hotdog76 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 My wife screwed a college football player before we married and it has been on my mind for the last 3 years. She had just met him and a few minutes later he had sex with her in a car back of the club. Never saw him again. 5 years after we married I caught her going to a motel to meet a friend of ours from out of town. I followed her car and she saw me just before entering his room and jumped back to her car and I followed her home. She said they would have only talked. That was BS because she did not have her panty girdle that she normally wore. I found that funny when she was supposed to be going to a meeting at church. That's why I followed her. Best of my knowledge that kind of thing never happened again. We have been married many many years and she has never discussed this with me. She did tell me on her own about the football player but in the small S LA town where It took place everyone knew about It including me. I traveled a lot in my job and I have had numerious one night stands and a couple of 3 year affairs. I say this to let you know I am not Mr. goodie 2 shoes. He screwing the football player is running me crazy. I will add after college when he screwed her he played pro ball about 7 years. I get pissed at her now when I think about it. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 just kidding.. I dont know why YOU are so obsessed with something that happened BEFORE you were married, when YOU have had MULTIPLE affairs... Honestly, what's the deal?? Do you want to be married??? Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 My ex boyfriend of whom I dated for seven years within hs and college is now a pro football player. During college things fell apart between us for many reasons--one being that he wanted to do his own thing. College football players having sex with girls is not something uncommon--it happens all over, and it's usually pointless and meaningless. Why are you all stressed about your wife having affairs when you do it to? It's okay for You to do this but not your wife? That's messed up man. I don't even know why you are upset about something your wife did prior to marrying her. That's a bit ridiculous. Now were you engaged or dating at the time? Then I could understand you were upset, but dude...you married her knowing what kind of personality she has, and you said you have been married many many Many years, so what is this? Are you just transferring all your guilt onto her? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 She did tell me on her own about the football player but in the small S LA town where It took place everyone knew about It including me. I traveled a lot in my job and I have had numerious one night stands and a couple of 3 year affairs. I say this to let you know I am not Mr. goodie 2 shoes. Does she know about your cheating? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 just kidding.. I dont know why YOU are so obsessed with something that happened BEFORE you were married, when YOU have had MULTIPLE affairs... Honestly, what's the deal?? Do you want to be married??? I have been married to the same woman for 57 years and have 3 grown children. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 IS this is a joke? You're pissed off that you found out your wife had sex with someone else before you two were ever married, let alone, before you even met her? WTF. I guess that's a bad thing and screwing around on your wife throughout your marriage is a good thing. Hmmm...I'm off to check under the bridge....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 Does she know about your cheating? Just curious. She has never indicated in any way that she thought I had been unfaitful. If she has she kept it to herself. I've been out of circulation, so to speak, for the last 20 years. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 You have no right to be upset here, seeing as you've cheated in your marriage and she had sex with some guy before you two even hooked up and got married. Did you think you were marrying a virgin? Is this why you're so freaked out by this? Sorry, to be honest, Im' having a real hard time believing this post is real. No offense, it's just a nutty situation you've posted about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 IS this is a joke? You're pissed off that you found out your wife had sex with someone else before you two were ever married, let alone, before you even met her? WTF. I guess that's a bad thing and screwing around on your wife throughout your marriage is a good thing. Hmmm...I'm off to check under the bridge....... What is bugging me is why the hell have I waited 54 years to get pissed off. I'm not really proud of my conquest but I did not want to imply I am any where near perfect. This is no joke, I wish the hell it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 Does she know about your cheating? Just curious. No she doesn't. I only injected that because I did not want to Imply I was any where near perfect. I go back to my post. Why have I waited so long to be pissed at her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 My ex boyfriend of whom I dated for seven years within hs and college is now a pro football player. During college things fell apart between us for many reasons--one being that he wanted to do his own thing. College football players having sex with girls is not something uncommon--it happens all over, and it's usually pointless and meaningless. Why are you all stressed about your wife having affairs when you do it to? It's okay for You to do this but not your wife? That's messed up man. I don't even know why you are upset about something your wife did prior to marrying her. That's a bit ridiculous. Now were you engaged or dating at the time? Then I could understand you were upset, but dude...you married her knowing what kind of personality she has, and you said you have been married many many Many years, so what is this? Are you just transferring all your guilt onto her? Everything you have said is true and correct. I'm confused with the fact for 50+ years everything has to be politicaly correct with her and the older she gets the worse it gets. That is what I think may have got me started on this resentment trip I have been on. It is not healthy thinking but It still pisses me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 You have no right to be upset here, seeing as you've cheated in your marriage and she had sex with some guy before you two even hooked up and got married. Did you think you were marrying a virgin? Is this why you're so freaked out by this? Sorry, to be honest, Im' having a real hard