kchiapet95 Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 So I've been sorting through my feelings lately. The latest thing to happen is, I've actually started to miss MM. I wondered if I made a mistake talking to his W. I don't feel that way still, because I needed to talk to her to get more of a complete picture, so I could put it more into perspective. Also, knowing myself, if I hadn't talked to her, the door would still be open for a relationship in the future, should he decide to come back and sweet talk me. (It had happened in the past.) I needed to close the door, to finalize it. That move, me calling his W, ended it for good. When he got so angry at me, to the point of threatening me, I knew he never intended to leave her. Nonetheless, I don't believe the person he was at the end, that threatening man, was the real him. Nor do I believe the person he was at the beginning, the one who showered me with gifts and romantic Bob Dylan lyrics, was him either. The real him was a little boy trapped in a man's body. He was weak, afraid to take decisive action. He often remarked that he "had" to make a certain decision. He was also gentle and kind, yet selfish and cowardly. He was starting to feel his age, losing his hair, gaining weight, but still a handsome, athletic man. It's strange how all these things can exist in one person. But then again, I'm a complicated person too. There were other problems in our relationship, problems with him, problems with me that I can't reveal without giving TMI. But reflecting on all this is helping me to see the relationship for what it really was. It was intoxicating and exhiliarating, full of mountain-like highs and river deep lows. The breakup is still fresh, but I can still see that there was good and there was bad. It doesn't have to be one or the other. I'm not really asking for advice. Maybe other people have dealt with similar feelings. It's part of my healing process just to let everything out. It feels good. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 But reflecting on all this is helping me to see the relationship for what it really was. It was intoxicating and exhiliarating, full of mountain-like highs and river deep lows. The breakup is still fresh, but I can still see that there was good and there was bad. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Any R that is only one or the other is skewed and stunted, and not sustainable. That you can recognise the good, and mourn it, as well as acknowledge the bad and the reason for its demise, shows you're well on your way, KC!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 I'm definitely on my way to healing...I just wish I was over the "sad" parts already. But I guess that takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 I'm definitely on my way to healing...I just wish I was over the "sad" parts already. But I guess that takes time. I certainly wish you all the best and hope that you recover. Love takes time to heal when you are hurting inside. Give it time. In the meantime, take the time to pamper yourself. Get your hair done, nails, go window shopping, go see a movie by yourself, and treat yourself to dinner. You will get through this. Pain does last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 You loved this man every much...You went through a lot with him...It is only natural that you would miss him... You're doing well, in time you will heal and find a man who love you and cherish you... Link to post Share on other sites
justice Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I'm definitely on my way to healing...I just wish I was over the "sad" parts already. But I guess that takes time.[/quot Someone once told me that you pay for all of the happy moments of your life, with sad ones. It does take time, but you are doing the right thing in staying away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Nonetheless, I don't believe the person he was at the end, that threatening man, was the real him. Nor do I believe the person he was at the beginning, the one who showered me with gifts and romantic Bob Dylan lyrics, was him either. The real him was a little boy trapped in a man's body. He was weak, afraid to take decisive action. He often remarked that he "had" to make a certain decision. You are healing, and that is good. I'm happy for you. But these can be dangerous waters you are treading. The MM was all of these things. He was the threatening man, the romantic man, the little boy, the athletic man, the weak man and the strong man. If you manage to convince yourself that any part of the man was not the "real him", you diminish your ability to both learn from the experience and fully heal. No person is all of anything. We are all complex multi-dimensional individuals with hidden reservoirs of both strength and weakness. All too often I've seen postings that show disdain for a person who exhibits some of their weaknesses, yet those same weaknesses we all expose daily for the world to see. It isn't shameful to be weak on occasion, nor is it necessarily weak to make a decision that is not the decision we wanted them to make. It is, however, very convenient for our own peace of mind to convince ourselves that their choice exposed some basic weakness in the other's psyche. Best of luck in your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 That's an interesting way of looking at it. Thank you for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I'm definitely on my way to healing...I just wish I was over the "sad" parts already. But I guess that takes time. It does take time. I very much believe that each and everyone one of use heal's at our own rate. Sound's to me like you have taken the right step's to close the door on this mm for good! Good for you so be proud of that! Hug's! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
CallMeCrazy Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I think that what you're feeling is normal... We all analyze relationships after the fact ~ and there were obviously some good things about him or you wouldn't have been together. I know that from time to time I miss my exBF. I don't want to be with him, but I miss parts of what we shared. It's just part of the process you go through when you end a R with someone. Hang in there you will feel better. You will feel better, and you'll have a new outlook for your future Rs. I know that is true for me. I take the good and the bad and try to weed through the people I meet! Try to keep your mind off it and do something fun. Have lunch or coffee with a friend. See a movie. Go for a walk or to the gym. As time passes it will get easier and you'll be in a better mental place. Link to post Share on other sites
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