chasingrainbows25 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I've been swithering for days as to what to do. After meeting him last week it just brought back all those feelings and this friend crap just isnt for me. I didnt take his call yesterday and sent an email saying bascially that the friends thing wasnt for me, it was either what we had or nothing at all. He sent an email today, saying how sorry he was and that he wasnt handling things well and bascially told me that he wasnt ready for the upheaval and disress that a divorce would create. I wasnt surprised by this but at the end of his mail he put that he would totally understand if I wanted to say goodbye forever even though it would hurt him but if I wasnt ready to say goodbye I had to txt a hug. I replied to this mail. I replied thanking him for finally being honest and included parts of mails he'd written to me in the past where he stated that his home was with me and his family home was just somewhere he lived for the moment. All lies and I told him so. I dont think he deliberately set out to lie to me and he probably believed what he said at the time but now it all seems so false and I told him so. I also said that I wouldnt be sending a hug as I'd moved past that stage and would not be contacting him again as the man that is currently mailing me is not the man that I fell in love with. I can see that now and as I write this I know I've done the right thing. I told him he was a typical married man saying anything to get a bit on the side and I couldnt care less if that was his intention or not but damnit it was a fairly committed bit on the side. Tomorrow I will be packing up anything thats in this house that belongs to him, his robe, clothes, etc and sending them to him. I want rid of his existance in my life and wish I'd not wasted so many months on his lies. I do think his intentions were good at one point but he's a weak man and does not have the courage to change his life for the better, so he can keep what he's got and live with it. I deserve better and will have better one day, one day when my heart heals. I will continue to read this forum as I can relate to a lot of whats being written. For any of you in a similar situation just remember that what appears to be the truth may well be at that point but generally it will be just what he wants to be the truth, his fantasy, his idea of how he'd like it to be and then reality hits with a bump ! Just my tuppence. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I know it hurts. I'm so sorry. You definitely did the right thing though, and it will be less painful in time. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Good luck, chasing. I hope you'll post here when you feel tempted to talk to him. I know how hard it is to walk away as I can't seem to do it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Strength, chasing - I hope your courage carries you through this one. It really sounds like this guy is not yet able to face the reality he's created, still wanting to keep you on hold so that he doesn't have to take responsibility for the crushed expectations and hurt he's caused. I hope your new year is brighter and better. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 For any of you in a similar situation just remember that what appears to be the truth may well be at that point but generally it will be just what he wants to be the truth, his fantasy, his idea of how he'd like it to be and then reality hits with a bump ! Absolutely 100% true! Best of luck Chasing, you're sounding pretty determined. You HAVE done the right thing. And he knows where you are should he ever have the courage of his convictions. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 He sent an email today, saying how sorry he was and that he wasnt handling things well and bascially told me that he wasnt ready for the upheaval and disress that a divorce would create. I also said that I wouldnt be sending a hug as I'd moved past that stage and would not be contacting him again as the man that is currently mailing me is not the man that I fell in love with. Well done for doing the right thing. It is a lot easier when someone can be honest with you as he has been (in the end), but of course it still hurts. However, you have a lot of clarity about your situation and are strong in what you stand up for, and that will definitely stand you in good stead. Being 'understanding' of his situation, but not throwing away your life because he's not ready to leave... Link to post Share on other sites
GirlZilla Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Wow, Chasing...this was an inspiring post. I have a lot of the same issues right now and this made me think a lot. You are very brave and have made me sit back and do some serious soul searching. Your strength and courage are admirable. Good Luck Sweetie! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chasingrainbows25 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Well its been a couple of days now and I've not heard from him and not made any attempt to contact. My day today is full with shopping and then a party later on with friends and I intend to keep myself as busy as possible so that I dont have time to think. I am strong and every day I get stronger, this is now about ME and not me supporting/understanding him. Moving into a new year, completely alone, is scary but I'm just keeping positive and know that each day could bring something/someone completely new into my life. Happy New Year everyone X Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Happy New Year! Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixrising Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 ... and absolutely the right thing to do. I made the same decision 4 months ago, and see things now from a new perspective. Do I still love him? Yes, very much. But do I respect myself more? Yes. Do I deserve more than a "partial" relationship? Yes. Am I sad? Yes, but more for him that he does not have the courage to be honest with himself and others about what he wants in life. Just remember - there will be a day in the not-so-distant future where you will wake up and feel happiness again. It may not last long, but then there will be another awhile later, and then another, and another. Give yourself the love and understanding you gave to him, and you will heal. And you will be much wiser... Link to post Share on other sites
GirlZilla Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 ... and absolutely the right thing to do. I made the same decision 4 months ago, and see things now from a new perspective. Do I still love him? Yes, very much. But do I respect myself more? Yes. Do I deserve more than a "partial" relationship? Yes. Am I sad? Yes, but more for him that he does not have the courage to be honest with himself and others about what he wants in life. Just remember - there will be a day in the not-so-distant future where you will wake up and feel happiness again. It may not last long, but then there will be another awhile later, and then another, and another. Give yourself the love and understanding you gave to him, and you will heal. And you will be much wiser... Nice to know there is light at the end on the tunnel...Thanks for sharing your experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chasingrainbows25 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Pheonix, thanks for that, could relate to everything you posted. Its been 5 days of NC now and I know thats not a lot of time at all but I do feel quite proud of myself that I've not even been tempted to pick up the phone. The desire just hasnt been there. I know that probably one day it will be and today may even be that day but my head is in a good place right now and I'm just trying to fill my day with other things that make me happy. He did leave a note on his blog last night which was an attempt at contact but I ignored it and will continue to do so, as I suspect the longer NC goes on, the more "little notes" will be left. Nothing with him has changed, he's still a liar and still playing happy families with W so any little notes of contact will be as false as the months we spent together were. ~CR~ Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Its been 5 days of NC now and I know thats not a lot of time at all maybe not a lot of time in terms of QUANTITY but in QUALITY terms, it's huge! As you'll have seen on other threads like stun's, this time of year with all the opportunities, excuses and expectations takes it completely out of normal proportion. Not contacting him on NY "to wish him" is not the same thing as getting through 13 July or 24 May without contacting him (I hope neither of those days have significance... I picked them to be arb!) So CR you've done really well! Link to post Share on other sites
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