time believing this post is real. No offense, it's just a nutty situation you've posted about. This is 100% true. Nutty on my part, YES. That is part of the reason I am pissed. Maybe I should have opend this up before we were married but that is really hind site now. I repeat it is bothering me now and I wish I could forget it. I have prayed plenty to have this eraced from my mind. I appreciate your honest coments, Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 But I don't understand why her sleeping with another man before you two got together is an issue. Have you thought about seeking counselling to help you understand why all this anger after so many years? You're welcome, and sorry I implied that you were a troll. It's just sometimes we get afew wacky and made up threads around here, this one of yours made me wonder, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 everything has to be politicaly correct with her and the older she gets the worse it gets. That is what I think may have got me started on this resentment trip I have been on. Then you need to talk to her about the politically correctness and how it's affecting you. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 What is bugging me is why the hell have I waited 54 years to get pissed off. On the contrary - it's been bugging you throughout your marriage, or you wouldn't have had those affairs and all. Perhaps now that you no longer have that outlet (the affairs) for your anger, it's starting to bug you in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
jbmarine Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 In something that's somewhat similiar, I meant to ask advice on how to deal with jealousy and anger over my current lover's previous lover? I know that it's somewhat trivial as they are no longer on speaking terms (so they both say) and they live pretty damned far away from each other, but honestly and seriously, I have always seemed to suffer from an inferiority complex and I just can't get over this anger that I have towards him for "getting to her before I did." Is this abnormal? :( Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 In something that's somewhat similiar, I meant to ask advice on how to deal with jealousy and anger over my current lover's previous lover? I know that it's somewhat trivial as they are no longer on speaking terms (so they both say) and they live pretty damned far away from each other, but honestly and seriously, I have always seemed to suffer from an inferiority complex and I just can't get over this anger that I have towards him for "getting to her before I did." Is this abnormal? :( JB I suggest you start your own thread for that discussion - possibly in the "jealousy" section rather than here unless one of you is an OM or OW? Link to post Share on other sites
jbmarine Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Sounds like a good idea. Will do, I just didn't really want to start a new thread to be honest, but I guess I will. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdog76 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 But I don't understand why her sleeping with another man before you two got together is an issue. Have you thought about seeking counselling to help you understand why all this anger after so many years? You're welcome, and sorry I implied that you were a troll. It's just sometimes we get afew wacky and made up threads around here, this one of yours made me wonder, that's all. I appreciate you kindness. I have been thinking of myself and lost track of the fact you must have had a hard time with your break up. I really hope you are over it and have replaced him with a better person. The things that happen during our lifetime is enough to run a Coo Coo Bird crazy. My best regards for your future. Again, thanks for your comments and Merry Xmas. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 I repeat it is bothering me now and I wish I could forget it. I have prayed plenty to have this eraced from my mind. I appreciate your honest coments, Thanks HD, this happened so long ago. Really more than a lifetime. But I suggest you google "retroactive jealousy". You'll get a variety of hits and you may find some ideas to help you deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Wait a minute here...you have been married 57 years? That would make you about 75+...this means you are angry about something that occured more than 50 years ago? Hello! Talk about holding a grudge man It's time to let go of it and concentrate on more important things. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 What is bugging me is why the hell have I waited 54 years to get pissed off. I think Stampdaddy is onto something, about there being more to it (for you) -- is there some recent thing that you're aware of, that triggered your thoughts about this? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Your wife had 5 minutes of sex with a football player dude years before she ever met you, and even though you've been screwing around behind her back throughout your marriage, NOW, 50+ years later, you're stewing about the football player?? You do realize that football player dude is either in his 70's now or dead, right? You must have a lack of drama in your life that you have to create it out of nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 I don't understand why you are angry about something that happened over a half century ago before you two were even dating. Maybe it's the fact that you thought you married a pure woman who gave herself only to you? Did you find out about this later by surprise? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 ...I have had numerious one night stands and a couple of 3 year affairs. I say this to let you know I am not Mr. goodie 2 shoes. He screwing the football player is running me crazy.... I get pissed at her now when I think about it. Help! Your guilt over your marital transgressions is starting to eat at you, and instead of dealing with it by facing it directly in all its intensity, you are avoiding it. You are deflecting your anger and transferring your guilt to your wife, for an act that you most certainly know is inconsequential in the context of a long marriage, especially when viewed against the backdrop of your own one night stands and long-term affairs. It's not just that you aren't Mr. Goodie Two-Shoes. If you have a moral code that bristles at the thought of her transgressions, where does that place your behavior? Almost too much to bear? Indeed, and that's probably why you are focusing your anger and guilt upon her. Link to post Share on other sites
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