wonder whether it can happen for them. She is letting some of us understand that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Whats so wrong with that?

 

That's my WHOLE point. I guess you guys have some sort of hierarchy about who gets to post what.

 

I don't think its encouragement at all. I am entitled to my opinion as such. I read it here a long time ago.....

 

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel......IS THE TRAIN!!!

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Yep you won your prize. Good luck with that.:laugh:

 

I find this mindset mind-boggling! Other human beings are "things" to be won or lost, without any volition! It's like those metaphors so many people use here of the OW as someone who breaks into your house and STEALS your H when you're sleeping! Good luck with THAT! :eek:

 

(My MM may not be a prize, but he is a treasure!) :love:

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To most OW the MM is a prize. When they have him they don't want him anymore. They are the type of women that always want the opposite of what they have.

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This is not to give anyone false hope. This is to say that it does happen. It's happened for me.

 

Don't ever settle for less, no matter what. Love always finds a way.

 

GEL

 

Good for you, GEL!

 

Things are going well for me too. It does happen but it's not easy getting to where we are now - it's still a long journey ahead but I'm sure you know that too. It's all worth it.

 

Like you said, sometimes it happens... sometimes it does not!

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That's my WHOLE point. I guess you guys have some sort of hierarchy about who gets to post what.

 

I don't think its encouragement at all. I am entitled to my opinion as such. I read it here a long time ago.....

 

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel......IS THE TRAIN!!!

 

Oh right - the recently discovered OW tribe, the source of great fascination to anthropologists who eagerly study their societal structures and their unique cultural manifestations. :rolleyes:

 

Funny how "false hope" is something everyone gets really upset about, but "false doom & gloom" is perfectly OK.

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That's my WHOLE point. I guess you guys have some sort of hierarchy about who gets to post what.

 

I don't think its encouragement at all. I am entitled to my opinion as such. I read it here a long time ago.....

 

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel......IS THE TRAIN!!!

 

I know what you mean.:rolleyes:

 

This thread doesn't come across as encouragement at all to me. I do see it as false hope because not everyone's affair turns onto true love. I have always been a firm believer that most of the time A's sparkle and fade because the whole relationship is based on lies and deceit. How can anyone form a solid foundation from a relationship like that? At least in a marriage, it doesn't start out on lies. I remember herenow's thread about hope after an affair and it really was about encouragement and was one of the worst cases of OW bitterness I have ever seen.

 

Certain people only see what they want to see.

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To most OW the MM is a prize. When they have him they don't want him anymore. They are the type of women that always want the opposite of what they have.

 

I'm not certain about MM being a prize, but to someone in constant search of validation, a MM is the pinnacle of ego boosts. It doesn't get much higher than "Oooo, I'm so desirable I can even lure a man to betray his marriage." Such was my lame-xss menality, anyway. :rolleyes::sick:

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I'm not certain about MM being a prize, but to someone in constant search of validation, a MM is the pinnacle of ego boosts. It doesn't get much higher than "Oooo, I'm so desirable I can even lure a man to betray his marriage." Such was my lame-xss menality, anyway. :rolleyes::sick:

 

But once a woman gets that validation she needs it again so the MM is no longer desirable once she has lured him from his marriage.

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At least in a marriage, it doesn't start out on lies.

 

Some do. Just like some As.

 

My R with MM involved NO LIES between us. Lies between MM and his W characterised their M from the start, on the other hand, so ours has a far better chance of succeeding than theirs, based on your argument.

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But once a woman gets that validation she needs it again so the MM is no longer desirable once she has lured him from his marriage.

 

Yes, the high can wear off very quickly. For me, I didn't even have to "win" him for that to happen. He was one of the cases that wound up with no wife and no OW either.

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"Oooo, I'm so desirable I can even lure a man to betray his marriage." Such was my lame-xss menality, anyway. :rolleyes::sick:

 

Seriously, that was your mentality? I'm asking cause I really want to know...

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