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Dinner with married colleague


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Old 3rd January 2008, 11:58 PM   #1
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Dinner with married colleague

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure if I started this thread in the right category but here's my situation.

I'm a single guy in my late twenties. I broke up with my long time girlfriend a couple of months ago. I was heartbroken but since I always had reasonable success with the ladies, I thought I'd get back in the game as soon as possible.

I ended up going for lunch with a married coworker. We work for the same company but we don't actually work together. I asked her out for lunch since I think she's very attractive but had no intention of going anywhere further. I always thought lunch is harmless anyway.

A couple of weeks later, we talk about going for lunch again but end up going for drinks after work. At this point, I become a bit suspicious but drinks after work is still kosher in my book. At the end of our meeting, she proposes that next time we go out for dinner...

Now, I realize some women just enjoy the company of men but I start to wonder if she's being a bit too friendly... A couple of weeks later we end up going for dinner. The meal was very good and it was getting very late. I was ready to call it a night but we ended up drinking another bottle of wine and closed the restaurant. It was almost 3 am by the time we left.

When I ran into her the next morning, she mentions we should go out again... How should I view this situation? If she were single I wouldn't think twice but since she is married, I really wonder what she's looking for.

Thanks in advance for your input.
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Old 3rd January 2008, 11:59 PM   #2
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Sounds like she is enjoying the attention from you. Does she flirt with you while you two are out? How are the conversations?
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:03 AM   #3
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Run if you don't wish to be involved with truama, drama, and deceit. IMHO
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:05 AM   #4
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Definately don't do dinner, let alone drinks with her anymore. I would cut down on the lunches too...Maybe do coffee during a break?

IF you do dinner, ask her to bring her husband. See how she reacts to that. You'll know right then and there if she is interested in something more with you.

I have to ask, what is it that you want from her? Some fun, nothing serious or are you under the impression it's just no big deal?

Another thing, I wonder if she is telling her husband about this.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:05 AM   #5
 
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Get out now......

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Originally Posted by bentnotbroken View Post
Run if you don't wish to be involved with truama, drama, and deceit. IMHO
I must agree here with Bent....more drama than you can imagine!!!!!!
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:09 AM   #6
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Quote:
Now, I realize some women just enjoy the company of men but I start to wonder if she's being a bit too friendly... A couple of weeks later we end up going for dinner. The meal was very good and it was getting very late. I was ready to call it a night but we ended up drinking another bottle of wine and closed the restaurant. It was almost 3 am by the time we left.
Ask yourself this. If you were married and your wife came home past 3am and was out with a guy from work, how would you feel and react? Would you think this behaviour is appropriate for your wife to go out alone, with a single guy and drink till wee hours of the morning? Just think how HER husband would feel...Something tells me she didn't tell him the actual truth, more likely that tons of other co-workers were there.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:10 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by The Riddler View Post
Sounds like she is enjoying the attention from you. Does she flirt with you while you two are out? How are the conversations?
Body language is positive but we don't flirt. At the restaurant we ended up sitting side by side so we could talk and she sat very close to me. Nothing inappropriate was done though.

We talked for about six hours so we covered a lot of territory...
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:12 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dylan.h View Post
Body language is positive but we don't flirt. At the restaurant we ended up sitting side by side so we could talk and she sat very close to me. Nothing inappropriate was done though.

We talked for about six hours so we covered a lot of territory...
Sounds like she is giving you the green light to make some moves on her......

You should stop seeing her.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:12 AM   #9
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I see from most of the answers that just friendship is impossible?

I'm a polite gentleman and not the type of guy to pull a sexual move on a married woman. Perhaps that's what made her feel comfortable?
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:14 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
I have to ask, what is it that you want from her? Some fun, nothing serious or are you under the impression it's just no big deal?
It all happened too quickly for me to think. I think lunches are harmless and really did not expect her to propose evening activities.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:14 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by dylan.h View Post
Body language is positive but we don't flirt. At the restaurant we ended up sitting side by side so we could talk and she sat very close to me. Nothing inappropriate was done though.

We talked for about six hours so we covered a lot of territory...
You covered a lot of business territory or personal territory? Are you hoping to get physical with her?

She may just enjoy getting the work done outside of the office. *shrug*
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:15 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by dylan.h View Post
I see from most of the answers that just friendship is impossible?

I'm a polite gentleman and not the type of guy to pull a sexual move on a married woman. Perhaps that's what made her feel comfortable?
Theres always the possibility of her just wanting to be your friend, but the odds are definitely against that.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:16 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
Ask yourself this. If you were married and your wife came home past 3am and was out with a guy from work, how would you feel and react? Would you think this behaviour is appropriate for your wife to go out alone, with a single guy and drink till wee hours of the morning? Just think how HER husband would feel...Something tells me she didn't tell him the actual truth, more likely that tons of other co-workers were there.
I agree with you. I personally would not be happy with this but I know of some married friends who are a bit more liberal about this kind of stuff. They're not liberal to the point that they let their spouse sleep with another man but they're allowed to go out without being questioned too much.

She mentioned her husband a number of times and seemed reasonably happy. Perhaps that's why I felt comfortable. I didn't realize the situation was potentially dangerous until a friend of mine mentioned I was in dangerous territory.
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:17 AM   #14
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A friendship is fine if neither of you are having sexual thoughts and feelings for eachother, it's completely platonic...The thing is, boundries should be made now. Like if you feel she is flirty with you, just remind her she's a married woman. See, I don't know what her intentions are...And you won't know until "it" happens. Then what?
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Old 4th January 2008, 12:19 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by White Flower View Post
You covered a lot of business territory or personal territory? Are you hoping to get physical with her?

She may just enjoy getting the work done outside of the office. *shrug*
Of course we talked about work but the conversations were mostly personal. She is very attractive but I know better than to get physical with her...
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